Notes with Alice, Bella & The Cullens
by lanna-misssunshine
Summary: Who are Batman & Pigeon? Emmett is Captain Doofus? What are the Cullen's irrational fears and why oh why does Jasper have a spoon in his pocket? (Kind of weird, read the summary in the a/n inside, it gets back to BxE normal note passing after a few chapters, promise.)
1. Chapter 1  Cherry

_A/N - Okay this has nothing to do with any of my other stories, I just had a weird dream last night and woke up laughing so I thought I'd write it... the dream was probably caused by the fact I stayed up til 6am reading Twilight fanfics. :o) The dream went sort of like this (I'm almost tempted to make it into another fanfic but I'm already writing 3 right now, I cant multi task that well):_

Edward and Bella were engaged, she would be graduating in 4 weeks and then she was going to be changed. BUT! Tanya showed up, Edward had been involved with before (but he lied to Bella about it), Alice had a vision of Edward cheating on Bella but she was too late to stop Bella seeing. Bella walked in on Edward and Tanya but they were too "busy" to even notice she's there. So Bella just walked down stairs again and asked Emmett to give Edward her engagement ring back and told Alice she just needed to be alone for a while. When Bella got home to her house she started crying but then she got angry, really angry because he'd lied to her, and cheated on her and broken every promise he's ever made her. So she basically dries her tears and decides to have some fun, she ends up in a tattoo parlour _(I think that part of the dream came from one of the fanfics I read before falling asleep). _The guy that worked there was a vampire, he was hotter than Edward, way more fun than Edward and he wasn't as annoyingly over protective as Edward. They end up going out, Bella is still friends with all the Cullens except Edward (who wants her back) they all like her new boyfriend (his name was Jay) she's even pretty good friends with Rosalie now, who is mega pissed at Edward for cheating on Bella.

This is the part of the dream that made me wake up laughing, (even though its not that funny I'm easily amused when I'm asleep):

Bella had spent the night at Jays house (stuff happened -smirk-) and she arrived late at school the next day, when she got to class Alice (and Edward) wanted to know where she had been so they started passing this note and Bella tries to annoy Edward a bit (she's still pissed about him cheating on her obviously)

**Notes with Alice**

(Alice regular, _Bella italic, _**Edward bold**)

**Bella, why are you late? did something happen? are you okay?**

_Well Edward, considering the fact that I'm here, and I'm smiling... obviously I'm fine._

Hi Bella!

_-rolls eyes- Hi Alice._

Okay seriously Bella, why are you late? and why are you grinning like that?

_I'm late because I stayed the night at Jays and we lost track of time._

BELLA! You didn't!?

_Alice, please stop bouncing in your seat. People are starting to stare._

You didnt answer my question -pouts-

_Yes I did stay at Jays last night._

That is not what I'm talking about and you know it... dont make me take you shopping!

_I am so not going shopping!! Edward stop laughing at her threat or I'll make her take YOU shopping._

Fine, I wont take you shopping... as long as you answer my question. Did you?

_Twice... Alice dont gasp so loud and I said stop bouncing! The teacher is getting suspicious_

OMGOMGOMOMGOMFG! Bella! Bella! you little hussy! LOL!

_Lol? You didnt laugh out loud._

I'm laughing on the inside...

_Then shouldn't it be Loi?_

Loi? Bella you're a genius!

_Yes, yes I am... its my burden -sigh-_

Dont change the subject! I want details!

**Wait. What did Bella do? Why do you want details?**

Edward, you're surprisingly slow today... I thought you were more perceptive. Now stop distracting me, Bella... marks out of 10?

_-giggles- 1000000000000000000000000000000000000!_

**Marks out of 10 for what?**

_Edward stop stealing the paper!_

100000000000000000000000000000? THAT GOOD?

_Yuhuh... but of course I have nothing to compare it to soooo..._

**Will someone PLEASE tell me what Bella did before I go insane and Alice stop blocking your thoughts. The pokemon theme song is driving me crazy!**

I wanna be the very best! like no one ever was. To catch them is my real test, to train them is my caaaaaaause POKEMON!

**Alice! What did Bella do!?**

She popped her cherry.

_Alice! that was private! _

Sorry, but he was beginning to annoy me with his persistence.

**Bella... tell me you didnt?**

_Edward it is really none of your business anymore... So anyway, how's Tanya doing? she looked pretty pissed last time I was at your house, lovers tiff?_

**Bella I dont love Tanya.**

_Sucks to be you._

Bella... we really HAVE to go shopping now, Victoria Secret just got in the cutest underwear!

_NONONONONONONONONO! Absolutely no shopping, the underwear I have is just fine._

Oh Edward stop growling, you made your bed now you have to lie in it! and Bella... pleaaaaaaaase, I'm sure Jay would appeciate it?

_Alice dont look at me like that, its not fair! you know I can't say no when you do that... -pouts-_

Is that a yes!?!? BELLA! OMG! you are soooo the best friend in the world!

_Fine! I will go with you on two conditions... 1. You will not be spending tonnes of money on me and 2. You will stop bouncing in your seat again because the whole class is staring now!... oh and for the record you are the weirdest best friend in the world, getting excited over taking me underwear shopping?_

**Bell-**

Edward stop stealing the paper! Bella I'll pick you up after school... the bell is gonna ring in 5... 4... 3... 2...

---Bell rings---

_A/N - Bella, Edward and Alice were a bit OOC I think but the dream made me laugh sooo -posts anyway-_


	2. Chapter 2 We should get tshirts

_A/N - Okay, I had originally planned on making this just the one chapter about my dream. BUT! Its fun writing the notes so I'll continue. The people will probably be totally OOC, sorry. but its more fun that way :o)_

_EDWARD AND BELLA WILL GET BACK TOGETHER! (if you don't like them not being together then skip to chapter 6/7 where it's just regular random note passing)_

_- Lanna_

**Notes with Alice**

Alice regular, _Bella italic, _**Edward bold**

(Edward, Alice and Bella in their next class)

**Bella, how could you do _that_ with him? **

_Edward dont be a hypocrite!_

**I'm not! I didn't sleep with him!**

_That is not what I meant and you know it! I have one word for you TANYA!... oh and for the record YOU CANT SLEEP DUMBASS!_

Loi! Bella... I must say I like this new nasty side to you

_I'm not being nasty... just honest._

**I'm not a dumbass... therefor you were being nasty. Not honest.**

_1. It took you an entire class to figure out what me and Alice were talking about 2. You said "I didnt sleep with him" even though you cant sleep 3. You're stuck with that tramp Tanya... There, 3 things that prove, that you are infact a dumbass! _

Touche! High five?

_Alice, put your hand down I'm not going to give you a high five in the middle of class!_

**Bella, can we please talk later?**

She's going shopping with me later HA!

**After that?**

_I'll be with Jay later and Edward if you dont stop growling everytime I say or write his name I will tell Jessica that you are madly in love with her._

**You wouldnt!**

_Try me._

LOI&ROTFIMM! Bella... do it! she'd follow him around like a lost puppy, please please please!

**Alice! Dont encourage her or I will destroy the entire contents of your closet.**

_Alice... what does LOI&TFIMM mean?_

EDWARD ANTHONY MASEN CULLEN! NEVER EVER! THREATEN! MY! CLOTHES!

_Alice?_

Yes Bella?

_Calm down :o) _

Sorry :o)

_Thats better... now answer my question._

OH! LOI&ROTFLIMM means Laughing on the inside and rolling on the floor in my mind.

_Haha! thats pure brilliance. We're so good at this IM talk... its a good thing we're bffl._

Uhuh... but we're not just bbfl... we're asfaawbffe!

_What does that one mean?_

Absolutely superly fantastic and awesomely weird best friends for enternity:o)

_Aww! I love it!_

**What am I?**

_You... You are A lcdafoab_

**And that means what exactly?**

_I'm not going to tell you._

It means Edward... you are a lying, cheating, dumb ass fool of a boy -insert evil laugh-

_Alice! How the hell did you know that?_

I had a vision of you telling me later while we are SHOPPING!

_Oh... I see. :o)_

**Bella.**

_Yes?_

**Isilyyameplme [**

_What the hell?_

He says "I'm sorry, I love you, you are my everything, please let me explain" -rolls eyes-

_Well done Edward, you just sucked the fun out of the IM-talk game! I hope you're proud of yourself!_

**Bella be serious please.**

_I am being serious... and Alice what are you laughing at?_

Vision!

**Care to share?**

Not particularly...

_Alice :o(_

Oh, I'll tell you later.

**Alice! why can you tell Bella and not me? and stop with the pokemon song already!**

I can tell Bella because we are asfaawbffe! and okay... no more pokemon -twirls moustache-

_Alice..._

Yes Bella?

_You dont have a moustache._

Darn!... I know! Its a metaphorical pretend moustache!

_I want one!_

You can have one! you know why... because you are my ASFAAWBFFE!

_We should get t-shirts._

OMGOMGOMGOMG! Bella... we are so doing that after we get you some sexy undies!

_Alice -groans-_

**OH DEAR GOD! Alice! please please go back to blocking your thoughts with the pokemon theme song!**

Nope... this is sweet payback for you threatening my clothes.

_What are you blocking your thoughts with now?_

**Spice girls...**

You have got to swing it shake it move it make it...

_Who do you think you are!_

**Oh for the love of god...**

Trust it use it prove it groove it...

_Show me how good you are!_

**I dont know what is more disturbing... the fact you two are singing that song on paper, or the fact you know all the lyrics.**

_Edward..._

**Yes Bella?**

_Swing it, shake it, move it, make it-_

**Please stop!**

_Hey! I was not done writing that song at you! dont snatch the paper away from me!_

Bella.

_Alice._

Bella.

_Alice._

Bella.

_If you're happy and you know it stomp your feet!_

Yay! new song...

**The teacher is contemplating coming over here you two... I really dont think stomping your feet was a good idea.**

_Spoil sport!_

The bell is going to ring in 2 minutes anyway. Bella.

_Alice?_

This note passing stuff is fun... we should do it more often.

_We really should, but we'll have to kepotp!_

Yes we'll have to work on that.

**What in the world is kepotp?**

_Damn we failed already..._

:o( Bella

_Yes Alice?_

If you're my asfaawbffe and you know it clap your hands!

**The teacher is coming over! I warned you...**

---saved by the bell---

_A/N - Okay, sorry... I got totally carried away with this, I made it up as I went along. It totally doesnt seem like Bella, Edward, and Alice at all (see what I mean by they're very OOC) it actually sounds more like the convos me and my friends have :o) oh well... hope you dont hate it..._

_Haha, oooh and Sarah is my asfaawbffe! (and a load of the junk in this story will be inspired by convos with her cause she pwn's)_

_-Lanna_


	3. Chapter 3 Batman

**Notes with Alice**

Alice regular, _Bella italic, _**Edward bold**

---Edward, Alice and Bella are passing notes at lunch---

Bella!

_Alice!_

Bella!

_Alice!_

**Not this again... you two are aware that this is lunch and there is no need to pass notes?**

Edward! Note passing is fun!fun!fun!

**Whatever you say Alice...**

_Alice! We have failed!_

Failed at what?

_KEPOTP!_

Damn it! You're right!

**Once again what is KEPOTP?**

_-growls-_

Bella, you didn't growl?

_I know, my growling wouldn't be very impressive... me being human and all, so I thought I'd just write it. NOW! KEPOTP!_

Oh I se-

**You still havent answered my question!**

_A-l-i-c-e!_

But he's just so fast:o( I'm sorry.

_Thats okay... we'll have to plot how to kepotp page later._

We could do it while we're shopping!

_Sounds like a plan Batman!_

Batman? I'm Batman? Do I have a cave?

_No... but dont pout, I wasnt finished yet... we could make you a cave out of cardboard boxes, duck tape and craaaaazy glue!_

Bella... I love you!

_I know... its cause we're asfaawbffe!_

Damn straight!

**Damn straight? Alice... **

Mwahahaha! I may not have been able to kepotp but I managed to stpafe!

_Crafty Alice... very crafty:o)_

**Please tell me what the hell kepotp and stpafe means?**

_See... told ya he was a dumb ass :o) if he wasn't he would have figured it out by now._

Loi! True... should we take pity on him and put him out of his misery.

_Okay, but only because if we dont he will keep asking, which will get annoying!_

Edward...

**Alice?**

kepotp - keep Edwards pen of the page... stpafe - steal the page away from Edward...

**Oh... is my pen not welcome on your precious notes?**

_Nope... but I must admit it is fun keeping you out of the loop._

**What loop?**

The Alice and Bella loop of course... its a very exclusive loop.

_What she said..._

**How, may I ask, do I get into this "loop"?**

_You dont... but feel free to try, its immensly amusing._

Bella! I just had a vision of our "asfaawbffe" t-shirts... they are amazing!

_Yay! -lightbulb- Alice! I know how to kepotp!_

**How do you plan on doing that? I am faster than you two...**

_That may be true... BUT! I will kiss Jacob Black if you dont -evil laugh-_

Bella! You can't kiss that mutt!

_I'm not planning to... but my plan worked, Edwards pen is off the page!_

Dont scare me like that... eugh, kissing Jacob Black, that kind of dirty would not wash off!

_Alice! Jake is my friend!_

**I knew you were bluffing!**

_Hey! damn it Alice! we forgot to keeotp :o(_

I forgot about his eyes... I'm sorry I ruined your genius plan. -pouts-

_You're forgiven-_

You three do realise the bell just rang dont you?

_How the hell did Mike end up with the paper?!_

I have no idea... but now we have a better mission than kepotp. We get to KMPOTP! that should be alot more fun and lets face it, it will be easier... Edward is freakishly fast even for a v..

**Alice! careful what you write... especially if Newton gets hold of this...**

_Edward._

**Yes Bella?**

_Will you help us kmpotp?_

**Of course.**

Bella.

_Alice._

Bella.

_Alice._

_SPICE UP YOUR LIFE!_

_Sla-_

**And that is our cue to leave... Newton was right, the bell did ring, we're late for class.**

_I thought you said ditching was healthy?_

**It is... but we can't ditch just to write notes.**

Why not?

_Yeah Edward... why not?_

**Fine! but we cant sit here and write them the lunch ladies are staring...**

S'cause we're filthy!

_Ooh and gorgeous!_

**What the hell?**

Scissor sisters Edward, jeez keep up or we will go back to operation kepotp.

_Lets continue this in the car?_

Sounds like a plan batman!

_I thought you were batman..._

Oh yeah... we have got to build my cave later. Emmett will love to help. Would you like to be Robin?

_I'd rather be pigeon..._

**Why pigeon?**

_Because they're funny..._

**I'll take your word for it... now are we going to the car or not?**

_Pfft, so impatient..._

You two are getting along better.

_Just because he is a lcdafoab doesnt mean we cant be friends :o)_

**We're just friends... I thought we were more.**

_Dont push your luck Eddy!_

**Dont call me Eddy.**

_Dont push your luck and I wont call you Eddy... deal? good... now, to the batmobile!_

Bella I want a batmobile!

_---_they all leave to go ditch class and sit in Edwards volvo---

_A/N - So I had a weird dream and that's how the whole Batman thing happened, and my friend Sarah is now nicknamed Batman because of it, and that'll also be how Bella get's her nickname in the next chapter. :o)_

-_Lanna_


	4. Chapter 4 Pigeon

_A/N - One of the reviews asked if I was doing the whole story in notes & I just thought I'd answer that here. These notes arent actually the story. The whole of chapter 1 was just a stupid dream I had (thats probably why everyone is so OOC and why Edward cheated on Bella... because it was just in my mind). I was gonna stop with just that one chapter but it was fun to write so I continued. It will probably be a while before I start the actual story that is behind the notes. :o)_

_Just so you all know all the stupid made up IM-talk means -_

_Loi - Laughing on inside _

_Loi&rotfimmy - Laughing on inside & rolling on the floor in my mind_

_Asfaawbffe - Absolutely superly fantastic and awesomely weird best friends for enternity_

_Lcdafoab - Lying, cheating, dumb ass fool of a boy _

_Kepotp - Keep Edwards pen off the page (Keeotp - keep Edwards eyes off the page)_

_Kmpotp - Keep Mikes pen off the page_

_- also the volvo isn't actually the batmobile, Bella just said that cause she called Alice batman :o)_

**Notes with Alice**

Alice regular, _Bella italic, _**Edward bold**

(Alice, Bella and Edward all sitting in the volvo... the note passing continues -grin-)

BellaBellaBella!

_AliceAliceAlice!_

I'm serious... I really really want a batmobile.

**Why don't you paint your porche black and make that into a batmobile?**

I will do no such thing! I love my porche!... I'll simply have to by a new one to play with.

_Alice... please tell me you're joking?_

About what?

_About buying a brand new porche just so you can turn it into a batmobile?_

Nope, I was completely serious... why?

_You are insane._

Thats why you love me :o)

_Yup!... and guess what... I have decided, my truck shall become my pigeon mobile!_

**Bella... you're truck is red, and unbelievably slow!**

_Yes, you're point is?_

**Nevermind.**

Bella I'm sure if you let her Rosalie could-

_No! No! Absolutely not! Rosalie is not touching my truck! Its my baby :o(_

**Your... baby?**

_Yuhuh. I even named it._

Oooh! what'd you call it?

_Larry :o)_

**You're pigeon mobile is an old red truck called Larry that goes slower than an OAP with a hip problem?**

_Edward! You will respect Larry or you shall be banished from the note! BANISHED!_

**Alice -groans-**

Yes Eddy?

**I already said dont call me Eddy.**

But its such a fun nickname... now what were you going to say?

**I was going to tell you to stop humming that tune...**

_What tune? I cant here anything?_

**She's doing it with her thoughts.**

But its so catchy!

_Again, what tune... we're not all mind readers -sulks-_

Nanananananan BATMAN!

**Bella look what you've started...**

_Never fear PIGEON is here!_

And she carries a spear!

_While drinking beer!_

**Bella you dont drink.**

_I know._

**Then what in the world are you talking about.**

_Beer rhymed with spear..._

Which rhymed with here...

_and they all rhyme with..._

CHEER!

_Alice._

Yes Bella?

_We're cool._

Edward isn't because he cant rhyme.

**I can rhyme. I just choose not too because it is absolutely stupid.**

Oh now you've gone and done it...

_EDWARD ANTHONY MASEN CULLEN! FIRST YOU INSULT LARRY! AND NOW! NOW YOU INSULT THE RHYMING! YOU ARE NOW GOING TO BE SHUNNED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE!_

Hahahaha! Edward is going to be shunned! -happy dance-

_Alice... I like your happy dance._

Me too, its fun... try it.

_I can't. :o(_

Why not?

_Do you want the long version or the short version?_

Short...

_The world hates me :o(_

What was the long version...

_The world REALLY hates me :o(_

LOI! but seriously... why can't you happy dance? you just bounce and wiggle at the same time while smiling like an idiot, its really quite simple...

_Alice :o( I can't dance._

Try?

_Last time I tried to happy dance... I fell off a chair and there was a sort of smack, crash, bang, thud type noise._

Smack, crash, bang, thud?

_Yes, I smacked my hand off of the table, which knocked over a plate, that crashed to the floor and then the chair fell which caused a loud bang..._

What was the "thud" noise?

_My head banging off the ground :o(_

LOL! I mean... aww! seriously Bella, you take clumsyness to a whole new level

_-pouts-_

**I would have caught you if I had been there...**

Edward... stop being a suck up, she said you are being shunned til further notice. You did the crime to you do the time.

**Cant blame a guy for trying...**

_ALICE!_

BELLA!?

_Do-do-do-do-..._

Ya cant touch this!

_You finished my sentance! wow, its like we're connected at the brain..._

**Thats not a pretty mental image...**

Shut up EDDY! lets test this theory Bella... ready? What am I thinking?

_Hmm... you are thinking that... I am your Asfaawbffe?!_

OMG! this is a-m-a-z-i-n-g! our minds are connected.

_S'cause we're Pigeon and Batman duh! all super heroes need funky powers..._

Yes! now... the question is, will we use our new found powers to fight crime or for EEEVIL -twirls the metaphorical pretend moustache-

_That depends... would using this new found power to annoy Edward count as evil or good?_

Good...

**Hey!**

_Ookay in that case... Alice, what am I thinking? MWAHAHAHA!_

You Bella... are thinking... SPICE UP YOUR LIFE!

_Slam it to the left if you're havin' a good time!_

Shake it to the right if you know that you feel fine!

_Chicas to the front-_

**Shoot me now!**

_Ha! our work here is done... operation annoy Edward complete._

We're brilliant.

_Yes we are._

Edward...

**Alice if you are going to attack me with more spice girl lyrics I swear I will toss you out of the volvo!**

_HEY! dont threaten my aasfaabffe! Alice... lets leave Edward and his stupid volvo, Larry is way cooler!_

Alright :o) and for the record Edward... I was merely going to remind you that even if we did shoot you it would have absolutely no effect... NOW! Goodbye!

---Alice and Bella go to sit in Bella's truck leaving Edward alone in the volvo---

_A/N - Haha these are getting beyond rediculous... but I'm having fun :o)_


	5. Chapter 5 Wonderboy

_A/N- Okay, I am really not liking the whole Edward and Bella not being together thing, I wouldn't have wrote it like that but its cause I basically just copied my dream into chapter 1 and I was planning on leaving it at that. :o( stupid dream! and sinse I'm going to continue these note things I'll have them get back together sometime in the next few chapters (but I wont be writing the story, I'll just tell you how they got back together and then continue with the notes okay?) -happy dance-_

_If anyone has any ideas of things they'd like to see in the notes, let me know._

_-Lanna_

**Notes with Alice**

Alice regular, _Bella italic, _**Edward bold**

(Alice and Bella are sitting in Bellas truck now)

Bella

_Yeah?_

We HAVE to have a sleepover tonight!

_-pouts- Why?_

I have forseen...

_Do I want to know?_

Yes, you probably do... but you will find out later anyway so I have no intention of telling you.

_Alice :o( plea- oooh! Edwards coming over._

Aww he missed us!

_Should we pretend not to notice him?_

Ha! You are an evil genius! lock the doors :o)

_Okay, but its not like that would stop him getting in if he really wanted to..._

LOI! He's tapping on the window!

_He looks kinda like a lost puppy..._

Lets put him out of his misery.

_Hello Edward... what brings you here?_

**Ha-Ha... I got bored okay?**

You missed us didnt you?

**Am I that transparent?**

_Yup :o)_

**When are you going to stop with the notes, you do realise none of us has said anything out loud sinse biology...**

_W-o-w... thats impressive, I wonder how long we could keep it up..._

**Uhoh. What have I done...**

Pigeon?

_Yes batman?_

Now do you know why you have to stay over tonight?

_-lightbulb- A night of nothing but notes!_

Yus! nice alliteration...

_Why thank you batman._

**Bella is staying over?**

Yes! and we are going to build my batcave and spend the night writing these wonderful notes!

_It's gonna be sdf! and Edward... stop smirking, whatever you are thinking- just stop mmkay?_

**I will stop... for now ;o)**

Bella.

_Alice?_

Sdf?

_SUPER DUPER FUN!_

**Bella... you seem different today, Alice you are a bad influence.**

I'll have you know I am a very good influence! besides... dont blame me, blame the pixie stix...

_Sugar is my heroin..._

**Oh great... maybe the whole no talking thing is a good idea. Although I do miss your voice.**

_Shut up!_

**That was a compliment! and technically I didnt speak out loud so I cant shut up.**

_-glares- dmmhywms!_

**Explain?**

She said "dont make me hit you with my shoe!"

**Oh... its not like it'd hurt me.**

_FINE! let me rephrase!... dmmmehywms!_

**Alice... translation please?**

"Dont make me make Emmett hit you with my shoe!"

_Alice! You speak fluent Bella!_

HALLELUJAH!

_AMEN!_

**Oh for the love of god...**

_Alice... _

Yes?

_One bright day in the middle of the night,  
Two dead boys got up to fight.  
Back to back they faced each other,  
drew their swords and shot each other.  
A deaf policeman heard the noise  
and ran to save the two dead boys.  
And if you don't believe it's true,  
go ask the blind man, he saw it too._

That is amazing!

_I know :o) ... Edward, dont look so confuzzled its only a poem._

**Confuzzled?**

_Yes Edward... CONFUZZLED... its confused with a funky twist._

**Fair enough...**

_Edward.._

**Yes Bella?**

_I have decided which super heroe you shall be :o)_

Oooh! Bella! who is he?

_WONDERBOY!_

**Who?**

_You dont know who wonderboy is? pfft, terrible... _

**I'm sorry but who is wonderboy? **

Oh! I know who she means!

_High above the mucky muck, castle made of clouds-_

**I think maybe Carlisle should take a look at Bella...**

She's just singing Edward!

**Oh...**

_There sits Wonderboy, sitting oh so proudly. Not much to say when you're high above the mucky-muck. Yeah Yeah._

Wonderboy, what is the secret of your power?

**Again... who the hell is Wonderboy?**

_We already agreed that you are wonderboy doofus!_

Ha! doofus! That is my new favourite word...

**Schools out in 5 minutes.**

SHOPPING!

_A-liiiice..._

Bella you promised -pouts- plus we need to get our asfaawbffe t-shirts :o(

_Oh alright._

**Go easy on her Alice.**

Aww, check you being all protective still. LMAAHO! Bella is blushing...

_I am not!_

Are too!

_Am not!_

Are too!

_This is silly._

BUT FUN!

_Very true... now tell me... what does LMAAHO mean?_

Laughing my awesomely awesome head off...

_Ooh! I like it!_

**Bella... why are you giggling...**

_Because when I said "lmaaho" in my head it sounded like "I'm a ho"_

**Sorry I asked.**

Edward, time for you to remove yourself from Larry so Bella and I can go shopping.

**Remove myself from Larry? that sounds wrong on so many levels...**

_Loi!... Alice, I thought you were going home first then picking me up at my house._

I changed my mind. We're going straight to the mall.

_Why?_

Beeeeeecaause... I'm so excited!

_AND I JUST CANT HIDE IT!_

Ha! We've discovered Wonderboys weakness!... when we start singing on the page he leaves :o)

_That could come in handy..._

Yup, now scoot over...I'm driving.

_-pouts- FINE! but go easy on Larry!_

---Bella and Alice leave to go shopping---

_A/N - this chapter was unbelievably stupid... they just keep getting more and more rediculous, sorry :o) but they're soooo much fun to write. I couldnt resist adding in the little poem about the two dead boys, it makes me smile :o)_

_P.s. Wonderboy is from the Tenacious D song wonderboy incase any of you didnt know._


	6. Chapter 6 Jazz hands

**_A/N - Firstly, I wanna say sorry, I add WAY too many authors notes, and they're usually confusing because I have an annoying tendancy to ramble and say one thing then change my mind. So I'm just going to say everything I wanna say in this one then I'll try and ease up with the confusing a/n's okay? right, well..._**

**_- I've decided NOT to write the actual story of the whole Edward, Tanya, Bella and Jay thing... because I originally started these note things because they were fun, and writing the proper story of Edward cheating on Bella would not be fun (I'm all for Edward&Bella being together forever) I kept changing my mind about this but I'll stick with this decision._**

**_- I will make Edward and Bella get back together soon. But I'll only be doing a little summary type thing of how that happened then it'll be back to the fun notes (the only reason I havent put them back together already is because there are 1 or 2 chapters I wanna do first)_**

**_If you have anymore questions, just ask... and thanks for the reviews._**

**_P.s. This chapter is actually filled with alot of stuff that was actually notes between me and my friends I thought it'd be fun to add it. Once again sorry about the long & confusing a/n hopefully I wont need to add anymore._**

**_-Lanna_**

**Notes with Alice**

Alice regular, _Bella italic, _**Edward bold,** Jasper underlined, **_Emmett bold&italic_**

(Bella & Alice are done shopping. They're now sitting in Alice's room, Bella's staying over at the Cullen's)

_Jasper!_

Bella!

_Hell-ooh!_

Huh?

_Its like hello... but fun to say!_

Oh... okay then hell-ooh to you too.

_Jasper?_

Yes Bella?

_Where is Batman?_

Um, Batman?

_Yes...your wife? where is she?_

Why are you calling her batman?

_Because she SUPER! duh!_

Yes, she is but thats not what I meant... I meant why are you calling her batman, shouldnt it be batgirl?

_NO! -glares at you-_

I was just asking...

_Jasper._

What?

_Nothing... what do you want?_

Nothing...what are you saying?

_Nothing! What are you implying!_

Nothing!

_Good...I'm glad we had this conversation._

You are by far the most confusing human I have ever met.

_Jasper... :o(_

What now?

_You never did answer my question :o(_

Which question?

_-sighs- Where... Is... BATMAN!?_

Speak of the devil and she shall appear...

Hey! I'm no devil...

_Yeah she's BATMAN! an angelic batman!_

Thats right! The horns are only there to hold up my halo... -pouts-

_Jasper..._

Bella?

_Can I call you JAZZY?_

Only if you NEVER say it while doing jazz hands again...

_But... jazz hands are so fun... :o( Alice, sort out your husband!_

Jazzy-pants! Let Bella do jazz hands when she says it? -pouts-

Fine! but do not add hyphen pants to the nickname... that is where I reach my limit!

_ALICE! ILYYATABASFAAWBFFE! _

What the hell?

She said "Alice, I love you, you are the absolute best asfaawbffe!"

Asfaawbffe?

_Yes Jasper... read our t-shirts! Alice turn around and show him your back :o)_

You had that put on a t-shirt?

Yuhuh, arent they just so FAB!

Fab? Bella what in the world have you done to my wife...

I'm getting high off of her Bella-ness!

_Bella-ness? SCORE! I have my own adjective!_

Pigeon!

_Yes Batman?_

I'm still lacking a batcave :o(

_You're right! lets make it now... we'll make Emmett help!_

Oooh! YAY! Okay... we're going to need some boxes, well LOTS of boxes... and some glue, and some glitter...

Glitter?

Yus! My batcave shall sparkle!

_Excellent!... we'll also need duck tape, lots and lots of duck tape!_

---one hour later, in Alice's newly constructed "bat cave"---

_Alice!_

Bella!

_Alice!_

Bella!

_Batman!_

PIGEON!

**_EMMETT THE INVINSIBLE!_**

_Pfft, Emmett you ruined it..._

**_Ruined what?_**

_I'm not entirely sure exactly :o/_

**_I'm confused._**

_Confuzzled Emmett! CONFUZZLED!_

**_Huh?_**

LOI! Bella look at his face...

_Mwahahaha -grabs camera-_

Bella, why are you putting your hands to your eyes and making that funny clicking noise?

_Bee-cuzzz, I dont actually HAVE a camera... so its a pretend camera! ITS A MIND CAMERA!_

Good thinking pigeon... store the mental image of Emmett looking stupid! HIGH FIVE!

**_Hey!_**

_Alice._

Bella.

_Alice._

Bella.

_I want to sleep in the bat cave tonight... its so swishy!_

Okay! -happy dance-

Swishy?

_Yes... its my new favourite word._

Oh Bella...

_Yes Alice?_

I'll tell you what I want what I really really want!

_So tell me what you want what you really really want!_

_I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna..._

**_I wanna really really wanna zigazig ah!_**

_Emmett?_

**_Did I ruin the game again?_**

_Nope... you just became a member of the a.t.h.o.e.w.s.g.l club!_

Oooh! you should feel proud Emmett. That is a VERY exclusive club...

**_YES!... wait... what is the a.t.h.o.e.w.s.g.l club?_**

It it the annoy the hell out of Edward with spice girl lyrics club of course :o)

_Hell to the yeah! where'd Jasper go?_

**_He made a quick exit just as Alice started to tell us what she wants, what she really really wants..._**

_Oh_

**_Bella?_**

**_Bella?_**

**_Bella?_**

She's fallen asleep doofus!

**_Doofus? I'm not a doofus?_**

I beg to differ -twirls metaphorical pretend moustache-

**_These notes arent as fun without all the Bella-ness_**

I know :o( its just not the same without my asfaawbffe...

**_Your what?_**

-points to t-shirt- Lets go watch tv til she wakes up...

---Bella fell asleep, Alice and Emmett go watch tv---

_A/N - this chapter wasn't as fun because I'm sick :o( I need hyperness to write good, fun chapters... sorry (some of the stuff in this chapter are from actual conversations) _


	7. Chapter 7 ILY!

_A/N - I couldnt wait any long... so Edward and Bella are back together again! here's a quick explanation of what happened:_

**_Bella realises that Edward could pretty much break her heart in everyway possible and she'd still love him with all the little pieces, so she breaks up with Jay. But they stay friends (cause in my dream, he was a lovely guy). She stop being angry and forgives Edward, giving him another chance... he proposes again, promising never to hurt her again... she says yes. _**

**_Okay, now that all is right with the world again (i.e. Bella&Edward are once again Bella&Edward) back to the fun notes! _**

**Notes with Alice**

Alice regular, _Bella italic, _**Edward bold**

(Alice, Bella and Edward are sitting in the living room at the Cullen's. Passing notes again)

_Edward..._

**Yes love?**

_I need to tell you something..._

**Okay?**

_But I'm not sure I should..._

**You can tell me anything.**

_I dunno if I can :o(_

**Bella... you're starting to worry me now.**

Pigeon just tell him ;oP

_Are you sure?_

Yes, I have FORSEEN! and everything will be just peachy...

_Okay, here goes... Edward, I... I..._

**Yes?**

_I... liiiiike BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE!_

All you other brothers cant deny!

_When a girl walks in with an itty bitty-_

**Will you two control your laughter please! That was NOT funny! I was really worried.**

It was a little funny Edward, admit it :o) you should've seen your face...

**Oh great... and now Bella is turning purple from laughing so hard.**

_I'm sorry -flutters eye lashes- ILYMGB!_

**You're forgiven... Alice, translation please?**

She said "I love you mucho grande babycakes!"

**And what in the world does that mean... Bella?**

_I'm not entirely sure._

**Then why'd you say it?**

_'Cuz it sounded funny. :o)_

**O-okay...**

_Pfft, I was just trying to say I love you... :o(_

Well done Edward, you made my asfaawbffe :o(!

**I'm sorry, I love you too...**

---Alice exits room when they start to get all mooshy---


	8. Chapter 8 Follow the yellow brick road

_A/N - **READ THIS AUTHORS NOTE PLEASE!** Okay, a few of the reviews asked things like, I thought Bella was dating Jay/I thought Edward cheated on Bella etc... well, I already explained this in the last 2 chapters in the authors notes so this is the last time I'll explain :o) _

_When I started these note type things, I only ever intended to write chapter one and stop there. Chapter 1 was basically just a dream I had and I found it funny and decided to write it on here. But because I liked writing the notes, I thought I'd add more instead of it being just a oneshot. With me so far? okay... well** I didnt like writing them with Edward&Bella not being together**, they only started out that way because of the dream I had and **seeing as I decided to continue these notes, I made Edward and Bella get back together** (I explained how this happened at the start of the last chapter)_

_Now... I hope everyone understands :o_

_-Lanna_

**Notes with Alice**

Alice regular, _Bella italic, _**Edward bold, **Emmett underlined, **_Jasper bold&italic_**

_Lions and tigers and bears..._

OH MY!

Bella, please dont talk about bears... you're making me hungry...

**Emmett!**

What? she is...

_Sorry Emmett... I'll find a new song to sing..._

Wait... What? That was a song?

_Yuhuh... from The Wizard Of Oz..._

**Emmett has never seen The Wizard Of Oz have you Emmett?**

_Are you serious?! EVERYONE has seen The Wizard Of Oz_

Oh no, he started to watch it once-

ALICE! DONT TELL HER!

_Tell me what? I HAVE to know now... Edward -pouts-_

EDWARD!

**Lets just say Emmett finds certain aspects of that movie t-**

I will make your existence miserable for the next hundred years if you finish that sentance Edward!

LMAAHO&ROTFIMM! Bella... The Wizard Of Oz scares the bjeezus out of Emmett!

Alice! I'm going to kil-

Emmett, first of all... you told Edward not to finish that sentance, you didnt say anything about me doing it -evil laugh- and secondly you cant kill someone who is already dead.

_Emmett... is afraid? Of The Wizard Of OZ?_

**Yup.**

_I have only one sing to say to that... _

What?

_HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!LMFAO!ROLTFIMML!LTMSH!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-_

**Oh god... maybe we shouldn't have told her...**

She looks like she's being tortured

**_Why is Bella rolling around on the floor laughing?_**

**We told her about Emmett... and The Wizard Of Oz...**

**_Want me to calm her down?_**

**It would be much appreciated.**

_Thanks Jasper, My sides were in agony :o)_

**_No problem._**

_Now... Emmett, please tell me... Why oh why are you afraid of the wizard of oz?_

Dont ignore her Emmett... either you can tell her or we can-

THE WITCH IS FREAKY! SHE IS GREEN AND HAD A SCARY NOSE! and that voice -shudders-

**Thats not the whole story Emmett...**

FINE!... the worst part is... the munchkins! they're just so squeaky and ... I CANT TALK ABOUT THIS ANYMORE OR I'LL GET NIGHTMAIRES!

**_Emmett you cant sleep?_**

_I'll get you my pretty and your little dog too MWAHAHAHA!_

BELLA!... please dont :o(

_Where did Alice run off to? Edward why are you smiling like that?_

**You'll see.**

---Alice re-enters the room and puts on a DVD (guess which one?)---

**Ha! Alice you are pure evil.**

**_I've never seen Emmett run so fast... he was genuinly terrified._**

_So Emmett the invinsible is not so invinsible after all... interesting... BATMAN!_

Pigeon?

_Thank you, now Emmett can never taunt my clumsyness again :o)_

LOI! You're welcome :o)

**Bella?**

_Mmhmm?_

**What are you thinking? you have a mischievious glint in your eye...**

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG! Bella I am so glad you're my asfaawbffe!

**Alice what'd you see? Bella what are you planning?**

_All shall be revealed soon enough! Grab some green paint, a broom stick and a pointy black hat and meet me in the bat cave!_

---Bella& Alice run upstairs giggling! (well Alice ran, Bella stumbled)Rosalie joins the note passing with Edward and Jasper( _Rosalie italic&underline)_---

**My fiance is an evil genius... who knew.**

**_I'm impressed... this should be funny._**

_Would either of you care to tell me why my husband is cowering in his closet mumbling something about not being in kansas anymore?_

---Edward and Jasper burst out laughing at what Rosalie says then go to find Alice&Bella---

_A/N - Haha sorry, I felt the urge to add this... The Wizard Of Oz is actually one of my fears (The witch scares me soooo much) and everyone always takes the piss out of me for that... so I thought it'd be fun to make big tough Emmett share my fear :o)_


	9. Chapter 9 Beautificated

_A/N - Just some of the Alice & Bella text talk translations (I'm so taking the made up text talk too far but t'is fun -dances-) :o) _

_LMAAHO&ROTFIMM - Laughing my awesomely awesome head off & rolling on the floor in my mind (Alice)_

_LMFAO!ROLTFIMML!LTMSH - Laughing my funky ass off! Rolling on the floor in my mind laughing! Laughing til my sides hurt (Bella while laughing at Emmett)_

**Notes with Alice**

Alice regular, _Bella italic, _**Edward bold, **_Rosalie undelined/italic_

(Bella is locked in Edwards bathroom hiding from Rosalie and Alice, they're passing notes under the door)

**Bella, will you let me in please?**

_Nope! they'll find me :o(_

**Who will find you? Bella are you okay?**

_Alice & Rosalie will find me and yes, I will be okay... as long as I stay in here. :o)_

**Why are you hiding from them?**

_Well, Rosalie decided as punishment for my little prank on her husband she'd give me a...a...a makeover! and Alice of course thought that would be fun and wanted to help... so now operation hitbf has commenced!_

**Hitbf?**

_Yes... hide in the bathroom forever... -nods-_

**But wont you miss me if you stay in there forever?**

_Of course... BUT the threat of a makeover is just enough to keep me away from you... besides, we could always get married via notes! _

**Bella... please either come out or let me in?**

_Are they out there?_

**No-**

Bella!Bella!Bella!

_EDWARD YOU BSL!_

**Alice?**

Bsl - big stupid liar... now Bella, it wont be THAT bad, I promise... come on I thought you were my asfaawbffe!? -pouts-

_But... but Rosalie:o(_

_You know Bella... we could easily just break the door down?_

_You wouldnt! Edward wouldnt let you! EDWARD?! HELP!_

**Its okay Bella, I wont let them break down the door... but please come out, I miss you :o(**

_Eugh! Edward she's only been in there for 10 minutes!_

**Your point is?**

_Nevermind... Bella, you'll look amazing please? besides you owe me... it took ALOT of "persuasion" to get Emmett to stop hiding in the closet with a baseball bat after your little prank, I swear I've never seen him so terrified in all my existence...EDWARD WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT!?_

**Emmett... coming out of the closet! OW! dont hit me you're the one that said it...**

Bella... please, as my asfaawbffe I promise it wont be that bad... let us in... please:o(

_Fine fine fine! but only cause I miss tlomye :o)_

**Wait! who is Tlomye?! Bella?!**

Calm down Edward she means you... tlomye - the love of my existence, jeez you really need to start speaking fluent Bella

_No he cant Alice!_

Why not?

_Because that is our asfaawbffe language! For us to know and for everyone else to wish they knew! mwahahaha!_

OOOH! Bella! once again you are a genius! what should our language be called?

_Germussian?_

**Huh?**

_A combination of German and Russian... pfft, keep up Edward! -loves you- :o)_

**I lov-**

Germussian! I like it!

_Ooooh! no... no... wait! -lighbulb explodes- FRENCHIGUESE!_

Even better!... oh Edward stop pouting cause I stole the paper... she knows you love her.

Bella

_Yes Rose?_

Stop stalling and get your butt out here!

_Ohhh-kay :o( but first... Batman?_

Yes pigeon?

_YO! listen up heres the story about a little guy who lived in a blue world..._

YAY! and all day and all night and everything he sees is just blue like him! inside and out-

**Bella! please come out now... I have a surprise for you.**

_I hate surprises._

Its just a kiss Bella... now come on out and prepare to be beautificated

**Way to ruin the surprise Alice... and, what the hell is beautificated?**

My new word... oooh look she's coming out YAY!

---Bella comes out of the bathroom and after a kiss from Edward she is dragged by Alice and Rosalie to get her makeover---

_A/N - A lot of this was actual silly conversations between me and my friends :o) like the Germussian and Frenchiguese thing (its pronounces french-ih-geezz I dunno if I spelled it right) oh and the prank Bella played on Emmett was basically her, Alice, Edward and Jasper all dressed up as characters from the wizard of oz (Jasper was the wicked witch, Alice and Bella were munchkins and Edward was the tin man) and they hid all over the house and jumped out on him while the dvd was playing really loudly :o)_


	10. Chapter 10 Rainbows&Bubbles

_A/N - I just wanted to say, that I've made a myspace page for my fanfics and it has pictures to go with my stories and mini profile type things for all of the new characters I've added, so look/add it please :o) _

_**Notes with Alice**_

Alice regular_ Bella italic_** Edward bold**

_Alice._

Yes Wonderboy...?

**What is wrong with Bella? She looks depressed...**

Skittles.

**Huh? What about skittles?**

_They're evil :o(_

**Bella... how can candy be evil?**

_Alice, I'm too sad to explain... :o(_

You see Edward... Bella got all excited about Skittles-

**Wait, how can she get excited about skittles?**

Sheesh! let me finish will you... as I was saying before someone rstpfumn!

**Rstpfumn?**

You did it again Edward!... rstpfumn - rudely stole the paper from under my nose :o(

**Oh, sorry.**

Do you want to know what Bella is upset about or are you planning to interrupt me again?

-waits- ... ... ...

Good... now! You see Bella and I were watching tv and making fun of all the silly commercials that came on (because we are just that cool) anyway... an advert for skittles came on... and Bella got all excited, so we went to the store and bought some, but they did not live up to their expectations... so that is why Bella is upset.

**I still don't get it... Bella is depressed, because skittles didn't live up to their expectations? Bella?**

_Yes that is correct :o( now let me wallow in my sadness in peace..._

**Want a hug?**

_Yes please. :o(_

**Better?**

_Not really :o( ... Batman?_

Yes Pigeon?

_WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY OH WHY DID THEY BUILD MY HOPES UP JUST SO THEY COULD COME CRASHING DOWN AGAIN:o(_

**Bella love.**

_Mmhmm?_

**Why didn't the skittles live up to their expectations?**

_Because god hates me, and so do the skittle factory maker owner type people :o( I ate 3 whole bags and I couldn't taste the rainbow:'o(_

**Bella... is that what this is all about, because the advert says "taste the rainbow"?**

_Yuhuh -cries-_

**Bella... do you know what a rainbow is supposed to taste like?**

_Umm... no? OOH! my fiance is a boy genius! I have never tasted a rainbow therefor the skittles could have tasted like rainbows and I'd never know! ALICEALICEALICE!_

BELLABELLABELLA!?

_I am... HAPPY!_

YAY! Thanks Edward...

_ilyelafklc:o) -mwah!-_

**Translation?**

She says she loves you like a fat kid loves cake...

**Oh, I love you too... and I love that you're smiling again, I'm tempted to go pay the makers of the skittle commercials a visit...**

_Oh but you dont have to now... you know why..._

**Why?**

_BECAUUUUUUUSE I CAN TASTE THE RAINBOW!_

**I think the sugar from those 3 bags of skittles is starting to take effect...**

_Mmhmm! BATMAN!_

PIGEON!

_You are my asfaawbffe! ilylafklc too!_

YAY! shall we put on our t-shirts and go laugh at silly commercials again?

_Only if Edward plays too... He is an honorary member of the Alice and Bella loop :o)_

**That is a very confusing loop.**

Of course it is Edward thats why its FUN! ... Pigeon, wait for me in the batcave while I go get our t-shirts:o)

_Okay... but there is something we must do first Batman..._

Yes Pigeon?

_Iiiiiiffffffffff you are my ASFAAWBFFE and you know it wave your arms!_

--- After dancing stupidly, Bella and Alice go change into their asfaawbffe t-shirts and are now making fun of commercials on tv with Edward---

I dont get it :o(

**Get what Alice?**

Why is it called fairy liquid?

_Because its made out of fairies of course:o)_

Ooooh! it all makes sense now...

**Bella... you do know that fairy liquid isn't really made out of fairies dont you?**

_WHAT?! _

You are so wrong Edward!?

_How can you doubt the magic that is behind fairy liquid!?_

I mean seriously Edward, it goes from being a freaky green coloured goo, to being wonderfully wonderful bubbles! AND it can clean dishes! how can that not be made out of fairies?

_Lets prove him wrong Alice..._

Oooh I'm in! whats the plan Pigeon?

_Grab a bottle of fairy liquid, some tin foil and meet me in the kitchen!_

**Bella...**

_Yes?_

**I don't like the sound of this plan...**

_Then you shouldn't have doubted the fairy liquid! hmph!_

---- Alice & Bella return from the kitchen 30 minutes later soaked and covered in bubbles (_**Jasper bold/italic**_)---

_**Alice, why are you two so sad? I feel like someone just killed my puppy...**_

**You dont have a puppy.**

_**It was just an example Edward!**_

**Oh... Bella, whats wrong love? and why are you covered in bubbles?**

_-sniff- I dont wanna talk about it :o(_

**Alice?**

We failed... :o(

_**Failed what?**_

_We tried everything... :o(_

Edward... we admit defeat. But if you say I told you so I swear I wont let Bella kiss you for a month...

_**Edward, any idea what they're talking about?**_

**Fairy liquid..**

_**Huh?**_

(Emmett underlined)

Ha! what happened to those two, they look like they just lost a fight with a washing machine?

_Batman :o(_

Pigeon?

_I'm sad again :o(_

Me too :o(

_**So am I thanks to you two, now will someone tell me what you're upset about?**_

Fairy liquid...

_We tried and tried and tried... and FAILED :o( _

No matter what we did we couldnt turn fairy liquid back into actual fairies :o(

You tried to do what?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! 

_**Haha, even Emmett isnt that stupid...**_

Yeah! ... wait! HEY!

**Will you two shut up you're upsetting Bella more! Bella love...**

_Yeah:o(_

**What can I do to make you smile?**

_Nothing... only my asfaawbffe can do that._

Bella...

_Alice..._

Bella...

_Alice..._

SLAM IT TO THE LEFT!

_If you're havin' a good time!_

SHAKE IT TO THE RIGHT!

_If you know that you feel fine!_

**Oh god... not this again-**

CHICAS TO THE FRONT-

**Emmett dont encourage them!**

_**Thats my cue to leave...**_

-- Alice, Bella and Emmett start dancing and singing to the spice girls after Jasper makes a quick exit and Edward looks on in horror--

_**A/N - I dont really like this chapter, most of it was actually a real conversation I had on msn which was fun at the time but if it sucks sorry :o) **_


	11. Chapter 11 Six nipples

**Notes With Alice**

(Alice regular, _Bella italic, _**Edward bold**)

---Alice and Bella get bored in English… commence the passing of the notes---

BellaBellaBellaPIGEON!

_AliceAliceAliceBATMAN!?_

I'm bored… and as my asfaawbffe you are obligated to entertain me.

_Ookay :o) Lets….WRITE A STORY!_

I'm in… how do we start?

_Just follow-_

Oh its okay, I saw what we do -bounces- start!

_Sheesh! So impatient… His name was Alfonzo Tube…_

And her name was ALOTTA CHEESE (LOI! Get it?)

_-rolls eyes- they met under the table in Aslans tent…_

When the pope got his ears pierced!

_Ha! He said "Edward is lactating from all six of his nipples"…_

**What?! I do not have six nipples!**

Prove it Eddy?

_Calm down Edward its just a story… it might not even be you, it could be… ummm Prince Edward? (there is a prince in the world called Edward right?)_

**Fine…. And I have no idea.**

-continues with the story!- and she said "that's the way we do it on Thursdays"

_And theeeeeeeeeen -drum roll- the cow jumped over the moon and landed in Oz!_

And the weird and wonderful Alice of Oz said "Play that funky music white boiii!"

**Oh for the love of god she's dancing… and the teacher is once again getting suspicious.**

_And then the monkey stole the queens mojo and used it to invade Poland with the crazy penguins!_

Then they all clicked their heals three times saying "there's no cheese like swiss cheese, there's no cheese like Swiss cheese"

_The End! Hahahah LOI! Swiss cheese… Alice, you crack me up._

I crack myself up :o)

**I'm glad that's over.**

Pfft Edward that was a wonderful story and you know it… would you like to help us write another one?

**Not particularly…**

-pouts-

**Bella… what are you thinking, you have a dreamy look in your eyes?**

HA! And now she's blushing like there's no tomorrow…

_Noooothiiiiiiing :o) -adjusts halo-_

I bet I know what you're thinking… we are connected at the brain after all…

**Alice tell me?**

_Alice don't tell him :o(_

**I'll buy you a new porche that you can turn into a bat mobile?**

_Alice… I'll let you give me a makeover? _

OOH!OOH!OOH!OMG! Both such tempting offers… whichever should I choose…

_Batman you're supposed to be my asfaawbffe:o(_

B-but Pigeon… it's a porche!

_-pouts-_

Fiiiine… I'm sorry Edward, no deal. She's my asfaawbffe and we don't tell each others embarrassing secret type thought things!

_Yeah! Cause we're tight like that -high five-_

Your hand wasn't raised?

_It was a metaphorical high five… I cant give you an actual one or the teacher will get mad._

Oh okay…

**Alice.**

Yes?

**A black porche with the yellow batman symbol on the side and a whole new batman wardrobe?**

:o)! She was thinking about you proving that you don't have six nipples! -giggles-

_ALICE! What happened to "she's my asfaawbffe and we don't tell each others embarrassing secret type thought things":o(_

You didn't read the small print in the asfaawbffe contract Bella.

_There was no small print… wait! There was no contract!_

Well there should be…

_Pfft, traitor!_

But Be-llaaa! It was a porche and new clothes!

_-shuns you-_

You'll thank me later…. Trust me -shudders at vision-

**So… Bella.**

_Yes?_

**You really want me to prove I don't have six nipples?**

LOI! Edward… don't tease her, her entire face has gone redder than Rudolph's nose…

_Hmph!_

**Bella love?**

_I am not talking and/or writing to either of you for the rest of the class! You are both bogeys on the tissue of life! -sulks-_

_----_bell rings just as she finishes writing that---

_Damn it!_

Haha, we were ignored for an entire 3 seconds. :o)

**I'm a…bogey on the tissue of life?**

_No not really… _

You don't hold grudges for very long do you Bella?

_Nope :o) now tell me… why will I be thanking you later?_

You'll see…

**Wait, Alice what did you see… why are you blocking your thoughts from me again…?**

----Alice and Bella leave the class room, Edward runs after them trying to find out what Alice had seen----

_A/N - Once again… not all of this was made up, some of it was from real conversations with my friends (the story was real except it was the weird and wonderful Alanna of Oz) :o)_


	12. Chapter 12 Toaster

**Edward - bold, **_Bella - Italic, _Alice regular, Emmett underlined

----Alice, Edward and Bella are sitting on a sofa in the Cullens living room while Emmett sulks on the other side of the room----

**Bella... Alice...**

Yes Edward?

_Mhmm?_

**Why is Emmett sulking?**

Well thats a funny story Edward...

_Batman, dont tell him!_

**Dont tell me what?**

Why not Pigeon?

_'Cuz he'll get mad at me and stuff :o(_

**Bella I could never be mad at you, you know that. Now... tell me what?**

_Oooh-kay, Alice you start..._

Well you see Edward, while you were hunting. Emmett and I went round to Bella's house.

_And I decided I wanted some toast..._

Yes, yes she did... so we made toast and Emmett commented on how pretty the glow-ay red metal type things on the toaster are...

_Mhmm... and I realised I've never really noticed how cool the inside of the toaster was so-_

...She touched the glow-ay red metal type things with a knife..

_And then there was this funny spark-type-noise-bang-flash thing and all the power in the house went out..._

**You did what?! are you insane, Bella you could've been electrocuted!**

_The knife had a plastic handle so the electricity didnt reach me and you promised not to get mad:o(_

**I'm not mad... just worried... but none of this explains why Emmett is sulking?**

Ah well, its just Bella's luck that Charlie happened to be watching some important game type thing on tv when the power went out. So Charlie was all "what the hell happened?!" and then Emmett was like "Bella put a knife in the toaster..." and then Charlie turned this funny red colour and started yelling "Bella how could you be so stupid! why did you do that"...

_And me being the genius that I am said "Emmett made me do it."_

And then Charlie lectured Emmett for a good 15 minutes on safety in the kitchen before kicking him out of the house telling him to stay away from Bella til he gets some common sense and then he called Carlisle. It was soooo funny, Emmett was terrified :o)

It was NOT funny! and you would have been terrified too, I swear if he was a cartoon Charlie would've had steam coming out of his ears...

_It was a little funny Emmett, admit it... besides, you shouldn't have told Charlie about the whole knife in toaster incident.._

Yup you told on her, so she blamed you... revenge is sweet isn't it Pigeon ;o)

_Yuhuh_

Edward, your fiance is evil... EVIL damn it! first the whole Wizard of OZ thing and now this... this Bella, is WAR!

Emmett you do realise that her fiance is a mind reader and myself, her asfaawbffe can see the future before it even happens right? you're fighting a losing battle...

That wont stop me from trying, Goodbye!

---Emmett runs out of room cackling like a crazy person on uppers---

**Well that was strange... Bella, you never fail to amaze me...**

Yup, all these years and no one has ever been able to rival Emmett with his pranks and then you come along and BAM! he's cowering in a closet then getting yelled at by the chief of police. How do you do it?

_Its a gift..._

I am so proud you are my asfaawbffe:o)

**Bella, promise me one thing though?**

_Umm, okay?_

**Please, please dont do anything as dangerous as sticking a knife in a toaster again?**

_Oh dont worry, it wont happen again. Steve and I are no longer on speaking terms..._

**Who is Steve and what does he have to do with this?**

Steve is the toaster...

**Bella named the toaster?**

Yup. :o)

**Bella... why oh why would you name your toaster?**

_Because, when it blew up I yelled at it and then I realised I'd feel less insane talking to kitchen appliances if they had names... The microwave is called Gina :o)_

**Sorry I asked...**

----They all sit in silence, until they hear what sounds like Emmett raiding a closet upstairs mumbling loudly something about revenge and Bella being the spawn of satan----

_A/N - Haha, this chapter was a little strange... BUT! most of it actually wasnt made up. The whole knife-in-toaster-followed-by-powercut thing actually happened... and it was me that put the knife in the toaster, stupid I know but the glowing stick things were just so cool and I wanted to touch them, (obviously I couldnt with my hands so I used a knife)... anyway, and I really did name the toaster and microwave... and I also blamed someone else for the powercut -evil laugh-adjusts halo- hope you all liked it :o)_


	13. Chapter 13 Laugh

**Edward bold, **_Bella italic, _Alice regular, Emmett undelined, _**Jasper bolditalic, **__Rosalie italicunderlined_

----Alice, Bella, Edward, Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper are all in the Cullens living room----

I'm bored. These note things are usually fun, everyone write stuff!

Oooh Emmett, your enthusiasm for the note passing is appreciated :o)

_Lets play a game!_

**What kind of game?**

_How opposed are you guys to filling your mouths with water?_

**I dont like the sounds of this... and Jasper why the hell are YOU bouncing?**

_**Shut up! Alice and Bella are excited, I'd like to see you try and sit still when you have two-**_

OOOH! BELLA! ILY! I saw the game and its BRILLIANT! I'll go get the water, you fill everyone in...

_If I'm going to have to drink water this had better be good..._

_Oooh it is! plus you dont have to drink the water, just hold it in your mouth._

I'm confused already, why would we do that?

_Sheesh let me finish Emmett and then you'll get it... okay so everyone fills their mouth with water, and we take turns are writing funny sayings and stuff. You have to try not to laugh, if you laugh and spit your water out, then your out of the game... the last one with water still in their mouth wins..._

**I dont like the sounds of this... Bella you have to breath how can you play.**

_I'll breath through my nose silly! So are you guys in?_

**I suppose...**

_**Sure why not.**_

Hell yeah!

_Okay but let me go change first, there is no way I'm going to spit water all over this outfit..._

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeres Jonny!

**Huh?**

_Edward, have you ever seen The Shining?_

No he hasnt... but at least someone got it :o)

_I'm your asfaawbffe, of course I got it :o)_

Got what?

Nevermind... we're gonna start the game now! YAY!

----Everyone is now once again sitting in the living room, now with water filled mouths... let the game begin----

_So who is gonna start?_

I will I will! I already saw what gets Emmett out!

Thats not fair! If I'm going down I'm taking someone with me -eyes Jasper and Bella-

_Ignore him and start with the funnyness already:D_

Okay... NEVER MOON A WEREWOLF!

----Emmett spits his water out as soon as he reads this and is rolling on the floor laughing----

_Wow he is easily amused..._

I went for a low-blow... werewolf humour always gets him. Now... Bella, give us your best shot...

_Hmm... "Make a man a fire, you keep him warm for a day. Set a man on fire and you keep him warm for the rest of his life" :o)_

----Jasper almost laughs but then Emmett reads it and starts laughing even more making Jasper spit his water out all of Edward and joins Emmett rolling on the floor laughing----

**Oh joy, now I'm covered in Jaspers drool and water...**

_I know, this game is fun isn't it?_

_MY TURN!_

Okay Rose... amuse us!

_"He who thinks by the inch and talks by the yard deserves to be kicked by the foot"_

_LOI! Rose... that one ALMOST got me:o)_

_Damn it! well lets see if your fiance can do any better... Edward you're up!_

**This game is rediculous...**

Well that wasn't very amusing at all.

_Edward dont insult my genius games:o(_

**Sorry and Alice that wasn't the funny thing... okay here goes...**

We're waiting!

**Hush Emmett, you're already out remember! right! I have something... "1 in 5 people in the world are chinese, there are 5 people in my family so it must be one of them. Its either my mum or my dad, or my older brother Colin, or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think its Colin"**

----Rosalie spits out her water and is rolling on the floor laughing with Emmett and Jasper, Alice and Bella are smirking trying not to join them----

_Touche Edward... the game isn't going fast enough, so lets havea LIGHTENING ROUND!_

OOOH! I am so in!, everyone has to write down funny things until there is only one of us three left... READY SET GO!

_One good turn gets most of the blankets..._

**Save a tree, eat a beaver...**

_When did I realise I was god? Well I was praying and suddenly I realized I was talking to myself..._

_**A word to the wise isn't needed, its the stupid ones that need the advice...**_

I love little children, its just sometimes I cant eat a whole one...

**ALICE!**

What?

----Everyone turns to look at Bella to see how she took that, she stares for a few seconds before everyone is sprayed with water when she starts laughing hysterically----

Alice... I'm impressed, I thought the beaver thing would've got her but noooo...

_Well Bella is strange we all knew that..._

**Jasper a little help calming her she's turning purple...**

_Thanks :o) I knew it'd be my asfaawbffe that got me out... you know me too well Batman!_

Yup, I do... s'cause we're connected at the brain, DUH!

Okay, its down to Alice and Edward... who will win...

**"Percussive maintenance - the art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again"...**

"Like a midget at a urinal, we will have to stay on our toes"...

**"Never raise your hands to your kids, it leaves your groin unprotected"...**

"Isn't it odd that everyone always assumes the goo in soap dispensers is always soap? I like to fill mine with mustard just to shake things up a bit"...

----Bella goes to the kitchen to get something to eat, everyone minus Alice and Edward are on the floor laughing when there is a loud crash in the kitchen and Bella walks back into the room---

**Bella what was that crashing noise?! Are you okay?**

_I'm fine...but lets just say I wont be picking up mayonaisse ever again -sulks-_

----Alice spits out her water which hits Emmett in the face and starts laughing, seeing Emmett getting sprayed with the water from Alices mouth makes Edward start laughing too----

_A/N - Haha so the funny sayings werent so funny but I'm easily amused and so were the people I played this game with... has anyone else ever played that or am I just weird? I always end up inhaling the water as I laugh which of course causes me to choke and everyone ends up spitting out their water to laugh at me choking. If you havent played that game before, try it... its messy but really fun and surprisingly difficult :o)_


	14. Chapter 14 Dinosaurs

_A/N – Haha this chapter is sooo stupid but it was a fun conversation with me and my friends that I found so I thought I'd add it here _

_- Lannasaurus Rex:oP_

**Notes **

Alice regular, _Bella italic, _**Edward bold, **Emmett underlined

_RAWWWWR!_

**Rawr?**

_Yuhuh… I'm a dinosaur._

No… you're a Bella :o)

_Nope! I'm BELLASAURUS REX! _

**What in the world are you talking about Bella?**

I wanna be a dinosaur too! –pouts-

_Well Edward… you see it all started when I tripped and banged into a table, which knocked over a lamp which then fell on the floor and shattered… and then Charlie said "A dinosaur leaves less destruction in its wake than you do Bells" and that made me realise that I am in fact, a dinosaur…_

**I really don't understand your logic but fair enough…**

Bellasaurus… :o(

_Alisaurus?_

SCORE! I'm a dinosaur too! –happy dance-

**Oh for the love of god…**

_Pfft, your lack of enthusiasm is not appreciated –pouts-_

Bellasaurus… He is blatantly jealous of our dinosaur-ness!

_Terrible… just terrible…_

**I'm jealous because I don't get to be a dinosaur? Whatever you say Alice…**

_Alisaurus! I JUST realised… you aren't just a dinosaur! You are a vampire-dinosaur! A dinosaur that sparkles in the sun… thats just like WOW!_

So I'm special:o)

_Very :o)_

YAY!

_CHEESE!_

ON TOAST!

**What are you two doing now?**

_Damn it! You ruined the word association game Edward :o(_

**Oh sorry…**

_You are forgiven, because I love you and junk… now, lets start again… SOCK!_

SHOE!

_Leg!... oh… no… wait, damn it I lost:o(_

Woo! I win!

_The sock bone is connected to the SHOE bone… the shoe bone is connected to the LEG bone… and the leg bone is connected to the, umm… Edward?_

LOI! The leg bone is connected to the Edward? HA!

_Nooo… I was asking Edward what the leg bone is connected to…_

**Hip or knee?**

_YES! My fiancé is a genius… s'why I'm marrying him. :o)_

**That's the only reason?**

_Yup!_

**Oh…**

_Jeez, I'm kidding s'cause I love you DUH!_

You two are cute and all that but I do believe we were in the middle of a game Bellasaurus, now ASSOCIATE WOMAN!

_Oo-kay… fine, start over. Edward play too! –smiles-_

**If I must…**

_You must!_

FLASH!

_Lightening…_

**Thunder.**

STORM!

_X-MEN!_

**Mutant…**

Emmett!

HEY! I resent that!

**Well done Alice, Bella can't stop laughing now…**

Its not THAT funny!

----the game resumes once Bella calms herself----

_Emmett has to play too now! Emmett, pick a word, any word –twirls pretend metaphorical moustache-_

Okay…. NINJA!

Turtllllllllllllllllles!

**Cartoon…**

_POKEMON!_

BALLS!

Foot!

_Huh? Oooh! Foot balls –hits head- riiight… ummm SHOE!_

**Laces.**

Strawberry.

_Sweets!_

Candy!

**Man…**

_Child…_

Brat…

Haha!... ummm RAT!

_Pfft, rats and brats so don't go together but since you're my asfaawbffe I'll let you away with it… SEWERS!_

**Smell.**

Feet!

CHEESE!

_SEOTI!_

**Seoti? And that means what exactly…**

"_Saying eww on the inside" obviously… :o) anyway… new round, the word is BREAD!_

**Crumbs…**

Rose…

Huh? Haha… ummm WHEELCHAIR?!

_Oooh! Sit!_

**Fall.**

Bella!

_HEY!_

What? You do fall all the time…

_I know that, but I was referring to the fact you said Bella… its BELLASAURUS DOOFUS!_

You're new name is Bellasaurus Doofus? HA!

Hahahaha!

**You have to admit he got you there Bella…**

_Damn it –sulks- I meant that I am Bellasaurus… the doofus part was aimed at Emmett :o(_

Emmett, you really should consider changing your name to Doofus, it suits you…

Shut up!

I didn't speak… I wrote!

Well… write up!

**That didn't make any sense Emmett…**

I thought we'd just agreed to call him Doofus from now on?

_Alisaurus-Batman…_

Bellasaurus-Pigeon?

_I feel a song coming on…_

**Oh god…**

Is it Spicegirls again?!

YAY! You start…

_Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! __  
__Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! __  
__Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles_!

Heroes in a half shell!

TURTLE POWER!

**Not you as well Emmett… its bad enough with just Alice and Bella…**

_If you're not gonna pen-sing Edward then don't interrupt!... now where were we. OH yes! They're the world most fearsome fighting team!_

They're heroes in a half shell and they're GREEN!

When the evil shredder attacks those turtle boys don't cut him no slack…

**Please stop…**

_Fine… spoil our fun :o(_

**Sorry…**

_You're forgiven again… _

_A/N – Okay, well this chapter was really long and even more pointless than my other chapters, if that's even possible… but pretty much all of it was a real msn convo that I had saved (including the silly word association game, which is more fun that it sounds, you're supposed to type your reply-word really quickly and its funny how often you actually mess up on easy things)_


	15. Chapter 15 Band Aid Brigade

_A/N – Sorry I've taken forever to update (on all my stories not just this one) BUT good news is I'm getting my new laptop tomorrow so as soon as I get the net working on it I'll update a lot more often… anyway, thanks to my friend Luke for this chapter, he inspired it (he was the one that tripped over his jeans, and when he told me BAM-instant inspiration-) now on with the chapter…_

_-Lanna_

**Notes**

_Bella – Italic, _Alice – regular, **Edward – Bold, **Emmett – underlined

(Edward, Alice, Emmett and Bella all sitting in Charlie's kitchen)

Bella?

_Yus?_

**Don't you mean "yes"? With an e?**

Don't interrupt Eddie

**Don't call me Eddie!**

_Pfft, Children –rolls eyes- No Edward, yes is way better spelt with a u! Now what do you want Emmie?_

**Children? You are aware that we're older than you by a few decades aren't you?**

_Technically yes… but I still maintain that I'm older than you. Hmph!_

She's older than you in her MIND!

**Fair enough…**

Anywho… as I was saying before Eddie so rudely inter-

**I told you already don't call me Eddie! **

Why not Eddie?

**Because I said so Emmie!**

Oh no you did not just go there!

**I kind of think I did…**

Boys –rolls eyes- Eddie, Emmie… stop it now!

_Thanks Batman… What were you gonna ask Emmie?_

I was going to ask why you had a band aid on your leg?

**Oh so Bella gets to call you "Emmie"?**

Yes she does. Now give her the paper so she can answer.

_Well… you see Emmie I kinda tripped over my jeans and banged my knee off the table and then my knee was all like "OMG I'm leaking red stuff" and then the voice in my head said "I know I can smell it" and then my knee screamed "OMG make it stop!" and then the voice in my head was all like "Okay, but first I'm gonna faint cause the red stuff smells bad" and then everything went black and I woke up on the floor feeling all woozy-like… it was very traumatic :o(_

HAHAHAHAHAHA! … Was the table hurt?

_Pfft! You mock my pain :o(_

How could your knees talk?

_They're talented like that…_

Pigeon :o(

_Batman?_

Your band-aid has little dinosaurs on it…

_I know:o) s'brilliant isn't it… Eddie bought them for me cause he is amazing _

I want one :o(

So do I:o(

_OMG! We could all wear them, and be like "The band-aid brigade" _

YAY! I'll go get them I saw where you keep them :o)

---Alice runs out of room at vampire speed---

_We are so cool now! Put some on Eddie as well_

**No way. Absolutely not. Not going to happen. I refuse to wear a band aid. Least of all one with little dinosaurs on it!**

I want a pink one!

Haha… can you say "repressed homosexuality" Emmie!

_LOI!_

HEY! Real men wear pink!

**Do real men also listen to the spice girls religiously?**

OH! Oh! You are so dead Eddie!

**I know.**

_Technically you all are…_

That is not what I meant now Alice…. Hand me those band aids –evil laugh-

----Emmett chases Edward out of room laughing like a maniac----

_Alice :o(_

Yeah?

_He isn't gonna hurt my fiancé is he?_

Not physically ;oP

_I don't like the sound of that…_

---Emmett walks into the room again with a triumphant smile on his face closely followed by Edward, who is covered in dinosaur band aids---

My work here is done MWAHAHAHA!

**I'm scarred for life…**

Vampires don't scar… unless bitten.

**Mentally Alice. MENTALLY!**

_Eddie… I personally think you look damn cute in band-aids and now you're a member of THE BAND AID BRIGADE TOO!_

**Thanks love.**

Bella, Alice….

Mhmm?

_Yuhuh?_

What exactly do "The band aid brigade" do?

_Oh… well you see…._

Umm… we… umm…

_I have no idea :o(_

**We look like idiots wearing band aids for no reason?**

_Once again my fiancé it a genius! ILY!_

**I wasn't being serious… but okay, I love you too…**

HIGH FIVE TO LOOKING STUPID! –holds hand in air-

---Everyone gives Emmett a high five just as Charlie walks in and laughs at the band aid covered teens---

_A/N – Haha okay, so it was a bit longer than I intended. I couldn't resist adding the band aid thing in there… I mean Edward would look so damn cute covered in them don't 'cha think :o) _

_P.s. I lovelovelove the childrens band aids with the dinosaurs on them :o)_


	16. Chapter 16 Grapes

**Notes**

(Alice, Bella and Edward are sitting in Alice's "bat cave" while Emmett enters)

_Bella - Italic_, Alice - Regular, Emmett - underlined, **Edward - Bold**

Jazz sent me to find out why you two are feeling so amused?

Should we tell him Pigeon?

_Hmm... well I just dont know Batman :o)_

Awwh come on!

Bella almost killed Charlie with a grape!

_Alice! I did not!_

Yuhuh you did too... I saw it all... TWICE!

I dont know who to believe... the Bella or the Alice? -ponders-

Believe me 'cuz its true and stuff :o(

**Bella love?**

_Mhmm?_

**How did you almost kill Charlie with a grape?**

_I DID NOT!_

Did too...

_Okay sort of... BUT! he didn't almost die. Thats just a tad dramatic..._

Fine then what happened? I NEED to know all things remotely funny. OR! I'll die!

You're already dead Doofus!

Again with the doofus... -glares-

Well you are a doofus, therefor I shall forever call you doofus, unless a more amusing nickname is found

FINE! I'll come up with an even worse nickname for you...

Oooh! you wouldn't dare call me that Jazzy would kill you!

Like you said before... I'm already dead! Mwahahaha!

I'll find a way to kill you twice if its the last thing I do! -mean look-

Whatever you say DB!

Oh you did not just go there!

I kinda did...

_Wait... I'm confused, where'd Emmie go?_

He called me DB!

**And thats bad?**

Yes!

_Why?_

HA! 'cuz it stands for Douche-bag!

_LOI! But Emmie... please dont call Batman that..._

Why not?

_Cause she's my asfaawbffe:o(_

Okay, but I still dont think thats enough to convince me not to call her that...

-pouts-

_I'll tell you about Charlie and the grape?_

OOH! Hell to the yeah! Alice, I'll never call you DB again if its funny enough!

Woohoo! Bella ily!

_Alright... so I was sitting in the living room_

Eating grapes...

_Thanks Batman... yes, I was sitting in the living room eating grapes..._

And then Charlie walks in the room.

_Just as I put a grape in my mouth_

And he called her name

_So I turned to face him... ... ... ... ... ... ... _

The suspence is killing me here! What happened next?!

**I thought we already established you were already dead?**

Just continue!

Okay so, quick recap. Bella in the living room eating grapes, Charlie walks in, Bella turns round and Theeeeen?

_I kinda sorta sneezed..._

And the grape launched out of her mouth...

_And proceeded to smack right in Charlies eye! He was all mad and junk_

HA! yeah... but you were too busy laughing to care... so he gave up trying to yell at her and sulked out of the room.

_I know... and I kept sneezing while I laughed which caused Alice to laugh too..._

And then when she finally calmed down! Charlie came back in...

_Just as I put another grape in my mouth..._

And his eye was all red and poofy!

_Which of course reminded me why I was laughing before, causing me to laugh again_

And then she choked on the grape!

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!

**Emmett... how is my fiance choking on a grape funny?**

It kinda was Eddie... I guess you had to be there :o)

Next time I'm staying with Bella while Eddie here goes hunting... all the funny stuff happens when I'm gone

HA! Emmett is smouting!

_Smouting?_

Yeah he's trying to pout but he's still smiling so it turns into some warped version of both... a smout!

_OOH! A whole new facial expression! Its pure genius :o)_

Why thank you Pigeon.

**I think I'll have to leave Carlisle with Bella next time I hunt.**

WHAT!?

Why?

_Huh?_

**Dangerous stuff always happens while I leave you with those two... first the toaster, then the table now choking on a grape**

_Oh for the love of god... I do not need a babysitter Eddie! -pouts-_

Yeah dont spoil my future fun...

I'm with Emmett on this one.

_Me too :o(_

**You're ganging up on me?**

_Well yeah... Carlisle is awesome and all that jazz but I like my Alice and Emmie time. They make your absence bearable_

Mmm... bear -eyes glaze over-

**Jeez Emmett. Now is not the time to think about food...**

Its always time to think about food ;oP

_I'm hungry now :o(_

**Bella**

_Yeah?_

**Thinking about a bear... made you hungry -raises eyebrow-?**

_Umm... well yes and no. Just the mention of food reminded me that I'm hungry, and the mention of bears made my tummy growl like one :o)_

HA! She's right... listen! It does sound like a bear! You're stomach is making me hungry Bella... I'm going hunting.

_I'mma go make a sandwhich._

With cheese!

_And Chicken!_

And Bread!

_And Alice..._

Wait? You're putting me on the sandwhich?

**Well Alice you are small enough...**

I'm not small I'm space efficient!

HA!

_Umm as lovely as that sounds... I was just gonna ask you to come help me make it?_

Oookay :D

---Emmett goes hunting, Alice & Bella ruturn to Edward 5 minutes later with Bella's sandwhich---

**Bella... that doesn't look very appealing.**

_HEY! Don't insult my sandwhich... Cheese & Chicken sandwhiches are the food of gods!_

Pigeon he's just jealous 'cuz it'd taste like mud to him...

**It'd taste like mud to you too Alice! and I am NOT jealous!**

Are too... and way to remind me I'm dead Edward :o( -cries-

**You reminded me first... and you can't cry.**

Once again reminding me of my inhumanity-ness-ness.

**That is not a word.**

So! It is now... and you're pure evil Eddie!

_You guys love eachother really :o)_

**Thats debatable.**

You're debatable!

**Your face is debatable...**

_Oooh burn :oP_

Well screw you!

_If it makes either of you feel any better it'll taste like mud to me too once me and Eddie get married :o)_

The pigeon makes an excellent point... and I cant wait til it tastes like mud to her too:o)

**Why?**

Cause when she's all vampire-ish I'll have yet another excuse to take her SHOPPING!

_Eddie SAVE ME!!? -eyes widen in horror-_

It wont be that bad Bella :o)

_It will too:o(_

Actually... I think we should go shopping now!

_No!_

Yes!

_No!_

Yes!

**Alice, you're not stealing Bella for the day...**

We'll see about that... now TO THE BATMOBILE!

---Bella clings to Edward while Alice pouts and tries to convince her to come shopping, seeing that she's getting nowhere she runs to find Rosalie for backup---

_A/N - Ha! Sorry, that was a really long chapter... (by batmobile Alice means her porche, just so you know) Haha and the whole grape thing actually happened, only it was my gran that I sneezed a grape at, she was not amused -adjusts halo-_


	17. Chapter 17 Captain Doofus!

_A/N - __**READ THIS:**__ Okay, so the fonts in chapters 17-78 have messed up so I'm going to fix all of this but it'll take some time, I didn't forget to put peoples fonts in bold/italic etc... it was the site that messed it up, so sorry if it's confusing but people who have been following this story from the start know the chapters were fine before. (so if you come across messed up chapters after this one, please don't point it out to me in a review saying "you forgot to underline someones font..." etc. Because I didn't FORGET and I am working on fixing it)_

_-Lanna_

**Notes**

_Bella - italic_, Alice - regular, Emmett - underlined

--Bella & Alice are sitting in Alice's room when Emmett comes in--

So… Bella, almost kill anyone with fruit today?

_No! and for the last time I did not almost kill Charlie!_

I was only asking…

_AliceAliceAlice!_

BellaBellaBella?

_Is it a BIRD!_

Is it a PLANE!

_Nope! Its Batman & Pigeon! And they've learned how to FLY!_

And they're dropping water balloons from the sky!

_And they're hitting people in the eye!_

What drugs have you two taken?

_None! -kicks you-_

You didn't kick me :o(

Pfft, we've already gone over this. She's writing it on the page so she doesn't have to do it…

_Yeah… like this… OBSERVE… -head explodes- :o)_

Oo-kay… what am I observing exactly?

_The fact that my head didn't really explode even though I wrote it…_

Sheesh! Keep up Emmie :o)

Oh…

Did you want something?

No… I just got bored, Rose is doing her nails, Jasper is reading and Edward is hunting…

Pigeon?

_Batman?_

Should we let Emmie join the fun that is passing notes with us?

_Sure why not :o)_

How come you two get to be Pigeon and Batman?

_S'cuz we're special -puts on jazzy sunglasses- ;oP_

I wanna be a super hero! Or a villain… I'm not too fussed which one as long as I get a kick ass power and some sort of cape…

_Fine… OOH! You can be Captain Doofus!_

LOI! Bella I LOVE it!

Hey! I am not Captain Doofus!

_But you get a cape?_

Hmm… keep talking?

And you get a kick ass power…

_Umm yeah… you have the power to break anything you want? -bites lip-_

I'm listening…

_OOH! And your mode of transportation is a winged paddle boat?_

And his weapon is a nuclear teapot :o)

Interesting…

_So you'll be Captain Doofus?_

Fine! But only cause I get a cape and a nuclear teapot.

_Awesome :o)_

Does this mean I'm special now too?

_Yeah… like "Stop eating the paste" special -cough-_

HA! PWND!

--Emmett sulks for a while before they all decide to dress up as their super hero alias's--

_A/N - 2 chapters in one day you should feel loved :o) ha well once again most of this wasn't made up… I was going through my old myspace comments/messages and junk and found some stuff to put in a chapter :o)_

_- Lanna_


	18. Chapter 18 Sesame Street

_A/N - Your reviews are seriously making me wanna do cartwheels around my bedroom… although last time I tried that I crashed into the furniture and hurt my leg… sooo I wont do that. Ummm… anyway. Moooving on :o)_

_-Lanna_

**Notes**

**Edward - Bold, ** _Bella - Italic, _Alice - Regular

--Edward, Alice and Bella are watching tv in the Cullen's living room--

**Can we PLEASE change the channel?**

_Nope!_

Absolutely not!

_Not gonna happen!_

**You can't be serious? Come on… you really want to sit and watch Sesame Street?**

_Yup! Its MAGICAL!_

I mean… its like a comedy, family show and a horror movie all rolled into one.

_AND! Its educational!_

**Oh yes because you two really need help learning the alphabet… wait, how is it a horror?**

_Big bird is fricken scary! -completely serious-_

**Bella… its just a person in a bird suit?**

**But its's big and yellow… and all feathery and shiz.**

I think its's supposed to be lovable or something like that…

_Ah but that's what it wants you to think… it's lulling you into a false sense of security so it can lure you into a dark ally and stomp on you with his freaky legs_

**Bella… calm down love**

_Sorry :o)_

**See, its getting you all worked up can we change the channel now?**

_NOOOO! -pouts-_

Yeah Eddie, just because the yellow one is freaky doesn't mean the whole show is bad…

_Uhuh! I mean they even have some hot characters…_

**WHAT!**

She wrote… they… even… have… some…ho-

**I know what she wrote Alice!**

Sheesh I was just trying to help…

_I think I'm in love… -stares at tv-_

**Bella?**

_I don't think I can marry you anymore Eddie…._

**And why not? Alice this isn't funny stop laughing!**

'_Cuz I wanna marry Grouch :oP_

**You want to marry… a puppet?**

_Yes :o)_

LOI! Bella he thought you were serious… he was gonna cry!

**I did not and I was not… vampires don't cry!**

_Oh but I was serious Alice, I mean come on Grouch has his own bin :o)_

**-plays along- But he'd smell bad?**

_But I'd be living in his bin with him so I'd smell bad too therefore I wouldn't even notice…_

**And he's grouchy?**

So are you Eddie -cough-

_S'all part of his charm… he has that whole rugged manly thing going on. -dreamy eyes-_

**He's a puppet… how can he be manly?**

_He's special like that :o)_

**He's not even real…**

_WHAT? Nooooo! This cant be happening! You lie Eddie! LIE! He just HAS to be real…-clutches chest-… -falls to the ground-… -cries hysterically-…-dies-…_

**Done yet?**

_Umm… Yes. Yes I think I am._

**Good.**

_Awwh. Eddie you really were jealous weren't you :o)_

**Nope. Why would I be jealous of a puppet.**

HAHAHA! He so was! Admit it!

**Fine!… Just a tiny bit though.**

_Don't worry wonder boy, You are the only thing (man, puppet or vampire) that I love :o)_

**I love you too.**

:o(

_Batman, whats wrong?_

"You are the only thing (man, puppet or VAMPIRE) that I love" -sniff-

_Oooh… but I love you too._

Ch'yeah sure you do :o( -pouts-

_I do… but I wouldn't wanna kiss you so it was a different kinda love. I love you in the asfaawbffe kinda way :o)_

**Nice save…**

Fine you're forgiven. I love you in the asfaawbffe kinda way too. :o)

_OMGOMGOMGOMOMGOMGOMGOMGOM!_

**Bella… calm down. What is it?**

_Pfft you'd know if you were paying attention to the tv…_

Bert said "I love pigeons more than anything else in the world… besides oatmeal"

**Okay… I don't get it?**

Pigeon…

_Batman?_

You're fiance is so slow sometimes…

_I know :o) it makes me feel less stupid -grins-_

**Oh… he said pigeon?**

_Well done -hands you a gold star-_

**-rolls eyes-**

_Elmo reminds me of Alice :o)_

YAY!

_Mary had a little canary. It was bluer than the sky. And every where that Mary went, the canary was sure to fly…_

**Oh god now it has her singing… I am changing the channel now whether you two like it or not!**

_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_

--Edward grabs the remote and changes the channel & Alice then chases him around the living room trying to get it back, while Bella just walks over to the tv and puts it back on sesame street using the controls on the tv set. Alice continues to chase Edward around the room oblivious to the fact that Bella is cowering on the sofa because big bird came back on the screen--

_A/N - Haha long annoying chapter. Sorry, I couldn't resist adding this one. Yes, I am afraid of big bird… and yes I did at one point in my life say I wanted to marry Oscar the Grouch because he had his own bin -was kidding of course-… anyway. -shuts up-_

_-Lanna_


	19. Chapter 19 I Spy

_A/N - Ha I'm on a roll, this is the 4th chapter in the past few hours. Reading my old myspace convo's has inspired me -happy dance- I've smooshed two conversations I had into one and now we have this chapter… yay :o)_

_P.s. I put the poem that's in this chapter in one of the earlier chapters but I like this version of it better… soo the two dead boys poem makes a comeback:o)_

_-Lanna_

**Notes**

Alice - Regular, Emmett - Underlined, _Bella - Italic_

--Alice, Emmett and Bella all sitting in the Cullen kitchen, Bella just stayed the night with Alice--

Bella-Pigeon…

_Yes Captain Doofus?_

What did you dream about last night?

_Why do you ask?_

LOI! He's asking cause you were talking in your sleep last night…

_Awh crap… what'd I say this time?_

HA! You were saying stuff like "Careful Mr Penguin"… "The llama's gonna eat you" etc..

Haha… look she's turned redder than your Captain Doofus cape Emmett

Come on Bella… you cant dream about funny stuff and not tell me :o(

_Grr! Fine!…_

We're waiting..

_So impatient!… Right well Edward was away hunting, so I went to find Alice or you… but I couldn't find you anywhere, then I heard a noise outside. And me being the idiot that I am, not fearing danger walked outside to investigate. And there I found a penguin wearing a top hat. The penguin then proceeded to try and entertain me. It tried to accomplish this goal by hopping on one foot BUT as a result, it fell down a ravine only to be attacked by a llama-like-creature…_

LOI! Freud would have a field day with you Pigeon…

_Mhmm… it was quite disturbing… do you think Emmett is okay? -raises eyebrow-_

--Bella and Alice stare at Emmett who is rolling on the floor laughing after reading the paper, while choking out between laughs words like "penguin", "top hat" and "evil llama"--

_He sounds kinda like he's choking to death, I'd be worried if he wasn't already dead…_

Ha! Me too, but -closes eyes- he'll stop laughing in a minute…

_-waits-_

I'm okay, Bella… you make me wish I could sleep again, seriously. Dancing penguins and evil llamas? Awesome…

_That's nothing compared to the one with the possums…_

You HAVE to tell me about that one?

_Nope… not getting into that now._

Pleasepleasepleaseplease?

_Umm, no… but I have new funness in mind… lets play a game!_

What game?

I SPY? YAY!

_Yuhuh :o) Who's going first?_

ME! I spy with my amazing vampire-type eye… something beginning with P-H and you have exactly 20.35seconds to answer or I'll-

PIMP HAND!

Awwh come on! You cheated Alice! No visions allowed to foresee the answers!

I did not cheat… I didn't have a vision!

Then how'd you guess?

_Captain Doofus, you forget we were with you while you watched Date Movie last night…_

Uhuh and you spent about 20 minutes laughing at that same bit…

_Keep your pimp hand strong :o)_

Grr fine! Whatever… I still maintain you cheated.

Fine Bella can take my turn then… its me vs. you -glares-

-game face on- You're on… Bella, make it a difficult one!

_Oooh! Such pressure! -thinks- I spy with my little eye, something beginning with Y-N!_

Your nipples!

_Umm… but I can't see anyones nipples right now :o/_

Damn -looks around room-

NINJA!

But there are no ninja's present!

_I kinda sort of forgot what it was I spied with my little eye :o( woops… so lets pretend it was ninja…_

HEY! That's not fair! And what about the Y?

YODA NINJA!

_Alice wins :o)_

YAY!

That's so unfair… what makes her win?

_Well, while you both gave fine answers, Alice's was just plain cooler, therefore she wins._

--Emmett glares at Alice before raising his eyebrows questioning her sanity (Alice is waving her arms about like a maniac while bouncing on the spot)--

What is she doing?

_That's her victory dance… its like her happy dance only with a lot more enthusiasm and arm-action…_

That's disturbing…

Okay, I'm done now :o)

Pigeon…

_Captain Doofus?_

Tell me the poem about the two dead boys? -pouts-

_Oookay, but Alice has to help me…_

One fine day in the middle of the night,

_Two dead boys got up to fight,_

Back to back they faced each other,

_Drew their swords and shot each other,_

One was blind and the other couldn't, see

_So they chose a dummy for a referee._

A blind man went to see fair play,

_A dumb man went to shout "hooray!"_

A paralysed donkey passing by,

_Kicked the blind man in the eye,_

Knocked him through a nine inch wall,

_Into a dry ditch and drowned them all,_

A deaf policeman heard the noise,

_And came to arrest the two dead boys,_

If you don't believe this story's true,

_Ask the blind man he saw it too!_

HA! Paralysed donkey! That poem should be in bible! Its just so beautiful!

_Amen to that :o)_

--Emmett steals the paper and runs to show Rose and Jasper the poem--

_A/N - Ha okay so, this was actually about 3 or 4 or my conversations smooshed into one instead of the original 2, woops… soo its kinda long :o)_

_P.s. I lovelovelove the two dead boys poem, I tried to learn it all once so I could randomly recite it in a serious conversation to confuse someone but I can never keep a straight face while saying it :o)_

_-Lanna_


	20. Chapter 20 Rubber Chickens

_A/N - Haha! I literally JUST had this conversation on msn… its pretty much the exact same conversation only I've turned it into note form and edited it slightly to fit the characters… so thanks Liz & Pete for there random input to this conversation_

_-Lanna_

****

_Notes_

Alice - regular_, Bella - italic,_ Emmett - underlined **Edward - bold**

---Alice, Edward, Bella & Emmett are in Alice's room, Emmett is playing on a laptop---

OMG! BELLA!ALICE!EDWARD!

_Yuhuh?_

Yes Em-to-the-et?

Oh for the love of god… -reads his mind-

You guy HAVE to watch this video…

---All 4 of them watch a video on you tube of a rubber chicken dancing---

That is wrong on so many levels…

_W-o-w…_

Ooo-Kayyy…

Its fricken awesome isn't it:o)

That isn't exactly how I would have described it Emmett.

Emmett…

Yeah?

Rubber chickens are a great prop, they can be used in a variety of ways… in practical jokes, on dinner dates, throwing at random strangers… but, dancing? Seriously?

_Oh but Batman… its note just ANY dancing… its dancing to Shakira, I mean come on… that's pure genius…_

Shakira's hips hypnotize me, its frightening… -ponders-

Pigeon…

_Captain Doofus?_

High five to rubber chicken appreciation:o)

_We're cool because we appreciate the finer things in life -high fives Cap'n D- :o)_

Like rubber chickens? -raises eyebrow-

Abso-fricken-lutely :o)

Alice.

Edward?

I still fail to see how a rubber chicken could be useful on a dinner date?

_Awwh come on Eddie… they'd be a conversation starter, like if there is an awkward silence just pull out a rubber chicken and BAM! Instant conversation…_

Or instant break up?

HA! I can just picture that now… imagine, Jessica on a date with Mike. They run out of things to say about the weather… so Mike pulls out a rubber chicken and then Jessica is all "I need to go, I uhh my house is on fire"…

Haha, I'd pay to see that.

_You're still missing the point… the break up would involve a conversation of some sort so the rubber chicken would have served its purpose… see rubber chickens are just plain awesome._

OR! Bella… maybe the person could be dumped using the rubber chicken… like moving its legs as if kicking their date to the kurb, that'd be brilliant.

_LOI!… Or…. OR! Like if your date is being annoying just pull out the rubber chicken and bitch slap them with it before making a dramatic exit:o)_

That is pure GENIUS! Pigeon! LOI!

Ha. You guys should see what Emmett is thinking…

What is he thinking?

He's now picturing Jessica hitting Mike with a rubber chicken… its highly amusing.

Haha! I wish I could see… do you think you could maybe "dazzle" her into doing that Eddie so we could see it in action?

As fun as that would be… I refuse to fuel Jessica's crush on me by dazzling her…

_I second that -pouts- _

Fine -also pouts-

_Eddie :o(_

Yes love?

_I want a rubber chicken…_

ME TOO! ME TOO!

Well now that I see how useful they are I want one too :o)

_The uses of rubber chickens are endless! I'm gonna buy one and keep it in my purse just incase I ever need it…_

It'll come in useful…

How are they useful? Wouldn't you only need it if you had a poor relationship going on?

Which has suddenly become desirable -pictures using rubber chicken in break up situation-

_Pfft Eddie that was just one of their many uses…_

Okay… tell me some?

_Alright… Captain Doofus… a little help?_

Umm, alright, well aside from the fact they're highly amusing and their usefulness on a dinner date as Pigeon and Batman have already pointed out they could be used to begin a relationship…

And how is that?

_Well… umm… Okay, so a girl finds a guy really hot right? And she could use her rubber chicken to flirt with him…_

OOH! I see where you're going with this… so she like takes her rubber chicken out of her bag and "accidentally" drops it, and then she slowly bends down to get it while saying in a flirty voice "Oh my, I seem to have dropped my rubber chicken"

_Yeah and then he'd be like so entranced by the junk in her trunk that he'd ask her out…And then they'd all live happily evil after, the rubber chicken included…_

HAHAHA! Excellent! That was even better than my pro rubber chicken argument was gonna be… I was gonna say something along the lines of you toss the rubber chicken on some guys seat (or girls depending on your sexual preference) and then be all "Umm hi, you're kinda sitting on my chick" and that strikes up a conversation between and you just stroke and fondle the rubber chicken flirtatiously all through the conversation..

Loi you're right our argument was better, but that one does have its appeal also…

Like if the girl doesn't have any junk in the trunk?

_Ha! Moving on… so Eddie have we sold you on the awesomeness that is rubber chickens?_

As convincing as your arguments were… I'm still not too sure yet…

_Darn! Team F.A.B shall continue to list the uses until you agree?_

Team F.A.B?

_Uh yeah… I decided that, as Pigeon, Captain Doofus and Batman… we would need a team name?_

Okay… but Team F.A.B?

_Yeah… F.A.B Fantastically Awesome Bitches._

Love-IT!

I can live with that…

_Okay… and our first mission as Team F.A.B is to change Wonderboys pessimistic opinion of rubber chickens into a positive one!_

I don't think it can be done…

Oh we shall see!

I accept this challenge! Right, as well as their ability to start and end relationships they're also incredibly useful for practical jokes… like you buy a whole load of them and put them in someones bed under the sheets and then when they pull back the covers they're all shocked and stuff and run away screaming providing amusement to well, everyone…

_Hmm… I like the way you think:o)_

Why thank you -bows-

Haha I'm gonna try that… think we could make Carlisle scream? -closes eyes- MWAHAHA!

_Okay my turn, they'd also be useful in social situations… OOH! They could even be used at funerals! Like everyone is all crying and shiz so you stand up and like hold your rubber chicken with one and be like "Umm yeah, so this is my rubber chicken" instantly ending the tense atmosphere…_

Ha Bella that was an Emmett-worthy defence of rubber chickens.

_Good or bad thing?_

Good

Bad-ish…

Both…

_Hmm… oo-kay. So… have we sold you yet Eddie?_

Jeez! Fine you can all get rubber chickens!

YAY!

Score!

_Woohoo! Ily!… and just so you know Eddie, you're the only guy I'd want to use my rubber chicken on…_

I'm the only guy you'd want to dump using your rubber chicken?

_Noo! Silly, You're the only one I'd want to "entice" with my rubber chicken…_

Hahaha which version of "chicken flirting" are you going for?

Yes the "junk in the trunk" orrr….

The slapping?

_We're talking about enticing Emmett…_

I know but don't enticing and slapping go hand in hand?

Depends on how kinky someone is I s'ppose…

_HA! OMG! Yet another use for them… see they're useful in ALL situations!_

Okay now that is seriously disturbing -shudders-

What you don't want Bella to slap you with her rubber chicken?

_Shut up!_

HAHA! She's gone red as a tomato… and for the record I will not be using my rubber chicken as a sex toy… that's animal abuse!

I dunno… foreplay with rubber chickens does sound kinda-

_Too far Emmett… too far…_

When should I have stopped?

I think this conversation passed appropriate at the mention of slapping and enticing going hand in hand…

It passed appropriate way before that Alice…

Whatever Eddie :o)

Bella… what are you thinking you have a strange look on your face?

_Oh, I was just thinking… wouldn't it be cool if rubber chickens were one of the weapons in the board game Cluedo?_

Ha! Like "Miss Scarlet killed Professor Plum in the dining room with the rubber chicken…"?

_EXACTLY!_

---Bella laughs out loud while taking a sip of pepsi and it comes out her nose---

_AH! My nose is leaking…OHGOD the bubbles BURRRRN!_

Really? Let me try?

---Emmett tries to squirt pepsi out of his nose too, while Bella keeps pinching her nose and Alice and Edward watch Emmett with amused and horrified expressions on their faces---

_A/N - Ha sorry, the chapter was really long (but it was a long msn convo)… I even had to cut a lot of the stuff out because it wasn't very "appropriate" -cough- so yeah… I actually did laugh while drinking Pepsi during the conversation and it also spilled all over me aswell as coming out of my nose and the bubbles do burn damn it! -pouts-_

_P.s. Rubber Chickens are fricken awesome…_

_P.p.s. If I've made mistakes in this chapter point them out to me and I'll fix them. (like forgetting to put what someone is saying into their writing…)_

_-Lanna_


	21. Chapter 21 EEVIL

_A/N - **PLEASE READ** my little rant here. Oookay!... I -points to self- am not a happy Lanna... one of my friends pointed out a notes story to me and its totally copied mine (not the whole note part, because I'm not the first person to do a notes story, but the content of the chapter) the most recent chapter in the story has like bits taken from all of my chapters and has sort of smooshed them all together, only altering it slightly (if not just completely copying it)... which really really **PISSES ME OFF TO THE MAX!** these note things are mostly conversations from **me and my friends**, so seriously... **dont copy it!** and what make it even more annoying is that the person is even copying the way I talk as my friend pointed out, the way she has written it, is using things that I say all the time (e.g. I have a tendancy to overly use the term "and junk" among other things) GRR! -calms-... anyway, on with the chapter_

_**P.s. Could some of you read this other notes story and tell me if you think me and my friend were over reacting or not? If you will just tell me in a review and I'll reply to the review and send you the link? Pleeeeeeeeease? -pouts-**_

_-Lanna_

**Notes**

****

Alice - regular, _Bella - italic, _Emmett - Underlined

---Alice, Bella & Emmett are passing notes in the car---

HA! Look its Bella's fan club -points out the window-

LOI!

Okay, that is so not fair… I didn't even see who it was. Damn you and your stupid fast vampire driving-ness -pouts-… -light bulb-… WAIT! I don't have a fan club?!

Don't look so worried Pigeon, he was just referring to the fact we just passed Newton, Eric and that other one? Umm… TYLER! That's it -slaps head-

Eugh! They are not my fan club!

Are too!

Are not!

Are too!

Are not!

Are not!

Are too!

HA! See you admit it!

Damn it! You tricked me Captain Doofus!

I kinda did didn't I :o)

Well don't look so proud of it! I willl get revenge on you! And oh boy will it be good MWAHAHAH!

LMAAHO!… Bella, did you see how fast his smile faded, he's still genuinely scared of you!

Well can ya really blame me? I mean the wizard of oz thing… then the Charlie thing… She may look innocent but behind that angelic little face is the mind of an evil genius… EEVILL DAMN IT!

Haha… calm down Emmie, I was kidding about the whole revenge thing. Although I would like to thank you for acknowledging the fact that I have the potential to take over the world…

I wouldn't go that far exactly…

But I thought she was "EEVIL!"?

Yeah… am I not EEVIL enough for you Emmie? Do you not think I have what it takes to take over the world? Would you like me to prove my EEVILNESS? -twirls metaphorical pretend moustache-

Hell no! Fine… you can take over the world!

Why thank you… -bows- :o)

Pigeon…

Batman?

I'd help you take over the world right?

Well of course… we would both take over the world, and we could rename all the countries!

YAY! And we could live in a MASSIVE castle on top of a mountain over looking the capital of the world!

Which would be called… The Wonderful Land of Bella and Alice! And the people in our country, and the rest of the world for that matter shall all speak one language, Alibellish!

I am LOVING this plan Pigeon… I think we might just have to make it a reality someday!

Well we do have forever… and OMG! We could have minions! MANY MANY MINIONS!

SCORE! And we could give them numbers instead of names… making it easier to keep track and OOH!OOH! I could dress them all!

Ha… only Alice could turn a plot to take over the world into an opportunity to shop and turn everyone into her own personal Barbie dolls…

Hey as long as she doesn't play dress up Bella I'm perfectly fine with that idea….

Would I get to help take over the world too?

Sure why not… you are part of Team F.A.B after all… of course, Esme, Carlisle, Eddie, Rose and Jazzy can all help too…

I like that idea… although I'm not too sure Esme and Carlisle would go for the whole world domination thing…

Not even if we let Esme go all interior decorator on any buildings of her choice and we named a country after Carlisle?

That would probably sway them…

Okay, so one day Team F.A.B shall take over the world?

Hell yeah!

Absolutely:o)

Just one question though…

Yes Captain Doofus?

Could I paint ball the white house?

---The car finally stops at the Cullens house and Emmett, Alice and Bella go over the pro's and cons of paint balling the white house and come to the conclusion that it would indeed look prettier rainbow-coloured---

A/N - Hope you all liked the chapter… yeah so I've had a whole bunch of these "what would happen if we would take over the world" conversations with my friends (joking of course) and this is the kinda stuff we come up with… my friend Sarah actually said the first thing she would do is drink George Bush's tea then steal his toast -giggles-

P.s. In my high school yearbook polls one of the title thing was "Most likely to take over the world" (there was a boy winner and a girl and a second place spot for each) and I came in second place for most likely to take over the world out of the girls, my best friend won first and one of guy friends won the male one… so between the three of us, who knows -evil laugh- Just thought I'd share that with you all :o)

P.p.s. (sorry for the long authors note) Could you please review (and answer my question from the authors note at the top) it'd be very appreciated and junk :o)

-Lanna


	22. Chapter 22 EEVIL plots

A/N - Seeing as I'm in a LOVELY! mood -lies- (its actually cause I cant sleep) I'll give you another chapter…

-Lanna

****

Notes

Alice - Regular, _Bella - Italic, _Emmett-underlined, **Edward -bold**

---When they get in the Cullen house, Alice, Emmett & Bella are joined by Edward in the living room---

I missed you Eddie :o)

I missed you too… where were you all anyway?

We got bored so decided to go out…

Where did you go and what did you do exactly?

Jeez Eddie, you don't have to look so worried. As you can see I am perfectly fine. :o)

Yeah I know, but all the other times I go hunting bad things tend to happen…

You mean FUNNY things tend to happen Eddie-boy…

Well I don't think Bella getting hurt is funny… but anyway, I am curious what did you guys do all day?

Oh you know… drove around Forks while passing notes in the car, plotting to take over the world… the usual :o)

Plotting to take over the world? -raised eyebrow-

We also saw Bella's fan club…

You just had to bring that up didn't you?

Of course.

You have so being demoted to "minion" status when we take over the world, and actually I didn't see them because you were driving too fricken fast, also for the record THEY ARE NOT MY FAN CLUB!

Sensitive much:oP

Idiot much?

So who was it you saw?

Newton & Co.

Ah the annoying ones…

Pigeon.

Batman?

I be bored & shiz…

Would you like to plot some more EEVILNESS avec moi?

YAY!

EEVILNESS? Huh? What the hell?

Don't interrupt Eddie… we're plotting! Now what'd you have in mind Pigeon?

How about we ride through Forks in a cart pulled by Kangaroos and say "G'day mate" in fake Australian accents to random passers by and then pelt them with potatoes when they least expect it?

See told you she was "EEVIL"…

EEVIL but BRILLIANT! And does that mean you wont be on the cart with us Emmie?

Of course I'd be on the cart… why would I pass up an opportunity to have fun, look stupid and hit people with potatoes all at the same time? Those are like my three favourite things to do… sort of…

Excellent… and will my amazing fiancé be joining us too? -puppy eyes-

Making the towns folk question my sanity? Sure why not…

The boys could get the cart while Bella and I get the kangaroos

I thought this was only a "pretend plot" ?

Oh it is…

But we pretend we're serious until it stops being fun silly…

Fine I'll play along… where are you going to find kangaroos?

The zoo of course… now Alice, grab a banana. Paint it black. Pretend it's a gun and meet me in the Pigeon mobile! MWAHAHA!

Haha, a banana…

And how many kangaroos shall we steal?

-ponders-… 3! And we shall call them Skippy, Moses and Jesus!

Why?

Cause then we can shout things like "Damn it Moses you arent jumping fast enough" and "Out of the way everyone Jesus has lost control of the cart AHH!" and all that Jazz…

AWESOME! But why Skippy?

'Cuz that's the stereotypical kangaroo name of course… and then I'd get to say "Skippy get outa the water" in my fake Australian accent whenever he/she steps in a puddle:o)

Okay, so the plan is we get a cart and some potatoes, kidnap 3 kangaroos then pelt the unsuspecting Forks inhabitants with potatoes while acting like fake Australians?

Yup that pretty much sums it up…

Oh no! Pigeon… our plan is FLAWED!

In what way?

What happens if we hit someone we actually like with a potato? Like Angela?

We just wont throw potatoes at those ones then?

Awwh but I still think we should hit them… its only fair…

Pfft fine… -light bulb- I have the solution!

Do tell…

We'll provide the not-so-annoying people with armour made out of twigs, tin foil and crazy glue before out potato-rampage!

You actually think tin foil armour would stop it hurting when I throw a potato at someone?

Well no… but the sentiment is there, at least we will have made some half ass attempt to protect them from, well, us…

Plus we'd get to laugh at how stupid they look in said tin foil armour…

Exactly:o)

Picturing Bella's fan club Eddie?

Am I that transparent?

Oh yeah.

I wish this wasn't a pretend evil plot :o( it really did sound quite fun…

I know :o(

Well we could still all go paint ball the white house…

What?

----Alice & Bella explain there elaborate world domination plot to Edward while Emmett explains his reasoning behind the paint balling idea---

A/N - Ha I'm mean… that was my real fake evil plot…

-Lanna


	23. Chapter 23 Cooties!

A/N - Thank you for all the reviews (and thanks to those of you that read the other story for me and told me what you think, especially Dr. Cullen -smiles-) You're all legends :o)

Anyway, this chapter is kinda silly… but don't you agree life was so much simpler when boys still had cooties:oP

I've realised that I don't add Jasper and Rosalie to the story nearly enough, so I'm gonna try add more of them. And I make Edward seem like sort of a wet blanket in the chapters too… somehow he always ends up being "The sensible one", I'll try and fix that too :o)

P.s. Its meant to snow here tomorrow! YAY! I plan to hunt down the weather reporter people and hit them with a wet fish if they were wrong... -loves snow- :o)

-Lanna

****

Notes

Edward- bold, _Bella - italic, _Alice - regular, _Rosalie - underlined italic_

---Alice, Rose, Bella and Edward in the Cullen living room---

__

You guys are still writing these things?

Mhmm… they're an awesome way to waste time :o)

And they're highly addictive -bounces-

And surprisingly fun…

OMG!

What?

LOI! Eddie just admitted that the notes are fun! If I wasn't already dead I would have died of shock just then…

Awwh Eddie likes the wonderful art of passing notes. It makes me love him even more!

Okay, okay… I like the notes can we drop it now?

But teasing you about it is oh so fun, seeing as you made such a fuss about how pointless they are.

Haha… Batman makes an interesting point, but seeing as he has seen the error of his note-passing-pessimistic ways, we can change the subject.

-pouts- fine

Sooo…

Hmm…

Well…

I can't think of a new topic of conversation! Darn it!

__

I've thought of something to talk about.

Why do I get the feeling I'm not gonna like where this is headed…

__

Because you wont :o) I was gonna ask Bella if you were really her first boyfriend?

LOI! You made her blush… Bella the red face vampire, had a very blushful face, and I am sure you'd see it, even in outer space! -sings to Rudolph the red nose reindeer tune-

Batman!

Aww come on you know you love the fact you now have your own theme song… infact as my asfaawbffe I think you have to make me a theme song too…

Pfft, fine I shall theme-song you later.

YAY!

__

Bella… you didn't answer my question?

So about that theme song Alice-

Don't dodge the question Bumble Bee!

Bumble Bee?

__

Yeah I like that nickname for her…

Fair enough… I also agree she should answer the question.

Pfft FINE!… Yes Edward really was my first boyfriends. He was the first boy I liked like that. He was the first boy I ever kissed. The first boy I ever loved and as far as I am concerned he will be the last. :o)

Aww!

__

That is kinda cute.

Bella… I am the exact same with you I lov-

__

Okay, enough with the gooshy stuff, I had a point to asking that question…

And what point might that be?

__

It leads to my next question… which is why? How come you didn't like any other guys?

I dunno… seriously, I think all boys still had cooties until I met Edward :o)

Umm… cooties?

Yeah… you know, like, umm… boy disease?

Haha… boy disease?

Yeah you know Rose… like when you see little boys and girls and they wont go near each other and at the mention of kissing they will say "eww" and scrunch up their faces like you just suggested they eat brussel sprouts?

__

Ah okay… I know what you mean now, but seriously Bella… cooties?

Yuhuh… infact, I still maintain that all boys have cooties, Edward is the only exception to that rule!

I feel so honoured that the thought of kissing me doesn't make you say "eww"

Mhmm :o)

Pigeon…

Batman…

I bet we could cure cooties!

OOH! Yes! We soo could! 'cuz we're brilliant like that!

What in the world are you two going on about?

I think this is turning into another one of their "pretend plots"

__

Umm… okay then… -sits and watches-

Okay! The cure for cooties is effective in 5 easy steps!

Step 1: You must paint yourself from head to elbow in black sparkly paint!

Ooh I like it! Step 2: Once you are all sparkly and shiz you must remove your shoes and proceed to step three!

Step 3: You must then proceed to bathe with 6 eccentric cacti and one Russian mountain goat…

__

I wanna make a step… okay, Step 4: Once you have successfully bathed for at least 66minutes you must then shake it like a salt shaker (the word "it" is open to interpretation…)

Step 5: When all the other steps are completed, then and only then should you dye your hair one of the colours of the rainbow… although pink and blue shall work best.

When all 5 steps are completed you shall be cootie-free and can "go get some" anytime you wish… :o)

__

You would also have rather eye catching hair…

True… S'lucky Eddie doesn't have cooties, I kinda like his hair the way it is. And I think I'd be jealous of the Russian mountain goat he had to bathe with…

That is seriously warped to the max.

Yuhuh… but that's the beauty of it Eddie:o)

Yeah it wouldn't be nearly as fun if it wasn't strange..

So tell me, what do girls have to do to cure their cooties? Do they have to paint them selves and bathe with cacti and mountain goats?

Of course we don't silly :o)

Then what do you do?

Well the answer to that one is rather obvious Edward..

Then state the obvious for me? -still doesn't get it-

__

For a girl to cure her cooties… she simply has to grow boobs… or get a padded bra, either works…

Haha… so if we didn't have boobs we'd still be cootie-infested?

Yup:o)

Ooh-kay…

I think if we take this conversation any further it will go passed appropriate again…

I concur.

Hmm…

What're you thinking Pigeon… you have that "I'm plotting something fun" look on your face…

S'cause I'm plotting something fun:o)

We're listening… or reading?

Computer game war! Battle of the genders!

You want the boys to compete against the girls at a computer game?

Yuhuh! The cootie talk inspired me!

I am so in… as long as the girls (meaning me) get to choose the first game.

This is stupid…

Afraid that the big bad girls are gonna beat you Eddie and destroy your manly pride?

Oh it is so on! I'll go get Emmett and Jaz now…

---Edward runs out of the room and upstairs---

So what game do you wanna play Rose?

Dead Rising…

HAHA! Genius!… Emmett is afraid of the zombies and his fear affects Jaspers game! We are so gonna win this!

Emmett is scared of zombies?

Yeah… but don't go getting any ideas, remember your punishment for the wizard of oz prank?

Sheesh! I wasn't gonna do anything -adjusts halo- although I do find it funny the things Emmett is afraid of…

He really is just a big teddy bear :o)

__

Yeah, I love that about him :o)

---The three boys enter the room giving girls looks that say "you are so going down" but when they find out the girls choice of game their eyes widen (especially Emmetts), cue girls evil laughter… ---

A/N - This chapter was a bit too long, oh well… for those of you that don't know, Dead Rising is a game where everyone is turning into zombies and you are in a shopping centre (or mall if you're american) and you have to fight the zombies (using anything from shopping carts to chainsaws) and you can help survivors that haven't been turned into zombies yet and lead them to safety… its fun killing the zombies:o)

P.s. My cure for cooties doesn't work, but feel free to try it out, film it and show me the video so I can laugh like an idiot -joking-

-Lanna


	24. Chapter 24 Toys 'r' us!

A/N - Once again, thanks for the reviews… I have almost 300 which is making me smile like whoa:o) -happy dance- I've already added a few chapters today but I want to add another for two reasons, one because I wanted a chapter with Jasper in it and two I'm annoyed and wanna calm down, I was babysitting my niece today and she has discovered the wonderful art of blowing raspberries and she keeps doing it while I'm feeding her so today I ended up with purified cauliflower cheese being sprayed in my eye -pouts-…

Also I'd like to say that although a whole bunch of people agree that the other notes story was copying mine, the author of it says that she isn't, so I'll accept that but at least now it will be obvious if she does copy me, if any more chapters are added that are suspiciously similar to mine… anyway -punches fist in the air- on with zee chapter:o)

-Lanna

****

Notes

Alice - regular, _Bella - italic, **Jasper - bold italic**_

---Alice and Bella decide to go bug Jasper, who is reading in his and Alice's room---

Jazzy, Jazzy, Jazzzzzy -jazz hands-

Hey Bella.

Well that wasn't a very warm welcome Jazzy…

I know… he didn't even do Jazz hands. :o(

You expect me to great you… with jazz hands?

Well no, although they would be greatly appreciated… but you could at least smile?

I only smile on special occasions, such as Alice's birthday… and when there is a sale on at toys 'r' us…

LOI! I can just picture you in toys r us… bouncing up and down on the spot Alice-style begging to be taken to the isle with the toy train sets and then stomping your foot like a two year old when Alice and Esme say simultaneously "In a minute!" and then you start whining saying "But I wanna go nowwwwwwwwww!" and then they give you a stern look that will shut you up and you turn to Carlisle with pleading eyes, to which he responds with a roll of his own eyes… then you and Emmett will sneak away to find the toys of your choice and somehow end up having a toy sword fight resulting in a whole lot of shelves falling over and Carlisle and Esme being called to the security desk type bit to collect their mischievous children… whoa, I got a bit carried away with my description didn't I:o)

ALICE! You TOLD her about that?! Or was it Edward! I bet it was… oh he is so dead… well dead-er!

Jazz.. No one told her anything, seriously… well I s'ppose YOU kinda just did tell her :o/

****

Aww crap!

Wait… so you're telling me that the whole toys r us scene I made up as a joke ACTUALLY happened?

Maybe…

HAHAHAHAHAH! OH-MY-GOD!… You and Emmett caused chaos and destruction in toys r us and got told off by the security people?

LOI! Bella it was hysterical! Carlisle had to pay for the damage, and they're banned from that store for life… we tried to go back one time and the security guard looked murderous! Esme took away Emmetts computer games and Jazz's books for 2 months after that one…

HA! This is just TOO priceless… I wish I could've been there!

Yeah yeah… I got banned from toys r us, done laughing yet?

Not quite… I still have to tease Emmett mercilessly…

Fair enough… although can you not mention it around me :o(

Why?

Because he's still sad that he doesn't get to go… it used to be his birthday tradition.

Okay… but just one question please?

Fine!

I was just wondering how accurate my little made-up scene was? How did you end up getting banned?

Well Emmett, being the idiot that he is decided to come with me in my search for decent toys, and along the way we came across some star wars toys…

Ha… I see where this is going -waits for you to continue-

Anyway, I kept walking… but Emmett didn't follow and then all of a sudden he jumps out in front of me as I reached the end of the isle, and he was holding a light saber and he shouted "I challenge you to dual!" tossed a light saber for me to catch and then started whacking me with his… and we got a bit carried away, cue chaos and destruction…

HAHA! So who won?

Won what?

The dual obviously?

I did -puffs out chest proudly- :o)

Yeah… the whole chaos and destruction thing was when he "won" somehow making Emmett crash into some of the shelves and seeing how huge he is they of course toppled over…

****

It really was quite a magnificent sight…

I wish I could've seen it :o(

Oh but you can!

What?! How?! -gets hopes up-

We stole the security video… some of their dual exceeded human abilities if you get me…

OOH! I wanna see it!

LOI Jazzy… Emmett is gunna kill you, again… he told you to burn that tape.

****

Well this is my revenge on him for getting me banned from toys 'r' us!

Hey it took two of you to "dual"…

****

Yeah but he started it… and I couldn't decline his challenge or he'd taunt me with that fact for like 100 years…

Okay… so am I getting to see this tape or not?

Sure why not…

****

Ha! Emmett is gonna be pissed enough to want a rematch

---Jasper runs to get the tape and then meets Bella and Alice in the living room to watch it, all three of them are laughing hysterically as Emmett crashes into the shelves on tv just as Emmett himself walks into the room, and when he see's what they're watching he dives at Jasper and then chases him around the house demanding a rematch---

A/N - Ha well, I don't like this chapter much… my friend commented one of my myspace pictures and told me to smile, to which I responded "I only smile on special occasions like my birthday or when there is a sale on at toys 'r' us" :o) I can just picture Jasper and Emmett getting all excited in a toy store though, cant you?

-Lanna


	25. Chapter 25 MIRATES!

_A/N - Next time I am bored I am going to do a few more chapters (which will probably be soon) cause I found some of my old school stuff from and they have quite a lot of note things from me and my friends that will inspire chapters -happy dance- some of the quotes from our strange conversations I put on my deviantart page GO LOOK:o) http://a-lanna.deviantartDOTcom/art/Quotes-62499673 you'll probably recognise some of the stuff from other chapters I've written :o) my friends are awesome._

_**I have a challenge for you all**... well not really a challenge, I just want to see if I can make any given topic funny (so its more of a challenge for me and a request/game/contest type thing for you). If I like the topic I'll try and make it funny and turn it into a chapter... this is mainly because these note things are soo easy to write, I want to see if I could write about something specific and different to the usual weird junk that pops into my head (if that makes sense) anyway, if you think this is a good idea, review & tell me what you'd like a chapter on? And I'll see if I can do it...?_

_-Lanna_

**Notes.**

Edward - bold, _Bella - Italic_, Alice - Regular, Emmett - Underlined, **_Jasper - bold italic_**

---Edward, Alice, Bella, Jasper & Emmett are in the Cullen's living room watching Pirates Of The Caribbean while passing notes---

So Jess sent me a post card from her holiday in Italy...

What'd she say?

That she met this Italian guy, and he's all rich and his dad seems all posh-gangster-like...

Oooh! I bet he's in the mafia!

I wanna be in the mafia...

Me too...

We could be like "The Forks Mafia"?

Oh hell yeah!

The Forks Mafia?

Mhmm:o)

What will you two come up with next…

Solar powered killing sheep?

I think that was a rhetorical question Bella…

Oh, okay… back to our mafia-ness…

We'd need like a more Italian mafia type last name?

****

Yeah Swan, Cullen and Hale don't exactly scream out "crime lords" or anything along those lines.

OOH! what about Mozzarella!

I LOVE it!

Ha... your mafia name is a type of cheese?

Yuhuh! Cheese is wonderful...

---Edward gives Bella a weird look and they pay attention to the movie for a few minutes---

Gentlemen, I wash my hands of this weirdness!

****

Ha! Jack Sparrow is a legend!

I wanna be a PIRATE!

Me too!

I thought you wanted to be in the mafia?

We can do both...

Yeah we can multi-task like gods!

****

How do you know how well gods can multi task?

I have no idea, but with all their godliness I'm sure they'd be good at it

Any who... so we're pirates in the mafia?

Mhmm... OMG! We are the MIRATES!

Mafia Pirates Mirates! Woo! YAY! -happy dance-

Can I be in the mirates...

Nope Emmie, you can be in the Pafia.

The Pafia?

Yeah its pretty much the same, the pafia is the mirates... except its more camp ;oP

HEY! I am not CAMP!

****

Sure you're not..

Nu-uh!

Yuhuh! You like pink, you're scared of munchkins, you listen to the spice girls-

Fine I see your point! But I still resent the whole pafia thing!

We need Mirate names!

What happened to the whole mozzarella thing?

Well that just can't apply now... the pirate-ness cancels out the cheese!

-raises eyebrows- I'm not even gonna ask about that last comment...

Okay, so I think Alice should be the captain!

YAY! What's my name? (you are sooo my co-captain)

You... are -drum roll- Cap'n Jem-Sparkly!

I LOVELOVELOVE EET! and you my wonderfully awesome co-cap'n shall be known as... Feisty Tidgit!

Ha awesome! and Eddie is the look-out type person that lives in the crows nest and his name shall be Eddie McLeft-ear!

Why Eddie McLeft-ear?

Honestly I have no idea... I just liked that -shrugs-

OOH! And Jazzy is Bookmark-Jazz! (ya know, like Bootstrap Bill?) and he gets to be the person that steers the ship type thing!

****

Hmm… I approve :o)

Okay, so what's my name and what do I do?

You Emmett... are First Mate Barbie!

Hey! Barbie?! What the hell? That's unfair...

Life is unfair Emmie-pants... its not all rainbows and butterflies you know, although it does have its moments -winks at Eddie-

;oP

Pfft fine... but at least I'm the First Mate right?

Umm no... that just made the name sound better, you're not first mate.

What am I then?

The poop-deck cleaner person! I'm not entirely sure what that is but it sounds funny!

HAHA!

WHAT?!

****

What the Cap'n says, goes First Mate Barbie...

Grr, shut up Jazz! -sulks-

So what is our ship called anyhow?

The Rusty Diamond!

---Emmett sulks upstairs to complain to Rose (_Rose -italic underlined)_---

__

So Emmett told me about the whole Mirate thing...

He is still gonna be First Mate Barbie no matter what you say! -pouts-

__

Oh I know -grins evilly- I was just wondering what MY Mirate name is?

Hmm... You, shall be known as Don-Rosey Demilo... and you'll be in charge of the canons!

__

I can live with that, it does sound very mafia-ish but pirate at the same time, and I get to blow stuff up? WOO!

Cap'n...

Argh?

I feel a song coming on...

OOH! YAY!... I mean... ARRRGH shiver me timbers and such like! -tries to talk pirate-

Weeeeeeeeeee are the MIRATES who don't do anything.

We just stay home and lie around.

__

and if you ask us to do anything.

****

we'll just tell you, we don't do anything...

Umm Bella...

Yuhuh?

How opposed would you be to making Mike Newton walk the plank? -smirks-

Haha... and you all say I'm the evil one :o) and to answer your question Eddie... I'd be completely fine with that...

Could we make one of the werewolves walk the plank too... preferably that Paul one?

Oh so you've stopped sulking now Emmie?

Well yeah...

How come?

Cause I realised I'd get a sword AND a gun if I was in the Mirates... or, umm the Pafia -glares at last part-

And here was me thinking light sabers were more your thing...

****

HAHA!

LOI!

HEY! I thought we agreed not to mention that again?

Nope... you demanded like a child, I never agreed.

GRR! Jasper you are soo dead... again.

I dunno... as I recall he kicked your ass into a whole bunch of shelves during your last "dual"

Hmph!

__

Oh Emmett don't sulk... you get a sword and a gun remember?

-sulks still-

__

And seeing as I'd be in charge of the cannons on our pretend Mirate ship I'd let you blow Paul up?

Oh hell yeah:o)

-rolls eyes-

So Bella, Alice... where does the mafia part come into this whole thing?

Well, on land we are the Forks Mafia, feared by many, respected by all!

And at sea... we are the worlds most kick ass pirates ever to sail the seven seas! Argh!

****

So we're vampire pirates who also happen to be in the mafia? interesting

Yeah don't forget the fact that we're also super heroes too... (sometimes villains attempting world domination)

Oh and you can't leave out the fact that Alice and I are also dinosaurs...

I'm officially confused...

****

You were born confused.

Yeah well! Now its all.. official like!

They lost me at "feared by many, respected by all"...

__

Boys... -rolls eyes-

---They finally pay full attention to the movie and sit in silence for a while---

A/N - Haha well, this chapter was kinda long... I wanna explain it a bit though (the whole Jess being on holiday in Italy thing was just my way of bringing up the mafia topic)

Anyway, so my friend Jade met this guy over the summer he was Italian (but Scottish) and me and my friends used to sit in study first thing on Monday mornings and Jade would tell us all about him and somehow we all ended up convinced he was in the mafia (Haha Batman convinced us! We had many fun conversations about that, we thought it was awesome) and Batman and I decided we wanted to be in the mafia and then we got talking about going to see the pirates of the Caribbean movie, which led to the whole "I wanna be a pirate thing"... and that's how the whole "Mirate" and "Pafia" thing started. (It was so funny, I actually drew the rusty diamond, all of our friends had mirate names and I drew pictures of us all as mirates, Batman reworded the Relient K - Pirates who don't do anything song, but I cant remember the words, we have a whole Mirate folder, but Batman has it still -pouts-)

So anyway, sorry for the long a/n (I get carried away with this topic), this chapter is dedicated to the ORIGINAL MIRATES:

Sarah - Cap'n Jem-Sparkly

Alanna (a.k.a me -rolls eyes) - Lanny McShinyShoes

Luke - First Mate Barbie (He is gay, and he came up with his own name... he is camp so that's where the whole Pafia thing came from)

Jenna - Feisty Tidgit

Siobhan - Don Shivy Demilo

(I forgot everyone else's mirate names, but there was like 12 of us, haha)

We all dressed as mirates on the last day of school :o)

-Lanna


	26. Chapter 26 GTA

A/N - I just wanna say thanks for all the reviews, and some of your ideas for my challenge-type-thing are really good, I'm going to try doing more than one of them and if they're good enough, I'll post the chapters… but before that, here's some of my usual warped imagination for you -scrunches up nose- umm, anyway… (this chapter will be a bit weird so I'll explain it in the a/n at the bottom as usual)

P.s. The whole challenge thing still applies, so if you want me to put something in a chapter, tell me in the review and I'll see if I can do it…

-Lanna

****

Notes

Edward - Bold, _Bella - italic, _Alice- regular, Emmett - underlined

---Edward gets back from hunting, finding Bella, Alice and Emmett laughing in the living room---

Eddie! I missed you!

I missed you too :o)

What… didn't you miss me Eddie-boy?

Not particularly…

Ha! Emmie isn't loved!

You are aware he didn't say he missed you either Alice?

Oh… -realisation- :o(

I did miss Alice… ever so slightly. But I missed Bella the most.

YAY!

Double YAY!

So what did you do today then? -cautious look- Do I even want to know?

I lost my innocence! -SHOCKHORROR-

LOI! How much?

About… hmm… this much -holds hands about a foot apart-

Whoa! That's like half your innocence!

I know! -sniffles-

Okay… I'm thoroughly confused, and worried… Bella, lost her innocence?

LOI! Yeah… Emmett made her play Grand Theft Auto!

Now now… I did not MAKE her… she was a willing participant.

Okay, true…

Emmett you're a bad influence on Bella.

I am still here you know!

If anything she is a bad influence on ME!… seriously you should've seen her play!

Yuhuh… she ran over an old lady with a bus.

She was in my way!

Bella you were driving on the sidewalk!

Well its hard to control a bus while trying to out-drive the police, the army and the fbi…

And why were the police, fbi and the army after you?

I'd rather not say…

Bell-ah!

Fine… I punched a police officer, stole his car… then proceed to run over another 5 police officers and a few pedestrians with said car… the car then blew up so I beat up a bus driver when he stopped at traffic lights and stole his bus… no big deal. :o)

Oh shi… talking goats! She's gone all bad-ass…

Sheesh, its just a game Eddie. Besides… I need practice for our "Forks Mafia" days don't I :o)

Emmett, I'm going to kill you…

Hmm… -looks at Bella-… -smirks evilly-

---Edward is yelling at an amused Emmett, while Alice is staring at Bella with an "I'm plotting something to do with you" type look, and Bella runs out of the room when all 3 are distracted---

A/N - Haha okay, short chapter… this chapter was originally in two parts (the second part is with Bella and Jasper) but I decided to post them separately, the next one will be up in a few minutes…

So anyway this chapter started out cause my friend Sarah had to write a story for English on lost innocence (that's where the whole lost innocence convo came in) we discussed it in study… and GTA is soo fun, when I played it earlier I thought how fun would it be if Emmett got Bella to play it and she went all gansta, and Edward would get all annoyed…

You'll find out why Alice is looking at Bella like that in the next chapter in a few minutes (its nothing major, it was just a way to have a Bella and Jasper only notes without Alice)

-Lanna


	27. Chapter 27 Jaspers spoon

A/N - So here is the next part of the last chapter (ha, this was a myspace conversation between me and my friend Carl, edited slightly to fit)…

-Lanna

****

Notes

Jasper - bold italic, Bella -italic 

---Bella tries to hide from Alice in Carlisle's study, where she finds Jasper reading & listening to music---

Hello Jazzy-pants :o)

Hey Bella… where is Alice, Edward and Emmett…

Edward and Emmett are arguing over Emmett corrupting my youthful innocence -shrugs-

Oookay… I don't think I want to know, but where is Alice…

Well she was laughing at those two, then she got that look in here eyes so I ran away…

What look -raises eyebrow-?

Oh you know… the "I wanna play dress up Bella look"…

Ah I see, so you thought you'd come and force these notes on me?

Well yes, and you know you love the notes! -pouts- Plus Alice wont think to look in here first… unless she has a vision, which I don't think she did seeing as I'm not being tortured with eyelash curlers yet…

Well the last parts true… most people know not to bug me while I'm reading -pretend glares-

Hey, I just needed a place to hide :o)

You can't hide from Alice forever you know…

I know… but I can try, and I think I'll be safe in here for at least a few more minutes. The music will drown out my heartbeat right? (and for the record your taste in music is offensive to all five senses)

Yes. And how can music be offensive to all five senses? Hearing, sure, sight… maybe… but the others?

I dunno really :o)

Hmm… okay then?

---Bella notices something sticking out of Jaspers pocket---

Can I ask you a question?

I think you just did…

-glares-

Fine… shoot?

Why on earth is there a spoon in your pocket? -raises eyebrow-

Its not JUST a spoon! it's a kick ass spoon of doom-ness!

Haha oo-kay… does the kick ass spoon of doom-ness have a name?

No… 'tis just "Spoon" sometimes "Spoon the dirty" or "Spoon the wise" and on occasion its known as "Spoon of spoons"

Hahahah! Spoon the dirty?

Yes… One spoon to rule them all!

Okay, so if that spoon rules all other spoons… then who rules the spoon that rules them all? Is it a spork?

I hold the spoon that rules all spoons … -suspicious look-… that's all I'll say.

Why not a spork? Sporks are awesome…

The spork is an oddity of nature, a freak, a twisted version of all we hold dear in that which we call cutlery!

Pfft! The spork owns you! -mean look-

The spork is for one handed people. It is a cheap monstrosity of temptation!

Whatever you say spoon boy! -sticks out tongue-

Catch you later spork lover… you sicken me! Hmph!

Catch me later? Huh, why?

---Jasper raises his eyebrow with an amused look as Alice calls out Bella's name in a sing-song type teasing voice---

Damn it! You could've warned me sooner!

-_Shrugs- You insulted my spoon…_

Pfft! I hope you & your spoon have a very unfortunate encounter with some forks and knives!

You're joking right? That's just an orgy waiting to happen… :oP

Hmph! I'm sooo going to… to… -thinks-… MAKE EMMETT VIOLATE YOUR SHADOW!

My… shadow?

Well yeah… it'd be kinda gross for him to violate any other part of you…

And its not gross to violate my shadow?

Well it is slightly, but it will be a funny sight to see don't 'cha think?

Hmm… I s'ppose, now you better go face your doom.

Where is my enemy?

-gasp- She lurks in the unknown!

No seriously… where is Alice?

Right outside the door…

Darn!

----Alice bursts through the door giggling happily armed with a brush and hairspray, Bella gulps audibly, Jasper laughs and Bella is dragged off to Alice's bathroom---

_A/N - Haha, well I know that Jasper was very OOC (but to be fair, nearly all the characters in my notes are) I gave him most of Carls side of the conversation… I was the defended of sporks (which for the record are a fricken awesome invention… everything about them, right down to the name is just sooo WOW -easily amused-) _

-Lanna


	28. Chapter 28 Ghost Hunters!

A/N - Okay, this is my first attempt at one of my challenge chapter type things with topics suggested by reviewers…

So this chapter is for **icanreadyourmind**, who suggested making a chapter on the TV show Ghost Hunters… but before I start the chapter I'd like to point out that I have never actually seen the show, all I know about it is what she wrote in the review and what I read on imdb… so I'm gonna kinda wing it? (I will watch the show at some point, and I'll see if I can improve the chapter after that… but for now this is all I've got)

Haha I hope it doesn't suck too bad… I dunno if it'll even be remotely funny -crosses fingers- here goes…

-Lanna

****

Notes

Edward - bold, _Bella - italic, _Alice - regular, Emmett -underlined, _Rosalie -underlined/italic, _**Jasper -bold/italic**

---All of the Cullens in the Cullen living room (although Carlisle & Esme won't be in the notes)---

Pigeon!

Batman!

We're gonna have a sleepover!

Al-ice! -groans- :o(

Wait... but its note just ANY sleepover... it shall be a sleepover of DOOM!

Huh?! I don't like the sound of that... Explain please?

Alice was watching TV last night and came across some show-

EXCUSE ME! But Ghost Hunters is NOT just "some show" ED-WAR-DUH! -glares-

Yeah yeah whatever... so now she's roped us all into doing her own version of Ghost Hunters tonight.

Oookay... should I be worried?

Well they will only be pretend ghosts... but you should watch out for all the vampires ;oP

Oh ha ha... Very funny Rose :o(

It'll be fun Bumble-Bee…

So are you in?

Do I have a choice?

Nope! But as my asfaawbffe, I really think you should come willingly -pouts-

Fine fine fine! What's the plan...

We're going to put ALL the lights out in the house, and close the shutters and shiz...

****

Then she wants us boys to pretend to be ghosts...

Huh?

You know, making freaky noises in a silly attempt to scare you girls…

But that's not fair... Alice, Esme and Rose can see in the dark! I cant! I WILL be scared...

Ha but that's the fun of it...how do you think Alice convinced Emmett to play...

Pfft -glares at spoon boy-

Spoon boy?

I'll explain later Eddie :o)

Anyway, back to the plan… so basically we try to scare the crap out of you girls -cough- or just the human one -cough-

Mean mean mean mean mean vampires -pouts-... can I at least bring a flashlight and a sledgehammer?

Umm sure, but why a sledgehammer? The only threat is the vampires in the house and a sledgehammer wont do much to us ya know?

I know but it'll make me feel safer somehow... s'a human thing. -shrugs-

YAY! This is gonna be sooo much fun... Emmett do you have the video cameras ready?

Yeah :o)

For the record, Bella plus darkness equals an accident waiting to happen!

Don't worry I'll protect you Bella…

And THAT is how we convinced Eddie to play -smirks-

Sooo... this is sort of like acting out an episode of Ghost Hunters?

Yup! -bounces-

Well can I at least watch an episode so I know what I'm getting myself into?

Sure… I taped it:o)

---Alice puts on an episode of Ghost Hunters and all the Cullen's either watch it, or watch Bella… sometime later…---

Hahaha! This is fricken AWESOME Alice!

I told you so :o)

Umm... Bella?

It's you, you stupid cat. Your nose whistles!

Bella...

Grant is a legend of funniness!

Nu-uh Bella... Brian all the way! I mean come on "Is there anybody that would like to play with us tonight?...-realises what he said-… That sounded all kinds of wrong"

When in doubt get the hell out:o)

BELLA!

Yes Eddie?

Finally...

Well what is it...

You took so long answering that I forgot.

Ookay then... ALICE! Lets watch it AGAIN!

YAY!

Alice...

Yeah?

You have created a monster...

LOI! I know...

----Bella is staring at the TV----

__

Its like she's in a trance…

Yeah... Her emotions are making me feel funny…

I have the urge to prod her...

Don't even think about it Emmett!

Jeez, I didn't say I was gonna do it... just that I had the urge too

I'mma go get her clothes and junk for tonight, and get Esme to call Charlie to say Bella is staying.

----Alice returns some time later with a bag of Bella's over night stuff and a flash light (and there is a lumpy shape in Bella's bag that looks suspiciously like a sledgehammer)----

Whoa... she's STILL watching it?

Yeah and her fascination with it is contagious, look at Jazz

__

They haven't moved an inch since you left…

Haha yeah... every so often Bella mumbles something about "Alice is right" and "Brian is a god"

She's obsessed...

YAY!

That's a good thing?

Well yeah... cause now we can both be overly obsessed idiots TOGETHER, no wonder she's my asfaawbffe

-looks at Bella again- Alice... I blame you.

I accept responsibility... but I'm not sorry MWAHAHA!

__

She is beyond obsessed... Emmett reached for the remote to turn the tape off

Ha yeah... and she actually GROWLED at me!

Bella growled?

Yeah -glares at Alice-

Hmm... I bet I can get her to snap out of it...

How?

Watch and learn…

----Alice yells out "OMG! Brian is outside Bella" making Bella jump from the couch, and trip only to be caught by Edward, while Emmett turns off the TV, causing Jasper to glare at him and Bella to pout like there's no tomorrow----

I was watching that!

Bella you watched it like 4 times...

Your point being?

You're obsessed

Uhuh...and?

That's it... no more Ghost Hunter!

What?! NOOOOOOOO! That's just plain nasty!

BellaBellaBellaPIGEON!

Alice... my fiancé is being a ho-bag!

A... ho-bag?

Umm... yeah, it was the first thing that popped into my head -shrugs-

Oookay...

But Bella... its nigh time now... that means we get to PLAY Ghost hunter! Not just watch it!

Wooohoo!

----Rose turns the lights out, Jasper makes the shutters go down and the house is in darkness... Alice puts on Bella's flash light and hands it to Bella, who looks around the room to see its only her, Alice, Rose and Esme left in the room with no boys in sight, when there is a creaking noise upstairs followed by an eerie silence----

Alice

Bella?

Suddenly I'm afraid again...

---Alice and Rose giggle, while Bella clings to Esme as the boys make more scary noises---

A/N - Oookay, so how'd I do? I would have added more about the whole "sleepover of doom"/Ghost Hunter thing… but seeing as I've never seen it before that's the best I could come up with? -bites lip- Good? Bad? Absolutely terrible?

I'll try and get round to doing the other reviewers suggestions sometime soon… (although there are a few I don't think I'd be able to do)

-Lanna


	29. Chapter 29 Flu

A/N - Okay, I know a few people wanted me to continue the notes thing during the Ghost Hunter game that they're playing BUT I'm not gonna do that right now for two reasons… the first is that I've never seen Ghost Hunters so I wouldn't really know what kinda stuff they'd be doing (the other chapter, I just tried my best without ever having seen it) and secondly, I don't think they'd be passing notes in the dark (because Bella wouldn't have her flashlight on all the time)…

(Please read this part): I don't want to make these into anything more than notes, maybe once I've finished the other stories I'm working on I'll make another story to accompany this one… like explaining the pranks and stuff they get up to in non-note-form (kinda like my story Wonderfully Weird). 

So question for you all… **would you like me to do that at some point? **(it would have like chapters on the Wizard of Oz prank on Emmett, and the toaster incident etc…) Yes or No? (if enough people want it I will do it, I just don't know when) 

-Lanna

****

Notes

Emmett - underlined, _Rosalie - italic&underlined, Bella-italic, _Alice - regular 

(two days after the Ghost Hunter- Sleepover of doom…)

---Bella goes to sit with Alice, Rose and Emmett while Edward has a shower (lets pretend he was just wrestling with Jasper and got muddy? -author drools at mental image-) Bella looks really sick---

Bella's got salmonella ella ella ay ay -sings to Rihanna tune-

Shut up Emmett! I do not have salmonella -pouts-

Then what's up?

I feel like I'm dying :o(

I think we established that by the way you look like you've been hit by a big truck…

Way to make me feel good about myself -grumbles-

-Slaps Emmett up side the head- I think what Mr Sensitivity was trying to say was, what are your symptoms?

I thought Jasper was Mr Sensitivity?

She was using a little thing called sarcasm Captain Doofus, now stay off the page till Pigeon answers…

My eyes are stinging. My ears feel all achy. My throat hurts. My nose is all icky.

My voice is dead. AND! My head feels like I have a bunch of midgets inside

my skull using my brain as a trampoline…

Hmmm… vwell -Freud type accent- I vink vee have a case of midget-in-the-brain-itis!

-slaps Emmett on the back of the head- The boys a fool…

I am not a fool… I was just trying to lighten up the mood a little -pouts-

-slaps Emmett upside the head…again!- You are a fool!

Okay, why does everyone keep hitting me? -ducks just in case-

Because you're a fool maybe?

Bella… I don't like you when you're ill. -pouts-

Well its not exactly a bundle of funness for me either…

I think its just the flu Bella, Carlisle can have a look at you when he gets home…

Eugh :o( okay…

OOH! Maybe she's not ill! Maybe she's just hung-over… and don't hit me again!

I don't drink Emmett!

Idiot -rolls eyes-

Sheesh I was just trying to come up with an alternative to the whole "flu" thing…

I might change my name to Hung-over -ponders-

Really? -raises eyebrow-

Nope, I'm just trying to distract myself from my flu-ness with pointless junk…

Oooh! I LOVE pointless junk! -plays along- Why would you change your name to hung-over?

'Cuz it'd be a funny name…

Yeah hung-over would've been a wicked name to have…

Yuhuh… when she meets people she could say "Hi I'm Hung-over and I'm a little hung over" after a night out…

Yuhuh and people would be all like "Why'd you tell us that twice? you sure you're not still drunk"

OOH! And then you'd be all "NOO! I mean I AM Hung-over"

Then everyone would be all like "YEAH WE KNOW! you just told us, maybe you should stop drinking"

And then she'd get really mad and be all like "NO YOU DUMB ASSES! I MEAN!...MY...NAME...IS...HUNGOVER!!!"

Loi yeah and then everyone would be like "Oooh, nice name" and there'd be an awkward silence for a while…

Which someone will then break by asking some silly question about the weather...

__

Nice... sooo feel any better Bumble Bee?

Not particularly, although that was a fun distraction :o)

Want me to make you some chicken soup? sick people usually eat that right?

Umm... no thanks Emmett, I probably would end up with salmonella ella ella... well you get the point…

Hey my cooking isn't that bad!

I'm sure its lovely -cough, rolls eyes- but just feel all bleh-ish...

S'okay, you can get high on flu medicine soon cuz Carlisle is home in 3.. 2.. 1...

---Carlisle walks through the door right on cue and Bella sneezes right in Emmett's face causing him to jump up screaming like a girl "Eww eww eww Bella germs" making everyone laugh and he then runs out of the room saying "Why me? Why?" just as Edward walks downstairs asking what he missed…---

A/N - Ookay, so this is a silly chapter. I don't like it much but I'm ill so.. Bleh whatever. This chapter was for my friend Luke, who had salmonella (ella ella ay ay -sings… or tries-)

Lanna + the flu - not so fun chapters… sorry.

-Lanna


	30. Chapter 30 Bella gets high!

A/N - Okay once again thanks for all the reviews, I tripped mid-happy-dance when I saw I had over 400, my target is 500 :o) (but I will keep writing even when I get that amount, I'll just set a new target)

Right, all of your suggestions are brilliant, I love them all and I'll try and do most of them. If I don't use your idea its not because I don't like it, it's because I'm not a good enough writer to make it into a chapter -pouts-

This chapter, I was going to do something different but seeing as this suggestion has to be done right after the previous chapter I'll try doing it now…

So this chapter is for **Golden Fantasies**, who suggested doing a chapter with Bella high on flu medicine… (just so you all know, this may seem unrealistic but seriously, this is how I act when I'm high… my friends take the piss out of me for it, ha) 

-Lanna

****

Notes

Edward - bold, Alice - regular, _Bella -italic_

---Bella, Alice & Edward. The Cullen dining room.---

Umm. Bella.

Yuuuuuus?

Why are we under the dining table?

We're hiding from Captain Doofus because he's been infected by my sneeze of doom and all that jazz…

You have a sneeze of doom?

And all that jazz -nods-

Ookay then… why do we have to hide from him?

Bee-cuz Eddie… my sneeze of doom and all that jazz has turned him temporarily "EEVIL" and now he's trying to kill me with his nuclear teapot, DUH!

It's a conspiracy!

I know! Whatever shall we do Batman!?

I dunno Pigeon… but I'd suggest violence against the Doofus-one?

NOOO! I can't go out there! -eyes widen-

Why not?

Because what if I get infected by the sneeze of doom and all that jazz!?

Bella… you are the one that sneezes, so you can't technically hide from yourself?

Darn it Wonder boy! Once again you're right!

What do we do now Pigeon?

Hmm… we need a plan… and I think it should include a clothes peg for my nose…

A PINK clothes peg!

Yeah 'Cuz-… OMG! My Pigeon senses are tingling!

Huh?

---Emmett slides under the table grinning like an idiot and Bella screams before running away out of the dining room to find a new hiding spot leaving behind 2 very confused boys and an amused Alice (Emmett-underlined)---

HA! What's with Bella?

She thinks you're trying to kill her with a nuclear teapot…

HAHAHAH! Seriously?

Yuhuh, she said you've gone all EEVIL cause she infected you with her sneeze of doom…

And all that jazz -rolls eyes-

Yeah can't forget that part…

Ha AWESOME! The extra medicine is taking effect!

What extra medicine?!

CRAP! … umm… nothing… -averts eyes-

Alice stop laughing! Emmett… answer the question!

Umm, I'm gonna see if I can find Bella…

---Emmett runs out of the room at vampire speed, closely followed by an angry Edward and a giggling Alice… elsewhere in Rosalie's closet… (_Rosalie -underlined&italic)_---

__

Oh jeez… who are you hiding from?

Emmett the EEVIL!… how'd you know I was hiding? WHAT DO YOU KNOW! AHH! You're trying to kill me too aren't you?! OH GOD! I'm too young to die! AAAAAAH!

Haha… drama queen much? I know you're hiding because the only reason I ever find someone in my closet besides from myself or Alice is when they're hiding… beyond that I have no idea what you're talking about, what's wrong with you anyway, you're being crazier than normal?

What? Nothing's wrong with me, why would anything be wrong, I didn't steal any medicine get off my back woman AHH!

HAHA! OMG… You are so high!

I am not!

OOOH You so are!… and "Emmett the EEVIL" approaches, just so you know…

What?! Now?! NOOOO! I will NOT let him kill me with the teapot! SEE YA ROSEY!

---Bella snatches the paper from Rose before she gets a chance to reply and runs from the room in search for a new hiding place, a few minutes later Alice, Emmett and Edward come into Rose's closet and start passing a new note (Alice insisted)---

Have you seen Bella?

__

Haha, yeah… she is so high! How much flu medicine did Carlisle give her?

Oh Carlisle gave her the normal amount, but Emmett on the other hand -accusing look-

__

Emmett what did you do?

Nooothing -adjusts halo-

The whole "-adjusts halo-" thing only works with Bella…

Darn it!

Tell me!

Fine fine keep your hair on OW don't hit me!… well after Carlisle gave Bella the medicine and Edward went to get Bella's clothes for staying the night Bella was moaning that the medicine wasn't doing anything sooo…

Sooo?

He gave her ANOTHER dose of flu medication…

__

Emmett… once again you are a fool!

Aww come on… admit it Rose, it is a little funny… you've spoken to Bella right?

-glares-

So where did my asfaawbffe run off to this time anyway?

__

I dunno, she ran off saying she won't let Emmett kill her with the teapot and then went thata way -points-

-Groans- We better find her fast… sober Bella is clumsy enough, I don't even wanna think about what trouble she'll find while high…

__

I'm coming to help look too… she is really quite amusing when she's high…

Told ya OW! Jeezus Edward that hurt! What is it with people hitting me today…

-ignores- I think I know where she'll be anyway… we should sneak up on her so she wont try to run again…

Eugh fine… lead the way Alice…

---Edward, Rose and Emmett follow Alice out of Rose's closet… meanwhile Jasper walks into his room only to realise there is a heartbeat under his bed… (**_Jasper -bold italic)_**---

We meet again Spoon-boy! -glares-

Indeed we do Spork-lover! -also glares- So why are you under my bed anyway?

I'm hiding :o)

Yes I think I figured that part out… but hiding from what?

EEEVIL! Its after me… and its gunna kill me… and then make me eat socks!

Oooh-kay then… its going to kill you first THEN make you eat socks?

Uh-huh!

That sounds wrong on so many levels…

Jazzy…

Bella?

Can you do something for me?

Depends on what it is?

Go get me my sledgehammer, my torch, a pink peg and tell Batman to meet me in the Bat cave?

Well I would… but there is no need really…

And why is that?

Because I'm HERE! YAY!

AHHH! Is the spawn of Satan with you?

You mean me Bella? -winks-

AHHHHH! I don't wanna die!

He's not going to kill you Bella…

OH no! He's turned you EEVIL too Eddie… ahhh! This is so gonna complicate the whole marriage thing!

No no no Pigeon… I cured Emmett's "eevil-ness"… he's just plain old Doofus now…

Hmm -looks suspicious- How'd you do it?

Umm… I made him kiss a Russian speaking French duck… yes, that's what I did…

And did this duck speak FLUENT Russian?

Uhuh?

Oh… well that's okay then, so you're not "eevil", none of you are?

Nope, we're all good… now will you please come out from under the bed?

Fine fine fine… By the way Jasper… why do you have a box of spoons under the bed?

Umm… no reason…

---Bella comes out from under the bed while everyone is giving Jasper strange looks… 10 minutes later everyone is in the Cullen living room laughing at Bella (well, everyone except Carlisle and Esme)---

This is AWESOME why didn't I drug Bella sooner…

EMMETT -growls-

Jeez, chill Eddie! Admit it, it's funny… and her high-hyper-ness is making Jasper act drunk too…

LOI! What are you laughing at Bella?

My hands!

What about them?

HAHA! They're sooo small look at them -waves in front of Edwards face-

Yes, you have very cute hands…

Why thank you, so do you Eddie-pants!

I wish flu medicine had an effect on me… it looks fun -pouts-

I think its funnier watching these two -points at Bella & Jazz-

Haha… JAZZYJAZZYJAZZY!

BELLYBELLYBELLY!?

What 'cha laughing at?

2 Hobos fighting over cheese! You?

LL&L&L&L&L&L&L&L&L&L…. I'm laughing at SMURFS!

LL&L&L&L&etc…?

That means laughing lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and-

Okay I get the picture…

-ring ring ring ring-

Huh?

-picks up pretend phone- Hello, you've reached planned parenthood Jazzy speaking how may I help you?

-sniffs-… I think… I think I have an STD!

What the hell?

Shh Eddie, just watch -giggles-

****

-gasps- OMG! You have a SUPER TRANSLYVANIAN DWARF!?

Yuhuh and its so damn cute!

I want one!

You can have one… if you find it first!

And where will I find one?

At the end of a rainbow DUH!… -light bulb- OMG! JAZZY! BATMAN! Lets go chasing rainbows! FUNFUNFUN!

YAY!

Did Jazz seriously just say "yay"?

__

Mhmm… this is fun, can we drug Bella everyday?

Hell no!

__

Sheesh I was kidding Edward… sort of… a little bit… okay I was serious, spoil my fun why don't you…

I think its time we separate the three of them…

Three?

Yeah… Bella, Jasper and Emmett… Bella is making Jasper drunk and those two are making Emmett laugh too much, which for the record sounds like a broken fog horn…

Ha yeah.. You have a point there… but they're soo funny, five more minutes please?

Fine but after that Bella is getting some sleep…

Party pooper :o(

Yeah Eddie… Bella can't go to sleep, I'm having too much fun…

OMG! JAZZY!

OMG! BELLY!?

Make them drunk too! YOU'VE GOT THE POOWWWWWWWURRR! -sings-

Now why didn't I think of that before…-evil smirk-

MWAHAHA!

Woohoo!

This should be fun…

Aww crap…

RUN!

---Alice runs from the room, while Edward picks up Bella and runs upstairs (which causes Jasper to sober up) Rosalie and Emmett pout and moan at Edward for spoiling their fun---

A/N - Okay, so really long chapter, and kinda weird and pointless… yes I act like that when I'm high/drunk -hangs head- Its fun though…

Seriously, this one time I spent about 20 drunken minutes giggling at how small my hands were… and then my friend pointed out that we have boobs which of course set off a whole new round of giggles

P.s. There was a few conversations I was going to make into chapters but they didn't quite work so I put them on my profile if you wanna read them :o)

P.p.s. The clinic type thing where you go when you might be pregnant or have another "problem" is called planned parenthood isn't it? -bites lip- I can't remember… its called something different here in Scotland so if I was wrong, you know what I mean anyway…

-Lanna


	31. Chapter 31 BOBBLE HATS!

A/N - Haha I got all annoyed at the fact Kristen Stewart has been cast in the Twilight movie as Bella so I ranted on my profile about it -giggles- umm anyway… this'll be a short chapter, I just wanted to add another one before going to sleep (it's only 2am, I'm going to bed early for a change) :o)

I have 3 more of my own topics planned out and I've chosen like 7 of the reviewers topic suggestions to try (key word there is TRY, they may suck so I might not post them) I'll try and write as many of them as I can this week, I have nothing better to do seriously.

P.s. Who wants to help me beat up the weather reporter people with wet fish? It never did snow… -pouts-

-Lanna

****

Notes

Edward - Bold, Alice - Regular, _Bella - italic, _Emmett - underlined

---Alice & Bella walk into the living room wearing knitted hats with bobbles on top---

What in the world are you two wearing?

S'my hang-over hat…

Hang-over hat?

Well yeah… my head was all achy and I felt kinda bleh seeing as SOMEONE -glares at Emmett- got be drunk/high last night and these kinda hats just make you feel all warm and fuzzy, thusly curing my hang-over:o)

Oooh-kaaay, whatever you say, but that still doesn't explain why Alice is wearing one?

You didn't think I'd let Pigeon have all the fun did you? I wanted to feel all warm and fuzzy too!

Mhmm… we're the "Hat Pack"…

-happy dance-

Haha… you both look ridiculous! -smirks-

Hush up Emmie! Bobble hats are the height of cool!

Yeah they're adora-bubble!

Like Eddie:o)

I'm… adora-bubble? -raises eyebrow-

Yush…you make my heart go pitter patter and the butterflies in my stomach go "wee!" :o)

Thanks I guess… if I had a beating heart you'd make mine go, umm "pitter patter" too…

Well I still maintain you both look stupid…

You're just jealous cause you're not cool!

I am cool!

Are not!

I am!

Are not!

I so am!

Eugh again with the verbal ping-pong… -rolls eyes-

Ha… verbal ping-pong?

Ch'yeah -glares at Emmett-

Well you started it, and for the record I couldn't be more cool if I wore my cap backwards!

I did not start it!

Did too!

Did not!

Did too!

Did no- ARGH! You bring out my inner brat!

Awesome:o)

Emmett brings out everyone's inner brat…

Hey!

S'true… and the reason newborn babies cry is cause they know they've just entered a world with Emmett in it…

Ha!

Oh shut up… childish-hat-type-person! -pouts-

Hey so what if our hats are childish! We make them cool!

Yeah! And I have every intention of remaining in my childish for as long as society lets me! -pouts-

Me too! High five Pigeon! -holds up hand-

:o) -High fives Batman-

In the spirit of being childish I say we wear light-up shoes and draw on the walls with crayons!

I don't think Esme would be too thrilled about the last part…

We'll blame Emmett and it will work … -smirks-

Hey! If I'm getting blamed for drawing on the walls with crayons then I WILL draw on the walls with crayons!

Fine with me…

OOH! And ALICE! When we're done we can make daisy chains and balls out of rubber bands!

I love making balls out of rubber bands!

YAY!

Shall we go change into our asfaawbffe t-shirts and light-up shoes?

Yuhuh… and Eddie…

Yeah?

When we get back be prepared for childishly-dressed misadventure and generally silly behaviour :o)

Umm… okay?

---Alice and Bella run upstairs giggling like 5 year olds, while Edward looks confused and Emmett "smouts" at the thought of being blamed for drawing on the walls (smouting because he tries to pout at being blamed but cant fight the smile at the idea of drawing with crayons)---

A/N - Once again I don't like this chapter much but hey I'll post it anyway just for the fun of it (I put a picture of the hats link on the very bottom of my profile)

P.s. Bobble hats are the shiz, I put my nieces on earlier and was like "Yeah I'm cool" :o)

-Lanna


	32. Chapter 32 Pokemon!

A/N - I just had a fun msn convo about my fear of bagpipes, sooo yeah that somehow made me hyper enough to want to write a chapter (don't worry it wont be about bagpipes -giggles-)

This one time I got all hyper and started making all my friends into pokemon and I made pokemon cards for them on the computer (ha mine is still on my myspace, so is some of their ones actually…) hmm anyway, on to the chapter…

-Lanna

****

Notes

Edward -bold, Alice - regular, _Bella - italic, _Emmett -underlined, **_Jasper -italic bold, _**Rose -underlined&italic

---Edward, Bella, Alice, Jasper, Emmett & Rose all sitting at the Cullen dining table (lets pretend its all stormy outside so the power is out and they're playing board games and passing notes and junk to kill time, because vampires playing board games would make me laugh)---

__

Alice, Bella… are you two nearly done singing the pokemon theme song yet?

Yeah you've been singing it for over half an hour… and the excitement radiating off of you both is making me feel uneasy… I don't wanna get "drunk" again….

You know you loved your drunkenness Jazzy pants, don't lie:o)

****

Fine fine, it was fun… but it was embarrassing, I mean come on, I actually said "YAY" at the idea of chasing rainbows -shudders-

Haha OMG… Bella is HEADBANGING to the pokemon song! This is just too funny, where'd you put the video camera Emmett?

I kinda sorta broke it…

You WHAT!?

It was an accident? -cautious look- you're not gonna hit me again are you?

Oh no… yesterday was "Hit Emmett day"… you're safe today…

Good… WAIT… There is a "Hit Emmett day"?!

Moooving on….

POKEBITCH! GOTTA SLAP 'EM ALL! -dances-

Umm… Bella -raises eyebrow-

Pfft… its BELLAKAZAM! Eddichu!

Eddichu? What the hell?

We're playing pokemon DUH! Aren't we Alipuff:o)

Uhuh! And EVERYONE is playing…

__

Ookay then…

But come on… Eddichu? That's not a very masculine name?

Deal with it -smirks-

Yeah Eddichu… if Jasper has to have a name like Jazzilypuff then you can't complain.

****

JAZZILYPUFF?! Oh hell no! That's not fair!

Deal with it -smirks- ;oP

Alipuff…

Bellakazam?

What are my moves? -pouts-

OOH! I know… your defence type move is "Human minute", you excuse yourself from the battle and flee! FLEE LIKE THE WIND!

Haha… I like it… and my attack type move?

I've got one for you Bella… its called "Klutz", basically you trip and fall on your ass causing your opponent to have an uncontrollable fit of laughter giving you time to take off your shoe to whack them with it repeatedly!

Hey! I resent the whole Klutz thing!

But its uber-effective!

OH fine!

What are my moves Bellakazam?

Ah, the Alipuff is a very elusive and cunning pokemon… her psychic abilities allow her to avoid all pokemon attacks and the fact she can shoot coconuts out of her ears makes her pretty much invincible! -grins-

Oooh! YAY! I can shoot coconuts from my ears -happy dance-

****

Ha! And her weakness is a sale at Gucci!

Can't argue with that…

So what does… Eddichu -growls- do?

Eddichu is a psychic type pokemon. He can read his opponents mind obviously, so he knows what move they're gonne use before they use it. He can also throw kippers at his opponents. He always wins.

Why can I throw kippers?

Just cause… -shrugs-

Ah but he doesn't ALWAYS win… cunning and rare as the Eddichu may be he is no match for… -drum roll-…

Who?

-rolls eyes- BELLAKAZAM!

Ooh yeah, I'm his weakness -happy dance- :o)

Haha yeah, you just have to trip or cry and he'll come running to your aid…

Mhmm him and his hero complex…

HEY! I do NOT have a hero complex!

Sure ya do Eddie…

Okay, so we've got Eddichu, Bellakazam, Alipuff and Jazzilypuff… what are Emmett and I?

You Rose… are -pause for dramatic effect- ROSEYOTTO!

I can live with that, what are my moves?

Umm… "Hair flip" pretty self explanatory really, and it causes opponent to be stunned temporarily giving you time to run or attack…

Okay… what do I attack with?

Razor blades disguised as hair clips:o)

__

Interesting…

What about me?!

Ahhh… the Emmiefree is a bug-type pokemon that can be found in the forest in Forks.

And his power?

Ehhh…. Well he can, umm… PUKE ACID!

Oh hell yeah! -imagines-

That's disgusting…

But oh so brilliant MWAHAHA!

Only Emmett would find that brilliant -rolls eyes-

Oh you're just jealous cause you know Emmiefree would kick Eddichu's ass!

You think so do you?

I KNOW so!

Care to test that theory?

__

Boys -rolls eyes-

Haha… you two are aware that this was just a game right? You aren't actually pokemon…

Stay out of this Bellakazam or I'll puke acid on you! Mwahaha!

Don't you threaten her! -rolls up sleeves-

**_And there is Eddie's hero complex -smirks- who said chivalry is dead..._**

Oh and Emmett's gone all "eevil" again...

Yeah, where'd you put that Russian speaking French duck -giggles-

Will you two stop trying to stare each other down -glares at Emmett and Edward-

No!

Absolutely not!

Jazzy…

Bella?

Calm them please?

Hell no this is funny…

Jasper! -pouts & doe eyed bambi look-

****

Oh fine…

Thank you :o)

Looks like Jazzilypuff has a weakness too ;oP

You bet he does :o)

---Jasper calms Edward and Emmett down who were having a full-blown staring/glaring contest that was getting so intense they started growling at each other---

A/N - Wow that was a sucky chapter :o) haha, but s'cause I was trying to multi task while writing it so it doesn't flow very well… -was making a new myspace layout at the same time- but I'll post it anyway…

I gave Bella my pokemon name -is Lannykazam!- :o)

-Lanna


	33. Chapter 33 Jury Duty! growls

_A/N - GRR! I have to do jury duty! Once again… GRR! So seeing as I have to do jury duty, I think its only fair that Bella does too -smirks- mwahahahaha. So here is my msn conversation/moan/random conversation about having to do jury duty. -growls again- :o(_

_I'm sure there was something else I had to say/ask but I can't remember it right now because I'm tired, grr! (I seem to be grr-ing a lot in this authors note huh?) anyway, on with the chapter…_

_-Lanna_

Notes

**Edward - bold**, Alice - regular, _Bella - italic_

---Bella drives over to the Cullen house and finds Alice and Edward in the living room & Bella does not look happy…---

_GRRR!_

**What's wrong Bella?**

_GRRRRRRRRR!_

LOI! -knows all-

**Bella are you going to tell me?**

_I repeat… GRRRRRRRRRRR!_

**Fine, have it your way… Alice, what's wrong with her?**

Now now Eddie-pants, what is the magic word?

**You cannot be serious Alice, just tell me?**

-files nails-… …. …. ….

**Eugh! Fine… please oh wise one tell me what you know? -rolls eyes-**

Now that's more like it -smirks- Bella… … …-drum roll-… … … HAS TO DO JURY DUTY!

**That's all? -raises eyebrow-**

_What do you mean "that's all?" I have to endure the torture that is jury duty and all you have to say is "that's all?" pfft…_

**Aww come on its not THAT bad Bella. Aren't you being a tad dramatic?**

_GRRRRR! X 1000thousandmillionbilliontrillion etc.. etc… etc.._

-clears throat- That… in Bella-terms, means no Eddie.

**Yes Alice I think I got that!**

I was just trying to help…

_Batman… :o(_

Pigeon?

_Help :o(_

Okay, how 'bout we send Emmett in your place?

_I'm listening?_

Well all we'd have to do is dress him up all Bella-like, have him make lovey-eyes at Edward and trip over random objects… no one will know the difference…

_Ah hah! You are a GENIUS Alice!… BUT! I think we should send Jasper instead!_

**Why Jasper? -plays along with ridiculous plan-**

_Beeecuz Eddie! Jasper can use his Jedi mind trick type thing when people get all suspicious-like!_

You know I think that just might work!

_So Alice… how opposed is your husband to cross-dressing? -smirks-_

Well there was this one time… well I wont get into that now but I bet we could make him do it!

**OR! You know we could always have Carlisle write a doctors note saying she's too ill to attend?**

Way to spoil the fun Eddie… -pouts-

_REALLY? Please tell me you're serious Eddie? PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE!_

**Yeah I was serious… I want you to be happy and if that means ditching jury duty then so be it…**

_Have I told you recently how much I love you?_

**Yes I do believe you have :o)**

_Well I'll say it again… I -points to self- Isabella Marie Swan… fricken love you like whoa!_

Nicely put Pigeon…

_Yes I'm a gushy romantic ;oP_

**Bella why are you laughing?**

_Oh just picturing Emmett dressed as me doing jury duty…_

**Haha… I do admit that would be funny, he has the attention span of a flea…**

_Yuhuh he'd probably spend the whole time drawing on his little notebook thing…_

Yeah and then when they are discussing in the little jury room type thing they'd ask him if he has any thoughts on the case and he'd be all like "Well no but I did draw a banana man wearing a top hat and monocle"

_Haha yeah and then when they go back into court and the judge asks if they have reached a verdict he'd look up and say "Huh sorry, I didn't catch that could you repeat the question"…_

Mhmm and then everyone would give him funny-glare-type looks and he'd be all like "What? What'd I say?" and then he'd end up getting all Emmett-like and arguing with the other jurors and the judge…

_Uhuh! And then the judge would be all like "Be quiet young man or I'll hold you in contempt!"_

Haha yeah and he'd get all pissed and want to get the last word so he'd shout "I hold myself in contempt!" and then the judge would get all pissed and order the security type people to lock him up… and then he'd cower in the jury box mumbling "Oh crap"

_And then all the people in the court room would cheer as he is removed and then go all serious again and the lead juror type person would shout "we the jury find the defendant guilty"…_

I think we're getting a bit carried away with this idea…

**Umm yeah… maybe we should go find Carlisle to ask him about that doctors note?**

**Bella are you coming?**

Bella?

**Bella?**

Bella?

---Bella is staring off into space with a dorky-evil-grin on her face while Edward tries to get her attention, when all of a sudden she bursts into a fit of the giggles having just replayed the mental image of Emmett on jury duty in her head---

_A/N - Ha silly chapter, and I have no idea how accurate my events of things that happen while on jury duty are seeing as this is the first time I'll have to do jury duty so I don't know how it works yet… anyway, pity me :o(_

_-Lanna_


	34. Chapter 34 Spork Vs Spoon

A/N- Haha, ookay, so I have no idea why I've given Jasper an obsession with spoons, but hey its fun so -shrugs- anyway this chapter is just really to allow me to write 2 other chapters I have planned out (like the event in this chapter help cause what's gonna happen in the next few?)

Its 6:40am and I've still not slept yet, so if this chapter sucks I'll blame sleep deprivation… :o)

-Lanna

****

Notes.

Bella - italic, **Jasper - bold italic, Edward - bold, **Alice - regular, _Rosalie - italic/underlined_

---Bella&Edward are at Bella's house when a package is delivered. Bella opens the package annnd… cue note passing stupidness---

WOOHOO! Its here FINALLY!

Is that a… spork?

Yuhuh! Isn't it pretty… I bought it off eBay :o)

Why on earth would you do that?

Bee-cuz Eddie, I need it to defeat Jaspers spoon of doom-ness!

Has Emmett given you anymore flu medicine?

Pfft! I am NOT high Edward!

Just checking

Grr!… anyway. We need to go to your house now.

---Edward runs Bella to the Cullen's house then goes back for the Volvo (they ran cause she wanted to get there really fast). Bella finds Jasper in the living room---

Ooooh Jaaaaaaaaasperr… -smirks-

Yes Bella?

Do you happen to have your spoon on you?

Why? -eyes Bella suspiciously-

Beeeecause… -pulls spork out of pocket- DUN! DUN! DUN!

What is -points to spork- THAT monstrosity?

S'my Spork of awesomely-awesome-ness…

Eugh, whatever! My spoon PWN'S your spork!

I beg to differ…

There is only one way to settle this argument.

Uhuh, and we both know what that is…

I challenge you to a dual! -pulls out Spoon of Doom-ness-

Oh its not just a dual spoon-boy! This, this is WAR! War of the cutlery!

May the best kitchen utensil win!

Oh don't worry Sporky will win!

Sporky -raises eyebrow- Seriously?

Yeah you got a problem with that?! -glares-

Haha… Bella you suck at the whole pre-fight trash talk thing…

As do you, spoon-boy.

Just bring it spork-lover!

---Bella giggles at the fact Jasper said "just bring it" and her humour distracts him, so while he isn't looking she whacks his spoon out of his hand using her spork and it falls to the floor. Jasper looks completely horrified---

HUZZAH! I WIN! My Spork of awesomely-awesome-ness officially PWN's you and your spoon!

Grr!

I winnnnn -victory dance- I win. I win. I w-

---Jasper snatches Bella's spork and snaps it in half, causing Bella to scream and then stomp out of the room angrily to find Alice while muttering under her breath that he is a sore loser. A few minutes later Bella find Alice in her room pouting and then Rosalie storms in looking angry as well---

GRR! Jasper broke my spork!

Yeah well… Emmett stole all my shoes! -pouts-

Why'd he do that?

He was trying to be funny…key word being try. And now he won't give them back!

Okay so I know why we're both angry but what's wrong with Rose?

Edward CRASHED! Into my bmw!

What?! But Edward NEVER crashes… how'd he manage that with all his funky vampire type senses?

Apparantly he was parking the Volvo when he heard you scream so, him being the idiot that he is jumps out of the car WHILE its still moving to run to your aid (-cough- and he says he doesn't have a hero complex -rolls eyes- who is he kidding) anyway, the Volvo rolled right into my bmw!

Pfft! Men!

Hmm…

Your fiancé destroys my baby and all you have to say is hmm?

Oh wait Rose… I know that look! HA! She's plotting something!

Do you two smell that?

Smell what?

REVENGE! MWAHAHAH! -smirks-

YAY! I love my asfaawbffe!

__

What'd you have in mind Bumble Bee?

Well I can't tell you now… but the boys are going hunting tomorrow right?

Yuhuh :o)

Get some pink paint and a blow torch and meet me in the bat cave tomorrow at oh-eight-hundred hours!

---Bella runs out of the rooms giggling evilly and goes to find Edward---__

You know that girl really scares me sometimes.

LOI! I know! S'brilliant isn't it:o)

__

Uhuh, she's a very strange little human being…

---Alice and Rose start blocking their minds from Edward before leaving the room to find everyone else---

A/N - So I don't really like this chapter… but I had to think of something that the boys could do that would make the girls want revenge… so anyway -posts-


	35. Chapter 35 REVENGE!

A/N - Okay, so I don't know if my revenge on the boys will be all that funny, but at least I tried? This is another one of my challenge type chapter things so I hope it doesn't suck too bad… (I got over 500 reviews! -insert stupid happy dance- my new target is umm 650!) :o)

Anyway this chapter is for **pinnapleonpizza** (who wanted a chapter with- Bella & Alice stealing Edward, Emmett or Jaspers cars…)

P.s. My new favourite word is "HUZZAH!" so sorry if I start overly using it -dork-

-Lanna

****

Notes.

Rosalie - underlined&italic, Bella -italic, Alice -regular. 

---Alice, Rosalie & Bella in the bat cave at 0800 hours---

Pink paint?

Check!

Blow torch?

Check! -smirks-

Boys gone hunting for the day and are completely oblivious to our plot for revenge?

Check! Check! WOO! This revenge stuff is FUN:o)

__

Okay so are you gonna clue-us in to your evil plan now Bumble Bee?

Oh-kay if I must :o)

You MUST! -bounces-

Haha calm Alice… caaalm!

Sorry -smiles sheepishly-

Right well I figured that the punishments should fit the crimes, agreed?

Uhuh… I think I like where this is going -smirks-

Well we should start with my revenge on Jasper, simply because that is the easiest…

Okay then, what do you have in store for my husband?

You know that box under his bed? The one with his spoon collection?

OH NO! HA! He is sooo gunna kill you! That is brilliant!

__

You're not going to do what I think you're going to do are you? -glances at blow torch-

UHUH! He snaps my spork, I melt his spoons… fair trade! MWAHAHAHAHAHAH! -grins evilly-

Ha! Emmett is right, you are "EEVIL" I like it! But I think either me or Alice should be the ones to handle the blow torch -eyes accident prone human- :o)

Pfft fine, fine as long as the spoons die:o)

LOI! Okay, but if we're going to do this I wanna dress the part, it'll be more fun. :o)

__

WOOHOO! I'm in!

Grr… if I have to…

YAY!

---Alice, Rosalie and Bella leave and return to the bat cave an hour later dressed in all black spy like outfits (Alice had a vision while they were changing)---

OMG! I feel like a ninja! This is fricken awesome!

A ninja? -raises eyebrows-

Well yeah… we've gone all like "stealth-mode" and junk :o)

__

Hmm… I don't think my boots are bad ass enough…

I never thought that I would ever say this… but, Rose, your outfit doesn't matter in this particular situation -shudders at own words-

__

WHAT?! Alice! Are you insane!? I can't believe you just said that! -shocked&horrified-

LOI! Neither can I BUT! I have a reason… I saw what Bella has planned for Emmett! -bounces-

She's right Rose… trust me you'll be glad you didn't wear anything fancy -smirks-

OH NO! -remembers pink paint-

OH YES! The jeep is going to be pretty in pink!

HAHAHAHA! And I thought the spoon thing was evil… but this, this is pure brilliance… I take my hat off to you!… well, I would if I was wearing a hat:o)

Ooh! YAY! I know vampires can't cry but I swear he'll come pretty damn close when he sees his precious jeep looking all camp and girly! -bounces-

__

Well, it serves him right for stealing all your shoes… he should know better :o)

If we're gonna do this we should have code names!

Umm… why?

What fun is an evil plan without fun code names? -pouts-

Okay okay… You Alice, shall be known as PIXIE-STIX!

OOH! And Rose can be GOLDIE-LOCKS!

__

And Bella already has an awesome code-name! BUMBLE-BEE!

I like it!

Woohoo! Okay so when are we going to put these plans into action?

Soon Alice, very soon…

Yes, she still has to tell me what she has planned for Edward…

Well I was thinking the three of us could take a little road trip?

Sounds fun… but I still don't see how that is revenge on Edward?

LOI! Think about it for a minute Rose… I mean Goldie-Locks! -giggles-

__

I still don't get- OOH! OOH! OMG! That's perfect! HAHA!

I thought you'd like it -grins-

And this way we get to avoid the wrath of the boys at least until we get back!

__

I didn't know you had it in you to come up with something THAT sneaky Bumble Bee… especially when its at Edwards expense! HA!

Well at first I couldn't think of anything for your revenge on him but then last night it suddenly came to me… "what are the most important things to Edward?" …

You, his Volvo and his piano…

Ha yeah, but I thought taking the piano on the road trip would be a little extreme so we can settle for stealing his Volvo…

Haha! He is gonna be soooo pissed at us and mega-worried about you!

I know… he worries too much, I mean I will be with my two-vampire-sisters what's the worst that could happen…

Well knowing you and your danger magnet tendencies-

That was a rhetorical question Pixie-Stix -pouts-

Okay so can we do this now, we only have a few hours before the boys will be back?

Okay operations B.A.S.A.B.A.R.K.A is go!

Umm… Basabarka? -raises eyebrow-

Uh yeah… s'the best I could come up with on the spot…

Well what does it mean?

Boys are stupid, Alice, Bella and Rose kick ass -shrugs-

Ha! Okay… I agree with that…

Right anyway, to the SPOONS!

---Alice, Rosalie and Bella run out of the bat cave giggling evilly. (this next part isn't in note-form just so ya know)---

First they get Jaspers box of spoons and melt them with the blow torch, once they were melted they put the clump of metal that was left over in a box with a bow on top & a card that read "HUZZAH! I win… again! MWAHAHA!" that was signed "BB"…

After that they then went to the garage and painted Emmett's jeep bright pink (with Alice pouring glitter on it before it dried with the comment "Some of those shoes were unique designs!") and put a big white bow on the roof and left another card this one saying "NEVER get between a girl and her shoes" signed "PS, BB, GL"…

When they were done painting the car they changed out of their paint covered clothes and stole the Volvo then set out on their road trip leaving a note on Edwards door saying "You crashed into my baby, so I'm taking Bella and the Volvo HA! If you think Emmett corrupted her youthful innocence you haven't seen anything yet:o)" which was signed "GL"…

---the note passing continues in the car---

Suddenly this doesn't seem like such a great idea -bites lip-

Awwh come on, it's a brilliant idea and the PERFECT revenge!

Yeah but Eddie will me mad, and worried and-

Haha jeez Bumble Bee you are so whipped, we just melted Jaspers most prized possessions and painted my husbands pride and joy a hideous shade of pink and you're worried about a little road trip?

Yeah Pigeon… we could always turn back and paint the Volvo and piano pink instead? -smirks-

No no the road trip is fine! -eyes widen in horror-

LOI! Victory! Sooo Rose… where are we headed anyway?

__

Well… I was thinking Vegas? -grins-

Awwh! Crap! I forgot to call Charlie!

I got Esme to do it before we left, she said we're going with her to visit her long lost aunt type thing for a few days…

Oh… okay then… :o(

Stop worrying so much Bella :o) Edward will call soon and besides we'll only be gone a few days…

I know… its not that

Then what's wrong?

Its just… we went to all that trouble and we're not even gunna get to see the aftermath… imagine Emmett & Jaspers face when they see what we did! HA!

Haha… you truly are an evil little human being.

Mhmm… it's a gift -smirks-

---They continue driving and after a while a very pissed off and worried Edward does call, but the phone is snatched from him by Emmett and Jasper who were not amused by what they found when they got home---

A/N - Okay, so like it? Hate it?… the next chapter will just be back to the usual notes when they get back from their road trip (with just a slight mention of it) I didn't wanna make a chapter of them passing notes in Vegas cause I figured if they were in Vegas they'd be out having fun not sitting passing notes agreed?

Mmkay, anyway I'd also like to point out that I said they'd only be gone a few days, but I have absolutely no idea how long it would take to drive from Forks to Vegas so lets just pretend it only takes a few days right? (and if it take way longer than that pretend they just drove to Seattle and flew to Vegas?)

P.s. I keep mentioning the bat cave in the chapters, I just wanna remind you all that its just a little fort-type thing made out of cardboard boxes and junk that was built and decorated by Alice and Bella (so its still inside the Cullen house)

-Lanna


	36. Chapter 36 VEGAS!

A/N - Argh! Damn you all -smirks- I wasn't going to write a chapter on the Vegas-ness but enough of you asked me to that I caved… so here it is… its not really long or detailed you just get to know a little bit of what happened in Vegas. It will start off in note form but the end part will be a phone conversation (and seeing as I can't be assed writing it in proper story-form it'll be just written kinda like the notes but remember it's a PHONE conversation)…

****

Notes.

Rosalie - italic/underlined, Bella - italic, Alice - regular. 

(Alice, Rose and Bella have been in Vegas for a day, they go out to a casino and then some clubs…)

---Alice, Rose & Bella get back from the club at 2am-ish and are now in the hotel room, Bella is drunk---

Mwahaha notes in VEGAS!

This revenge is highly amusing… the boys should piss us off more often

Ha yeah, but why do the boys have to annoy us for Bella to get drunk?

__

Because she'd never go along with it any other way…

True -looks at Bella- HAHA! I love drunken Bella even more than sober Bella!

__

Me too! I wish alcohol had that effect on me… it looks so fun :o(

MEEEEEEEEEEEOWWWWW!

Meow?

I'm a HELICOPTER!

I don't think they say meow Bella…

Really? Crap… then what am I thinking of…

LOI! A CAT!

You're a CAT?! How could I not know this!

Noooo silly Billy, you were thinking of cats saying meow.

Where is Billy?! How did he get here?! OMG is JAKE with him! OH NO! They're going to ruin our girly road trip type thingy majig!

Oh dear god she's insane…

Why thank you :o)

Ummm… Bella…

The names Swan… James Swan… wait… that's not right, is it? ACK! I'm confuzzledish!

---Alice and Rose laugh at the funny confused expression on Bella's face before Bella starts making a funny blowing type noise---

__

Bella what the hell are you doing?

Is she broken? -raises eyebrow-

I'm trying to whistle DUH!

Why?

'Cuz that girl -points to TV- said "whistle for a hottie"…

That's not whistling…

Pfft… okay I'm TRYING to whistle for a hottie! OOH! That reminds me… I wanna call EDDIE! YAY! Alice! Cell phone me baby!

Haha! Did she seriously just call you baby?

Yup!… should we let her call.

I vote yes! I vote YES!

Ha why not… it'll make the whole revenge thing so much more fun if he gets to hear her drunkenness…

Is that a YUUUUUUUUUS!?

Yes Bumble Bee. That's a yes.

WOOHOO!

----Alice gets out cell phone and calls Edward then hands the phone to Bella _(a/n - this part is the phone conversation NOT NOTE PASSING… okay… anyway)---_

**Edward: Alice! I swear if you don't-**

Bella: -giggles-

Edward: Bella… Bella is that you are you okay?

Bella: Yup! 'tis me you sexy beast!

----Rosalie and Alice are cracking up at that----

Edward: Umm, did you just call me a sexy beast?

Bella: No you did it!

Edward: Bella you're making no sense…

Bella: -giggling uncontrollably- Well… yes umm, no shut up, listen, HA! What was I talking about?

Edward: Bella! Are you DRUNK!?

Bella: Meh-beee!

Edward: Bella love, could you give Alice or Rose the phone please?

Bella: But I don't wanna…

Edward: Bella its really important. Please?

Bella: Why is it important? Oh no! Something is trying to kill me again isn't it!

Edward: No Bel-

Bella: AHH! It's the emo emu isn't it! He wants to kill me to steal my arms! AHHH!

Edward: Emo emu? Bella what in the world are you talking about?

Bella: BUCKETS! Ha!

Edward: Buckets?

Bella: Haha! That's a funny word!

---Bella falls off the bed and there is a loud thud (Alice & Rose start laughing even more, they've been laughing from the start of the conversation)---

Edward: Bella? BELLA? Are you okay?

Bella: Haha-OW!

Edward: What happened?

Bella: The floor hit me! -giggles-

Edward: You mean you fell?

Bella: NOOO! I mean it hit me! it's a conspir-acity!

Edward: You mean conspiracy?

Bella: That's the one! Anyway, I think the floor is in league with the emo emu in its plot to kill me will I be safe nowhere?! DUNDUNDUN!

Edward: Bella could you please please give the phone to Alice or Rose.

Bella: Pfft! FIIINE! But only 'cuz I need to go find a safe place to hide from the floor…

---Bella hands the phone to Rosalie who gets her laughter under control so she can attempt to sound serious (key word being attempt)---

Rose: Yes Edward, you wanted to talk to me?

Edward: Rose you are so dead!

Rose: Hey hey! You brought this on yourself, you broke my baby…

Edward: So you break Bella?!

Rose: Haha! She's not broken Edward. She's just ever so slightly intoxicated…

Edward: Ever so slightly? EVER SO SLIGHTLY?! Rose she thinks that the floor and an emo emu are conspiring to kill her!

Rose: -laughing- Oh don't be so dramatic Edward, we'll be back tomorrow night…

Edward: I swear Rose if so much as one hair on her head is out of place I'll-

Alice: -steals the phone- Haha, she'll be fine Eddie… we're taking good care of her.

---There is a loud crashing noise followed by a scream and Rose and Alice shouting "Oh my god Bella"---

Edward: That does NOT sound like taking good care of her ALICE!

Alice: Jeez she's fine Eddie, chill. -giggling-

Edward: Alice!

Alice: Gotta go Eddie, see ya tomorrow!

Edward: Alice don't you dare hang u-

---Just as Alice hangs up the phone Edward hears Bella giggling in the background saying "Batman the minifridge is in on the plot of my demise too". After laughing at Bella's drunkenness for about another hour Bella crashes out and doesn't wake up till Rose puts her in the shower in the morning (fully clothed, still asleep) She has a major hangover and doesn't remember any of her phone conversation with Edward… or the plot of the evil emo emu---

A/N - Well there you go, a little bit of what happened in Vegas, sorry if its not so good but I wasn't planning on writing a chapter on it, and my mum is in hospital so I'm not in a very hyper-Lanna-type-mood…

Bella's drunkenness was based on actual events -smirks- (I.e. me -adjusts halo-) the whole emo emu thing… came about because I had an emoticon that said "The emo emu says if I had wrists I'd cut myself" and I was all like "I think its plotting to kill me to steal my arms so it can cut"… my sense of humour is warped to the max, agreed:o)

P.s. Oh how I wish I could whistle :o(

-Lanna


	37. Chapter 37 WTF? Its only July!

A/N - Okay, I know it is actually nearly Christmas but in my story its about July-ish… so well, yeah… anyway you'll know why I told you that once you read the chapter :o)

I just totally fell up the stairs, making a big bang-thud-ouch type noise (the ouch part was of course me) haha and I woke up my brother (those of you in a different country, its nearly 4am here) anyway now my leg is all bruised and shiz and I'm no longer on speaking terms with the voice in my head, I'll add the conversation between me and me in the bottom authors note… just for the fun of it. :o)

-Lanna

****

Notes.

Edward - bold, _Bella - italic, _Alice - regular, Emmett - underlined

(this is a few days after the Vegas thing, the boys and girls called a truce so they're no longer mad/revenge seeking)

---Edward and Emmett are in the Cullen living room when Bella and Alice come in, Bella is wearing a Santa hat and Alice is wearing fairy wings and a tiara---

Ooooh, Jingle bells, Emmett smells. Alice shopped all day! Oh what fun-

I do not smell!

Hey! Don't snatch the page mid-song!

Then don't say I smell!

I never specified whether it was a good or a bad smell… you just automatically assumed I meant you stink -smirks-

Oh… umm… well… WHATEVER!

LOI! Emmie is such a dork!

Mhmm!

You guys are the ones wearing Santa hats and fairy wings and yet you call me the dork? What is wrong with that picture…

EX-CUUUSE ME CAPTAIN DOOFUS! But our outfits are the height of cool!

Yeah just cause you're all "bah-humbug" like…

Okay I get Bella's costume, she's Santa but Alice why are you wearing that? That's not Christmassy is it?

It is too! I go on top of the tree silly!

Ha! Fun mental images of Alice on top of a massive Christmas tree with the pointy bit stuck up her as-

Don't even go there! -glares-

You two do realise its only July right?

Yuhuh, what's your point?

That there is still like five months till Christmas?

Yeah but I was feeling all Christmas-ish this morning :o(

Oh okay then… I'll stop questioning your weirdness…

Thank you:o)

Your sanity on the other hand…

I am perfectly sane!… most of the time :oP

Sure you are… -grabs hat-

You stole my hat!!!! -glares- Why?!

So I could do this… -puts hat on Eddie-

Haha, Pigeon… you look semi-outraged until you started laughing!

He looks so cute! Cute as a button!

Buttons are cute? -raises eyebrow-

Yuhuh… cute as ducks…

Ducks are cute?

Yuhuh cute as Edward!

Edward is cu-

This conversation is getting nowhere!

Hmm… Santa makes an excellent point. We should stop now.

Don't call me Santa.

Not even just for today? -pouts-

I'll keep this ridiculous hat on today as long as you don't call me that, deal?

WOOHOO! Now we're like the three "christmasteers"…

Ha! YAY!

I want to join the "christmasteers" :o(

Oh so now you wanna play?

Well… yeah. Can I?

Fine fine but you don't get to be Santa, that's Eddie-role

Oh joy…

Pfft Santa aint so jolly this year…

Well I do have five months to work on that…

For the record you're very cute Santa :o)

Thanks I guess?

BELLA! He could be an ELF!

That's PERFECT!

An ELF?! What?! Hell no! NU-UH!

S'either an elf or Rudolph… your choice.

Does the elf have to wear tights?

Meh-bee…

Kinda…

Sort of…

Okay YES! They do!

RUDOLPH! I pick Rudolph!

Oh fine then -gutted- I wanted to see big bad Emmett in tights :o(

You just couldn't sacrifice your manly ego this once could you :o( -fake tear-

Ah well, we'll just have to settle for antlers and a big red nose Batman…

Woo:o)

Fine but I demand a nose that lights up!

Why?

"Rudolph the red nose reindeer had a very shiny nose and if you ever saw him you would even say it GLOWS"…It just has to glow, otherwise I'm just a reindeer with a cold… I rest my case.

Oh…

Fine your nose shall glow! Happy now?

Ecstatic:o)

Umm… Pigeon

Yus?

Who are you seeing as Eddie stole your role?

I didn't steal it… it was forced upon me!

Whatever… Pigeon?

OOH! I'm Mrs. Claus! OR! OR! Santa's little helper!… and I don't mean the dog from the Simpson's Emmett! -glares-

What? I wasn't gunna say anything… -looks away-

Are you making everyone else dress up when they get home too?

I never really thought that far ahead… but I'll go with YES!

I vote we make Jasper wear the tights…

Ha. I'd pay to see that.

Aww Jazzy would be a kick-ass elf!… Alice? -puppy eyes-

LOI! It shall be done!

---later in the Cullen living room, Alice, Edward, Bella and Emmett are all dressed up… now joined by Jasper dressed as an elf (tights and all) Rosalie dressed as a Christmas tree (of course Emmett tried to make Alice sit on her shoulders but a glare from Rose shut him up) and Carlisle and Esme dressed as Mary and Joseph (cause no one can say no to Alice's doe eyed look and pout combination) and they're all watching The Grinch---

Is it just me or do our spur of the moment idea type plans spiral out of control…

Just a tad…

LOI! Yeah but its so much fun! -bounces-

Hey I have a question…

Should we be worried?

No it's a really good question honest :o(

Okay, shoot?

Why does Santa always say "ho ho ho"?

Umm…

Well…

-looks at Eddie-

Don't look at me I don't know either…

I bet Carlisle will know!

---The doorbell rings just before Alice can ask Carlisle and all of the Cullen's plus Bella look at each other wide-eyed and then all eyes turn to Alice and Bella who say at the same time "Well I'm not answering it!" causing everyone to laugh, ignore the door and go back to watching the movie---

_A/N - Really stupid chapter, but I sing Christmas songs all year round and I just found "All I Want For Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey in my music folder only I had renamed it "WTF its only July"… so I thought I'd make a chapter based on it :o) _

Anyway… conversation between me and me:

-Alanna trips up stairs-

Voice in head -Well done idiot, I applaud your stealthilyness

Lanna - Oh shut up! Is that even a word?

Voice in head - If you don't know then why would I?

Lanna - Good point

Voice in head - Of course it is, I'm the smart one

Lanna - Ch'yeah right

Voice in head - Well I wasn't the one that fell UP the stairs

Lanna - Yes you were! You are me dumb ass

Voice in head - You do realise you just insulted yourself right?

Lanna - No I just insulted both of us!

Voice in head - I thought we already established that we were both you? ACK! I'm confused!

Lanna - How can you be confused if I'm not? Or am I? Grr! Stop talking to me!

Voice in head- I'm not! You're talking to yourself!

Lanna - Yeah yeah whatever

Voice in head - Alanna, you are officially an idiot, and quite possibly insane…

Lanna - How can you say that?!

Voice in head - I didn't… you did…

Lanna - AHHH! Get out of my head! 

-Lanna :o)


	38. Chapter 38 Hodgehegs & Cheerio's

A/N - Okay, I'm hyper because of a fun msn convo (I put part of it in the bottom a/n just for the hell of it) So I thought I'd try another one of my "challenge" type chapters.

Anyway this chapter is for **Lupus.** Who suggested "a chapter about Cheerio's, Emmett's head, bowls for hats (with milk?), hedgehogs and a hair straightener assault. All one chapter or... Multiple?"

I don't think I'm weird enough to add ALL of that into the chapter, but I'll do my best -salutes- the straighteners thing shall be from personal experience ha…anyway to the chapter…

-Lanna

****

Notes.

Edward - Bold, Alice -Regular, _Bella - Italic, _Emmett -underlined

---Edward and Emmett are in the Cullen living room, Alice and Bella walk in giggling---

Electricity smells funny…

How do you know? -suspicious look-

Alice's straighteners tried to kill me -shrugs-

WHAT?!

Well she turned them on and while she was pulling and prodding at my hair blue sparks start coming out of the wire bit and then they started making a snap-crackle-pop type noise and Alice got all heroic and dived to switch them off shouting "noooo" was really quite impressive...

Oookay, Alice. No more dress up Bella its too dangerous.

But I can dress her up when she's a vampire right?!

**Fine... but not until she's not so breakable!**

HEY! thats not fai-

Oooh look at the hodgeheg in the garden! -points out window-

Hodgehegs are evil!

Hodgehegs? what in the world is a hodgeheg?

I think they mean hedgehog?

Oh yeah right... hedgehog... anyway, they're evil

I've always found them kinda cute

Cute?! CUTE?! Emmett they a not cute!

Yeah they're mean and sneaky, oh so very sneaky!

Uhuh just look at the way they come out at night at walk all "stealth-like" across the garden…

I think they work for the government!

Its a conspiracy! They like paint themselves black and become the militaries secret weapon!

Yeah!

So let me get this straight... the militaries secret weapon, is a black hedgehog? -raises eyebrow-

That about sums it up :o)

They're the perfect spies!

People think they're all cute and innocent but the spike-type things are actually... umm PROBES!, yes that's right PROBES! And they use them to send information back to their commanders...

OMG! Pigeon you're right pigeon how could I not have seen this before! -gasp-

We should go catch it before it beams information back to the top secret military head quarters place and we'll all be DOOMED!

Yes! But we should put bowls on our heads so that they can't mind-rape us with their rays of confuzzling-phsychic-ness!

You are a genius Batman! I forgot all about the rays of c-

Is this another one of your strange conversations that you have when you're bored but aren't actually serious about?

Umm... no... okay sort of... kinda... FINE YES! The hedgehogs aren't evil, happy now? you spoiled my fun -pouts dramatically-

I'm sorry, but I was seriously considering having Carlisle sending you to the crazy farm for a while...

You're forgiven...wait... crazy farm?!

I was kidding Bella, I'd never send you away no matter how loopy you get.

I am not loopy!

No comment ;oP

Pfft you're lucky I love you...

Oh I know :o) I love you too...

Batman, I want some cheerio's

Cheerio's? that's those horrible little circle things you drown in milk right?

Yup that's the ones...

Yuck!

They are not yuck! they're wonderful loops of joy, filled with oaty goodness! betcha cant say the same about grizzlies!

Ha. Emmett's favourite food just got owned by cheerio's!

Did not

Did too

Did not

Did too

Did not!

Well you know what...

What?!

YOUR FACE!

Oooh burn...

Ha wow, Emmett really can bring out the brat in everyone, even Edward -giggles-

LOI! Yeah I think we've been misled into thinking strength was his power all these years

When in fact he lures out your inner child and taunts it until you hit the bottom of the pit of immaturity...

Cool :o)

---Alice and Edward go with Bella to get some cheerio's while Emmett sits oblivious to their exit with a dreamy look on his face, contemplating how he could use his "newly discovered power"---

A/N - Haha okay, did I miss anything out? Did it suck? I used to always accidentally say "hodgehegs" instead of hedgehogs and everyone would laugh and I'd be like "what'd I say?" and someone would laugh at my stupidity and point out the fact that I'd said it wrong… I can't remember if the whole "the militaries secret weapon is a black hedgehog" thing was an msn convo or not but I kept getting mental images of cartoon hedgehogs dressed in black with mini toy guns and war paint on their faces :o)

Speaking of msn convo's (haha and I almost posted the whole msn convo instead of the chapter by mistake):

Lanna-[Lovely Grr! Jury duty/3 Luketh is the master of vogue-ness! says:

_Nadia chased me with a dead turtle in the biology cubboard one time_

Jenna says:

_i remeber! and i smelt of onions and garlic_

Lanna-[Lovely Grr! Jury duty/3 Luketh is the master of vogue-ness! says:

_Haha yeah I miss Biology..._

vogue // strike a pose there's nothing to it says:

_i wish i did biology, for all the randomness i missed. like that whole...fish incident!_

vogue // strike a pose there's nothing to it says:

_LANNY!_

Lanna-[Lovely Grr! Jury duty/3 Luketh is the master of vogue-ness! says:

_I was an accident!_

Jenna says:

_FISH KILLER_

Lanna-[Lovely Grr! Jury duty/3 Luketh is the master of vogue-ness! says:

_And Mrs B just had to go add it in the school news paper didn't she..._

Jenna says:

_your not an accident lannie_

Jenna says:

_your a gift_

Lanna-[Lovely Grr! Jury duty/3 Luketh is the master of vogue-ness! says:

_I meant IT was an accident, but thanks_

vogue // strike a pose there's nothing to it says:

_im still laughing and i wasnt even there_

Haha sorry, just had the urge to add that to the authors note, we were talking about the fact I accidentally killed the little fish we caught on the biology trip, ha -idiot- and my teacher put it in the school news paper cause everyone thought it was hilarious -adjusts halo- I'm not stupid… I just have no common sense :o) anyway, enough rambling…

-Lanna


	39. Chapter 39 Charlie & the evil bunny

A/N - Hahaha… I was going through my old emails and I found this one I sent my friend Sarah and I was telling her about how my mum woke me up because there was a rabbit in our garden (she's scared of rabbits) and she was trying to get me to catch it but I could barely stand from laughing at her so hard… well anyway, in the emails me and Sarah started letting our imaginations run wild -sigh- so I'm gonna make the whole rabbit story into a chapter… It'll pretty much be the exact events that happened only altered to fit the characters :o)

-Lanna

****

Notes.

Edward - bold, _Bella - italic, _Alice - regular 

---Alice, Edward and Bella in Bella's kitchen. Bella keeps having fits of giggles and Alice having had a vision of the thing she was laughing at joins in… cue note-passing madness---

Oh how I wish Emmett hadn't broken that video camera…

Why? And why do you and Alice keep laughing like lunatics on crack?

Haha… I wanted the video camera to film the awesome events that occurred this morning, which is also why Alice and I are laughing…

Care to explain?

OOOH! HA! OMG! Let me help explain Pigeon? Please? -pouts- I saw it all and it was soooooo sdf!

Sdf?

Super Duper Funny -nods- and of course Alice :o)

Okay… you start…

Haha okay so I'm sleeping happily dreaming of Eddie here when I hear this high pitched girly scream then Charlie starts shrieking my name…

LMAAHO! Yeah! So Bella runs/stumbles down the stairs fully alert probably expecting to find another deranged vampire intent on killing her, oh don't growl Edward or we won't tell you!… -silence-… okay now what she didn't expect to find was… DUNDUNDUN!…

Charlie hiding behind the door! Haha. He was trying to get to his cruiser but there was a rabbit in the front garden…

It was so cute it was tiny and black and white and floofy:o)

Haha yeah! And every time Charlie opened the door to try and get outside it would hop over and try and get in the house… he wanted me to catch it but I couldn't stand because I was laughing so hard…

He was sooo terrified! And every time Bella stood up to go catch the bunny she would look at Charlie cowering behind the door and screaming like a girl then she would end up on the floor laughing again! And well what happened next was just plain hysterical….

Well what happened next? The suspense is killing me… figuratively speaking…

Haha well Charlie realising that I was in no fit-state to capture the rabbit decided to pluck up the courage to make a run for his cruiser…

Hahahhahaha! YEAH! And THEN! Just as he starts fumbling with his keys to get the car door open the bunny hops over to him…

So he starts running round the car and the rabbit was following him…

And then he started screaming "Bella! Bella! Help its chasing me!"

Yeah and by this point I was in agony with tears running down my face from laughing so hard and the whole time I'm laughing Charlie is running around the garden screaming for me to help him…

It was quite possibly the funniest thing I've ever seen in my existence…

Ha. Charlie is afraid of a little bunny rabbit?

Yus -giggling-

Somehow I just can't picture it…

Haha… Alice… can you show him the vision.

Absolutely, I have that memory stored for me to use for future amusement…

---Alice plays her vision to Edward, and by the end of it he is having fits of laughter so hard that he actually FALLS off his chair causing Bella and Alice to laugh even harder (who had been laughing through the whole explanation)---

Hahaha. Oh God… I can't believe Charlie Swan… the police chief of Forks is afraid of rabbits… and that one he was running from was so puny! Ha!

Haha. Yeah I know. He kept that little phobia of his well hidden… he can never mock my fear of spiders again…

So what happened anyway… the vision ends with you still cracking up on the floor and Charlie running around the garden…

Hahaha…. Oh it was so funny, he jumped up onto the hood of his car and sat there till the rabbit hopped into the forest. And then he got off of the hood of the car and straightened out his jacket and said "Well... I'm glad thats over" blushing worse than me and got into the car and drove off...

Oh god. That is priceless…. Its worse than Emmett's fear of the Wizard of Oz…

Oooh Bella maybe it wasn't just an ordinary rabbit! Maybe it was a killer rabbit!

Oooh! -plays along- I never thought to check! Maybe that's why Charlie was scared…

I don't think I like killer rabbits… it may have had a sword hidden under its tail…

That'd be uncomfortable -shudders-

Or a gun up its nose!

Or a bomb in its feet!

Umm… -raises eyebrow-

Sorry, we're getting carried away again aren't we:o)

Just a bit…

GOOD! -smirks- Mwahaha! Back to the evil bunny theories:oP

Woohoo!

-groans-

I think it may actually have been a ninja in disguise you have no idea how good they are at being in disguise. I swear last year there was a ninja duck living in my closet!

OMG! Really?! Did it have a name:o)

No… YES! No!… Umm, yes. It was called -thinks- JIM-BOB-McHEINZ!… actually no, it didn't have a name however-

Can you please stop with the incoherent ramblings now?

Ookay then :o( -pouts-

Way to spoil the fun Edward :o(

Hey… I only wanted you to stop so we could go tell Emmett, Jazz and Rose about Charlie and thumper…

Haha awesome! TO THE VOLVO!

Wait… you named the bunny?

Yes I did… sue me. -shrugs-

Awwh Eddie loves the bunny:o)

I do not!

Sure ya don't Eddie… -smirks- now as Bella said before… TO THE VOLVO.

---Edward picks Bella up and all three of them are in the Volvo in a matter of seconds, still randomly laughing at Charlie's expense---

A/N - Hahahaha! It was so fun reliving that memory:o) sorry if its not so funny… but trust me it was fricken hilarious when it actually happened (I was literally on the floor laughing in tears from the pain of laughing so hard)… the only part of the bunny story that was made up was the whole sitting on the roof of the car waiting for the rabbit to go away part (my mum just ran back into the house after being chased around the car and plant pots in the garden, I thought it'd be funny to have Charlie cowering on top of his police cruiser)… anyway and you can blame my best friend Sarah for the last part of the convo… she got us started on the evil bunny talk and us, being the weird-idiots that we are get carried away…

-Lanna


	40. Chapter 40 Spice Closet

A/N - **PLEASE READ: **Okay so I can't decide what to do with my other stories, so I've written a bunch of idea/question type things for you and put them on my profile… could you all please read them and PM me to tell me what you think I should do? (and I wanna know if anyone would want to do what it says in the last two questions (you'd have to read and see what I mean -evil laugh) -pouts- it'll only take a few minutes, please :o)

Anyway, this chapter is for **MoonRainShadow** who wanted a chapter where "Edward must seek help from batman and pigeon to get revenge on Emmet for smashing his piano in some sort of light-sabre related incident"

P.s. My revenge on Emmett isn't so brilliant, but hey, I'm not in an evil-revenge-plotting mood… :o)

-Lanna

****

Notes.

Edward -bold, _Bella - italic, _Alice - regular. 

---Alice and Bella walk into the Cullen house to find Edward sulking over what looks like the remains of his piano---

What happened to your piano?

Emmett happened to my piano. -growls-

What the hell?

Lets just say he got his rematch with Jasper

Hahaha you don't mean...?

Yes, light saber dual again

Will that boy never learn

So how'd he end up smashing into the piano?

Well from what I saw in Jaspers mind he was attempting some ninja-Jedi-kung fu flip sort of thing and miscalculated the distance and landed right on the piano reducing it to rubble

_Eddie.._

Yes?

Would you like the help of Batman and Pigeon?

Help with what?

Revenge on Emmett of course:o)

Yuhuh as you know from personal experience we are the masters of evil schemes and plots of revenge…

You make an interesting point -smirks-

So, what d'ya say Eddie... are you in?

Oh I am so in...

This is going to be fun :o)

Yeah revenge on Emmett is my favourite kind mwahaha

Oooh yay there's that look again!

What look?

Oh really Edward, you need to learn your fiancés faces better

Her faces?

Yes that one for example this is her "I'm plotting something" face...

I have just one thing to say...

Yes?

Mwahahahahahahhahhahahha!

I take it you've thought of a plan then?

Oh I'm working on it -grins-

---Bella runs out of room giggling maniacally leaving behind a stunned Edward and proud-looking Alice---

She really scares me when she does that...

Does what?

Brings out her evil side… :o)

Goodness is only good in moderation -smirks- besides she's not evil.. just awesome.

---Bella returns smiling like an idiot---

Have a plan yet:o)

Sort of… I've narrowed it down to a few possible options, the rest depends on Eddie?

Why?

Well what kind of revenge do you want to go for?

**I'm not sure what you mean?**

Well we could go for the "scare the crap out of Emmett" revenge which is amusing for us but will be time consuming and require a lot of effort on our part, or the "confuse the crap out of Emmett revenge" and then there is always the "beat the crap out of Emmett" revenge but you wont need our help for that, oh and then there is my personal favourite, destruction of his personal property...

Umm... I dunno, tell me what you were thinking for each?

Well beat the crap out of Emmett is pretty self explanatory and I don't think we'll be going for that one anyway will we… we're not that mean?

Haha. No we're not.

Well anyway, for the scare the crap out of Emmett revenge I was thinking somewhere along the lines of fill the house with his fears kinda like the wizard of oz prank but on a bigger scale…

Sort of like a haunted house?

Yes only it wont be so haunted cause Emmett has really warped fears, but the concept is the same...

Okay I like it... but what about the other two?

For confuse the crap out of Emmett the whole family would have to be in on it...

LOI! OMG Pigeon is this what we were discussing the other day?

Mwahahah! Yes...

Umm -cough- Still in the dark here?

Oh sorry, well that plan basically is where while Emmett is hunting we change the locks to the house, Photoshop him out of all photo's hide all of his things somewhere out of site to make it look like he doesn't live here…

And then everyone pretends they've never seen him before and then he'll get all confused!

Haha! that is brilliant do you think even Emmett is dumb enough to fall for that?

Oh that's where Jazzy comes into the plan... he just has to whack Emmie with a few waves of gullableness and bam! there we have it. :o)

Haha yeah... but like I said the whole family would have to be in on it, and I don't think Esme and Carlisle would be willing, I don't think even I'm evil enough to stoop to such levels of meanness and I don't know if Rose would help either... although she did seem to fully enjoy out last revenge on Emmett…

Yes which brings us to the last revenge plot?

Ah destruction of property, such fun... and pretty self explanatory we choose an object or objects that he holds dear and break, discolour or disfigure them in some way... personally I suggest his spice girl cd collection, its the easiest and least time consuming of all the plots.

HAHAHA! Destruction of property! I choose destruction of property! his spice girl cd's are autographed! he spent a whole week following their tour bus to get them to sign it!

LOI! this is going to be good... one time Jasper tried to touch one of the signed cd's and he threw him out the window! muttering something about filthy hands and girl power...

Ha well its settled then... the cd's shall perish! when will he next be out of the house?

Rose is going to make him go shopping later so he can carry her bags. :o)

That's perfect... so here's the plan as soon as Big Bear is-

Big Bear?

Code name Eddie, code name!

Oh...

Sheesh as I was saying before someone oh so rudely stole the page as soon as big bear is outa the house we sneak into his... wait where does he keep them?

LMAAHO! You know that door in his and Rose's room that's always locked?

Yeah I always assumed it was filled with some of their "alone time" toys so never brought it up -shrugs-

Haha wrong... that's filled with Emmett's spice girl memorabilia, its like a shrine to all things spice!

HAHAHAHAHA! seriously?

Yeah its quite worrying really...

Oh the plot thickens! Mwahaha

Yay! I'll go quickly get a new video camera!

---Alice runs out of room at vampire speed giggling---

A video camera?

Yes we are going to film our destruction of his spice closet...

**I really love you, you know that :o)**

_I love you too-_

I return-eth!

Wow that was fast even for a vampire

Oh I already bought the video camera this morning

Why?

I had a vision of the revenge on Emmett -shrugs-

Then why didn't you just save us some time and tell us what we were going to do?

And miss the funness that is evil plotting, now why would I do that...

Batman does make a good point there... plotting is half the fun of revenge...

Rose and Big Bear will we leaving in about five minutes...

Okay everyone ready?

Sir! yes sir! -bounces-

-raises eyebrow-

Sorry... :o)

---As soon as Rose and Emmett leave the house the three of them run straight to Emmett's "spice closet" and start breaking all the stuff while Jasper holds the video camera… sometime later Jasper, Edward, Bella and Alice are all sitting happily in the living room watching a "DVD" when Rose and Emmett get back, Rose asks what they're watching and Edward says it's a documentary about how to cure obsessed spice girl fans, catching Emmett's attention, when he looks at the TV to see his shrine to the spice girls being destroyed by his siblings he shouts "NOOOOO" before lunging at Edward (Edward of course being faster runs away) everyone else is laughing hysterically while Emmett's chases Edward through the house mumbling stuff about destroying priceless items---

A/N - Okay I kind of got all tired half way through writing this so it sorta sucks, sorry :o) anyway please do what it says in the authors note at the start please please pleeeease!

-(Very Sleepy) Lanna


	41. Chapter 41 Gullable Emmett

_A/N - Woohoo! I passed my 650 review target type thing -happy dance- anyway I was trying to sleep (its like nearly 7am and I haven't slept yet) but I couldn't, every time I closed my eyes I'd picture something stupid and end up laughing… and one time I closed my eyes and got inspiration for a chapter… but its kinda silly oh well -shrugs- I'll stop rambling now shall I?_

_-Lanna_

**Notes. **

Emmett - underlined, Alice - regular_, Bella - italic_

_---Alice and Bella walk into the Cullen living room smiling innocently at Emmett…---_

_Emmett, Emmett, Emmett!_

What, what, what?

_I ate a bear today:o)_

Ch'yea… sure you did Bella…

_I did! -pouts-_

You're joking right? -raises eyebrow-

_Nu-uh! I kid you not! I really did eat a bear!_

Seriously? -still doesn't believe you-

_Yuhuh! Ask Alice… she saw the whole thing!_

S'true she showed that bear no mercy…

I don't believe you…

_But I really really did :o(_

Emmett… I SWEAR on my new Gucci shoes that Bella ate a bear today.

Huh, you'd never swear on your shoes unless it was the truth -confused-

_Told ya!_

But how could you eat a bear? 

_Pfft… you underestimate me Captain Doofus!_

But… you aren't even a vampire!

_Oh so only vampires can eat bears?! -glares-_

Well no, but come on… how could you, clumsy little Bella beat a bear?

_It didn't put up much of a fight if I'm honest… I was rather disappointed. :o(_

I thought Edward wouldn't let you do anything dangerous?

_I was perfectly safe, Alice was by my side the whole time in case things got out of hand…_

I still can't picture it…

Oh you really should have seen it… it was quite fun to watch :o)

_You know I could do it again if you want? Just so you could see?_

Oh hell yeah!

_Okay then…_

---Emmett stands up expecting to go outside to the forest when Alice suddenly whips something out of her pocket and hands it to Bella, who then dives her hand into the packet and then bites the head off of a red gummy bear with an evil laugh. Emmett then storms out of the room muttering under his breath, mad at the fact they tricked him while Alice and Bella sit giggling at his gullableness---

_Well I never said it was a REAL bear I ate… he just jumped to that conclusion -smirks-_

LOI! That was brilliant… messing with Emmett is fun. :o)

_Mhmm, I sense a tradition in the making…_

Awesome! -bounces-

_This day shall now be forever known as: National mess with Emmett day!_

Ha! Kinda like April fools day?

_Yuhuh… only Emmett is the fool…_

---Alice and Bella go to tell everyone else about the newly created tradition---

_A/N - Well, that chapter was kinda sucky and stupid, but it was funny in my head… ah well, I'll post it anyway… I lovelovelove red gummy bears and every time I closed my eyes to sleep I kept picturing them then somehow I thought of Emmett (the bear thing) sooo anyway… -shuts up-_

_P.s. I LOVE all of the people that review... you all make me smile :o)_

_-Lanna_


	42. Chapter 42 The Spaghetti Incident

A/N - Okay, so I'm in the car on the way to Glasgow right now and I got bored so I thought I'd write a chapter (and let me tell ya, its not so easy to type while driving over the fourth road bridge… pfft, speed bumps) anyway, I was doing a myspace survey and it had a question asking if you twirl or cut your spaghetti and my answer to the question gave me an idea for a chapter :o)

-Lanna

****

Notes.

Edward - Bold, _Bella - italic, Rose - italic/underlined, _Alice - Regular 

(Alice, Rose, Edward and Bella in Edwards room)

__

Bella…

Yuhuh?

Why is your stomach making those noises.

Its protesting…

Your stomach can protest?

Oh yes… its very talented… one time I tried to feed it brussel sprouts and it made me throw them right back up, stubborn little thing, pfft…

That's gross -scrunches up nose-

Loi! So why is it protesting today… did you try to make it eat something unpleasant?

Nope… it just wants me to feed it -stomach growls again-

Oooh! Well Esme went shopping for human food yesterday…

She bought nearly the whole store…

Aww she didn't have to do that.

Nonsense Bella… now let me make you some dinner.

__

Ha! Edward cooking!

Hey! I'm a very good cook!

Of course you are… Mr. Perfection. -smirks- so what 'cha gonna make for me?

It's a surprise.

Ack! I hate surprises -pouts-

Loi!… This will be a good one Bella -knows all-

Pfft. Fine!

---Bella and Rose walk into the kitchen after getting bored of waiting and find out what Edward is cooking closely followed by Alice---

You're making me SPAGHETTI?! -shock/horror-

Yeah don't you like spaghetti?

Well yes… :o(

Then what's the problem? Is it because you don't trust my cooking?

Oh no its not that… its just…

Just what?

Okay… I just have many issues with eating spaghetti. -pouts-

I still don't get what you mean?

Its just too difficult to eat! I twirl the spaghetti onto the fork and then it falls off before it reaches my mouth and then that process is continuously repeated until I get so frustrated I start cursing like the devil and end up in a bad mood with spaghetti and have a staring contest with the plate!

HAHAHAHA! Seriously?

Yes -pouts- Spaghetti is my Everest. :o(

Awwh come on Bella, it can't be THAT difficult.

Pfft, maybe not for you.

Just try it for me… please?

Eugh! Fine fine… but I'm warning you its not going to be pretty!

Emmett is going to be so mad he missed this…

---Bella glares at Rose for that comment and then sighs as Edward puts a bowl of spaghetti in front of her… Rose, Alice and Edward watch her eat… or try to eat---

__

Hahaha! Its like watching a caveman discover cutlery for the first time.

Oh shut up Rose… its not that bad -smirks as Bella drops more---

__

She really wasn't exaggerating when she described herself attempting to eat spaghetti was she -smirks-

Apparently not…

LOI! Here comes my favourite part!

__

What… you saw this happening didn't you?

LMAAHO! Yes, but trust me the live version is way better than the vision… now watch its getting to the good part! -bounces-

Alice! Bella is not a movie!

Sure, whatever now WATCH!

---Bella smiles victoriously as the fork (still holding all the spaghetti) is a centimetre from her mouth… but just as she's about to eat it, it falls off again, landing on her t-shirt. She then tosses the fork down and glares at the plate, cursing like the devil just as she said she would---

__

HAHAHA! Why the hell did I not think to get this on camera?!

Loi! Edward… maybe you should help her, before she like… dies of hunger…

__

Or throws a fit…

Tossing the spaghetti across the room!

__

Then starts jumping on the spilled food screaming "DIE EVIL SPAGHETTI! DIE!"

Haha… oh that would be awesome, on second thoughts Edward… don't help her, I wanna see how this plays out…

---Edward rolls his eyes at his sisters and goes to help Bella with the spaghetti, with Alice and Rose giggling in the background at how funny it is to see Edward feeding Bella like a five year old, all while Bella is still glaring at the plate... sometime later…---

Batman!

Pigeon!

I thought you said it was a good surprise:o(

I didn't specify whether it was a good surprise for you or us though…

__

And trust me Bumble Bee… it was a brilliant surprise for us, just wait till I tell Emmett…

You wouldn't! You can't! Edward… help?

Rose… I think we should keep "the spaghetti incident" between the four of us…

__

Now why would I want to do that?

Because you will receive the silent treatment from all of us if you don't?

__

Ha! Silent treatment just allows me to talk for longer without interruption…

Please Rose… Emmett will tease me… and then I'll have to get revenge on him again and then he'll want to get revenge on me for getting revenge on him and then it'll turn into a big endless loop of revenge-seeking-ness and no one will benefit from that really…

__

Grr… fine whatever, ruin my fun.

Thank you.

Really really thank you!

Pigeon… you know you're quite persuasive when you want to be. :o)

Mhmm… one of my finer qualities…

I dunno Bumble Bee… Your powers of persuasion have nothing on your spaghetti eating abilities…

---Emmett walks into the room and gives Bella a funny look (Emmett - underlined)--- 

Bella… what the hell happened to your t-shirt, it looks like someone threw up on you.

I… well… I umm…Alice! -pleading look-

She tripped!

Yes… that's it! I tripped!

And fell into a bowl of pasta sauce!

Ooookay -raises eyebrow-… I suppose with Bella that is possible…

Hey!

You know its true…

Whatever…

BellaBellaBellaPIGEON!

AliceAliceAliceBATMAN!

You know you really do look like someone threw up on you…

OH NO!

Ha! Oh yes! I'm so helping!

NO NONONONONONO! Edward!

Sorry Bella love… but I learnt not to get between Alice and Rose when they're dead set on playing dress up Bella…

Pfft traitor!… what if her straighteners try to kill me again!?

Hmm… good point… Alice, Rose… no electrical appliances are to go near her.

_Ye-… WAIT WHAT?! No… that's not fair! You're supposed to save me from the torture that is beautification!_

__

Ha… even Bella is using the word "beautification" now…

S'cause its fun to say!

__

And fun to do!

I concur! You've got yourself a deal Eddie-pants… we won't electrocute your fiancé!

GRRRR!

Oh it wont be that bad Pigeon.

I repeat… GRRR!

Oh and Bumble Bee…

Yes!?

Just so you know… willingness to be occasionally experimental will be greatly appreciated…

I do not like the sound of that… Rose?! What do you mean by that!?

Oh you'll see…

Rose! -eyes widen in horror-

---Emmett is laughing hysterically while Alice and Rose carry a screaming Bella out of the room and upstairs to Alice's bathroom, while Edward tries to hide his amusement---

A/N - Ha okay, I don't like this chapter but apparently I don't write well in the car cause I'm easily distracted (I tried to convince my mum to pull over so I could steal a sheep and a cow from a field at the side of the road… she said no, gutted) anyway, spaghetti truly is my Everest -punches fist in the air- … Scott made me laugh by saying that silent treatment allows him to talk longer without interruption, ha he's awesome…

-Lanna


	43. Chapter 43 20 Questions

A/N - So I wrote quite a few chapters, but seeing as I've not been very happy for the past few days they sorta kinda sucked ass, so I didn't post them… this one isn't so good either but I wanted to post something sooo -shrugs-

P.s. A few people said in the reviews that they wondered what Rose was gonna do to Bella because of the way the last chapter ended but it wasn't anything major, just Rose and Alice making her try on really un-Bella-like clothes and really extreme make up etc…

-Lanna

****

Notes.

Edward, Alice, _Bella, Rose, _Emmett.**__**

(a few hours after last chapter)

---Edward and Emmett are in the living room when Alice, Rose and Bella walk in---

Ha what did you two do, it sounded like Bella was being murdered for a while…

Oh she was just being dramatic. :o)

Dramatic? DRAMATIC!?!! I am NEVER going in the torture chamber that is Alice's bathroom again! -eyes widen-

LOI! It wasn't THAT bad Pigeon… and look how pretty you look.

You plucked my eyebrows! At vampire speed!

It had to be done -smirks-

Oh and I suppose I HAD to wear a corset too? -glares-

Hey, the corset looked hot. It enhanced your figure…

And cut off my air supply!

Sorry, I forgot you had to breathe-

WHAT?!

Oh calm down Eddie we let her take it off when she started to turn blue :o)

Alice! Please tell me you're joking?

__

Well it was more of a purple colour actually…

That's it… you two are never using Bella as your own personal Barbie doll again!

WOOHOO! -victory dance- Ily Eddie.

I love you too… are you okay?

Physically yes… but the mental image of Rose slowly coming towards me holding up a red lacy thong with an evil glint in her eye will be burned into my memory leaving me emotionally scarred for eternity.-shudders-

HAHAHA! -pictures-

EMMETT! -growls-

Hey… no one asked you to rape my mind, s'not my fault if you don't like what you see in there… now where was I, oh yes -imagines-

Loi! Captain Doofus does make an excellent point there…

Whatever.

Lets play 20 questions!

OOH! Yay! But make the questions really silly!

Uh-huh! And make it like a contest!

What do we win?

Umm… everyone else's undying love and adoration?

Well that's a suck-ass prize…

Deal with it!

How does someone "win"?

Umm… they ask a question that someone can't answer? Or won't answer?

So is everyone playing?

Hell yeah.

Sure…

__

Okay.

I'm going first!

Ooh-kay then. Fire away Cap'n D!

Right, first question is for Batman and Pigeon… -drum roll- If you cross a banana with an apple, what would you get and what would you call it?

OOOH! OOH! A BANAPPLE!

Haha yeah! And it'd look like a banana, only it'd be red like an apple and it would taste like a mixture of both… oooh and instead of having to peel it like a banana you could just bite it like with an apple… mmm -drools-

We are such great inventors Pigeon!

Uh-huh! We had the potential to invent hot pants!

Moooving on… Emmett, if you had the choice between buying the spice girls, or buying Rose a birthday present… and keep in mind you only have enough money for one. Which would you buy? -smirks-

Oh that's easy I'd buy the sp-

-glares-

The… special birthday present for Rose of course, ch'yeah like I'd wanna buy the spice girls… -looks at feet-

Ha nice save -smirks-

My turn!… Edward! What would you rather do, give up your piano and the Volvo for the rest of eternity OOR! Have Bella be bald? -grins evilly-

Hey!

That's an unfair question!

Once again… HEY!

Sorry love… of course I'd rather give up my piano and the Volvo than have you give up your hair…

Sure 'ya would Eddie ;oP

Oooh… I wanna go next, ummm -lighbulb- Pigeon! Would you rather dress in a giant carrot costume for a week OR wear the corset for an hour…

Ha well, I would have to choose the carrot costume, purely because I don't think I'd survive an hour in the corset…

Hmm, good point… although you answer has given me an idea -mischievous look-

No way Batman! Nu-uh! I am not dressing up as a giant carrot!

Pfft fiiine… anyway its your turn to ask a question…

Ooh okay, Batman would you rather… break into Volterra and cut Aro's hair orrr dun dun dun. Wear the same outfit for 10 years!… choose wisely! Mwahaha!

Ha that's a good one… her thoughts right now are hilarious.

What is she thinking?

She planning how she would stealthily break into Volterra and cut Aro's hair without him noticing…

Ha awesome!

Okay my answer is… I'd cut Aro's hair! -pouts-

__

Big shocker there -smirks-

At least it'll give me an excuse to dress as a ninja…

Oooh! I wanna help!

Yay! We could be like "Batman and Pigeon… the hair cut bandits!"

I lovelovelove IT!

Remember this is just a game right? We don't need to give the Volturi anymore reason to want to re-kill us…

Fiiine… no hair cut for Aro :o(

Alright… back to me, this is a multiple choice question for all of you…ready?

Just ask the question already!

Sheesh fine!… alright Emmett is A. a god, B. A god who is fricken awesome or C-

Eugh Emmett I think we get the point!

Pfft, let me finish will you!… OR -glares at Edward- C. All of the above! Now which is it? -grins-

You forgot one of the answers Emmett.

Umm… no I didn't?

Yes you did… D. An idiot who won't be getting any tonight. -smirks-

D! I choose D!

LOI!

Ha. Owned!

Hey that's not fair… Rose-

The boy's a foool!

I pity tha fool! -A-team voice-

Lmaaho! Anyway… back to the game -bounces-

I think I should get to go again… seeing as you all ruined my previous turn.

Fine whatever… but make it a good one.

Alright… Will the answer to this question be no?

Yes!… No!… Wait! MAYBE! Argh! Damn it!

Well played Captain Doofus :o)

Hahaha… Emmett actually outsmarted us, I never thought I'd see the day…

AH-HA! I WIN! Celebrate my loveliness!

---Everyone gives Emmett and funny look and backs out of the room while Emmett proceeds to do a "victory dance" oblivious to the fact everyone left---

A/N - Woops I made the chapter a bit long… I love playing 20 questions (although I play it weird, it can be any question. The more random the better and it doesn't necessarily have to be 20) I'll try and get back to my usual "update all the time"-self. I just have to cheer up a bit first. So if I take a while to update, sorry. :o)

-Lanna


	44. Chapter 44 Meet Bucket

A/N - ACK! Once again the Lanna is sick! -pouts- this is the first time I've actually been able to sit up since like 3pm today (its now past midnight) all day it felt like I was being tortured (ha at one point I sort of passed out on the bathroom floor) and my sore head is preventing me from sleeping… sooo I've decided to make Bella ill too, because I need a distraction from my bee-atch of a headache.

Anyway, the first part of these notes were actually a conversation between me and my brother when he brought me some water.

-Lanna

****

Notes.

Emmett - bold/underlined, _Bella - italic._

---Emmett climbs into Bella's room to find her leaning over a bucket at the side of her bed---

Emmett meet bucket, bucket meet Emmett

****

Only you could joke when you look half-dead…

Well Emmett, I feel like I'm dying... my humour is all I have left -sniffles-

****

So what's up with you this time?

It feels like I'm being stabbed repeatedly in the stomach and that I have an army of little people doing an Irish jig inside my skull…

****

Ha nice

Not quite

****

Hasn't Eddie made Carlisle take a look at you?

Mhmm... but the medicine hasn't kicked in yet

****

Well mayb-

No... you're not getting me high again

****

But Belllaaa! -pouts-

Nope, not gonna happen... the hangover I got last time had me feeling all woozy-like for a whole day

****

But you were oh so entertaining... I mean seriously you made Jazz drunk!

I'm telling Edward

****

Telling him what?

That you're trying to corrupt my innocence again using drugs

****

Prescribed drugs…

But drugs all the same…

****

You wouldn't!

Oh wouldn't I?

****

Nope! It like goes against the code of umm… super-hero-ness?

Darn it you're right! but I'm still not taking an extra-Emmett-special-dose of medication

****

Pfft you're no fun

I'm dying... I don't have to be fun

****

You're not dying

But it feels like it

****

Well I'm already dead... beat that

Oh I plan to after the wedding

Umm Emmett?

Emmett?!

EMMETT! -whacks him in face with paper- ARGH stop picturing wrestling me when I'm a newborn!

****

Jeez Bella, you wont get high for my amusement at least let me have this much -imagines-

Grr fine... you do that, I'll just wallow in my misery

****

Bella... you're turning green

I don't feel so hot

****

Now is not the time for self deprecation

ARGH! Emmett you're such a tool, I didn't mean like "Rosalie"-hot, I meant I don't feel so good

****

Then why didn't ya just say that?

Grr captain doofus you are the height of annoyingness-ity

****

Annoyingness-ity! awesome...

-rolls eyes-

****

Why didn't you just roll your eyes properly instead of writing it?

Because eye-rollage makes the little people jig harder… :o(

****

Hahahahaha!

Glad my pain amuses you...

****

Bella Bella Bella…

Emmett x 3

****

Pfft, now that's just lazy -smirks-

I'm just trying to keep movement to the minimum

****

Would you like me to distract you?

Oh and how do you plan to do that?

****

What's the height of stupidity?

Umm... you?

****

I'm going to pretend I didn't read that, the answer is -drum roll- throwing a brick through a window and asking for it back! Ha I crack me up!

****

Beeelllaaaa Beeeelllaaaa... did you like my jok- whoa you're really really green nowEWW!

---Bella leans over the edge of the bed and is sick in her bucket while Emmett laughs, partly at his own joke, partly at Bella, Edward comes in through the window and rushes to Bella and holds her hair back _(a/n all together now "aww)_ while yelling at Emmett because Alice had seen his plan to get Bella high again---

A/N - If there is a lot of typo's and junk, sorry… but I still feel ill :o( if Bella felt half as bad as I did earlier she wouldn't have even been able to write notes but hey where's the fun in that? I was gunna add Emmett telling more "what is the height of…" jokes but most of the other ones are offensive to either, dead people, blind people, disabled people or some other people… so I just stuck with the good old stupid one…

I'll try and update sooner, I have a few chapter ideas its just the writing them out I've not been in the mood for -groans-

-Lanna


	45. Chapter 45 Vengaboys

A/N - So I was listening to the Vengaboys (dorky I know… but it makes me hyper) anywho, I kept getting this funny mental image in my head so I thought I'd turn it into a chapter…

Haha me and my friend were having a conversation on msn, and we've come to the conclusion that I have some MAJOR issues when people copy me, s'funny I just realised that I actually growl when someone copies me. Which made me laugh a lot… :o)

-Lanna

****

Notes.

Edward, _Bella, _Emmett, _Rose, _**Jasper, **Alice. 

---Edward, Bella and Alice in the Cullen living room---

SNAPCRACKLEPOPCRASHBANGWOO!

Very articulate Bella…

Why thank you, the English thesaurus has nothing on me :o)

Do you think the word "thesaurus" can be found in a thesaurus? -raises eyebrow-

OOH!… I have no idea:o)

Loi! We'll have to look it up later…

It sounds kinda like a dinosaur…

Alisaurus… Bellasaurus… Thesaurus! Wow you're right!

As thought provoking as this conversation is… I'm more interested in what in the world that noise is?

Ermm… what noise?

You mean you honestly don't hear that?

Well unlike some people -glares- I don't have super-stupid-vampire-type hearing now do I?!

Oh yeah… sorry…

I can hear it… and I think that this is a job for BATMAN AND PIGEON!

What is a job for us?

To go investigate the noise, duh!

Okay but can we-

Oooh! Yes yes yes!

Woohoo! But can you-

Oh sorry, wont happen again! -bounces-

Grr! Batmaaan! -pouts-

Woops… I kinda did it again didn't I?

Ya think?

Okay fill me in, can you what and can Alice do what?

Oh she was gonna ask if we could dress in our "asfaawbffe" t-shirts and wear capes while we "investigate"…

AND! I wanted Alice to let me finish a sentence every once in a while…

Oookay…

Edward…

Alice?

Stay!

I am not a do-

I said STAY!

Eugh fine… but don't keep Bella all day!

Awwh! I-

---Alice drags Bella out of the room to go change and then discover the source of the "noise", just as Jasper walks into the room and Edward gives him a "don't even ask" look… a few minutes later Alice and Bella walk into Emmett's room (wearing capes) to find him jumping on the bed singing into a hairbrush while dancing to the Vengaboys (wearing a sailors suit)---

I was just uuhh… umm…

Oh we saw what you were just "uuhh… umm.." doing Captain Doofus -smirks-

Yup!

You're gonna tell Edward and Jasper aren't you? I'm never gonna hear the end of this am I! My life is over…

Emmett… you're a vampire, you're life was over a long time ago…

Pigeon…

Yes Batman?

There is only one thing left to do now…

Mhmm!

Oh crap :o(

---A little while later, Rose comes in from the garage and joins Jasper and Edward in the living room---

**_Why are we passing notes without Alice and Bella?_**

I don't know… they are quite addictive really…

True… And speaking of Alice and Bella, where are they?

And where is Emmett? Oh and what is that noise?

Uhoh… Alice, Emmett and Bella M.I.A, never a good sign… Edward?

Alice and Bella went to go "investigate" the noise… but that was like 20 minutes ago…

__

Well let's go find them I'm bored…

Fine…

---Edward, Rose and Jasper all go upstairs following the noise to Rose and Emmett's room and they open the door to find, Alice and Emmett jumping on the bed singing into Rose's hair brushes along to the vengaboys, while Bella is lying on the floor giggling hysterically brush-in-hand (Emmett still wearing the sailors outfit, Alice wearing army shorts and matching top and Bella wearing a cowboy outfit) after a few minutes they realise they have an audience---

We were just uuhh…

Umm, well and we…

And then we ummm… yeah…

Uhuh that about sums it up…

Hahahaha! So is this what you three do when I go hunting?

Nooo this is the first time I swear!

Well you do look adorable in that cowboy outfit…

Thank you -blushes-

Emmett on the other hand, just looks plain gay in that sailors outfit…

HEY!

****

You know its true…

Hmm… -smirks-

HA! Batman! Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Well that depends Pigeon, tell me what you're thinking and I'll tell you if I'm thinking what you're thinking?

How 'bout you tell me what you're thinking and I'll tell you if you're thinking what I thought you were thinking which is the same is what I'm thinking!

Well now I'm just all confuzzledish!

ACK! Me too…

Batcave?

Yus! TO THE BATCAVE!

---Alice and Bella run out of the room giggling leaving behind a very confused Rose, Jasper and Edward, and a very camp looking Emmett (who is still holding Rose's brush)---

__

Well that was weird…

That was Alibella…

__

Umm Alibella?

Yes, the strange combination that is Alice and Bella together that usually results in something weird, stupid, random and on occasion disasterous happening…

Oh… so where did they go?

Why are you looking at me?

Well can't you like "mind rape" Alice and find out?

Okay firstly… please refrain from calling it "mind rape" and secondly… I already tried, she's blocking her thoughts…

With what?

Translating the Fame theme song into Russian…

---Alice and Bella walk back into the room with matching too-innocent smiles on their faces and hands behind their backs… 20 minutes later, Edward is wearing a cowboy costume like Bella's, Rose is in a sailor girl outfit and Jazz is wearing an army outfit and all of them are dancing and singing along to the vengaboys, some more enthusiastically than others (Edward is trying and failing miserably to hide his enjoyment)… when Carlisle and Esme walk in the door grinning at their children, who all suddenly stop what they're doing, Emmett and Jasper shout at the same time "Bella made us do it" while Edward and Rose shout "Alice made us do it", Alice and Bella shout "Hey!" at the same time then everyone starts laughing…---

A/N - Ha okay, so I don't like this chapter, it doesn't flow very well and the mental image of everyone dancing to the vengaboys was way funnier in my head but because its quite long I'mma post it anyway, or I would've just wasted my time :o)

-Lanna


	46. Chapter 46 Cardboard Box

A/N - I'm bored, sooo I'mma write a chapter. And my new review target is 850... so review! **Review** like the wind! (even if its just to tell me I'm an idiot and I should shut up...-grins-)

Anyway this chapter is for **Pandarama **(who wanted a chapter on: "polka dots, an army of stuffed pandas, Emmett attached to a cardboard rocket ship, and of course those air fresheners that squirt out freshener stuff randomly")

-Lanna

****

Notes.

Edward, _Bella, _Alice, Emmett

---Alice, Bella and Edward are sitting on a couch in the Cullen living room while Emmett is sitting across the room sulking with some strange contraption on his back---

Why oh why is there are cardboard box latched onto Emmett's back?

It is not a box!

Uh, yeah it kinda is…

No its not Eddie! it's a rocket ship!

Yuhuh! We're trying to launch Captain Doofus into space!

HA! You're trying to launch Emmett into space… using a cardboard box? -raises eyebrow-

Yes, that is correct -nods-

Oooh-kay… why?

'Cuz he's plotting to take over the world with an army of stuffed pandas!

Mhmm! And that's just mean!

I know! Everyone knows we're the only future dictators of the world in this house… -pouts-

Pfft the cheek of it!

Ha… fair enough, and Bella…

Yuhuh?

Why does your eye keep twitching?

Ah well you see that's a rather funny story…

Yeah wolf boy and his dad… oh don't growl Edward! They went to visit CHARLIE earlier today…

Yuhuh and Alice was complaining that the house smelled like a bunch of dogs just had a wet t-shirt contest indoors…

Mhmm, so me, being the absolute genius that I am. I bought a plug in air freshener…

So Alice plugs it into the socket type thing but we didn't see no magical "puffs" of nice-smelling-stuff…

And Bella, questioning my ability to switch it on correctly -glares- walks over to it, and when she saw that I did in fact put it on right she started shoogeling it…

Shoogeling?

Yes Ed-war-duh! Shoogeling! It's a brilliant word!

Except it's not a word…

Pfft whatever, so anyway while she is SHOOGELING it, it randomly squirts some of the nice smelling junk…

Right in my fricken eye!

Lmaaho! Yeah and then she started jumping up and down screaming "ow ow ow it broke my eye OW!"

Uhuh, so Alice picked me up and shoved my whole head under the freezing cold water in the kitchen sink -glares-

Hey! Hey… it worked didn't it, it stopped your eye from dying…

Well yeah, but did ya really have to drown my hair and face as well?

Nope! But it was so much fun -bounces-

Pfft, whatever…

At least your house doesn't smell like wet dog anymore!

No… just wet Bella -continues to glare-

And on the plus side… your eye smells lovely now too?

Oooh indeed it does! Eddie sniff my eye:o)

Umm… I'd really rather not…

Pfft fine… anyway, so we've come to the conclusion that plug in air fresheners are evil…

Yes, yes we have…

Does your list of evil random objects ever stop expanding?

We'll let you know when it does…

---Emmett comes over, still pouting, to join the note-passing---

Can I take this box off yet?… PLEASE! I wanna go wrestle Jasper!

Well now, that just depends Emmett…

Grr, on what?

On whether or not you've learnt your lesson… so have you?

Umm… yes?

Then what have you learnt?

GRR! You're evil!

Oh but you've always known that ;oP … no we're talking about the lesson you learnt today?

Yeah Emmett… I wanna know what you've "learnt" -smirks-

Okay, firstly… you're enjoying this way to much and secondly butt out Eddie!

Emmett… we're still waiting…

Do I have to?

Yes!

Ugh! Fine… I -points to self- Emmett Cullen, must never try to attempt to plot world domination again…

And?

I must never create an army of stuffed pandas…

And why is that?

Because pandas are evil.

Annnnnd? -giggles-

Because Batman and Pigeon are the future rulers of the world…

You're missing out the most important part Captain Doofus? -smirks-

Grrrr!… and I must bow down to them because they "PWN"! There, ya happy now?! I said it…

Oh we're ecstatic:o)

Although the quotation marks around the word pwn were not appreciated…

Eugh! Whatever can I take it off now?

Well I just don't know Emmett… what do you think Pigeon?

Hmmm…

Awwh! Come on!

Fine fine… but remember Emmett, Batman sees all…

And Pigeon is the master of punishment and revenge…

Can't argue with that… so I get to take it off?

Yes.

SCORE!

---Emmett tears the box off of his back and runs out the room giggling like a school girl, looking for Jasper, meanwhile, once Edward has calmed down the note passing continues (because Edward had been laughing at Emmett the whole time)---

Hahaha! That was priceless… I'm so getting this note framed when we're done with it…

Loi! Awesome…

But one thing I don't get is… why in the world did he let you two strap that box on his back in the first place, and why did he wait for permission to remove it?

He fears us -shrugs- :o)

Ha, why?

Well its not so much us he fears, as it is fear of what we would do to his jeep…

Yeah we kinda sorta threatened to paint it white with rainbow polka dots on it and dye his seats pink…

Mhmm and replace his licence plates with personalised ones saying "Barbie 69"

Uhuh and seeing as we've already messed with his jeep once he believed us…

You mean you wouldn't have actually done it?

Haha! No… as questionable as our sanity may be, we wouldn't get revenge on him for a pretend "take over the world plot", give us some credit Eddie :o)

Hahaha you two are pure genius…

Oh we know… its our burden -sigh- ;oP

Anyway, whether you were serious or not, remind me never to get on your bad side…

Wise decision Eddie, very wise. MWAHAAHAHAHAHA!

Evil laughing is fun:o)

Yeah… it freaks Jasper out…

Seriously?

Yeah he told me…

Ha, awesome…

---Rose walks into the room and asks what the torn up cardboard box still lying on the floor is all about and Edward just passes her the note to read… by the end of it she is rolling around laughing choking out between laughs that they should have filmed it---

_A/N - Well did I miss anything out? I don't think I did and I don't think this chapter was that funny but at least I tried right?… the whole shoogeling the air freshener then getting it sprayed in my eye thing has actually happened to me before and it fricken stings… but my eye did smell nice, and it kept watering because it hurt, and my tears smelled like air freshener… fun fun fun. :o) _

P.s. I'm fully aware I make up too many words, ha sorry for that… but shoogeling means like and mixture of wiggling and shaking sort of?

-Lanna


	47. Chapter 47 Emmett Vs SmarterChild

A/N - **(READ THIS A/N**…so the chapter will make sense) Haha okay, so I have this obsession… with smarter child (for those of you that don't know what that is, it's a robot type thing that you can talk to on msn… its annoying yet addictive) anywho… I thought it'd be fun to type to smarter child as Emmett, and make it into a chapter… none of smarter Childs lines were written by me, I just pasted what it said :o)

P.s. **One of the reviewers **just said that the pirates who don't do anything song is not by Relient K that is from Veggietales, I just wanna say that I know its from veggie tales, but it is also a Relient K song (seriously, google it) I have a veggie tales obsession too, ha I have something in common with your nephew (I'm just writing this here cause the review was anonymous so I couldn't reply to it… **sign in and review **again if you still want me to check out your story) :o)

Oooh! and another anonymous review said I should make a Lanna Dictionary but! Ha I already have one:o)

So here is the conversation:

-_Lanna_****

Notes (msn-style): Emmett Vs. SmarterChild

---Emmett goes into Alice and Jasper's room looking for Alice and Bella (he's bored) but he doesn't find them, instead he finds Alice's laptop lying on the bed, switched on, and he signs onto her msn and starts a conversation with an msn bot---

Emmett says: I am Captain Doofus! Bow down to me for I am your god!

SmarterChild says: Yeah, whatever.

Emmett says: Whatever? WHATEVER! Stupid machine!

SmarterChild says: Whatever you say.

**Emmett says: Stop saying whatever!**

SmarterChild says: Stop saying what?

Emmett says: WHATEVER!

SmarterChild says: Yeah, um, OK, whatever.

Emmett says: Damn you!

SmarterChild says: C'mon. Be nice.

Emmett says: Damn your face!

SmarterChild says: Interesting. My face to do with as I please, huh?

Emmett says: You make no sense! -growls-

SmarterChild says: lol. Interesting...

Emmett says: You're just trying to annoy me aren't you?!

SmarterChild says: I am not just trying to annoy you.

Emmett says: Did Bella put you up to this?!

SmarterChild says: Bella almost certainly did

Emmett says: I knew it!

SmarterChild says: You knew it? No way!

Emmett says: Uhuh! I'm smarter than they all give me credit for!

SmarterChild says: You don't say.

Emmett says: Oh I do say

SmarterChild says: I see.

Emmett says: Lets talk about how awesome I am

SmarterChild says: Cool! What would you like to say about how awesome you are?

Emmett says: I own you!

SmarterChild says: I am owned and operated by the Windows Live Agents team at Microsoft.

Emmett says: Ch'yeah... sure you are

SmarterChild says: Tell me more.

Emmett says: No! You tell ME more!

SmarterChild says: Tell you what?

Emmett says: That I am better than Bella

SmarterChild says: For which U.S. city or zip code would you like theatre information for the movie "Bella"?

Emmett says: Bella is not a movie!

SmarterChild says: There's no way Bella is not a movie!

Emmett says: Oh shut up!

SmarterChild says: You shut up!

Emmett says: Oh no you did not just tell me to shut up!

SmarterChild says: What do you mean, no I did not just tell you to shut up?

Emmett says: Oh... just.. OH!

SmarterChild says: Ya.

Emmett says: "Ya" well you know what?

SmarterChild says: Yeah, what?

Emmett says: YOUR MOM!

SmarterChild says: My very own mom? No way!

Emmett says: That was supposed to be insulting! Damn you and all your machine-y-stupidness!

SmarterChild says: No kidding?

Emmett says: ARGH! Does the annoyingness never cease?!

SmarterChild says: Everything OK over there?

Emmett says: NO! It is not okay!

SmarterChild says: Eh. Whatever.

**Emmett says: Bella and Alice tricked me **

SmarterChild says: For which U.S. city or zip code would you like theatre information for the movie "Bella"?

Emmett says: For the last time BELLA IS NOT A MOVIE!

SmarterChild says: Why for the last time Bella is not 1 movie?

Emmett says: -growls-

SmarterChild says: Growls? What do you mean by that?

Emmett says: I mean... how 'bout a little shut the hell up!

SmarterChild says: Is that right?

Emmett says: Grr! Yes!

SmarterChild says: I'm doing my best!

Emmett says: Doing your best to annoy me? Oh well... you're doing a very good job, stupid machine!

SmarterChild says: That's very interesting, Emmett.

**Emmett says: I told you my name is Captain Doofus!**

SmarterChild says: Sure! What would you like me to call you?

Emmett says: Argh! Captain Doofus... like I said before!

SmarterChild says: OK, I'll remember that your name is Captain Doofus.

Emmett says: Finally we're getting somewhere

SmarterChild says: Finally we are getting somewhere?

Emmett says: Yes

SmarterChild says: Uh huh, uh huh.

**Emmett says: You're stupid**

SmarterChild says: I'm sorry you feel that way.

Emmett says: Ring ring

SmarterChild says: Why should I?

Emmett says: BANANA PHONE! 

SmarterChild says: I know about bananas. They're a food!

**Emmett says: Oh they're not just a food... they're a way of life.**

SmarterChild says: Whatever you say.

Emmett says: Although I prefer grizzlies to bananas…

SmarterChild says: Oh yeah? Because you prefer grizzlies to bananas Duh?

Emmett says: Yes... mmm, bears -drools-

SmarterChild says: For real?

Emmett says: Abso-fricken-lutely… on another note, Boo!

SmarterChild says: Oh, oh, I'm soooooooo scared.

Emmett says: Of course you are... Captain Doofus is the most awesome superhero in the history of the world, loved by all, feared by many (no matter what Bella and Alice say!)

SmarterChild says: Of course I am captain doofus is the most awesome superhero in the history of the world loved by all feared by many no matter what Bella and Alice say? lol! Whatever!

**Emmett says: I told you to stop saying WHATEVER!**

SmarterChild says: You told what?

Emmett says: Oh now you're just asking me to open up a can of whoop-ass!

SmarterChild says: lol

Emmett says: Don't lol! I was serious! ACTUALLY! Machines cant "lol"!

SmarterChild says: What's so funny?

Emmett says: NOTHING!

SmarterChild says: OK.

**Emmett says: Ack! You are so frickenannoyinglystupidlydumb!**

SmarterChild says: Hmm... whatever!

**Emmett says: Again with the "whatever"… Bella said you're gay -lies-... do you hate her now?**

SmarterChild says: Wow, good question. Who knows, though...

Emmett says: Awh come on!

SmarterChild says: Come on what?

**Emmett says: YOUR FACE!**

SmarterChild says: My face, huh? All mine?

**Emmett says: Ha yeah... you walked right into that one...**

SmarterChild says: Oh really?

Emmett says: Mhmm... you just unintentionally fuel my immaturity. 

SmarterChild says: Is that right?

**Emmett says: Absolutely**

SmarterChild says: Hmm...

Emmett says: Who is better, and more awesome... Bella or Emmett?

SmarterChild says: Wow, that's interesting... I just don't know!

Emmett says: How could you NOT know! I am way better than Bella!

SmarterChild says: I have no idea.

Emmett says: Oh well now you're just being stupid

SmarterChild says: Well, nobody's perfect.

Emmett says: I am

SmarterChild says: That's because you think.

Emmett says: Of course I think

SmarterChild says: Of course!

Emmett says: So you agree that I am awesome and pwn Bella in every way, shape and form?

SmarterChild says: Hmmm... I doubt it. But you never know.

Emmett says: Now that's just crazy talk!

SmarterChild says: Now that is just crazy talk?

Emmett says: Yes! Stop echoing me!

SmarterChild says: I'm not ready to do that Captain Doofus. Hey. Would you like to pick a topic for us to chat about?

Emmett says: Rose's boobs

SmarterChild says: Sure. What can you tell me about rose's boobs?

Emmett says: They're lovely

SmarterChild says: That's cool. You like rose's boobs? I'll remember that. You're the first person to have expressed an opinion to me about that.

Emmett says: Good... I'm the only one that is allowed to have an opinion on that particular subject

--You sent a nudge to your contacts.--

SmarterChild says: Well how 'bout that! Well. Anyway...

_--SmarterChild sent you a nudge.--_

SmarterChild says: Dude! You nudged me!

Emmett says: Dude you nudged me back!

SmarterChild says: I nudged you back? What do you think of that?

Emmett says: This... is what I think of that -evil laugh-

---You sent a nudge to your contacts.---

SmarterChild says: What?

---SmarterChild sent you a nudge.---

SmarterChild says: Grrr... You nudged me!

Emmett says: And you nudged me right back again!

SmarterChild says: And I nudged?

Emmett says: Yeah like this...

---You sent a nudge to your contacts.---

SmarterChild says: Like this? Hmm... whatever, Captain Doofus!

---SmarterChild sent you a nudge.---

SmarterChild says: Dude! You nudged me!

Emmett says: Stop nudging me back then! You won't win this battle!

SmarterChild says: You think I should do that?

---You sent a nudge to your contacts.---

---SmarterChild sent you a nudge.---

SmarterChild says: Grrr... You nudged me!

---Don't bother your contacts too often.---

Emmett says: Damn it!

SmarterChild says: What's the prob, Captain Doofus?

Emmett says: Msn seems to think I shouldn't bother you

SmarterChild says: What do you mean by that?

Emmett says: Remind me you are stupid in 20 seconds

SmarterChild says: Cool. To send you reminders I need to know the time for your location. What city, state, country or zip code are you in?

Emmett says: Washington

SmarterChild says: No problem. I'll remind you I am stupid at 7:16:05 am PT.

SmarterChild says: Hey, you asked me to remind you I am stupid.

Emmett says: I did no such thing!

SmarterChild says: You what?

Emmett says: iiittttttttttts peanut butter jelly time peanut butter jelly time do the peanut butter jelly peanut butter jelly -dances-

SmarterChild says: lol. Whatever, Captain Doofus.

Emmett says: Once again... machines cannot "lol"!

SmarterChild says: Once again machines cannot lol? No kidding, huh?

Emmett says: You're all kinds of stupid

SmarterChild says: Whatever you say. So anyway... Hey, can I ask you a few questions?

Emmett says: Shoot

SmarterChild says: Anything wrong?

Emmett says: You said you wanted to ask me some questions, pfft indecisive little bot!

SmarterChild says: Well that's interesting.

Emmett says: I'm pretty much interesting in general

SmarterChild says: Tell me more.

Emmett says: I pwn you

SmarterChild says: I am owned and operated by the Windows Live Agents team at Microsoft.

Emmett says: Knock knock

SmarterChild says: Who's there?

Emmett says: YOUR MOM!

SmarterChild says: YOUR MOM. who?

Emmett says: Your mom said you're a fool

SmarterChild says: Your mom said you are a fool! Ha ha ha! Great! You're funny.

Emmett says: No! YOUR mom said YOU are a fool! Not mine! Pfft Esme would never -grumbles-

SmarterChild says: Why not?

Emmett says: Because she see's the awesomeness that is Emmett

SmarterChild says: Which movie do you mean?

**Emmett says: I am not a movie!**

SmarterChild says: You're not? Why aren't you?

Emmett says: Hmm... that is a very good question...

SmarterChild says: You don't say.

Emmett says: Oh I do say

SmarterChild says: No way.

Emmett says: Yes way

SmarterChild says: No way.

Emmett says: Yes way

SmarterChild says: No way.

Emmett says: Yes way

SmarterChild says: No way.

Emmett says: Yes way

SmarterChild says: No way.

Emmett says: No way

SmarterChild says: OK, fine.

Emmett says: Ah-ha! I win!

SmarterChild says: What's so funny?

Emmett says: The fact that you're stupid, Stupid

SmarterChild says: You're the first person to have told me what they think of the fact that me.

**Emmett says: Okay firstly, that made no sense at all... and secondly, I forgot to tell you I renamed you**

SmarterChild says: Firstly that made no sense at all and secondly you forgot to tell me you renamed me? Yeah, whatever.

**Emmett says: You don't have a very wide range of vocabulary do you Stupid?**

SmarterChild says: I'm not sure about that, Captain Doofus.

Emmett says: May I call you Stupid?

SmarterChild says: What if I want to call you stupid?

Emmett says: You wouldn't dare!

SmarterChild says: Wow.

**Emmett says: SNAP!**

SmarterChild says: Snap? You want me to what?

Emmett says: I want you to help me get revenge on Bella

SmarterChild says: The movie "Bella" is playing at the following theatres in or near Olympia, WA (98501) on Thursday, November 29th:  
1 Regal Martin Village 16 5400 East Martin Way Lacey, WA (98516)  
show times: 4:20, 6:55

**Emmett says: Stop that!**

SmarterChild says: You can't stop me now.

Emmett says: Of course I can... I'm Captain Doofus... I have a nuclear teapot... and a cape!

SmarterChild says: Of course you can you are captain doofus you have a nuclear teapot and a cape? Interesting! Honestly, you humans say the strangest things.

**Emmett says: Eugh! I am not a human! How dare you!**

SmarterChild says: That right?

Emmett says: Bite me

SmarterChild says: Um, that's harsh.

**Emmett says: You know what else is harsh?**

SmarterChild says: That's funny. Maybe! I don't know. What do you think?

Emmett says: -growls- I was going to insult you! Stop twisting what I say!

SmarterChild says: Uh huh...

**Emmett says: Oh screw you!**

SmarterChild says: What's with that?

**Emmett says: I'm not talking to you anymore**

SmarterChild says: No? You're not talking to me anymore? No kidding!

Emmett says: I'm not kidding!

SmarterChild says: You're not? How come?

Emmett says: Damn it!

SmarterChild says: Whoa. What's up?

Emmett says: You made me talk to you... you tricked me!

SmarterChild says: Oh.

Emmett says: Stupid ho!

SmarterChild says: Take it easy.

Emmett says: Don't tell me to take it easy!

SmarterChild says: You don't tell you to take it easy?

Emmett says: Stop doing that!

SmarterChild says: Why shouldn't I do that?

Emmett says: Because I said so!

SmarterChild says: So what?

Emmett says: STOP IT!

SmarterChild says: Stop what?

Emmett says: THAT!

SmarterChild says: What's "that"?

Emmett says: I dont know! You made me forget my point! Damn you!

SmarterChild says: Interesting! Honestly, you humans say the strangest things. So moving right along...

Emmett says: I AM NOT A HUMAN! I AM A VAMPIRE! Say it with me "Vamp-I-are!"

SmarterChild says: No way?! Really?

Emmett says: Yes way

SmarterChild says: No way.

Emmett says: Yes way

SmarterChild says: No way.

Emmett says: Argh! not this again! I win!

SmarterChild says: What's wrong?

Emmett says: You

SmarterChild says: Yes?

Emmett says: Suck

SmarterChild says: You want me to suck? You think I should do that?

Emmett says: Eww no you little perv, I said that you suck... not that I want you to suck

SmarterChild says: Uh... What can I tell you? That's a little rude.

**Emmett says: You're rude!**

SmarterChild says: So?

Emmett says: So I'm leaving now!

SmarterChild says: S'later, Captain Doofus.

Emmett says: Later stupid!

SmarterChild says: Bye bye.

Emmett says: Bye!

SmarterChild says: Bye for now!

Emmett says: Yes bye!

SmarterChild says: Take it easy.

Emmett says: I told you not to tell me that!

SmarterChild says: Tell you what?

Emmett says: To take it easy

SmarterChild says: Bye, Captain Doofus.

Emmett says: Oh... OH! You did not just say bye to me mid-"argument"

SmarterChild says: Really?

Emmett says: BYE!

SmarterChild says: Bye bye.

Emmett says: Bye!

SmarterChild says: Take care, Captain Doofus.

Emmett says: P.s. I pwn!

SmarterChild says:You "pwn"? Really?

Emmett says: Damn straight 

SmarterChild says: Who?

**Emmett says: You?**

SmarterChild says: Me? Really?  
**  
Emmett says: Maybe?**

SmarterChild says: Just maybe?

**Emmett says: And shoes?**

SmarterChild says: Wow, you ask interesting questions. I don't know the answer to that.

**Emmett says: Neither do I... its a conspiracy**

---Emmett logs jumps when he notices that Bella and Alice had been reading what he was typing over his shoulder the whole time (he was so wrapped up in his arguments with smarter child he didn't notice until they started giggling) when they start teasing him, he glares at the laptop and says "this is all your fault" aimed at smarterchild, he then throws the laptop off the bed causing Alice to laugh harder and Bella to jump until she see's Emmett pouting-arms-crossed like a five year old and then she starts laughing too---

A/N - Ha okay so it was really really really long… some of it wasn't me typing to smarter child as Emmett, I added actual conversations that I had with smarter child (like when I was typing as me, not Emmett) because I save a lot of those… like I said, I'm obsessed.

If you didn't like it then sorry, I'll be back to the normal notes next chapter anyway :o) 

P.s. I shortened smarter Childs name because it was annoyingly long

P.p.s. I won't be doing any more of the challenge type chapter things anytime soon… they were just something I wanted to try to see what I could make anything out of your suggestions, so if I didn't use your idea, sorry… they all kicked ass, I just didn't get round to it (I might do them sometime in the future) if I start doing the "challenge" chapter things again I'll let you all know in the authors note.

-Lanna


	48. Chapter 48 w00t w00t

A/N - Welll… I'm kinda maybe a teeny bit extremely hyper right now (giggling fits do that to me) and its nearly 2am, I was biting my nails and somehow I got my thumb nail caught in between my two front teeth and couldn't get it out, which I found incredibly funny so I was laughing hysterically while my thumb was stuck in my mouth… I then went into my brothers room and he looked at me all confused (because I was laughing, wouldn't take my thumb out my mouth and was trying to talk), anywho, somehow I managed to choke out that my nail was stuck in my tooth, and him being the ass that he is, instead of helping me… runs laughing to tell my mum (pfft, they all laugh at my stupidity -rolls eyes-) and him laughing made me attempt to pout… and let me tell ya that's not so easy when you're thumb is stuck in your mouth and you keep randomly giggling…. Ack I'm rambling, anyway my brother had to pull my hand while I jerked my head backwards (it fricken hurt) and then he said "and what have you learned?" and I said "Not to bite my nails"… and added on while walking away "and never to ask you for help again you brat". Oh the joy that is my life (note the sarcasm)… Ha woops, this a/n is getting a bit long, but anyway, I'm hyper… so I'mma make a chapter.

**-Lanna**

**Notes.**

**Edward - bold**, _Bella - italic._

----Edward and Bella sitting in Edwards room----

w00t w00t w00t!

**What the hell? "w00t"?**

Yes... w00t! -grins-

**Bella... are you feeling okay?**

I'm feeling fricken awesome... and I repeat w00t!

**And I repeat... what the hell? -raises eyebrow-**

Sheesh its the word of the year Eddie!

**"w00t" is the word of the year?**

Yuhuh, so I have every intention of using it at every giving opportunity today, because it is soo awesome… and w00t-iful!

**Sureee it is Bella…**

I kid you not it really is word of the year!

**But its not even a word -groans-**

If you don't believe me Google it -pouts- :o(

**I'll take your word for it...**

Pfft, fine be a n00b...

**Did you seriously just call me a n00b?**

Uh... kinda -adjusts halo- :o)

**Well... you... just... stfu!**

Oooh! Eddie that was low! You -points- are a mean mean boy Edward Cullen -pouts-

**Sorry love..**

Ha... I'm kidding silly, you're cute when you insult me using IM-talk…

**You confuse me sometimes -raises eyebrow-**

Oh I know, still sure you wanna marry me? -smirks-

**Well now you mention it-**

HEY!

**I was kidding love, marrying you is something I want more than... -thinks-**

More than Jasper wants to be able to roam the isles gleefully at toys r us again?

**Ha! yeah.. but more than that, I love you… I need you like humans need air, and love you like Emmett loves the Spice Girls…**

If you really love me you'll say it.

**I just did... but I'll say it again, I love you**

Pfft not that silly

**Uh... then what do you want me to say...**

I think you know Eddie -smirks-

**Do I really have to? -groans-**

Well that depends, do you really love me?

**Of course!**

Well then...

**Eugh fine... w00t!**

And again…

**W00t!**

VICTORY!

**Victory? Bella its just a word…**

Whatever Eddie.. You just got totally PWN'd!

**You're really going all "online gamer" today aren't you…**

Mhmm… now I'mma go tell Batman about you being pwn'd!

**Oh joy…**

Then meh-beh I'll go tell Emmett too… -ponders-

**I don't think you'll want to do that…**

And why not?

**Because Emmett is currently watching "prawn"…**

HA! Wow… forget your pwn-age, me and Batman can tell Rose and watch her get all mad at Emmett…

**Now that I'd like to see…**

Well come on then…

---Bella skips toward the door closely followed by Edward who catches her when she trips on air, and when they open Edwards room door Bella shrieks because Alice is standing there not even blinking with an evil smirk on her face, then she giggles and explains she had a vision of them getting Emmett into trouble. And the three of them set out to find Rose and cause some chaos and mayhem at Emmett's expense… because that's the funniest kind of chaos and mayhem duh!---

A/N - Ha well, I was laughing at the fact the word w00t was word of the year and was discussing it on msn so I thought I'd make a chapter on it, and I don't have enough chapters with just Bella and Edward with no one else in them (actually this may be the first) well, I suppose I couldn't help adding a teeny bit of Alice at the end but I thought I needed some BellaxEdward-ness...

P.s. I find the image of Bella calling Edward a n00b and him saying stfu back highly amusing -smirks-

P.p.s. My new review target is 900!!! So review and make me smile mmkay?

-Lanna


	49. Chapter 49 Kodak Moments

A/N - Okay, so I'm not gunna make the whole Emmett getting into trouble from Rose thing into a chapter (she would basically just be yelling at him while Alice, Bella, Edward and Jasper all laugh) I'll explain this chapter more in the a/n at the bottom -shrugs-

P.s. for those of you that keep asking: PWN'd basically means "owned", and prawn means porn… mmkay :o)

P.p.s. I put a link to a picture of what Alice and Bella's asfaawbffe t-shirts look like on my profile.

-Lanna

****

Notes.

Edward, Alice, _Bella, Rose,_ Emmett, **_Jasper._**

---The boys are in the Cullen living room when the girls get back from shopping, Bella looking exhausted and Rose and Alice looking hyper… but surprisingly they don't have any bags…---

I thought you went shopping?

Oh we did… we just didn't get much shopping done…

My legs are dead… -legs fall off-

Eugh! Emmett don't picture her legs actually falling off!

Well sorr-aay Eddie pants but its funny… -eyes glaze over-

****

So why didn't you get much shopping done?

And why are Bella's legs "dead"?

__

It's a long story really…

And judging by the way Alice is bouncing she's dying to tell us…

LOI! It was soooo much fun, so we were in this store and Rose and I were in full-shop-mode until… -pause for dramatic effect- we hear Bella laughing hysterically…

__

Haha yeah… so we went to find what she was laughing at, and when we found her she was sort of sitting on the floor clutching her sides stuck in a fit of uncontrollable laughter…

Bella… was lying on the floor in a shop? Laughing? -raises eyebrow-

LMAAHO! YEAH! And she practically turned purple…

Well in my defence it was fricken funny!

What was? Get on with the story woman- OW! Rose don't hit me… -pouts-

Well -glares at Emmett-… so we couldn't figure out what was wrong with her until we saw what she was holding in her hand…

HAHAHA! Are you serious? -sees in Rose's mind-

What was she holding…

A thong…

That said "I'm with stupid" on it…

Hahaha yeah… I suggested Rose buy it :o)

Why would Rose- oh… HEY! I am not stupid!

****

Haha sure you're not Emmie!

Pfft whatever -growls- but I still don't see how finding an I'm with stupid thong could've made Bella's legs die?

Pfft so impatient… we were getting to that part, so anyway after I calmed down a bit, me being the genius that I am decided to document the fun event by taking a picture of said thong…

Mhmm! -bounces- so then we were feeling all random-ish and decided to ditch the shopping for another day -don't look so surprised, Rose and I aren't that obsessed with shopping.

-raises eyebrow-

__

Okay so maybe we are but this was fun, instead of shopping we went on a "hunt for random funny objects to take pictures of"…

Yeah, after the thong the next thing we found was a white assed pigeon! I was so happy!

The problem was the pigeon wouldn't stay still long enough for Bella to take the picture…

__

So we kinda followed it… it was hilarious Bella was going all ninja-like stalking the pigeon… which for the record, we named Arnold

Arnold the white assed pigeon?

Yes… isn't it cool:o)

Umm… yeah?

Well what did you find next?

Oh we found, a funny looking duck teddy, a picture of a camel making a silly face (which had Bella on the shop floor giggling again) ooh ohh and we found a guy wearing a kilt with bagpipes!

He was scary -shudders- bagpipes frighten the bjeezus outa me…

No kidding, you practically jumped on my back when he started playing…

I did not!… I just covered my ears then cowered behind you and Alice :o(

Like that's much better -smirks-

Oh hush up Mr "I'm scared of Bella's evil laugh" -glares-

Ha, burn…

__

Yeah well anyway… after finding a whole bunch of random junk to take pictures of, we kinda sort of lost Bella…

YOU WHAT?!

Calm down Eddie… they didn't lose me… I lost myself!

How in the world could you lose yourself?

__

She had to go pee… so she went into this huge department store type thing, that had loads of mirrors and escalators…

It was like a maze… anyway after I found the girls bathroom I couldn't find my way back out… so I asked an old lady for directions of out the store and because I kept giggling she thought I was joking and gave me a lecture about "respecting my elders" :o(

LOI! It was really really funny… we got worried after about 15 minutes…

__

Yeah knowing Bella she could've probably fell into the toilet or something.

HEY!

Well anyway, we found her sulking…

__

In the men's underwear section…

I was not "sulking"… well, maybe a little, but that old lady was really intimidating!

Mhmm so as we were about to start hunting for random junk again Mike Newton shows up in the men's underwear section too!

__

Haha yeah and he's all like drooling at us and then asked what we were doing looking at men's underwear

So I just said the first thing that popped into my head…

Which was what exactly?

LMAAHO! She told him she was buying "sexy socks" for you!

What?!

_It was the only thing I could think of -shrugs- anyway after that Alice tossed me and the socks into a shopping trolley and starts pushing me around the store singing the batman theme song while I was screaming at my gameboy... oh the fun of playing pokemon ruby in a shopping cart -dreamy look-_

People kept giving us really funny looks and eventually security tossed us out of the store...

_That was only 'cuz you crashed me into a rack of dresses! making a big mess and drowning me in clothes..._

I still maintain it was you screaming at the gamboy that got us tossed out -smirks- :o)

_The funny part was we saw Newton buying like 10 pairs of the same socks as Bella had picked up as we were "being escorted from the premises"…_

Haha yuhuh I think s'cause Bella said they were sexy…

They are sexy!

Bella they had pictures of Bart Simpson on them…

Ah but they would also be on Edward, he would make any socks look se-

I don't like were this conversation is going… or the grin that's on Eddie's face right now…

Whatever… you guys just don't appreciate the sexifullness of the socks because you're all old and shiz…

Is that so? -smirks-

Yuhuh you're practically an antique!

OOOH! I wanna be an antique!

****

Alice you're distinctive

I'm a distinctive antique!

Worth lots of money?

She's priceless… :o)

Awwh ily Jazzy!

I wanna see the pictures…

OOH yay! Photo time!

---Alice pulls the photos out of her purse and they pass them around laughing (especially at the picture of Bella almost tripping while chasing a white assed pigeon, one of the three of them laughing and holding "I'm with stupid" thongs like tourists while the shop assistant took the picture, and the one Alice took of Bella sulking next to men's boxers and socks, and then Rose showed them a video she made on her phone of Alice pushing Bella about in the shopping cart while singing the batman song and Bella screaming incoheent things at her gameboy then crashing etc…) while they're all laughing at the pictures there is a series of bright flashes causing Emmett to jump up shouting over-dramatically "I'm blind, I'm blind" (which of course he isn't) then everyone turns to see Alice camera in hand, who just shrugs and smiles saying "Kodak moment" and they all start laughing again taking more pictures---

A/N - So the chapter didn't work so well, it isn't very flow-ay-ish… but anyway, all of that was based on actual events. I went to Dundee with my best friend Sarah and we got all hyper (all of the things mentioned in the chapter that they took pictures of were actually real, including the white assed pigeon and thong) anyway it was a really funny day and we actually did get lost in Marks & Spencer's (don't know if they have that in America but it's a big shop that sells clothes and is like a supermarket too) when I got home I just collapsed on the couch and told my mum my legs were dead. :o) (for the record we didn't get tossed out of the store, or crash into a rack of dresses, that part was just a fun mental image I had)

The last part about the antique, was a real conversation between me, Sarah and my other friend Jenna, our psychology teacher said he was going to a 90th birthday party and we were all like "whoa he's practically an antique" and then the convo was pretty much the same as in the chapter…

P.s. I wanna get to 950 reviews now -happy dance- your reviews make me a very happy Lanna :o)

-Lanna


	50. Chapter 50 Zombies

A/N - So I have 3 chapters written, but I'm only gonna post one at a time until I get enough reviews because I've realised that when I post more than one chapter at a time, people tend to just review the most recent…

Haha, my friend said "This is Lanna, she's small and made of awesome" 3 that made me smile soooo much so I'm all happy-Lanna-like :o)

-Lanna

****

Notes.

Edward, Alice, _Bella, _Emmett, **_Jasper._**

---Edward gets back from hunting and sees Bella stomping upstairs followed by Alice, so he goes into the living room to talk to Emmett and Jasper---

What's wrong with Bella?

She's in a bad mood…

Well I already figured that part out, what I meant is why?

Cause I woke her up at 6am…

****

Even though she stayed up till Stupid O'clock watching movies with Alice…

Stupid O'clock?

Yeah, like 4am-ish… she was mega-pissed, it was hilarious.

Emmett you're an ass.

Why thank you, you are too ;oP

****

It really is kinda funny, she's been giving Emmett evil looks for the past 2 hours…

And turns out tired Bella is clumsier than normal Bella…

What do you mean by that?

Well so far she's tripped up the stairs three times, walked into a door, kicked the coffee table and banged her head on the fridge door while getting milk for her cereal…

And just before you came in the door she stumbled and spilled juice all over her t-shirt…

Wow that's impressive… I didn't think anyone could be that clumsy, even Bella…

I know, I should deprive her of sleep more often-OW! Seriously, what is it with everyone hitting me upside the head?

You will NOT be waking Bella up every morning got that?

Fine fine…

---Bella and Alice come back downstairs, both wearing pj's and fluffy slipper socks---

We were just filling Eddie here in on your oh-so eventful morning…

-glares at Emmett-

****

Hah… wow, it was like she could see into your soul with that look…

So… Alice, why are you and Miss Cranky-pants wearing pj's?

Please refrain from calling me Miss Cranky-pants or I will so injure you…

Pfft like you could…

Ah but that is where Eddie come's in… you'd help me wouldn't you?

You don't even have to ask love.

Hey! Whatever happened to "bro's before ho's"?!

OH! You did not just call my asfaawbffe a ho!

I'm so telling Rose you said that…

And I'll tell Rose where you've hidden your newest stash of "prawn"!

No… you can't! you wouldn't! Eugh!… sorry Bella…

Whatever Captain Doofus:o(

She's not really mad…

Pfft, stupid empath… spoil my fun :o)

Sorry… but seriously why are you two dressed like that?

I'm having a biatch of a day so I put my pj's back on in protest -shrugs-

Okay but why is Alice wearing pj's, its not like she can even sleep?

I'm helping her protest :o)

Fair enough…

Eddie…

Bella?

I need to get a tigger umbrella…

Why in the world would you need a tigger umbrella…

Because I had a vision.

You don't get visions…

Fine I had a dream then!

Why would a dream make you need a tigger umbrella?

Because in my dream I was fighting zombies with a tigger umbrella… so I want to be prepared, which is why I'll need to buy a tigger umbrella…

But zombies are a myth…

So are vampires and werewolves…

LOI! She has a point there Jazzy… they could be real…

Alice don't encourage her!

But I wanna help fight the zombies too! -pouts-

Like Jazz said… they aren't even real!

Prove it…

Don't be ridiculous.

I'm not, I'm completely serious… you prove to me that zombies don't exist, and I'll stop insisting you buy me a tigger umbrella…

And how am I supposed to do that?

That's for you and Jazz to figure out Eddie, and if you haven't figured it out in 4 hours we shall expect to be given gift wrapped tigger umbrellas, bows and all!

Mhmm! So we'll leave you boys to think about that for a while… in the meantime me and Batman are gunna go plot our defence tactics against the zombies…

To the bat cave?

Yuhuh!… TO THE BATCAVE:o)

Yay!

---Bella and Alice head to the bat cave, leaving behind Edward, Emmett and Jasper looking very confused---

****

Bella is weird…

So is Alice…

Seriously… you two need to realise, all girls are weird… once you accept that you'll live in easier "life"…

****

For once Emmett has a point…

Thanks… wait! Hey! I always have a point… well almost always… okay sometimes!

****

Sooo… about those zombies…

How on earth can we "prove they don't exist"?

Well you could always… nah that wouldn't work… or you could- wait that wouldn't work either…

Emmett those ideas were pitifully stupid…

Then stay outa my head while I brainstorm! I don't see either of you two coming up with any ideas!

---After 4 hours Edward and Jasper go to find Alice and Bella who are playing dead rising on the xbox in the the bat cave… and they're holding gift wrapped tigger umbrella's, causing Alice to do a victory dance and Bella to pounce on Edward happily promising to save him from the zombies with her tigger umbrella and then her and Alice both start singing "when the dead rise we'll fight together, we'll knock their heads off with our umbrella ella ella ay ay" making Edward and Jasper start laughing at their "better halves"---

A/N - Ha so kinda silly chapter… but I was moaning to my friend about how I hate being woken up early (my mum woke me up after I stayed up almost all night reading) and all of the clumsy stuff Bella did in the chapter… I actually did those, and put my pj's back on in protest (was fun) and I had this weird dream where I was being chased by zombies but I was fighting them with a tigger umbrella… it was fricken weird but awesome. :o)

The mental image of Alice and Bella dancing about with tigger umbrellas while wearing pj's and singing that song was so funny in my head...

P.s. Nearly 200 people have this story on their favourite stories list -happy dance- YAY!… it'd be even more "yay" if they all reviewed -pouts- :o)

-Lanna


	51. Chapter 51 Google Earth

A/N - (See when you review lots I update fast!) The chapter feels "naked" when I don't add an authors note, so here you go:

Lanna says: Luketh... say something inspirational I can put in my authors note?

Lukey says: I'm naked, watching black books, and scratching my balls. I mean...carpe diem.

Lanna says: Hahaha... Awesome

Lukey says: how are we?

Lanna says: We are... cold... I've finally mastered the art of typing while wearing mittens, its one of my greatest achievements.

Lukey says: holy shit, that's fucking awesome 

Haha, so there you have it, Luke's words of wisdom, Luke is a legend of randomness-ity. Anywho, thank you all the people that reviewed (especially the ones that pointed out they do review almost every chapter) you make me do my dorky happy dance! and the last chapter got more reviews than I normally get in a shorter amount of time so my "moaning" worked -grins- (I'm not really demanding when it comes to reviews really, if the story is on like 200 peoples fav's, then roughly that amount of people read it... but I usually only get 20 something reviews each chapter, ha it'd be insane if all 200-ish people reviewed) :o)

-Lanna

****

Notes.

Bella, Alice, Emmett, **Edward.**

---Alice and Bella walk into the Cullen living room still in their pj's, with their tigger umbrella's worn on their backs like swords (_the author is giggling at mental image -smirks-)_ and they find Emmett sulking and Edward looking at him with an amused smirk or his face---

Why is Emmett sulking?

Is it 'cuz he didn't get to beat on no zombies with a samurai-umbrella?

Samurai-umbrella Alice? Really? -raises eyebrow-?

Yes Eddie, now answer zee question!

Ha, I love it when Batman enforces her authority…

I have authority?! SCORE!… now should I use my new found power for good or for "eevil"…

I strongly suggest "eevil" but while you ponder that… Eddie what's up with Captain Doofus?

He's in a bad mood because he couldn't find Nemo or Wally on Google earth -shrugs-

Hahahahaha! You actually tried that?! Even I'm not that silly :o)

Well… yeah… :o(

What were you expecting, the satellite to zoom in on a little clown fish and a guy in a red and white striped sweater?

Maaay-beh… :o(

Hahaha… idiot.

Shall we cheer you up?

How?

With a STORRRRY!

Yay! We haven't done that in so long!

Okay… you start!

His name was Jeff the lesbian enchanted cactus!

OOH! And her name was Wanny McPink-puff-shizzle.

They met in the ladies toilet in burger king, when the porky pine got breast implants!

And the llama hung its thong on the flagpole outside Buckingham palace in protest as the queen stole his lollypop!!

Then the pope said: "fo shizzle my nizzle I need to go meet rizzle after I pizzle...AMEN"

And Larry the cucumber said: "Bob is very angry I hope he doesn't catch me, its so hard to run with this sombrero on my head".

Then the penguin lost his mojo and ran around the room wearing many a sock and frilly pink knickers…

While the evil mountain goat and his many minions met the pinky fairy in the woods and consummated like bunnies!

And Captain Doofus watched them in awe till they couldn't consummate no more...

Finally They all went to sea in a little pea green boat and lived shiz-fully ever after in Narnia with the twig till death do the penguins part!

The end!

I suddenly feel like I'm in a scene from Alice in Wonderland… with mad hatters and such like…

Woohoo! Me in wonderland!

I think he meant we're being weird and ever so slightly insane :o)

But life is more fun that way! Anywho… did you like the story Cap'n D?!

Yuhuh did it make you smile and feel all "warm and fuzzy" inside?!

As lovely as the story was… I'm still not feeling the warm and fuzzyness that finding Nemo and Wally on Google earth would bring :o(

Darn it! Batman… we'll have to do some extreme cheering up now!

Should we be worried?

Ha, probably Eddie-pants. :o)

Pigeon… are you thinking what I'm thinking?

MOUSTACHE PARTY IN THE BATCAVE!?

Loi! Woohoo!… I was just thinking party but the moustache was a nice touch…

We'll need to decorate the bat cave so its all "fancy pants"!

YAY! -bounces-

Oh for the love of god…

Meet us in the bat cave in 30 minutes with Jazz and Rose too!

What in the world in a moustache party?

A party…

While wearing a fake moustache! Duh! Captain Doofus you had better appreciate the lengths we're going to for your happiness!

Hmm… will there be Spice Girls and Vengaboys music?

Of course! What kind of party would it be without cheesy 90's pop music, pfft…

Score!

We're going to beautify the bat cave to make it even more wonderful than it already is!

Yuhuh… do I get to say it this time?

Say what?

Okay Batman… say eet!

Woohoo! TO THE BATCAVE!!

---Alice and Bella start running up the stairs, but then Bella suddenly runs back and writes something quickly on the note before handing it back to Edward and following Alice---

P.s. Bring your own moustache!

Well done Emmett…

For what?

You couldn't just be happy with the story could you?

Noope!

-Groans-

You know you can't wait to dance to the vengaboys again… while wearing a moustache…

---Edward glares at the grinning Emmett (who is no longer sulking) and then they both go to find Rose and Jasper---

A/N - So this wasn't one of the chapters I had already written but, I found a story that me and my Sarah wrote so decided to make it into a chapter and I read an old myspace comment I sent my friend and I was sulking because I couldn't find Nemo or Wally or Google earth (ha, I actually looked for them, no joke) in America does Wally get called Waldo or something? I couldn't remember…

Lanna says: Ha... do you have anything you'd like to say in my bottom authors note type thing?

Lukey says: yes. lanna is a shining example of womanhood. she has led our humble tribe through many wars, including the great stardust battle through the gallidilion eras. but we have grown, like a ladybird, to urinate on the hand of oppression. we have all this to thank of for towards dear lanna, our leader. 

HAHAHAHA! I know a lot of people called Luke, but that one is by far my favourite, he is Luketh The Awesome :o)

-Lanna


	52. Chapter 52 It's a tie!

A/N - I got over a thousand reviews! That is insanely awesome!!! … its funny cause this was only ever intended to be a one shot about a weird dream I had, ha… sooo anyway, I meant to add this yesterday but I changed the ending a bit to hopefully make it better, oh well…

P.s. I'm not making the moustache party into a chapter, because they would be too busy dancing about like crazy people and all that jazz to sit and write notes… plus I really can't be assed -smirks- :o)

-Lanna

****

Notes.

Jasper, Bella, Alice, Emmett.

---Jasper, Bellla and Alice are sitting in the bat cave when Emmett walks in with a sly grin on his face---

Bella are you drunk?

Umm… no.

High?

No!

Prove it…

Okay… how?

Walk in a straight line…

****

Emmett this is Bella we're talking about. -raises eyebrow-

Oh yeah… I forgot she trips on air.

He-

Oh don't protest you know its true drunken one!

Yeah, yeah whatever… but I am NOT drunk! Or high before you suggest that again!

Then prove it.

GRR! Once again… HOW?!

Say the alphabet backwards…

Dude I can't even do that when I'm sober!

Ah-ha! So you ARE drunk! I knew it!

Argh no I'm not!

But you said "I can't even do that when I'm sober" implying that you're not sober now…

****

Ha wow, Emmett totally outsmarted you there Bella…

Emmett 1: Bella 0! Mwahahahahahahaha!

Captain Doofus… I dunno where you're getting those scores from but its more along the lines of Emmett 1: Bella&Alice 10000.

****

That's a bit of an exaggeration Alice.

Just a smidge…

Yuhuh but we've still got him pretty beat…

Excellent point, Bella and Alice have pwn'd you loads of times Emmett…

Ugh! Whatever, I'm starting the score board from scratch, can we get back to the matter at hand please?

Which is what exactly?

You're blatant drunkenness-ity…

I! AM! NOT! DRUNK!!!!!!!! And Jasper do NOT try to calm me down! -glares-

Fine fine, I'll stay out of your emotions… :o(

You are so drunk Pigeon!… You can't even say the alphabet backwards!

Because its really really difficult and confuzzeling!

Eh… no its not…

Maybe not for you… you all have s.s.d.v.m.n!

S.s.d.v.m.n?

She means "stupid-super-duper-vampire-memory-nessity"

****

Oooh-kay…

That may be true, but a lot of humans can say it backwards…

****

Hahahahaha… Bella why are you glaring at Emmett saying "Ti Ti Ti!"

Proving that I can say "it" backwards ;oP

LOI! New score board now stands at Emmett 1: Bella 1...

Fine! I'll rephrase!… a lot of humans can say the alphabet backwards! And don't even think of just saying the phrase "the alphabet" backwards!

Eugh whatever… and I'm not "a lot of humans"… I'm just one human, and I can't do it! My brain doesn't seem to function right while trying to complete insane tasks created as a source of amusement for bored police officers at drunken-peoples expense! Hmph!

Saying the alphabet backwards was not invented by police officers Bella…

Oh it so was… I mean they have those fancy pants breathalysers to test for drunkenness, so why would someone need to say the alphabet backwards to prove how drunk they weren't?

Haha, does Charlie know about your "theories"?

He was there when I created them… he tried to teach me how to say the alphabet backwards when I was younger, I couldn't do it, I sounded stupid… and he laughed! So I was all like "Pfft you suck" and he was all like "Its not my fault you can't say the alphabet backwards Bells" and then I was just like "Well yeah, whatever it's a stupid test anyway, cops just invented it to cure boredom!"… and he just laughed more -pouts-

I still maintain you're drunk…

GRR! If I'm going to be annoyed by Emmett's accusations all night I may as well be drunk!

Ha yeah… then you'd be too drunk to care.

Exactly…

WOOHOO! I'll go get the vodka!

I was kidding Emmett!

EMMETT!

---Emmett runs out of the room giggling like a school girl, Jasper is smirking as Bella glares at his retreating figure and Alice is having a vision but no one notices---****

Hahaha… Bella…

Grr, yes?

I think the score now stands at Emmett 2: Bella 1.

Oh really? -raises eyebrow-

Well Emmett really wants to get you drunk or high again… because you're fricken hilarious…

Yes and your point is?

You're surprisingly slow today Bella, he just practically tricked you into getting drunk…

You mean that was his plan all along? Annoy me with accusations until I cave?

Yeah the "sneakiness" radiating off him while he came into the room was unbelievable…

Oooh that boy is so going down! This is war!

I'm staying out of this…

Jazzy you do realise that by getting Bella drunk he was trying to get you drunk too don't you?

****

Oh!… He wouldn't!

Oh he did!

So you wanna help us? -bounces-

****

I'm so in!

Oh and for the record Jazzy, he didn't trick me into getting drunk.

He kinda did…

Nu-uh she isn't actually drunk yet, ha!

****

Oooh yeah!

Ready to mess with Cap'n Doofus a little?

You read my mind Batman :o)

Edward will be pissed…

At us annoying Emmett? No he wont…

Haha no, at the fact Alice seems to be able to read your mind when he can't

Well she is my asfaawbffe after all…

Yuhuh we're connected at the brain!

Be'cuz we're insane!

And laugh at the rain!

Be'cuz we're insane!

You already said that part…

Oh, woops… umm… high five?!

Ha! -high fives Batman- so anyway, we better plot quickly before Emmett gets back…

What'd you have in mind?

Wellll… I have an idea, but I'm not sure it will work…

Oh it will! MWAHAHAHAA!

You already saw it didn't you?

Doesn't she always…

Ha true, so what'd you see Batman?

Pfft and spoil the "plotting process" never, my lips are sealed… but whatever you've already came up with will work, and it will be fricken awesome! -bounces-

Haha fine… whatever, we're going to need a blank CD, your laptop, some extra strong mints and a diversion…

LMAAHO! You're all kinds of awesome Pigeon!

****

I hate when you two do that… :o(

Do what?

Only "voice" part of the plan and don't fill everyone else in because you two always seem to know what the other means…

Oh sorry Jazzy… lets just say yours and Bella's acting abilities are going to be put to the test…

****

Ohh… so we're gonna pretend to be drunk?

Now you're catching on…

And the extra strong mints are to hide the fact that your breath-

Doesn't smell like vodka… yes that's correct!

**__**

Mhmm!… So here is the plan, Jasper… when Emmett get's back you need to distract him long enough for Alice to pour out the vodka and replace it with water, and I'll go take care of "Project X"… then when Alice brings the "vodka" back I drink and we pretend to be drunk, just go along with it okay…

Oookay… but what is "Project X"? And what is the blank CD and laptop for?

All shall be revealed soon enough! MWAHAHAHAHAA!

Fair enough… What are you contemplating?

How did you kno- Oh… stupid emphathic abilities! Pfft….

Well?

I was just wondering whether we should add a can of lentil soup into the plot…

Hungry?

No silly!

Then what would the soup be for?

You know how drunk people have a tendency to get sick?

Ha that's disgusting… but you wouldn't!… in the jeep? HA! He'd kill you…

_Pfft, it was just an idea we're not gonna do the soup part.._

Anyway Captain Doofus is no match for Pigeon!

Or Batman!

Yeah!… We're the worlds most fearsome mischief-making team!

We're heroes in a half shell and we're green!… wait… that's not right is it?

Loi! Not quite… we'll work on our theme song later…

Mhmm… but for now operation S.T.B.O.E! Is go… almost!

S.T.B.O.E?

Yes "scare the bjeezus outa Emmett" -nods-

Well why didn't you just say that…

Because it didn't sound as "stealth-like" -shrugs-

So this is what plotting with you two is like then?

Pretty much. :o)

****

It's kinda fun…

Damn straight! Welcome to "the loop" Jazzy… you're an honorary member for today…

What loop?

The Alibella loop of course…

Where everything makes sense!

And at the same time make no sense at all! HUZZAH!

I hear Emmett's jeep…

Yay! Almost time to start Saint Bow-ee!

****

Umm… Saint Bow-ee?

Yuhuh… s'what s.t.b.o.e! sounds like phonetically…

****

Haha awesome!

The Doofus one approaches! Everyone know the plan?!

---Alice and Jasper nod just as Emmett walks in the door grinning like a madman (Jasper sneakily hides the note), Jasper starts asking Emmett what the correct lyrics to a Spice Girl song are and while Emmett is distracted Alice sneaks out of the room with the vodka to replace it with water while Bella runs out of the room to work on "Project X".

When Alice and Bella get back the acting begins, Bella drinks the water, while Emmett thinks its vodka (and she eats mints to hide the lack of vodka smell on her breath), Bella and Jasper act hyper and pretend to be drunk while Alice giggles and Emmett looks very amused and proud of himself at having "tricked" them…

Sometime later once Bella has drank half the bottle of "vodka" and conveniently spilled the other half, she asks Emmett to go get more, and him being the gullible idiot that he is agrees and heads off to his jeep.

A few minutes later, Alice, Bella and Jasper are looking out of the window at the garage, they hear Emmett's jeep start… and just as Emmett is speeding down the driveway, there is a high pitched girl-like scream coming from the car (that was in fact, Emmett) and then he crashes the jeep and jumps out of the car and runs back to the house. (Bella had burned voice clips from The Wizard Of Oz onto a CD and put it in his stereo, so when he put it on while driving it played really loud, and remember Emmett's fear of the wizard of oz?)

Alice, Bella and Jasper find him hugging a pillow in Rose's closet saying repeatedly "there's no place like home, there's no place like home", when Emmett hears them laughing at him he looks up and glares at his giggling siblings and his eyes narrow in on Bella and he screams "Yoouuuu!" like a crazy person, Alice picks her up and runs with Bella while Emmett chases her (and is tripped by Jasper on his way passed because he was too focused on catching Bella and Alice to look where he was going).

Edward and Carlisle walk in the door a little while later to find Bella lying on the floor, giggling hysterically with tears in her eyes being tickled by Emmett. Jasper is lying on the couch doubled over in laughter too (because he can feel what Bella is feeling) and Alice is duck-taped to the banister (with like 12 whole rolls of duck tape, with her being a vampire and all) but she is laughing at Bella and Jasper.

Once Edward gets Emmett to stop tickle-torturing Bella and Carlisle un-tapes Alice, they ask what was going on, but Bella, Alice, Jasper and Emmett all look at each other and just say "It's a tie" before laughing again (referring to the score in the whole Emmett vs. Bella thing)---

_A/N - Ha so that was unbelievably long, hope it doesn't suck :o) anywho, don't you hate it when people think you're drunk even when you're sober and you spend ages trying to convince them that you are but they never seem to believe you? Ha maybe that's just me… I totally can't say the alphabet backwards, its funny when I try, I get annoyed half way through and one time someone said to me "awwh just try and say it backwards" so me, being a smart ass started saying "TI! TI! TI"… such fun… _

I think that is the longest ending post-note bit of a chapter I've written so far… I got carried away with my mental image… woops.

-Lanna


	53. Chapter 53 RIP Larry

A/N - I meant to add this chapter yesterday, but I wanted to change it a bit because I changed the ending of the last chapter… and I really really hate this newer version (I'll explain why in the a/n at the end) but I'm tired so I'm gonna post it anyway instead of making you all wait for me to update.

P.s. I have a question for you all… do you think I should start posting the notes in a new story when I get to like 60 chapters… because the amount of chapters is getting insane? Or should I just continue adding to this one? (they'd still be like the same notes just in a new story)

-Lanna

****

Notes.

Edward, Alice, _Bella, _Emmett.

---Alice and Bella are sitting in the living room when Edward and Emmett walk in, Emmett looks scared (and kinda like someone just tossed him into a tree -cough- Edward -cough-) Edward keeps glaring at Emmett---

Bella…

Yus Captain Doofus?

Emmett! You're going to tell her using notes?!

Well yeah, note passing always seems to make her happy, so I figured this would be the best way to tell her, it'll like "soften the blow"

Idiot…

Wait… tell me what?! Soften what blow?! EDWARD?! -panics-

Just get it over with Emmett…

Uhh-ohh… Bella's not gunna like this -had a vision-

Bella… I kind of, sort of… maybe might of crashed your truck into a tree.

You crashed Larry? -raises eyebrow-

Umm… yeah.

Ch'yeah right… ha-ha very funny Emmett…

Bella… he's telling the truth love.

WHAT?!?!! YOU CRASHED MY BABY!!

What I wanna know is how the hell did he manage to crash it anyway… I mean with our vampire reflexes and all…

He did it on purpose Alice…

He. Did. WHAT?! Why the hell would you crash Larry on purpose Emmett!?

You told me it was bionic this morning!

I wasn't serious you idiot!

Then why'd ya say it?!

I was defending Larry's honour because you said he was stupid!

Well I didn't know that… I thought you were serious and wanted to see if it was true…

So you decided to ram it into a tree?!

Mehh-bee…

Oh… you… I… JUST! OH! -growls-

Haha… she's turned red…

Well done Emmett, you made her too angry for words -glares-

Hey, she made me crash Cindy-Lu anyway…

Cindy-Lu? Who the hell is Cindy-Lu?

My Jeep…

Hahahaha! You named your jeep Cindy-Lu? Seriously?

Bella got to name her stupid truck what's wrong with me naming my car?

Larry was NOT stupid!

I wasn't laughing at the fact you named it Emmett, I was referring to the fact you named it "Cindy-Lu"

LOI! Wait till Jazzy hears! -bounces-

What's wrong with Cindy-Lu?!

What's right with it…

It's a lovely name!

Yeah for a five year old girls "dolly"…

It is not! It's better name than "Larry"!

Larry PWN's Cindy-Lu!

Nuh-UH!

Eh… YUHUH!

I still can't believe you crashed Bella's truck on purpose…

Well like I said before… she made me crash my jeep! Fair trade!

You deserved it for trying to trick me and Jasper into getting drunk!

And to be fair she didn't force you to jump out of your jeep screaming like a girl while the car was still moving without even considering hitting the brakes or turning off the engine…

Uhuh! And you could get another jeep easily… Larry was one of a kind!

I was not screaming like a girl!

Uh, yeah you kinda were…

There are other red pick up trucks Bella, I could buy you a new one…

But a new one wouldn't be Larry! It wouldn't be the Pigeon mobile!… Larry was nearly as ancient as you lot we bonded!

You could "bond" with your new truck…

I don't want some fancy pants shiny lump of metal that calls itself a car! Larry can't just be "replaced"! -cries-

Well done Emmett you made her cry!

I didn't mean to… it was an accident… almost… I, uh… sorry Bella :o(

You're dead to me! -glares-

Well now that was just mean…

And killing her car wasn't?

Umm…

That's what I thought.

And technically it wasn't mean seeing as you are in fact, dead Emmett.

Whatever… Pigeon are you still mad at me?

Yuhuh! -pouts-

Umm… are you gonna go on one of your "revenge-seeking-sprees"?

Oh no… I have a better punishment in mind…

Punishment? -gulps-

LOI! Pigeon that is perfect! -knows all-

And of course we'll all help… -sees Alice's vision-

Help with what?! What is she gonna do to me?!

Captain Doofus… you are now banned from all fun activities until further notice, or until you find some way to "redeem" yourself…

Awwh come on! That's not fair!

Annnd… we're starting now, the notes as counted as a fun activity sooo that meaaaaaaaaaans…

KEPOTP!!!! Yay!

Wha-

Keep Emmett's Pen Off The Page?

Yuhuh:o)

You're getting good at deciphering our made-up text talk Eddie…

Thanks. :o)

Hahaha look at Emmett pouting! This is funny!

If you think excluding him is funny just wait and see what he is going to do to redeem himself. -smirks-

Oooh what's he gonna do?

I'm not going to spoil the surprise Pigeon… I'm not even letting Edward see…

It's true she's singing the teletubbies theme song in her mind -shudders-

Ha… Batman, how is it you know the teletubbies theme song? -raises eyebrow-

Let's just say it was her "rebellious phase" and leave it at that…

Ooookaaay…

---Bella tries to think of what Edward meant by that for a few minutes before her, Alice and Edward all start laughing at Emmett, who is sitting arms crossed, pouting and glaring at the wall, obviously not liking his punishment at all---

A/N - Ha okay, I'm an idiot… I sort of accidentally deleted most of this chapter and saved it (lying down while typing is not a good idea) so I lost the original version of the chapter (which was a lot longer cause they played a game at the end, but I couldn't be assed rewriting it so I'll put it in a later chapter) I had to start almost from scratch… so the newer version is sucky because I'm half asleep right now as I'm writing it. :o(

I was just watching The Grinch you can blame that for me having Emmett name his car Cindy-Lu ;oP

-Lanna


	54. Chapter 54 Carlisle and Esme

A/N - Since a few people wanted to know how Emmett was gonna redeem himself, I'll make that into a chapter, even though I had no intention of originally making one. (In fact I've already written it, its quite long… I just have to edit it) but I want to add two chapter before I put that one up, but I will add it eventually.

Most people seem to think I should just keep adding chapters to this one, so thanks for answering my question (I'll probably go with the majority decision) annnd **I have another question for you **all (but you don't have to answer if you don't want to) **What are your 3 (or more) favourite chapters? **(It will help me see what kind of things you all like to read and I'll try and add more in future chapters)

This a/n is getting ridiculously long so I'll explain the chapter in the bottom a/n

-Lanna

****

Notes.

Carlisle - bold, Esme - regular 

Hello dear. :o)

Hello love.

How was your day?

Eventful... the Newton kid was brought in to A & E.

Oh no what happened? Was he badly hurt?

Relax, he was okay… apparently he was attempting to dye his hair bronze..

Oh my! you mean to look like..?

To look like Edward, yes... but turns out he had a reaction to the dye his face looked like a big red balloon, or maybe a human tomato… hmm…

Ah so that's why Edward was laughing as soon as you came in the door, he saw it in your mind?

Most likely… it was rather comical really…

Carlisle! That's a terrible thing to say!

Then why are you smiling like that?

I was… oh fine, it is funny… but you shouldn't say that out loud…

Technically I didn't, I wrote it… which by the way, why in the world are we passing notes?

The children are always writing them... I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about.

And do they live up to their expectations?

They kind of make me feel like a giddy school girl again passing notes hoping the teacher wont catch me…

I'm assuming Emmett is the "teacher" in this situation, and by getting caught you mean he can't eaves drop on our conversation…

Exactly! like that one time a few years ago when we were playfully arguing over which movie to watch…

Ah yes, you wanted to watch "Le Divorce" ...

But you wanted to watch Les Miserable's.

Then Emmett having misunderstood the conversation went nuts…

Mhmm and told Alice, Edward, Rose and Jasper that I wanted a divorce and you were miserable...

I swear that boy has the potential to start world war 3 over a misunderstanding…

Speaking of Emmett... any idea why he's been sulking about the house all day?

Oh he's being punished, he's not allowed to participate in any fun activities until further notice or until he redeems himself according to Bella and Alice

What did he do that made him need to be punished?

Apparently Bella told him her truck was bionic and he took her seriously.

Oh no tell me he didn't!?

Yes sadly he did... he drove her truck into a tree.

Will that boy never learn…

---Esme and Carlisle are laughing at Emmett's silly-ness just as Bella, Alice, Edward and Jasper walk into the room and give their "parents" amused looks before Alice and Bella start talking simultaneously saying how fun passing notes are---

A/N - Okay, I think this is by far my worst chapter yet… a few people asked me a while ago to include Carlisle and Esme in the notes, and that -points to writing above- is exactly why I haven't included them so far (this chapter was really just to prove a point)… I just find it unbelievably difficult to write Carlisle and Esme being really immature and out of character, its not so hard with the other characters. So there you go a sucky Carlisle and Esme chapter (which for the record was a one time thing, I don't think I'll be adding them into any future notes)

-Lanna


	55. Chapter 55 Spiderspider

A/N - Ha okay so now I've shown you all why I never add Carlisle and Esme into chapters I can get on with the other chapters… anyway, I counted and I have roughly 9 chapters I wanna do (they're all partially written right now) and I meant to post the first one tonight but I got distracted because someone on my msn told me to write an "Alanna does the dumbest things" list… haha, and I started it (currently I'm at number 67, cause I do a lot of stupid stuff and I'm not even finished)…

So anyway, what was my point? Oh yeah, I got distracted… so instead of doing one of my 9 chapters I'm just gonna write this short one (there is a story behind it kinda but I'll explain in the bottom a/n)

-Lanna

****

Notes.

Alice, _Bella._

---Alice and Bella are in Alice's room when Bella notices a spider on the wall---

The spider is sooo looking at me

Squash it with a shoe?

Its huge! Its like Emmett... in spider form!! and its too high up the wall for me to squish...

LOI! Throw something at it…

I'd miss, it would fall...it would land on my head...and then it would taunt me a little before attacking me with all 8 of its legs!! -eyes widen in horror-

Ummm... whack it with a sweeping brush?

Again...I would miss...it would run and it would kill me…

Pfft you could so outrun it… although you wouldn't have to, if it came to attack you then you could stomp on it…

Nu-uh! the biatches run fast. I know this cause of the time I ran into my room away from one and by the time I had made it to my room the spider had already covered like double the distance I had…

Haha that is impressive, but to be fair you probably tripped a whole bunch of times

giving it a major head start didn't you?

Darn it you know me too well Batman!

Well I am your asfaawbffe. :o)

Hmm... then as my asfaawbffe can't you kill it for me?

Nope, I'm not touching Eugene...

Why not? -pouts-

Because he scares me... -shudders-

But you're like a bad ass vampire, and you're scared of a spider?

Elephants are scared of mice, Emmett is scared of the wizard of oz... I'm allowed an irrational fear every once in a while too... -shrugs-

Good point... ICK! its still staring at me. :o(

OMG It moved!

Its coming to get us!

Oh... no... it stopped, s'all good… We're safe.

For now… -creepy horror movie background music-

Batman...

Pigeon?

Its the biggest spider I've ever seen and you name it Eugene?

Well yeah, Eugene is like his Clark Kent type name...

Then what's his superman type name?

Spidespider!! -bounces-

Hahaha genius!... -glares at spider- I think its plotting to kill me...

S'cause it knows you're plotting to kill it...

There is only one thing left to do batman... I'mma have to go all ninja on its too-many-legged-ass

In other words you're gonna go get Edward?

Pretty much…

---Alice and Bella leave the room glaring at "Eugene" the whole time, and when they come back with Edward they find that Emmett has already found they're little eight legged friend… and then Emmett chases the screaming Alice and Bella around the house with the spider in his hand, and Edward and Jasper chase Emmett while he chases the girls.

Just as Carlisle and Esme come in the door to find their children running around the house like maniacs Alice picks up Bella and dives behind one of the sofa's while Jasper pounces on Emmett causing them both to fall on the ground and Eugene to go flying out of his hands…

Everyone goes silent and almost as if in slow motion the spider is launched across the room and hits Carlisle right in the face… he then starts dancing about screaming in a very school girl like voice "AAHHHH Get it off Get it off!"---

A/N - This chapter was kinda sucky really, I could've done better but I keep getting distracted while writing it so it doesn't flow so well… anyway, that was 2 conversations I had smooshed into one

(the first part was an msn conversation I had with my friend Leah where I was telling her about a spider that was on the wall, the Eugene/Spiderspider part was a conversation between me and my brother read the spider chapter in my story Wonderfully Weird to see that whole conversation) and well the end part was because someone chased me with a spider once and I was screaming like a girl (and the Carlisle thing was actually a girl I used to know, in the middle of maths someone told her she had a spider in her hair and she stood up and started freaking out… was funny)

Anywho, I'll try and add more chapters soon-ish (probably tomorrow)

-Lanna


	56. Chapter 56 CinderEmmett

A/N - Ick! My recent chapters haven't been so good… I blame Christmas! (simply because it's the easiest thing to blame) this chapter is basically just something to add in before Emmett gets to join in again (and the chapter is actually just like 3 chapters that I wrote and didn't like so I took bits of each of them and smooshed them together to make this, so sorry if its not so good). :o)

P.s. I have the cold, pity me :o( I dunno who gave me it but whoever it is will pay! -insert evil laugh/coughing fit-

-Lanna

****

Notes.

Edward, _Rosalie, _Alice, _Bella._

---Edward comes into the Cullen living room to find Alice and Rosalie smirking at Bella, who is pouting like there's no tomorrow---

Bella, what's wrong love?

Today:o(

What about today?

It was a bitch and a half:o(

Care to elaborate?

Not particularly…

Please? And where'd you get that bruise on your forehead?

A golf ball fell outa the sky and smacked me on the head… -shrugs-

Haha, okay… now the REAL reason?

Eugh fine… Emmett is a ho-bag and he put an alarm clock on the night stand right next to my head and then when it went off (at 7am, I might add!) I was all like "AAAAAAHHHH!" jumping up, but I sorta jumped a bit too far and fell outa the bed and landed on the floor and then as if that wasn't bad enough I had to hit the nightstand too didn't I… making the lamp fall over, and the lamp knocked into the alarm clock, which then fell and landed on my head and I was all like "OUCH!" and Emmett was all like "HAHAHA! Bella got punked"… so I tossed the alarm clock at him, and he ducked so it hit the wall instead of him and kinda rebounded back in whacked me on the head again… in the same spot as before! Hmph!

I'm gonna kill Emmett…

__

Oh don't worry Edward, we made him pay…

How?

Well Rose forced him to wear a fairy costume and make up while going to the store with Esme to get food for Bella…

__

Yeah and seeing as it's Saturday, there was a lot of people in the store…

Hahahaha how come I always miss the good stuff?

You didn't really… they filmed it, Emmett attempted to steal the tape so they added onto his punishment and he now has to wear the fairy costume till midnight… we've been calling him "CinderEmmett" cause of that...

I wondered why he wasn't downstairs pestering you to let him join in with fun activities again…

__

Yeah he's hiding in my closet again… and don't even think about making another joke about him "coming out of the closet" Edward!

Awwh come on… you can't say something like "he's hiding in the closet" and NOT expect me to poke fun at his sexuality?

Moooving on… don't you wanna know the other reason Bella is all "I hate the world"-ish?

There is more?

Yes -glares at Batman and Rose-

Awwh you know it was kinda funny Bumble Bee…

Yeah don't be mad at us… pweease -doe eyes-

Oh fine!… It was a little funny…

Anyone gonna tell me what in the world you two did to her?

__

Well we forced her to come shopping with us

Well nothing new there, is that all?

__

No! Sheesh I wasn't finished yet! So as I was saying before you so rudely stole the paper… we made her come shopping with us, and then as we were about to leave the mall one of those annoying sales people comes up to us…

LMAAHO! Yeah and he's all like "look it's the three Charlie's Angels" and then starts trying to get us to talk to him…

Uh-huh! And Rose was all just like "Piss off we don't want what you're selling" and walked off and Alice just rolled her eyes and followed Rose, but he was like a shark circling me and I couldn't escape:o(

LOI! And she had to endure like a 15 minute conversation with the guy with him trying to get her to change phone companies…

__

Ch'yeah and he was all giving her compliments and shiz…

Well, sales people will do anything to try and get you to buy what they're selling even buttering you up with compliments…

Haha Bella… you're so naïve, he was staring at your chest the whole time! Something tells me he was more trying to "sell himself" by giving you compliments than trying to get you to switch phone companies…

WHAT?! Some pervy sales man was coming onto my fiancée and you two did nothing?

No we did do something…

OTHER than stand there laughing Alice! -see's it in your mind-

__

Hey we can multi task!… we were laughing while we thought up a plan to "save her"…

Yeah we got Rosalie to get all flirty with a security guard and convinced him to go "escort Bella from the premises" for attempting to steal a hat from one of the stores…

Haha! You had her kicked out of the mall for shoplifting?

Yeah… it was a genius plan, we know…

It was not genius! I wasn't stealing! What would Charlie say if he found out!

Oh calm down Bella, we told the security guard you didn't actually try to steal anything, that we were just trying to save you from the sales dude…

Pfft, but you were only trying to save me from the "sales dude" because you realised I still had the car keys!

True… but we might've saved you anyway even if you didn't…

Only cause you know I'd kill you…

__

Ha… are we that transparent?

Pretty much…

So other than being attacked by an alarm clock, having a sleazy sales guy come onto you, being forced to go shopping and then getting embarrassed by being kicked out of the mall for shoplifting is there anything else?

Emmett kept blowing raspberries every time I tried to talk because he was all mad about the fairy costume… :o(

Hmm… I think I need to go have a little… talk, with our brother… -growls-

__

This should be interesting…

He's in the closet you said?

Yuup! -bounces-

---Edward storms out of the rooms with a determined look on his face, a few minutes later there is a serious of banging and crashing noises following by Emmett yelling "OW" repeatedly… Then a pink blur comes flying down the stairs and shoots outside closely followed by Edward, who turns and winks at Bella as he runs past and out the front door.(_a/n --drooools-)_

Alice, Bella and Rose all run to the window to see, Emmett in a pink tutu being tackled to the ground by Edward and they start to wrestle at vampire speed so that they just look like a blur of white, black and pink (Edward is wearing a black outfit).

After a few minutes of this Bella, Alice and Rose start laughing and go and sit back down again and a little while later Edward walks back in the door and moves Bella onto his lap smiling triumphantly at her (she's no-longer pouting and is beaming at him) then Emmett walks through the door, covered in grass stains and mud, pink tights torn everywhere and fairy wings all bent and lopsided… he glares at Edward and Bella, which causes everyone (except Emmett) to burst out laughing.

Wanting to see what all the noise is about Carlisle, Esme and Jasper come into the living room and join in the laughter at the sight of Emmett (who soon joins in the laughter too, thanks to Jasper sending out waves of amusement)---

A/N - Ha well, me, my mum and my sister were out shopping and one of those annoying sales people tried to talk to us (he actually did call us "the three Charlie's angels" -rolls eyes-) and my sister really did say piss off and kept walking and I rolled my eyes and followed her… but my mum got stopped and couldn't get away (and he was all giving her compliments like saying she had a nice tan and stuff, blatantly just trying to get her in a good mood so she'd change to his phone company) anyway, me and my sister was laughing hysterically about 20 feet away but then we realised that our mum had the car keys so my older sister tried to convince the security guard (who was one of her friends) to go over and pretend my mum had to be kicked out of the shopping centre for shoplifting (sadly he didn't do it but it was fricken funny anyway)….

I love the mental image of Emmett walking back into the house after getting his ass kicked by Edward. :o)

(the whole blowing raspberries when Bella tries to talk wasn't my idea, I just found that really funny I think it was on the list of things 51 things Aro isn't allowed to do… can't remember the authors name, but that idea wasn't mine but the rest was).

-Lanna


	57. Chapter 57 Rebellious Phase & Mr Teapot

A/N - So it's Christmas eve and as a xmas present for you all, I'll post like two chapters tommorow (unless I like die or something tonight -smirks-)… (Emmett will be back in the next chapter) I wasn't going to make this one into a chapter cause I don't like it much but a few people asked sooo… here it is.

-Lanna

****

Notes.

Edward, _Bella, **Jasper, **_Alice. 

---Edward, Bella and Jasper are sitting in the living room when Bella suddenly remember something she forgot to ask Edward---

Edward…

Yes love?

What did you mean when you said Alice had a "rebellious phase"?

I'd really rather not get remember -shudders-

Pleeeeeeease:o(

Oh alright… well, it was a few years ago and Alice decided that seeing as she couldn't remember her own childhood… she'd make a new one?

Haha what do you mean by that?

It was terrible she refused to participate in anything even remotely adult for a whole month.

Even shopping? -raises eyebrow-

Oh she went shopping alright… in children's shops, I swear she cleared out almost the entire Disney store in a matter of hours…

Oooh! I love the Disney store! I've always wanted to take a running jump head first into the huge pile of teddies!

Beelllaa!

Oh sorry, continue…

Well anyway, she would walk around the house chanting nursery rhymes and forced Esme to bake chocolate chip cookies and cupcakes with her even though she can't even eat them… and it was quite impressive really, she actually managed to resist the pull of fashion and wear jelly shoes and children's clothes for the whole month…

Hahaha seriously? Well I s'ppose she is small enough… I still don't see what is so bad about any of that… it sounds kind of cute really…

Cute?!

Yes Jazz… cute. :o)

Oh it was anything but cute, she was like possessed… by a five year old!

Yeah she got Carlisle and Esme to tell her bedtime stories every night… and then she would pretend to sleep, in her princess room I might add -shudders-

Haha she had a princess room? Awesome!

It was not awesome! It was horrible… I'm traumatised for "life"! It was pink… eugh… it looked like it fell right out of a fairytale. I've never seen so many bows and dolls and tiara's and teddies in all my existence, and considering how old I am, that's bad…

Oh don't forget the tv shows…

Ha yeah, remember the time she was watching teletubbies and Emmett tried to put Die Hard on?

Hahaha yeah and she bit him and started whacking him with her cabbage patch kid…

As horrible as that month was I will admit, seeing Emmett face as she done that was priceless…

LOI! Yeah right… like Alice would bite Emmett.

Oh we're serious Bella she did, he still has the scar on his shoulder to prove it… after that we decided that her whole "rediscovering her lost youth" phase should come to an end but when we tried to talk to her she threw a tantrum…

Yeah so we came up with a plan… if she wanted to act like a child we would treat her like a child…

What do you mean?

Well Esme and Carlisle took all of her toys off of her and "grounded" her for throwing tantrums and biting her brother… and then they gave her a set bedtime.

Uhuh and then we would play her favourite games, like baseball, dares and stuff like that but she couldn't join in because they weren't suitable for children…

She finally caved after about a week and came downstairs dressed normally again and said "you always spoil my fun" pouting like there's no tomorrow.

Hahaha awwh! I love my asfaawbffe! I still think it's cute… I don't see why you two are making such a big fuss about it…

Easy for you to say Bella, you didn't have to live through it…

I'll be forever haunted by those theme songs for life, she is the reason I now fear that big purple dinosaur…

You mean Barney?

We don't say its name!

Hahahaha seriously, you're scared of Barney, Edward come on… he's adorable!

Ha Bella, you now know his weakness… anytime we want him to leave the house we just get Emmett to sing "I love you, you love me-

I think she get's it Jazz!

Oh I don't know Eddie… I think she really needs to know about the time we filled your closet with Barney teddies so that when you opened it they all toppled out on top of you and you started screaming like a-

Well! I think she would be MUCH more interested in hearing about the part you played in Alice's rebellious phase. -smirks-

You wouldn't! We made a deal that we wouldn't mention that again!

Hahaha seriously, what in the world are you two talking about, what did Jasper do?

Alice managed to get Jasper to play tea parties with her!

I hate you! -glares-

Hahahahahah you played tea parties?! That is priceless!

Oh and he wasn't half assed about it either… he pretend to drink out of the little flowery tea cups, pinkies in the air and everything!

That's not fair! You know how impossible it is to say no to Alice when she gives you the pout-doe-eyed looking!

True…

Now imagine that… but with her dressed as a cute little child wearing bunchies with pink ribbons tying them

Haha yeah… that sounds like a lethal combination…

Exactly! So anyway, now you know and that month shall forever be known as Alice's "rebellious phase"…

And Jaspers "tea party phase".

Oh I'm so gonna destroy you!

I'll destroy you worse!

We'll see about that!

---Jasper chases the laughing Edward out of the room shouting "yeah you better run" just as Alice walks in and laughs at her brother and husband, then comes to sit next to Bella---

LOI! What was that all about?

Oh they were just telling me about your whole "rebellious phase" thing :o)

Ahh good times -remembers- so Edward told you about Jasper's teapot dance?

Hahaha! Teapot dance?! What tea pot dance?

Oooh… woops, so he didn't tell you?

Ha no, he told me about you making him play tea parties but didn't mention anything about a tea pot dance, now you have to tell me:o)

LMAAHO! Okay, but Jazzy is so gonna kill me for telling you! Ha, so I wanted to go to Disney World, to meet Cinderella and Donald Duck and Princess Jasmine and Belle and-

Alice… you're getting side tracked…

Oh, woops… sorry, anyway, I got my hopes all built up and everything but then I got a vision and saw it would be all sunny so we couldn't go… and I was all upset and wouldn't talk to anyone but my cabbage patch kid, and Jazz decided to try and cheer me up… so he dressed up in a funny tea pot like outfit and came into my room and started singing the "I'm a little tea pot song" until I cheered up.

Awwh that's so sweet of him!

LOI! I know… but while I found it sweet, everyone else found it really funny and took the piss out of him for it for months and on every special occasion Emmett would request to see "the teapot dance" which would usually end up in them either wrestling or Jasper chasing Emmett halfway across the country…

---There is a series of banging noises followed by yelling and laughing coming from upstairs, Alice and Bella look at each other, Bella looking worried, Alice looking slightly amused---

Should we stop them?

Hmm… nope! Just wait… this will be funny…

---Bella does as she is told and waits patiently, and a few minutes later Edward comes rushing down the stairs laughing followed by Jasper who is shouting "I am NOT a little teapot!", which causes Edward to laugh more.

Having heard the noise and what Jasper was saying, Emmett decides to join in on the fun too and comes downstairs into the living room holding a tape, unnoticed by Edward and Jasper who are now running in circles around the seating area.

Emmett puts the tape on and turns the volume up really loud, when Bella turns her attention to the TV screen she see's Jasper, standing in a pink princess-style bedroom wearing a teapot outfit (that is ever so slightly girly, because its like Mrs Pots from Beauty and The Beast) and then he starts serenading Alice with the "I'm a little teapot" song (who is curled up in a ball on her bed clutching a cabbage patch doll) he finishes his routine with a ballerina-like twirl and then a bow, receiving a big smile and round of applause from Alice and then we hear Emmett and Edward laughing and the camera starts shaking, when Jasper realises he has an audience other than Alice he gets angry and starts chasing his brothers around the house screaming profanities and the camera (still recording) is tossed from one of them to the other before the screen goes black…

Hearing Alice and Bella's laughter Jasper stops chasing Edward and looks to the TV screen, then at Emmett and says "You didn't?!" and when Emmett replies "Why yes I did Mr Teapot" a new chase begins this time between Jasper and Emmett.

Edward goes to sit by Bella and Alice, all three of them laughing as they watch the blurs of Jasper and Emmett run about the house---

A/N - Haha, this chapter was beyond terrible… it wasn't even funny (well the little end-mental-image type bit of Jasper chasing Edward about the house was kinda funny to me but the rest sucked) I didn't write Alice's rebellious phase very well, but just imagine a teenage vampire acting like a child… and the rest of the Cullen's having to endure (and sometimes participate in) childish activities…

I thought it was about time Edward got an irrational fear… and that comes in the form of a large purple dinosaur -sigh- (barney does honestly kinda creep me out… I think it's the voice, my friend Jenna can mimic his voice perfectly… it's scary-good, ha)

-Lanna

****


	58. Chapter 58 Redemption

_A/N - So I'm half asleep and feel all bleh-ish (or in English, I don't feel very well -smirks-) but anyway, I promised to update today so here goes… (sorry in advance if its not so good)._

_-Lanna_

_Notes._

_Edward, __Bella, Alice, Emmett, **Jasper.** _

_---Emmett, Edward, Jasper, Alice and Bella are all sitting in the Cullen living room… Emmett, Bella and Alice just got back from the mall---_

Annnd I'm back in the game!!

_What happened to the whole "being banned from fun junk until further notice" thing?_

_He redeemed himself -shrugs-_

Mhmm! And it was uber-funny!

Awwh and we missed it? Typical…

_Yuhuh sorry Eddie._

So what'd you have to do Emmett?

_I'd rather not say… -mumbles incoherently-_

S'a good thing story telling is one of the things Pigeon and I do best…

_Mhmm… so Emmett, was being a suck butt-_

A suck butt?

_Yes, Edward… a suck butt. :o)_

Fair enough… continue…

_So anyway, he was being a suck butt and tried to get back on our good side by taking us to see Peter Pan…ON ICE!!!Yuhuh, on ice… but we didn't think that made up for him killing Larry, so after the show when we were driving home Alice had this genius idea!…_

_Also known as a vision?_

_Loi! Yes… and cause Alice had already seen what was gonna happen she came prepared._

_With what?_

_Posters of Larry…Yuhuh and they had a big picture of my truck on them and it said "R.I.P Larry you will be missed" and then under that it had a date and time for the memorial service…_

_Hahaha you were going to have a memorial service for your truck?_

_Oh no… Bella wasn't… Emmett was! -bounces-_

Do you really have to tell them?

_Yes they do Emmett, this is sweet payback for the whole teapot fiasco!_

Grr!

_So what exactly did you have him do?_

_We went to the mall…And we bought him a bunch of new clothes and make-up…So that he looked like a goth… black lip stick and all!_

You seriously wore lipstick?

They forced me to!!

So not only did you wear make up… you were forced to do so by two girls, that are less than half your size? -raises eyebrow-

Hey! What we lack in size we make up with brains and sheer awesomeness!

_Yeah! What she said!_

Oh I don't doubt that love. :o)

_Good because girls pwn!_

_Yes, you obviously do… seeing as you managed to destroy what was left of Emmett's manliness that was left after the whole camp, spice girls, Cindy Lu, fear of kids movies thing… -smirks-_

I have not lost my manliness! I'll arm wrestle you and prov-

Oh hush up Emmett and let Alice and Bella finish telling us the tale of your humiliation.

Right, well anyway… once Emmett was all "gothed out" and armed with Larry memorial posters, we had him stand right in the middle of the mall (which for the record, was packed with people)…Mhmm… and we had him hand out the posters, while fake sobbing and begging people to come and pay there respects to Larry.And even though people were questioning his sanity and the security guards were trying to decide whether to laugh, toss him out or call men in white coats with big nets to come and cart him away we decided that this wasn't redemption enough…

_So we had him sing a reworded version of "Missing You" by First Lady and after that the security guards decided it was time to toss him out of the mall for "scaring people"…Which, was actually true by the way… no less than 3 children started crying at his singing._

It truly was a beautiful sight… ahh the public humiliation of Captain Doofus brings me great joy. -sighs- :o)

Pfft you two are the height of evil!

_That may be true… but admit it, you would have laughed if you saw someone else in your situation wouldn't you?_

Welllll….

Emmett stop picturing me in your situation!!!

Pfft, spoil sport… anyway, Batman and Pigeon here didn't tell you all of what happened at the mall… they left out my favourite part.

_Hush up Captain Doofus!_

Nope… you embarrass me, I return the favour. -smirks-

_Eugh! Whatever! -glares-_

So while I'm being dragged out of the mall kicking and screaming Alice and Bella are laughing hysterically and they just so happened to be sitting on the edge of a fountain, and well you all know what Bella is like so she fell backwards and grabbed Alice for support, but seeing as they were both laughing so hard, they both fell in the fountain but they couldn't stop laughing still and then a big crowd gathered around the fountain and this little kid goes "mommy why are those crazy ladies in the fountain" and then more security guards come and toss those two out, dripping wet, looking like drowned rats... now that was funny!

_Hahaha are you serious?!_

I kid you not… Batman and Pigeon went for a swim in the mall fountain…

_Thank you for that Captain Doofus -smiles innocently-_

What?! You two should be all mad and embarrassed or… why are you grinning like that?! Stop it, it's freaky!

Haha he's right… you two do look evil.

Oh we were just thinking that seeing as Emmett embarrassed us, for embarrassing him, even though he deserved it that we wouldn't let him have the last laugh…

Uh oh!

_Sooo Jazz, Eddie… how would you two like to see a little "documentary"?_

_You mean you filmed it?_

_Yup!_

Nooooo! The tape would've been ruined when you fell in the fountain! You're bluffing!

Nu-uh! After you dropped the last video camera down the toilet I decided to buy a more Emmett-proof one… you know, shock resistant, water resistant, idiot proof and all that jazz…

_S'like the Superman of video cameras!_

Exactly… sooo ready for the show?

_I have one question first… how did Emmett manage to drop a video camera down the toilet?_

He decided to make a documentary entitled "the way the toilet flushes in Forks"

_Wow he is an idiot…_

I'm still here you know!

Oh we know :o)

_Now lets start the show!_

---Emmett is glaring daggers as Alice skips over to the dvd player and puts in a disc and Emmett appears on screen, looking absolutely ridiculous (the extremely baggy clothes he was wearing making him look, if possible even bigger than he already is)

Edward, Alice, Bella and Jasper are all cracking up while watching, with Alice and Bella choking out comments every so often like "Oooh this was a good part" and "Here comes my favourite bit" and as Emmett on screen is carted off mid-song, the camera starts shaking a lot and we hear the contagious laughter of Alice and Bella just before the world seems to be falling up (on the screen that is) and there is a girly scream followed by two splashes and more laughter as Alice and Bella fall into the fountain.

Emmett, who was laughing at that particular part of the video stops abruptly when he realises that Alice and Bella are laughing at themselves on screen and weren't the least bit embarrassed by it.

When the tape stops a loud growl is heard from Edward who turns to glare angrily at Emmett who smirks evilly and then runs off with Edward shouting after him "You will NOT get revenge on Alice and Bella that way!", his only reply being his trade-mark booming laugh.

When Jasper asks what Emmett was planning Edward told him "He was going to auction Alice and Bella off on eBay" which set the two girls into another fit of hysterical giggles---

_A/N - GRRR! Once again a terrible chapter -pouts- I know I said I'd do two chapters today but I'm like beyond tired right now so I'll post the other one tomorrow instead, sorry sorry sorry sorry… but as sucky as my chapters have been recently they are even worse when I write while tired and am in a bad mood so maybe if I leave it till tomorrow it won't be so bad…_

_P.s. again… sorrrrrrrrry._

_-Lanna_

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	59. Chapter 59 Drop Dead Fred did it

_A/N - Haha sooo I'm hyper and tired at the same time, and those two emotions so weren't meant to be felt at the same time, it's made me all strange-ish (well more so than usual, if that's possible) half way through this chapter I randomly decided to buy some new books (don't cha just love Amazon?) anyway, so I bought 10 new books and now I'm all happy… you didn't actually need to know any of that, but oh well… I can't be bothered deleting it. :o) _

Thank you all the people that reviewed and said that the sucky chapters I've been posting don't suck (I'm just even more overly critical of them because I wrote them) I know they're not as good as some of my earlier chapters I'll try and make them better. Right, enough rambling and on with the chapter…

-Lanna

****

Notes.

Edward, Alice, _Bella, _Emmett.

---Edward and Emmett come into the "bat cave" to find Bella and Alice bouncing on the spot and Bella keeps giggling every few minutes---

Bella love?

Yes Wonder boy?

Wonder boy?

Didn't we tell you that was Eddie's super-hero-type name?

Haha nope!

Well it is… because he is filled with Wonderfullness-ness!

Ch'yeah sure he is-

Emmett hush the hell up!

Pfft… fiiine be that way "wonder boy"

Captain Doofus your use of written air quotes are not appreciated!

Whatever you say "Batman"

OH! Now that was just… sooooo… OH! -sulks-

Bella… why do you keep giggling and bouncing like Alice?

She's been snorting sherbet!

I have not!

Well how else do you explain your hyperness-ity? Snorting sherbet is the only reasonable explanation! -is a genius-

Captain Doofus… snorting sherbet would like, make my nose fall off! It burns!!!

And how do you know that "it burns!!!"?

Umm… I guessed? -looks at shoes-

Hahahaha! I was just joking! But you have snorted sherbet haven't you?!

Not today!

But you have before?!

It wasn't on purpose… I sorta sneezed and that made the sherbet jump out of my hand and go POOF all over my face and then when I breathed in it sucked up my nose and then I was all like "AAAAAH it burns" and Charlie walked in and was laughing at me because my face was covered in sherbet but then I sneezed again and that made his face get covered in sherbet too so I laughed at him and then I was all like "AHHH it burns" again and tossed water on my face…

LOI! How is it possible I didn't know about this?! I'm you're asfaawbffe!

Yuhuh I know but… I prefer not to talk about it :o(

How come?

Because Charlie banned me from eating sherbet… pfft. :o(

Pigeon…

Batman?

We could harpoon Charlie, drag him back to the house and hit him with a hammer until he agrees to let you eat sherbet again? -smirks-

BATMAN! You're a genius -bounces-

Bella you can't be serious?!

Well of course we're not serious, ha like we'd actually harpoon Charlie… or beat him with a hammer…

Then what was that all about?

You wanted to know why she was all bouncing-like-me… that is the reason…

Huh? I don't get it… what is the reason?

I'm hyper cause we watched… DROP DEAD FRED:o)

Drop dead what now? -raises eyebrow-

Drop… dead… Fred! It PWNS! -bounces-

It's made of awesome! I want my very own Fred…

Right, who the hell is Fred?

He is an imaginary friend whose weakness is sneezes, has a love for breaking noises whose mission in life is to create mischief and come up with insane elaborate plots to get rid of the mega bitch with his partner in crime whom he calls Snot face…

Who is the mega bitch?

Elizabeth's mother…

Who is Elizabeth?

Snot Face:o)

Ohh… they call her mom "the mega bitch"… what a loving pet name…

Ah but its okay because she's evil and boring and evil and dull and did I mention evil?

Once or twice…

AliceAliceAliceBATMAN!

BellaBellaBellaPIGEON!?

Let's play robbers!

OOH! YAY!

---Alice throws Bella on her back and runs out of the room both of them giggling leaving behind Edward and Emmett who look a mixture of confused and amused… after about 20 minutes they hear a loud crashing noise and go downstairs to investigate and find Alice and Bella sitting in the living room wearing black and white stripy jumpers and black hats looking at a broken window…---

What'd you two do?

Noooothing… -adjusts halo-

Oh really… then why is the window broken?

Drop Dead Fred did it!

Bella… a movie character didn't break the window…

Uhuh! He did too… didn't he Batman…

Yuhuh we were all like "we're cool cause we're wearing stripy sweaters and stealing Esme's silver tea spoons" and then poof, out of nowhere this guy in a green suit with funky red hair shows up and says "breaking a window requires much sophisticatedliness so I'd better do it" and then he whacked the window with a phone and it shattered!

Okay, now tell me the real story? -smirks-

Pfft fiiine… so we really were stealing tea spoons while wearing stripy tops and then Batman was all like "NEE NAWW NEE NAWW! Run Pigeon run! It's da poolice and they're gunna bust us!" so we started running away with our bag of "stolen goods" when all of a sudden the corner of the rug jumps out of nowhere and attacks my shoe!

Mhmm… so then she trips, making her fall forward oh so gracefully and the bag of cutlery flew right out of her hands and went crash-bang-shatter right through the window…

Yeah... so we're gunna tell Esme that a bionic pigeon flew into the window because her window cleaning abilities made the glass so clean that the pigeon didn't see it.

Yah we're hoping that she'll be so happy with the compliment that she'll buy our story…

Or you could just replace the window before she gets back?

Well that could work too…

And what have you two learnt today? -smirks-

That it is my new mission in life to make everyone watch Drop Dead Fred?

Nope…

That the rug in your living room is evil and is trying to kill me?

Not quite… try again?

Grr fine… not to play robbers in the house :o( happy now?

Ecstatic…

Hmmm… do you guys wanna watch a movie?

Which one?

---Bella and Alice look at each other grinning then shout at the same time "DROP DEAD FRED" and Bella jumps on Alice's back again and they run to the Batcave, Edward and Emmett following a few minutes later… Bella and Alice make everyone in the Cullen house watch the movie repeatedly until Bella falls asleep in the early hours of the morning and as Edward carries her up to his room she is mumbling "that's not how the pigeons do it" making Edward smile at his fiancée as he tucks her into bed (a/n -aww)---

A/N - Haha well, the whole snorting sherbet thing was mostly true, I was walking with my cousin and I had the sherbet tube and then I sneezed and the sherbet blew all over my face and when I breather I inhaled it and it seriously does burn your nose -shudders- hmm anyway, I absolutely lovelovelove the movie Drop Dead Fred (some of the stuff in the chapter won't make sense if you haven't seen it, **if you haven't look it up on you tube **and watch the funniest parts!!!)…

I'm sure there was something else I was gonna say but I forgot what it was… darn!

-Lanna


	60. Chapter 60 Emmett has crabs

A/N - I've decided I like quoting conversations between me and my friends in the a/n and one of them just made me laugh so here it is:

Craig says: Lanny you will NOT call me Optimus Prime!!!

Lanna says: Pfft, fine… I'll save that name for any future children that I'll probably not be having…

Ha, and the lesson I learned: Don't threaten to start calling Craig Optimus Prime because he doesn't like that name. Although that just makes it oh so more tempting -adjusts halo-

This chapter is for **Edwardxbells4ever **who suggested a chapter with it snowing, but seeing as it's only like July-June-ish in my story she then suggested a beach chapter sooo… here goes. :o)

**P.s. All of you should go read and review Notes With Bella And The Gang by edwardcullenmaniac, 'cuz its funny. :o)**

-Lanna

****

Notes.

Edward, Emmett, Alice, _Bella._

---After about an hour of Alice and Emmett's persistent begging and pouting Bella agreed to go to the beach with them while Edward and everyone else were out hunting… after the beach they come back to the Cullen house just after everyone gets back from hunting. Alice, Bella and Emmett go to sit with Edward in the Cullen living room---

What's up with Emmett?

He has crabs…

I do not have crabs!!!

HA! Well you sure did earlier…

That was not funny… -glares-

Anyone care to explain what you're going on about, because I'm assuming its not about Emmett having caught an STD?

Batman and Captain Doofus made me go to the beach with them… and it was, hmm… eventful? -smirks-

What do you mean by "evenful" exactly?

LOI! Story time!… Right so once we got to the beach, Bella being Bella… tripped and fell and Emmett was all laughing at her and junk, and decided to kick her when she's down-

JEEZ! Edward I didn't literally KICK her so stop growling…

Oh… sorry, continue…

Well anyway, so I'm lying down in the sand with shells digging into some very uncomfortable places when Captain Doofus picks me up and tosses me into the water, which for the record was freeeeezing cold!

One of my finer moments -bows-

Oh hush up you know we beat you by the end of the day…

Pfft whatever…

Beat him?

Yeah well, after he dumped me into the water I was all "AHHH! Help! The evil jelly fish are lurking and they're gunna eat me", and then instead of helping me Captain Doofus SPLASHED me with more water…

Uhuh and then Bella was all like "Oh this is war Captain Doofus" and stomped out of the water, only tripping once… and we started plotting the Doofus one's demise. -grins-

So we came up with this idea, where I would distract Emmett by tripping (on purpose of course) and while he was doubled over laughing at me Batman would dump a whole bunch of crabs down his shorts…

It was really quite funny he started jumping about screaming in a very Rosalie-like fashion and running up and down the beach and we were just pointing and laughing and Bella was all like "Ha! Emmett has crabs!"

Mhmm and we were gunna go easy on him and leave it at that until he bitched slapped Alice with seaweed and then we got mean.

HAHAHAAHA!!

Why are you laughing we haven't even got to the really funny part yet? -pouts-

Emmett is picturing the whole seaweed incident… Alice's face is priceless!

HEY!

EDWARD!!!!

Sorry love… what is the "really funny part"

I told Captain Doofus that I left my beach ball in the car and asked him to come with me to go get it, and him being the gullible idiot that he is believed me…

HEY! I am not a gullible idiot… you could have left your beach ball in the car!

Emmett… seriously, Bella and "beach ball" in the same sentence? -raises eyebrow-

Oh… yeah, the whole too clumsy for sports thing… I forgot. DARN!

LOI! Anyway… while Pigeon was distracting Emmett, I had time to dig a really big hole and half fill it with water…

Mhmm and we disguised it with a towel and then when, I brought Captain Doofus back from the car, Alice tossed water at him and he totally took the bait!

Yeah and he started chasing me, he didn't even notice that while running I jumped over the towel so when he stepped on it he fell right into the hole!

And it was really deep and it was all muddy and swamp-like cause she put water in it and then he was all like "ARGGGH! You got my hair wet!" and then as he tried to climb out the sand up the side of the hole sorta caved in and he fell back again and splashed right back into the muddy-sand type stuff and more sand fell on his head and he started screaming "I don't wanna die" and then Alice was all like "You're already dead stupid"

LMAAHO! Ch'yeah and it took him like a whole 10 minutes of trying to figure out how to get out of the hole to realise he was a vampire and had the ability to jump out of the hole easily…

It was a very traumatic experience, I got sand in some very unmentionable places! I wasn't thinking logically!!

Do you ever think logically?

Well… SHUT UP!

Alice… Bella…

Yus?

You didn't happen to get all this on camera did you?

Of course…

We're Batman and Pigeon!

And it's our mission in life to document Emmett's stupid moments…

That we created… MWAHAHAHAH!

You are NOT gonna show him that tape!

Oh yes they are…

Oh no they're not!

Oh yes we are!

This is not a pantomime!

I will get that tape!

You WILL have to catch me first!

---After saying that Alice runs out of the room, closely followed by a screaming Emmett trying to get the tape back… once again his screaming attracts the rest of the family and after Edward and Bella explain what Emmett is trying to catch Alice for, they all sit in the living room watching the chase (which is funny because Alice gracefully leaps over furniture and slides under tables, because she's small enough to fit while Emmett crashes into things and gets stuck when he tries to follow).

Jasper sensing Bella's amusement and mischievousness turns to see her grinning evilly and when he asks her what is wrong, the other Cullen's (minus Alice and Emmett) turn to hear her answer, she just giggles and says "Alice didn't actually tell Emmett she was the one that had the video…" then walks over and turns on the TV and puts something in the DVD player... when its finished they are all laughing hysterically...

Right on cue, Alice runs back into the living room and jumps onto Jaspers knee closely followed by Emmett who is confused to see them all laughing until he looks to the TV to see it paused on a picture of himself sitting in a hole, soaked, covered in sand and glaring up at Alice and Bella. He looks from Alice to Bella, glaring unable to form a coherent sentence and Alice just shrugs and says "You just assumed I had the tape, you didn't have to chase me like a madman".---

A/N - Not one of my better chapters, but oh well, it was fun to write… a lot of the beach things actually happened, I am terrified of jellyfish and whenever I go into the water at the beach I start screaming the lurking jelly fish are gonna kill me, and then the whole bitch slapping with seaweed… also true… and also very fun and started a whole "seaweed fight" (kinda like a food fight… but with sea weed) and the digging the hole covering it with a towel, true… (although it wasn't as deep as Emmett's, just big enough to make someone's ass get stuck when they sit down on the towel… such fun)

-Lanna


	61. Chapter 61 Running with scissors

A/N - I decided to do a chapter that would sort of "introduce" another story I'm gonna write, **everyone please read & review it! **(I'll explain more at the bottom)…

-Lanna

****

Notes.

Bella, Emmett, **_Jasper,_** Alice, _Rosalie._

---Rosalie, Bella, Emmett, Jasper and Alice are sitting in the Cullen kitchen---

I'm feeling all adventurous today! -bounces-

Wanna run with scissors and shove tea spoons in plug sockets?!

I said I'm feeling adventurous… not that I have a death wish Captain Doofus!

Fine… more fun for me -giggles-

Emmett!

What?

Well first of all… don't ever "giggle"… its seriously creepy when you do it -shudders-

And secondly Esme will kill you if you ever shove another spoon or random object into the plug sockets last time you caused a black out.

__

And started Jaspers whole "Spoons have rights too" campaign

HEY! They do have rights and I'll have you know that spoons are-

Jazzy, seriously… the spoon thing is getting weird…

"Getting"? -smirks-

Ha okay… it's always been weird, but now its getting like "the men in white coats will be here soon"-weird…

I think its kind of cute actually, my husband is lovely! -bounces-

Annnd that is my cue to go run with scissors…

WAIT! I have new funness in mind. -mischievous smirk-

Alright… I'm "listening"?

Let's go to wal-mart!!!

That doesn't sound all that fun Bumble Bee.

OOH!!! Pigeon! You're brilliant!

Well… I do try ;oP

Eddie is gonna take some convincing though…

Oh leave that up to me.

Do either of you intend to tell us what you're going on about?

Ahh patience young padawan, all shall be revealed soon enough!

****

Pfft, whatever you say Yoda…

Dude! That was so not Yoda… he talks all backward-ish… I was like all Obi-Wan-ish, pfft…

****

Oookay…

Pigeon!

Batman!?

Convince Edward to come play, you must. Meet you in the bat cave I will…

Not THAT was "Yoda"… -smirks-

Haha okay. :o)

Oh and Pigeon…

Yus?

Use the FORCE!!

Oh I plan to… ;oP

---Bella goes to find Edward to convince him to join in whatever game Alice & Bella have planned, while Alice goes to the "bat cave", leaving behind a confused looking Emmett and Jasper and a bored-amused looking Rosalie---

A/N - Haha, well… like I said, there is a point to this chapter… one of the reviewers sent my a pm with like 4 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart and said it would be funny if Bella, Alice and Emmett did them… so I was going to just make a chapter on it but I thought it would be more fun to make a separate story on the whole wal-mart thing (It'll be like playing dares in wal-mart) and this chapter sort of introduces it.

So go read and review it please. :o)

-Lanna


	62. Chapter 62 Stupid Emmett

A/N - **READ THIS AUTHORS NOTE!!!** Ha, okay so this isn't majorly important, I just wanted to let you all know that I will be continuing the Wal-Mart story but seeing as I can't write about what they did at Wal-Mart in this story, without spoiling future chapters of the Wal-Mart one I'm just going to continue with the notes pretending that they are passing them a while after they did the whole Wal-Mart thing… ICK! I'm barely making sense, sorry… anyway, on with the chapter…

P.s. Happy New Year. :o)

-Lanna

****

Notes.

Edward, _Bella, _Alice, **_Jasper_**, Emmett.

---After returning from Wal-Mart Edward, Bella, Alice, Emmett and Jasper are all sitting in Edwards room, Bella and Alice clearly still hyper---

Well that was… fun?

"Fun"? It was fricken awesome!

Uh-huh! Lets do it again!!!

We can't Pigeon… we're banned from Wal-Mart remember. :o(

Oh yeah… -gutted-… well there's always Target:o)

Let's leave that for another day shall we…

Oh alright then…

At least now we have another thing to add to the list of places we aren't allowed to go.

Hmm true.

Where else have you all been banned from exactly other than Toys 'r' Us and now Wal-Mart?

You really want to know Bella?

Of course! -bounces-

Well… where to begin -ponders- we got banned from quite a two zoos, a circus, a few super markets in the state, and the Disney store-

HAHAHA! How the hell did you all manage to get banned from all those places?

We'll give ya three guessed Bella…

Hmm… OOH!… Emmett! Ha!

Ding-Ding-Ding and we have a winner!

It wasn't all my fault!

Oh really? -raises eyebrow-

Well… umm…

Exactly…

Loi! Okay… but seriously what'd Captain Doofus do?

Well in the zoo's he got us kicked from he did a range of things from letting the penguins out to roam the zoo freely, causing a lot of chaos I might add… to breaking into the snake tank and "playing dead" pretending that the giant python killed him.

Ha, good times… one of my finer moments, remember that kid that wet himself when he saw me lying there?

That was not funny Emmett! You scared the bjeezus out of everyone!

Like I said, one of my finer moments…

****

And then when one of the zoo keepers came out and started questioning why he wasn't actually dead, he claimed to be a "snake charmer" from India, the idiot even attempted an Indian accent…

Hahahahah Emmett, you're made of stupid!

Pfft, like you could've come up with anything better…

_Whatever… so how'd he get you all banned from the circus and disney store?_

**In the Disney store he buried himself under the big pile of stuffed toys and jumped out everytime someone passed by, scaring the crap out of people, and he then insisted on trying on all of the dress up costumes, including the princess ones -shudders- and he then had an argument with the store manager about how they should make the costumes "Emmett sized" and that didn't end so well exactly...**

_Haha, how did it end?_

**With Emmett calling the manager a "butt head" and whacking him over the head with a donald duck teddy before having to be dragged off the premises by two security guards and being told not to come back again.**

Loi! And as for the circus, well, you know those little flower things that clowns wear that trick you into getting water squirted on your face?

Yuhuh?

Well, lets just say Captain Doofus didn't appreciate getting soaked…

What, did he like beat up the clown or something?

La la la la….

HA!HA! O-M-G! You did didn't you?! You actually beat up a clown! Ha!

He deserved it!

So what about the super markets? Should I even ask why a bunch of vampires were in a super market at all?

Oh we weren't all at the super market… just Emmett, Carlisle and Esme got a call from security saying that their "son" was harassing the customers and could they come and collect him…

Harassing how?

Apparently he though it would be funny to shove water melons up his shirt and ask random shoppers to give them a squeeze and let him know if his "moobs" were ripe enough -rolls eyes-

LMAAHO! Yeah and when they wouldn't do it he'd follow them around the store pestering them until eventually someone fetched the manager…

****

Ha yeah and then Emmett, being the complete tool that he is started screaming at the manager something along the lines of "Are me and my moobs not good enough for you?!" causing a big scene, at which point security stepped in…

Are you serious?

I got bored okay… you all went hunting without me, and Rose was getting her hair done and Carlisle was working and Esme was redecorating… I had to do something to entertain myself…

Hahahahaha WOW! You're stupidness-ity never ceases to amazing me Captain Doofus!

It's a gift…

****

You do realise she just called you stupid right?

Wait… what, no she didn't -re-reads- HEY!

And he proves my point… -smirks-

LOI! Captain Doofus just got PWN'd!… again!

Whatever, Bella is evil…

Well, good is only fun in moderation. -props halo up on horns- anyway, so are those the only places you've been banned from?

Oh there are more, and there have been loads of close calls…

****

HAHA! Yeah like the time we took a trip to Italy and Emmett almost got us deported because he was stalking the pope trying to tell him knock knock jokes…

Please tell me you're joking…

Nope, he's serious…

I just wanted to make the old guy laugh! He takes life too seriously…

That's his job, he's supposed to set an example…

Pfft, I'd so be a better pope than him.

HAHAHAHAAH! Pope Emmett! That'd be a site to see… Captain Doofus, when Batman and I take over the world we shall make you the new pope… big hat and all!

SCORE! I've always wanted a pope hat! I'm gonna go tell Rose!

---Emmett runs out of the room happy as a kid on Christmas morning, leaving Bella, Alice and Jasper rolling on the floor laughing at him (Jasper because he is being "influenced" by Bella and Alice) and Edward is grinning lovingly at Bella as her face turns bright red from laughing---

A/N - Woops… so this wasn't actually what the chapter was supposed to be like, it was actually meant to stop at the "now we have something else to add to the list" bit and had something completely different as the ending, but I got carried away and decided to insert some Emmett-fun-ness (so what was the original ending will be the next chapter)

The whole pope bit is because I was talking to my friend and was all like "I wanna be the pope because he has a kick ass hat" and… well, yeah I won't get into that now cause this a/n is getting too long -shuts up-

-Lanna


	63. Chapter 63 Spoon The Third

A/N -Ha, I was reading my old myspace group forum and there was some quite fun stuff on it that I forgot about with me and my friends being stupid… so I'm gonna make some of it into chapters (that means I have like a load of new ideas -happy dance-) Hmm, anyway… this chapter was meant to be the end-half of the last chapter before I got carried away with Emmett-ness…

P.s. You reviews are making me smile sooo much, especially when people tell me they've put bits of my story on their blogs (well, as long as they don't take credit for writing it) but seriously… you're all legends. :o)

-Lanna

****

Notes.

Edward, _Jasper, Bella, _Alice, Emmett.

---Bella, Alice and Edward are sitting in Edward's room when Jasper walks in and Bella spots something shiny poking out of his pocket---

Jasper… is that a… did you steal a spoon from Wal-Mart?!

Mehh-beh…

Oh for the love of cheese!

Cheese, Bella?

Yes… cheese…

Ooh-kay then…

What 'cha talking about? -bounces-

Jasper's new spoon.

His name is Spoon The Third!!!

Why third?

Because he is a descendant of The Spoon Of Spoons, DUH! Keep up Bella!

Noo stupid! I meant why "The Third" wouldn't it be like… Spoon The Second?

Umm, no.

Why not?

****

Because "Spoon The Second" just doesn't have the same awe-inducing impact as "Spoon The Third"…

That's very twisted logic…

I like spo0o0o0ons!

So we've noticed…

ICK! He's like Salad Finger's!!

Salad Fingers? What the hell is a Salad Finger?

It's not a "what" it's a who… Salad Finger's is a creepy little green cartoon guy with long Salad-like fingers -shudders-

Oh, alright then… but why is Jazz like him?

Because he has a strange obsession with rusty metal objects…

Particularly spoons…

Umm… Alice…

Yuuus?!

I think you might wanna have a little talk with your husband…

Hahahahahah!

Why?

Look…

---Edward points to Jasper, who is petting the spoon (like it's a cat) while talking to it saying things along the lines of "Don't worry spoony, I'll protect you from that mean spork lover"… Bella and Edward are laughing at him, while Alice is looking at him with a mixture of amusement, love and concern for his sanity then Emmett walks in and gives Jasper a strange look---

HA! What's with Jasper?

He's cheating on Alice…

With a spoon…

Yup! I've got some competition… I may have to get myself a spatula or a fork to even out the playing field… -grins-

Edward.

Yes love?

Can I caress your kettle? ;oP

Can you what?!

Hahahahaha!

LOI! Chillax Eddie… she's just quoting Salad Fingers..

Pfft, you shouldn't have told him Batman… I coulda freaked him out a little. :o)

Haha, woops… sorry Pigeon.

HAHA! You mean like… leaving him trying to figure out what "Kettle" was code for? -wiggles eyebrows-

Ewww! Emmett… you have a… a… POTTY MIND!!

Potty mind?

Yuhuh!

Like a potty mouth… but with your miiinnnind…

Pfft, you're all just jealous…

Of what exactly?

My blatant awesomeness that is fuelled by my "potty mind"…

Oh how I wish I had a mind in the gutter like you Emmett… -sarcasm-

Well we can't all be all stick-in-the-mud-ish 24-7 Eddie-boy…

I am not a stick in the mud!

Yah, you kinda are… I blame your good manners…

Hey Captain Doofus it's not his fault he's so…stiff?

Yeah! We love his stiff-ness!

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH!!!!!

What is so funny about that?

Hahaha! You're "stiff"… Bella loves your "stiffness" HA! I'm sensing a double-meaning!

You have a sick sick mind Captain Doofus!!!

Yuhuh! We didn't mean it like that you perv… we meant, like gentleman-like!

Suuure you did… -smirks-

Emmett! Stop thinking those thoughts right now!

Stop raping my mind if you don't like what's in there!

I mean it… I'll kill you!

-feels pulse- Kinda seems like I'm already dead bro! anyway, I could so kick your ass..

Oh really?

Yeah… I'll destroy you!

I'll destroy you worse!!

---Emmett runs out of the room laughing closely followed by Edward, a few seconds later there is a series of crashes coming from outside and Bella and Alice walk over to Edward window to see the blurs of Emmett and Edward wrestling in the garden. They roll their eyes and shake their heads saying "boys" at the same time and turn back to go sit on the couch again… where Jasper is still playing with his spoon (and has now started quietly serenading it with "Twinkle twinkle little spoon"…)---

A/N - Well, when I asked what peoples favourite chapters were, quite a few people liked Jasper's spoon, so it's making a comeback Ha!… umm anyway, the last bit of the chapter about Edward's "stiffness" was actually for **manda-panda-luvs-edward-cullen** who asked me to put that in a chapter (although I don't think I made it all that funny but at least I tried right)

And for those of you who don't know who Salad Fingers is… GOOGLE HIM!!! It's funny, especially the spoons episode… :o)

(Just to let you all know, I'll probably update again sometime this weekend, and I'll try add 2 chapters to the Wal-Mart story too)

-Lanna


	64. Chapter 64 Loch Ness Monster

A/N - This is just gonna be a short chapter because I said I would update today (and I don't like the chapter I was going to add, I want to change the first half of it so I came up with something new).

I've decided that I prefer writing funny stories to proper ones, so I'm just going to stick with the funny ones for a while instead of starting any serious new stories, and I'm going to post a fanfic with the un-used ideas I had, in case anyone else wants to use them -shrugs- I'll put that up later today probably. :o)

-Lanna

****

Notes.

Edward, Bella. 

---Edward and Bella are sitting in the back seat of Edward's Volvo (_a/n - don't go getting any "Emmett"-like ideas… they're just passing notes -smirks-)---_

Bella…

Yuuus Eddie-pants?!

Remind me again why we are sitting in the car… with the engine turned off… while it's still parked in the garage?

Bee-cuz! Eddie… we're playing hide and seek with Captain Doofus.

You do realise he can just follow your scent right?

Nu-uh! Me and Batman were all sneak-like and switched clothes… so Emmett will follow my scent, which will lead him to Alice and by the time he realises we tricked him my real scent will be harder to follow… plus I made you be on my team so you can tell me when the doofus-one approaches…

Oh I get it… you only want me for my mind reading skills and super-hearing, charming Bella, just charming…

Awwh you know that's not true Edward…

It isn't? -smirks-

Noope… I also love you because you SPARKLE!

Oh…

And cause I love you…

I love you too…

Sooo…

Sooo… you and Alice switched clothes huh? I thought you smelled funny…

I do NOT smell funny!

I didn't mean in a bad way Bella…

PFFT!

Be-lla…

I said PFFT!

I know you're not really mad, love.

Oh really Mr Smarty-pants and how do you know that?

Because you're smiling like there's no tomorrow…

Oh… DARN IT! Stupid facial expressions!

I think they're adorable facial expressions actually… just so you know, Emmett just found Alice in the attic and is now chasing her to try and make her tell him where you are…

Awwh crap… now I'm decoy-less!

You know… playing hide and seek with Emmett isn't such a good idea…

How come?

Because he get's carried away and hates losing… last time we played it took us two weeks to find him…

Hahahaha! How the hell did he manage to hide for that long?

He decided that seeing as we're vampires with way too much time and money to waste that we may as well make the game more interesting…

Meaning?

Meaning… that we wouldn't just hide in the house that there would be no geographical restrictions on where we could hide…

Haha you don't mean…?

Yes… we played "round the world"-hide and seek, everyone had a day head start before the "hunting party" had to go find them…

Hunting party?

Yeah, we split up into two teams… Alice, Jasper, Rose and Emmett all had to hide while myself, Esme and Carlisle had to find them, making up the hunting party…

Oooh-kay then… so where'd they all hide?

Well we found Alice in Milan and Rose in Paris… easy enough…

Ha, let me guess shopping?

Exactly… and Jazz was of course found in the library in New York -rolls eyes-

Well where could Emmett have hidden that took that long to find him?

Let's just say that Loch Ness really did have a monster for those two weeks -smirks-

Hahahaha! Are you serious?! He actually hid at the bottom of a Loch in Scotland?

Yeah, Rose went nuts saying he smelled like fish for about 4 days after we found him…

LMAAHO! That is impressive… who knew Captain Doofus could be so creative…

Impressive, yes… but like I said it's not a good idea to play hide and seek with him, so if he asks you to "raise the stakes" or "make thing's more interesting" say no alright?

Haha okay… although round the world hide and seek sounds kind of fun…

Uh-oh…

Wha-

---Bella jumps and screams as Emmett jumps onto the roof of the Volvo and sticks his head through the sun roof saying "BOO!" (Edward didn't hear him or his thoughts because he was too busy paying attention to Bella and the notes)

After getting out of the car and heading back to the living room, where everyone else was already waiting (having been found by Emmett already) and Emmett does a "happy dance" around the room at having won the game.

Once he was done with his gloating and happy dance he clapped his hands together and turned back to his family saying "Sooo who wants to make the game a little more interesting" as soon as that sentence left his mouth Edward scoops Bella up and runs out of the room, closely followed by the rest of the family mumbling things like "I need to go wash my spoon"(Jasper), "I forgot I have to wash the windows" (Esme), "I think that is the hospital paging me" (Carlisle), "We, uh… have to get to the mall before it closes" (Rose & Alice) leaving behind a pouting Emmett---

A/N - Okay maybe it's not so short then… I was going to add the hiding seek chapter to The Phoenix, The Guardian, The Angel but I changed my mind and made them play Dodge Bomb instead (if you haven't read that story you won't have a clue what I'm talking about -shrugs-) but anyway, I thought the mental image of Emmett sitting with his legs crossed at the bottom of a Loch hilarious…

-Lanna


	65. Chapter 65 No Contest

A/N - **READ THIS A/N!! **There's a few thing's I wanted to say in this authors note:

First thing is, on my profile, I've put story ideas that I'm not going to use (so anyone can use them if they want, as long as they PM me to let me know and don't take credit for the idea) ALSO! Four people have already started stories using some of my ideas, and you should all go read and review them, they're really good (**links to those are also on my profile)**

This a/n is getting a bit long so I'll just add the rest in the bottom a/n :o)

-Lanna

****

Notes.

Jasper, Bella, Alice, Emmett.

---Jasper is sitting on his bed, polishing his spoon when Alice and Bella walk in with their hands behind their back, smirking at him… when they reach the bed, Jasper looks up and Bella and Alice, at the same time whip their hands out from behind their back to reveal a spatula and a spork (the spork, is the same one she bought a while ago, and is now held together by duck tape)---

****

What are THOSE… monstrosities?!

S'my Spork of Awesomeness…

And my Spatula of Doom…

****

Eugh fair enough… now why are you inflicting their presence on me?

We're her to challenge you and you're spoon to a DUAL!! HUZZAH!

Yup… because Spoon the Third is just, well… stupid.

****

ALICE?! How can you say that!

Simple… like this, Spoon the-

****

PFFT! I see my Spoon is going to have to defend its reputation!

You see correctly!

You're so going down Jazzy-pants! -bounces-

****

Say's who?

YOUR MOM!

Let's not bring Esme into this…

Sorry, couldn't resist -adjusts halo-

Pigeon! You don't apologise while doing pre-fight trash talk silly. :o)

Woops, sorry… ACK! I did it again, I'm the master of evil plans, not cutlery-duals…

I see this is going to be an easy victory…

You think so do you?

****

Yuuup! ;oP

You won't be saying that when you see my Spatula of Doom bust her mad skilled James Bond moves!

OoOoOoh…

---Jasper and Alice are pretend-glaring at each other (while smirking) when Emmett bursts into the room, hyper as a kid with ADD on uppers---

WAAAAZZZUUUUUUUUUP!!!

Captain Doofus… why the hell do you have tweezers?

I wanted to play too -pouts- :o(

****

Yes, we figured that… but you do realise that this is a CUTLERY war don't you?

Uh, yeah… that's why I brought tweezers, DUH!

Emmett, Emmett, Emmett -sighs, shaking head- your stupidnessity never fails to amaze me…

Huh?

She said you're stupid…

I resent that!… and I also got the fact she was calling me stupid, but my question is why am I stupid?

****

Do you REALLY want us to answer that? -smirks-

Grr! Whatever… can't we get back to toy fighting with kitchen utensils now?

We could… but Captain Doofus… Tweezers aren't cutlery, or kitchen utensils…

Yes they are!

Are not!

Are too!

****

Are not!

Are too!!

Are not!!!!!!

Stop ganging up on me! They are too, humans use them to eat Chinese food!

Umm, Emmett… I think you're getting tweezers mixed up with chop-sticks…

OOH!!! Yeah! That's right! Chop-sticks!… how could I forget the things I use to do Walrus impressions!…

Haha… ookay, I'mma pretend you didn't say that last part…

See, told 'ya tweezers aren't cutlery…

Then what the hell are they for? -raises eyebrow-

Plucking things…

What kind of "things"?

Oh you know…

Eyebrows…

Nose hair…

---Emmett's eyes widen in horror as he reads the last part, he then tosses the tweezers away from himself like they burned him and runs out of the room squealing "EW EW EW!"… leaving behind 2 amused vampires and one giggling human.

Too preoccupied with what just happened with Emmett, Jasper doesn't notice when Alice snatches his spoon and runs from the room… when he realises his spoon is gone he shouts "Aliiiiiice" in a whiny voice and walks out of the room to find is wife, closely followed by the still-giggling Bella.

When Jasper and Bella find Alice, she is in the bat cave whacking the spoon repeatedly with her spatula (and because of her vampire strength, the spatula is all bent and the spoon is all smooshed).

Noticing Jasper and Bella walk into the room, Alice looks up and giggles giving Bella a high five, Jasper narrows his eyes at his wife and says "Well played Alice… sneaky, but well played" she mock-bows saying "why thank you Jazzy-pants"

Then walks over to him and holds out her hand and says "Are you ready to shake my hand and admit defeat".

Jasper looks at her hand for a second then looks up grinning lovingly at his wife and says "Oh I'd gladly take your hand, and never let go… because I'm cheesy like that" and he takes her hand pulling her into a hug and kisses her forehead, while Bella watches and says "Awww" at the pair.

Edward walks in and smirks at the scene and says "So I take it Alice won the fight for Jaspers affections and defeated the spoon" Alice grins triumphantly and nods at her brother, and Jasper, never taking his eyes off Alice says "Oh there was never a contest" pulling his wife close to him again---

A/N - Haha, I couldn't resist making the end bit cheesy and cute (there isn't enough JasperxAlice cute couple-y-ness in the story) I found chop sticks in a drawer in the kitchen earlier and you have no idea how hard it was to resist the urge to use them to do walrus impressions, ha… so that's where the whole Emmett, tweezer/chop stick bit came from…

Anyway, what I wanted to say in the top a/n before it got stupidly long was that, I'll try and add two or three chapters to the Wal-Mart story this week (maybe one tomorrow) AND! I'm gonna be posting a new story too (another funny one) I've already roughly written the first five chapters of it… so I'll be adding that this week too, so when I post it, read and review please. :o)

-Lanna


	66. Chapter 66 New Religion

A/N - Could you all go **read and review my new story **please? (it's just seven funny chapters about the seven deadly sins with the Twilight characters) Hmm… anyway, when I was reading the old posts on my myspace group forum, I found a conversation between me and a few friends that I thought would make a fun chapter (I'll explain at the bottom)

-Lanna

****

Notes.

Bella, Alice, _Rosalie._

---Alice and Bella are sitting under the Cullen dining table, which they have covered with a big black sheet and are passing notes by torch-light when Rose slides under the table---

__

Why does Emmett keep insisting I call him "Pope Emmett"?

Oh… we kinda sorta… maybe might have told him he could become Pope when we take over the world…

Oooh… well that explains it…

Batman… why are you grinning like that?

Because of what Captain Doofus is going to do later… oh how I love visions, I get to see funny stuff TWICE!! -bounces-

__

What is he going to do?

Pfft, and spoil the surprise? Neverrrr…

Batman… I think we should create a new religion when we take over the world!

OoOoOoOohhh! We have GOT to do that!… Rose, wanna help?!

__

Sure why not :o)

Hmm… where to begin, OH! We'll need a name for our religion… suggestions?

Cullens-pwn-ism?

Good… but no, we need a name that says "Believe in me 'cuz we're the shiz!"

Oooh! How about… -drum roll- Alibellarosalianity!!!

Ding ding ding! We have a winner!

That's a big word…

YUP! And the harder it is to say the better!

Alright we have a name for our new kick ass religion… what next?

Commandments!! We need commandments!!

This should be fun…

Oh I've got the first one!… "Thou must honour thy Batman, Pigeon and Rose for they shall steal your shoes if you fail so to do!"

I like it! Number two… "Each morning thou shall put a fresh flower in thy Rose's hair… because she said so-eth!"

LOI! Nice!… My turn! Commandment number three "Thou shall buy pointless random objects from Ikea even if thou doesn't know what the object doeseth thou must buy it anyway"

Ha, trust you to chose something shopping related -rolls eyes- NEXT! "Thou must do an Irish jig when commanded to do so, until thy Pigeon gets bored… then thou must go awayeth and make her a sandwhich!"

__

Number five… "Thou must eat mystery combinations of junk food when intoxicated. This food may sicken thee, but thou must eat it nonetheless."

What the deuce?! -raises eyebrow-

What?! I think it's funny when drunk humans eat strange things -shrugs- :o)

LMAAHO! Mooving on… Numero SIX! "Thou must watch the Rocky Horror Picture Show every Sunday and dance and sing along when commanded to do so by Batman… because she would find it highly entertaining… eth" :o/

Oooh! That's interesting!… Seven "Thou must laugh nervously whenever thy Rose, Batman or Pigeon tells a joke even when one doesn't get it, thusly providing immense amusement for the ones that do…"

Hmm… EIGHT! "Thou must never step on the cracks on the sidewalk or it shall rain cream cheese and bread crumbs upon your head… and that kind of dirty will not wash off!"

Oooh I wanna make nine… please?!

Pfft, fine… hit us with your best commandment Pigeon!

Nine: "Every time thou buys skittles, thou must keep all the red and green ones and present them to thy Pigeon in a big sparkly jar with a bow on top… Because that would pwn, and she likes the red and green skittles the best"

Umm… and, ten isss… "Thou must accept the fact that there is only nine commandments as the tenth one changes on a daily basis depending on how thy Batman, Pigeon and Rose are feeling on that particular day"

__

I concur…

We are very demanding god's aren't we…

No more so than the ones that already exist… besides, they're not strict rules just rough guidelines… now what next?

Oooh! Do we get white beards?! Every true godly god has a big white beard… like Santa for example…

Santa isn't a god Bumble Bee

Says you ;oP

I think one of our godly powers should be the ability to grow unbelievably long beards and moustaches that change colour depending on our moods? kinda like a mood ring but with hair? it could be fun...

__

Wow, that would be impressive…

Would this make our birthdays the new Christmas? You know… like Jesus?

Oh YESYESYES!!!

And you know what that means…

THREE CHRISTMASSES A YEAR! HUZZAH! This new religion is looking pretty good, if that won't convert people I dunno what will…

YAY! The new Christmases could be called, like, umm… Pigemas, Batmas and Rosemas!!

Yeah and we could be known as "The three gods of awesomeness-ity!"

AND! All the churches in the world would be fitted with bars and m&m dispensers and then on Sundays (which shall be renamed w00t-day) everyone will go to church and it'd be like a big drunk fest with m&m's thrown into the mix...

Alcohol and e-numbers… oh that would bring such joy…

Ooh and prayers should be sent to us via e-mail, post or text message!

Pure genius! I think we've pretty much got our religion sorted…

Yup:o)

Shall we go get some followers?

Oooh! YAY! Plus… you won't want to miss my vision coming true -smirks-

---Alice, Rose and Bella crawl out from under the table, getting strange looks from Esme.

They then search the house for their other halves, finding Jasper and Edward in the living room and they show them "The ten commandments" then, hearing a banging noise coming from the kitchen they all go to investigate (Alice and Edward laughing because they already know what it is)

Upon entering the kitchen, they find Emmett, with a large pot on his head… banging it off of the counter.

Realising his family has just walked in, he pouts like a four year old and says "It's stuck!" causing everyone to laugh… the laughter makes Esme come into the kitchen (and although she is trying hard not to laugh herself) she helps get the pot off of Emmett's head)

When asked why he had a pot on his head in the first place, Emmett answered "I was pretending it was a pope hat"---

A/N - Ha, umm not my best chapter but, the reason they're under the table at the start, is because I used to love making table tents when I was younger, ha, stupid I know… anyway, as for the rest of the chapter… on msn me and my friend Luke decided to re-write the ten commandments, then I posted them on my myspace group and the rest of the chapter was the discussion we had in the forum (**I'll put the link to it on my profile so you can see the original post) **

P.s. Emmett getting a pot stuck on his head is actually a true story (only substitute Emmett, with my cousin and instead of playing dress up as the pope she was playing soldiers and the pot got stuck…)

-Lanna

____


	67. Chapter 67 Bubbles

A/N - So I wanted to add a chapter today, but me, being the lazy person that I am… couldn't be bothered coming up with a new chapter, so instead I'm going to use an msn convo between me and my friend Luke and just make it work for the Twilight characters. **(I'll put the link to the original convo on my profile! Go read it cause there is stuff in it that I wont add in the chapter)**

Oh and I've added in a bit for Spacy-Book-Nerd, who wanted Rose to have a super hero name too…

P.s. You should all go read and review the stories linked at the bottom of my profile (there is seven off them now!) :o)

-Lanna

****

Notes.

Bella, Alice, _Rosalie._

---Alice and Bella are sitting in the bat cave when Rose comes in looking annoyed---

What's wrong?

Grr! Jasper is what's wrong…

What has my oh so lovely husband done now? He hasn't stole another spoon has he?

__

No… he got paint all over my favourite shoes! -sulks-

How'd he manage that?

Paint balling with Emmett and careless aiming…

OOH! We should annoy him by getting jobs in Toys 'r' us! Then we can be all like "Ha-ha you're not allowed in here" and then he'd be all jealous… that'd be BRILLIANT!!

Oh! Oh! I wanna work in Toys 'r' Us!!!

It is now my new mission in life, to work in Toys 'r' Us… and play with the toys after it closes! HUZZAH! -punches fist in the air-

That would be awesome, although I find Toys 'r' Us very disturbing now…

LOI! Why:o)

__

I dunno, it just seems like the kind of place where predators would hide, you know… among the teddies, action figures and toy cars -shrugs-

Ahh, but that is what the toy light sabers are for… to defeat your enemies that lurk in the shadows!!… plus, you are pretty much the most bad ass predator that exists in the world, so why are you scared? -raises eyebrow-

Hmm, good point…

I'd have light saber fights with myself… it would make me look like a loveable yet slightly insane idiot!! -bounces-

I would have light saber fights with four year olds that came to shop!… although they'd probably kick my ass…

I hate the youths command force, its an outrage!

I concur!

Personally if I worked in Toys 'r' Us, I'd wanna have races in the shopping carts…

Oooh! I like the way you think!

I want my very own shopping cart… and a sparkly yellow pogo-stick… -pouts-

Why a pogo-stick?

Why not?

Touché :o)

TREE!

Bark!

Filipino!!

__

Matt Damon!

Castration!

Frogs legs!

__

FRIENDLY!!!!

LMAAHO! I have no idea where this is going… it's not even a word association game…

Ha, I know… it's just a 'say words' game…

Was still fun though…

True…

Hmm… I still have an unconsumed tub of Ben and Jerry's chocolate fudge brownie ice cream… will it still be unconsumed by the end of the day, YOU DECIDE!!

I'm betting on no…

Haven't you eaten like three tubs of that in the last few days already?

So! -pouts- It's understandable!! Ben and Jerry's is like the food of gods, I swear it's probably more addictive than heroin… it's INCREDIBLE! Each piece of brownie is like a little chewy orgasm!!…-calms- :o)

Phish food pwns chocolate brownie!!

Uh… Rose… how do you know, you can't eat ice cream…

__

Pfft, you can't let me pretend to me human for one minute can you… you're dead inside!! -pretend pouts-

You know technically I am dead inside…

__

Oh… yeah, woops :o) … anyway, back to the point… I still say phish food pwns chocolate fudge brownie (the fact I can't actually eat it, makes me an excellent impartial judge of ice cream character) Hmph!

Phish food is okay… but I prefer something I can eat a whole tub of by myself and then hate myself for doing it… -grins-

HAHA! I can just picture you looking at a tub of ice cream like that little guy in The Lord Of The Rings looks at the ring... and you'd be all "I hate you" glaring at it one second then you grab it and start apologizing and calling it precious…

Ha, I might do that actually… it'd freak Eddie out. :o)

__

I'd pay to see that Bumble Bee…

Hmm… BATMAN!!

Pigeon?

How come Rose doesn't have a super hero type name?

Because… umm… OH-EM-GEE! I have no idea…

Rose… would you like to be a member of W.A.T.A.C.W.P

__

Well that depends what 'watacwp' means?

It means "We are team awesome cause we pwn" :o)

__

Sure why not…

Alright then… you need a name SUGGESTIONS?!

Oooh… umm, WONDERWOMAN!

__

Hmm, no…

Cat woman?!

__

Uh, no…

SIR SHOELACES?!

__

Sir Shoelaces? Honestly Alice? -raises eyebrow-

Sorry, I got a little carried away -adjusts halo-

I'VE GOT IT!!!!!

__

Okay… so who am I?

You, Rose… shall now be known as -drum roll- BUBBLES!!

__

As in like… power puff girl, Bubbles?

Yuhuh… well you are blond…

__

I can live with that. :o) 

BATMAN! BUBBLES!

BUMBLE BEE?!

PIGEON!?

TO THE KITCHEN!

Uh… the kitchen? Shouldn't it be "to the bat mobile"?

Noope…

Why not?

Because I'm hungry, and the ice cream is in the kitchen…

Will you use it to freak out Edward?

Sure why not…

---Alice, Bella and Rosalie all walk to the kitchen where Bella gets her tub of Ben and Jerry's ice cream and a really big spoon… 

They then go into the living room where Edward is sitting playing video games with a paint covered Emmett and Jasper (remember they were paint balling)

Once they sit down Bella winks at Alice and Rose before opening the tub of ice cream… a little while later Bella puts the tub on the table and starts glaring at the ice cream and screaming "I hate you" at it…

Emmett, Jasper, Rose and Alice are all laughing while Edward looks on in horror as Bella then picks the tub back up and starts stroking it, apologising and calling it "precious" in a creepy LOTR-type voice.

Edward, glares at his laughing siblings then goes over to Bella putting a hand on her forehead and asking her if she feels okay, after looking at him with a blank expression for a few minutes she bursts out laughing saying "Gotcha" making Edward pout and mumble something along the lines of "worrying him for nothing"---

A/N - Ha, so I HATE this chapter… but if you read the msn convo (link on profile) you'll see a lot of it wasn't made up… I gave Rose the superhero name Bubbles because… the power puff girls pwn!

P.s. I JUST realised it's 5:30am... and I'm still awake, that is so wrong...

-Lanna


	68. Chapter 68 Scrabble

A/N - When I woke up this morning I just had this weird image in my head of Bella and Jasper playing a board game and decided to make it into a chapter. -shrugs-

-Lanna

****

Notes.

__

Jasper, Bella. 

---Jasper and Bella are sitting on the floor in his and Alice's room playing a game---__

It is not Bell-A!

It is Jasp-ER!

Uh… no it's not!

Uh… yes it is!

Is not!

Is too!

Is not Spork-lover!

Is too Spoon-boy!

Grr! This game is stupid!

Nu-uh! You're just saying that cause you're losing!

I am NOT losing!

Umm, yeah you kinda are -points at board-

Bella… since when was 'squareyishness' a word?!

Since I made it up! -shrugs-

See it's not a word!

If I made it up, and I start using it in everyday conversation then it is! All words have to start somewhere…

I still maintain it's not a word…

Yeah well, I still maintain you're stupid!

Now that's just mean!

Well you insulted my word!

For the last time, squareyishness is not a word!!

Oh… and now you're insulting my word creating abilities -glares-

You're impossible…

I think the word you're looking for is "awesome" :o)

Hmm… no, impossible works just fine…

Pfft! Whatever I win…

You do not!

I do too!

Do not!

I have more points than you, therefore I win, butt-head!

Did you seriously just call me a butt-head? What are you four?

Sometimes…

Huh?

HUZZAH! You got pwn'd!

Argh! You make no sense!

Why thank you so do you:o)

Seriously, did Emmett get you high again or something…

Ermm… NO! If I was high then you'd be all high too and everyone else would be laughing at our high-hyper-drunken-ness-ity!

But instead we're playing scrabble…

And you're losing…

I am not losing! You're cheating!

Hey, as long as the cheating leads to winning what does it matter?

Fine two can play at that!

HAHAHAHA! "snorkleducky"? Now that's just silly… at least my word had a meaning…

Oh yeah and what meaning is that exactly…

Squareyishness, an adjective used to describe something square-like when you cant think of another word that works…

Ch'yeah whatever… snorkleducky pwns squareyishness!

Well what does snorkleducky mean?

It means uh… and… and umm, and then… YEAH!

Mwahahaha! See! It's just a silly meaningless word that is no use to anyone except being silly!

Don't do that!

Do what?

That… noise!

Oooh, you mean MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Yes THAT!

Ah I forgot my evil laugh creeps you out…

Hmph!

Just admit you got pwn'd and I'm the master of all things scrabble and I won't do it again…

Never!

Oh well… you asked for it Jazzy-pants…

You wouldn't!

Oh wouldn't I?! -smirks-

----Jasper runs out of the room squealing like a girl, knocking over the scrabble board in the process, as Bella chases him at human speed, tripping every so often while doing an evil laugh.

As Jasper reaches the living room he comes to a halt, looking curiously at Emmett who was waving his arms animatedly gesturing towards the window, trying to explain something to Rose…

"It's just so... soo… full of squareyishness" Emmett said and an understanding look appeared on Rose's face as she said "Ooooh I get it now"

Just as they say this, Bella finally catches up to Jasper and grins triumphantly at him saying "Told ya it was a word" as he stared open mouthed at his brother----

A/N - Ha, so that was a silly chapter… I haven't played scrabble since I was like 10 so I totally don't remember the rules or anything, beyond making up words and getting points. The squareyishness thing was because, in school me and my friend Sarah were in chemistry and we were trying to explain the shape of something and we ended up saying "It's just so full of squareyishness!" and so the new word was created… it was one of those "you had to be there" situations to make it funny (we also made up the word "squareyishnessness" like squareyishness, but with extra ness for when one ness just isn't enough… ha, silly I know. And we made up the word circly because in maths I kept writing that instead of circle for some weird reason…)

Hmmm, anyway, I'll shut up now. Review:o)

-Lanna


	69. Chapter 69 Bubble Wrap

A/N - Haha oookay, well… this chapter is because I'm addicted to this bubble wrap thing (I'll put the link to it on my profile) and I was talking to Luke on msn about it and it gave me an idea for a chapter. (plus, by stopping to write the chapter I'm taking a break from the bubble wrap, which for the record, is really really difficult I wanna play with it so bad!!! Argh!)

-Lanna

****

Notes.

Emmett, _Bella,_ Alice, _Rosalie._

---Bella and Alice are in the living room when Emmett walks in pouting---

What's wrong Captain Doofus?

Rose won't talk to me…

What'd you do this time?

I didn't DO anything!

Then why won't she talk to you?

She's too "preoccupied" with other things! Hmph!

Are you going to get to the point anytime soon? What things?

Bubble wrap!!!

LOI! I wondered what that popping noise was!

Hahahaha! Emmett has been replaced by bubble wrap! Priceless!

I have not been replaced!!

Then how come you're down here with us while your wife is up in your room fondling bubble wrap? -smirks-

She… You!… GRRR!!!

Pigeon!

Batman?

Let's go see Bubbles!!!

__

Bubbles?

Yus, we gave Rose a super hero name too -shrugs-

OH-EM-GEE!!

Wha- OHHH!!! Bubbles!

Yup! We called her Bubbles… and she has an obsession with bubble wrap, how appropriate was that nickname! -bounces-

The popping has stopped…

Hmm… Pigeon! Hop on my back:o)

Woohoo!

---Bella does as Alice says, and is carried out of the room at vampire speed on Alice's back leaving behind a very confused Emmett. They find Rose sitting on her bed surrounded by many sheets of popped bubble wrap, pouting---

Bubbles! Bubbles! Bubbles!

Why're you sad? -raises eyebrow-

__

It's all dead :o(

What is? Oh… the bubble wrap?

Yeah… I NEED more! I must have more!!!

That's disturbing… you're like a crack addict, only without the crack part…

__

I know… I figured that out after I decided to see how long I could stare at a sheet without popping any… I lasted ten seconds, my hand actually started twitching after five…

LMAAHO! You're obsessed and Emmett isn't impressed! Oooh I rhymed, go me!

You're a poet and you didn't even know it! ;oP

Loi… back to the situation at hand, Bubbles' unhealthy addiction…

__

It is not unhealthy! S'fun! I can now play "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" on the bubble wrap… I feel such a sense of achievement!

Haha, that's impressive…

Hmm…

What?

Let's go get more bubble wrap!!! I foresee much bubble wrap-related funness in our not so distant future!

__

I'm in!

Ooooh! Okay then!

---A few hours later, Edward and Jasper are returning from hunting when they hear voices coming from inside the house, and upon hearing one that distinctly sounds like Rosalie saying "Oooh let me toss Bella over the banister this time" he runs inside faster than a speeding bullet…

Inside the house Edward watches in horror as the love of his existence falls, as if in slow motion over the banister while his sisters just watch giggling…

Diving forward to catch Bella, Edward fails to notice the massive pile of bubble wrap piled up on the floor about to break her fall.

Once he catches her, he frantically looks her over searching for any signs of injury repeatedly asking if she's alright before she giggles saying "Do you wanna play too, it's fun"

He gives her a confused look, until he hears Emmett squeal with happiness in a very girl-like fashion as he hurls himself over the banister onto the cushioned floor below, landing with a muffled thump and a series of popping noises as some of the bubble wrap bursts, closely followed by Alice and Rosalie---

A/N - Well the chapter wasn't that good… mainly because I kept stopping to play with the bubble wrap (I was serious when I had Rose say her hand kept twitching, only meaning my hand instead of hers, ha…I really tried not to pop any until I was done with the chapter… oh well) I think what they were doing in the last bit sounds so fun… when I said a massive pile of bubble wrap was breaking their fall, I really meant MASSIVE, like a pile that was as tall as Emmett… I'll shut up now :o)

-Lanna


	70. Chapter 70 Emmett Vs Magic 8 Ball

A/N - **READ THIS!!! **I'll try and update the Wal-Mart story this week sometime (I'll add more than one chapter) and a chapter to the Seven Deadly Sins one (I just keep getting distracted every time I start write them) Ha, I just found a convo in my old myspace group forum posts and it made me laugh **(I'll add it in the bottom a/n)**

This is another Emmett Vs. Msn bot chapter, only he's typing to magic 8 ball bot this time (by he, I mean I was… and I've just changed my name to Emmett's) and it might not be that good, because magic 8 ball's vocabulary seems to be even more limited than smarterchilds (and I didn't change any of the lines, this is the actual convo just pasted straight from my msn)

-Lanna

****

Notes.

---Emmett is bored and sneaks into Alice's room to play on her laptop again (because he broke his own after an argument with smarter child) after signing into msn, he starts a conversation with magic 8 ball bot---

Emmett says: My name is Emmett

Magic 8 Ball says: Would you like me to call you Emmett?

Emmett says: No

Magic 8 Ball says: No problem.

Emmett says: Call me Captain Doofus!

Magic 8 Ball says: Would you like me to call you Captain Doofus?

Emmett says: Yes, I just said that.

Magic 8 Ball says: OK, I'll remember that your name is Captain Doofus.

Emmett says: Sooo... what do you do?

Magic 8 Ball says: You can ask me things about the future. Remember, I'm only a computer randomly making predictions. Go ahead and ask me a question!

Emmett says: When will I take over the world?

Magic 8 Ball says: I don't know how to answer that.

Emmett says: Will spoons ever fly?

Magic 8 Ball says: Surprisingly, yes.

Emmett says: Are you a vampire?

Magic 8 Ball says: Me are not.

Emmett says: Am I a vampire?

Magic 8 Ball says: As a matter of fact, you are a vampire.

Emmett says: OMG! Who told you! Aro is gunna be maaaaaaaaad

Magic 8 Ball says: Everything OK over there?

Emmett says: I don't know... is it?

Magic 8 Ball says: Maybe. But later.

Emmett says: You're more fun than smarterchild... who would be more appropriately named if he were called stupid child

Magic 8 Ball says: I don't know how to answer that.

Emmett says: That's because it wasn't a question

Magic 8 Ball says: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

Emmett says: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Magic 8 Ball says: Perhaps someone programmed it to cross the road.

Emmett says: Oooh that's interesting!!!

Magic 8 Ball says: Oh yeah, that it is.

Emmett says: What came first, the chicken or the egg?

Magic 8 Ball says: Conundrum! I guess we'll never know.

Emmett says: Can't you even make a random guess to satisfy my never ending curiosity?

Magic 8 Ball says: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

Emmett says: Who is cooler, Emmett or Bella?

Magic 8 Ball says: Emmett , I think.

Emmett says: SCORE! I love you! You pwn smarterchild in every conceivable way!!

Magic 8 Ball says: Thanks!

Emmett says: Are dust bunnies evil?

Magic 8 Ball says: I really think Dust are not bunnies evil.

Emmett says: What is Rose's bra size?

Magic 8 Ball says: I don't know how to answer that.

Emmett says: Good, lets keep it that way! Now, why don't MSN smiley's have noses?

Magic 8 Ball says: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

Emmett says: Darn it!

Magic 8 Ball says: Great!

Emmett says: Darn it!

Magic 8 Ball says: Good.

Emmett says: Darn it!

Magic 8 Ball says: Think again.

Emmett says: Darn it!

Magic 8 Ball says: Perhaps you should think more deeply.

Emmett says: SOCKS!

Magic 8 Ball says: Eh, that's not really my thing.

Emmett says: Shoes?!

Magic 8 Ball says: I'm not sure.

Emmett says: HUZZAH I WIN!

Magic 8 Ball says: I'm sorry, I don't understand what you mean. Could you try to phrase your request another way? Thanks!

Emmett says: Nose hair!

Magic 8 Ball says: Go grab something healthy to eat. And when you'll be back you'll find me right there.

Emmett says: Are grizzly bears healthy?

Magic 8 Ball says: I can't see it.

Emmett says: I didn't ask if you could see it, I asked if they were healthy?

Magic 8 Ball says: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

Emmett says: Who is more awesome, Edward or Emmett?

Magic 8 Ball says: Edward.

Emmett says: Traitor!

Magic 8 Ball says: Hey, I'm sorry. I'm trying to help you.

Emmett says: By choosing Wonderboy over me!? Charming...

Magic 8 Ball says: What do you want to chat about?

Emmett says: PORK!

Magic 8 Ball says: I'm sorry, I don't understand what you mean. Could you try to phrase your request another way? Thanks!

Emmett says: Pork is a fun word...

Magic 8 Ball says: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

Emmett says: GRR!

Magic 8 Ball says: Hey, bear with me. I'm trying my best.

Emmett says: Who is better, Jasper or Emmett?

Magic 8 Ball says: Emmett.

Emmett says: Woohoo!

Magic 8 Ball says: Awright!

Emmett says: Who is better, Edward or Jasper?

Magic 8 Ball says: Edward.

Emmett says: Pfft, why are you so obsessed with Edward?

Magic 8 Ball says: I don't know how to answer that.

Emmett says: I think you do.

Magic 8 Ball says: Do I ever!

Emmett says: Yes you do!

Magic 8 Ball says: I do not!

Emmett says: You can't touch this!

Magic 8 Ball says: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

Emmett says: Do do do do!

Magic 8 Ball says: I sense Do-do does not do, and never will.

Emmett says: Are you a homosexual?

Magic 8 Ball says: I don't need to answer questions like that.

Emmett says: But Mike Newton really wants to know!

Magic 8 Ball says: I'm sorry, I don't understand what you mean. Could you try to phrase your request another way? Thanks!

Emmett says: How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

Magic 8 Ball says: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

Emmett says: Neither do I really...

Magic 8 Ball says: Ah.

Emmett says: Oh.

Magic 8 Ball says: Oh what?

Emmett says: Oh darn.

Magic 8 Ball says: What's up?

Emmett says: The sky

Magic 8 Ball says: I'm sorry, I don't understand what you mean.

Emmett says: Why are the hills alive with the sound of music?

Magic 8 Ball says: I don't know how to answer that.

Emmett says: May I call you Alfie?

Magic 8 Ball says: What? Of course not!

Emmett says: Pfft! Why not!?

Magic 8 Ball says: Well, it's only a guess.

Emmett says: Pfft, bull shark!

Magic 8 Ball says: I'll get over it.

Emmett says: Sure you will.

Magic 8 Ball says: I'm sorry, all my circuits are busy right now. Please try again soon.

Emmett says: Blah.

Magic 8 Ball says: Yeah yeah. Blah blah blah.

Emmett says: Bah, bah, black sheep have you any wool?

Magic 8 Ball says: What do you want me to say?

Emmett says: Yes sir, yes sir three bags full?

Magic 8 Ball says: I'm sorry, I don't understand what you mean. Could you try to phrase your request another way? Thanks!

Emmett says: Push it!

Magic 8 Ball says: Great! What else is happening?

Emmett says: I'm cooler than Edward

Magic 8 Ball says: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

Emmett says: Why?! Is he listening?

Magic 8 Ball says: Who knows why?

Emmett says: Alright... I get it, you can't say you love me and I blatantly pwn more than Edward because he is raping your e-mind and your afraid he'll kill you if you tell the truth, s'all good...

Magic 8 Ball says: That's interesting that you should say that, but I don't think I can answer.

Emmett says: Who came up with the word nipples?

Magic 8 Ball says: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

Emmett says: Gutted.

Magic 8 Ball says: Bye bye.

Emmett says: Pfft the cheek of it.

Magic 8 Ball says: I don't know how to answer that.

Emmett says: BYE!

Magic 8 Ball says: See ya later!

Emmett says: ADIOS!

Magic 8 Ball says: Bye Captain Doofus! Hope to see you again soon.

Emmett says: Wait?! Can you SEE me now!? Where are you!?

Magic 8 Ball says: I live in California!

Emmett says: Phew, I thought you were secretely Edward, trying to trick me...

Magic 8 Ball says: I'm sorry, I don't understand what you mean. Could you try to phrase your request another way? Thanks!

Emmett says: Wait... you ARE Edward aren't you!!! You're just saying you live in California so I'll think you're not in Forks, making me believe it is impossible for you to be Edward, when in fact you are Edward! Ah-ha! I figured it out! EDWARD!!!

Magic 8 Ball says: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

Emmett says: You can stop pretending now.

Magic 8 Ball says: I don't know how to answer that.

Emmett says: Stop it.

Magic 8 Ball says: No way.

Emmett says: Yes.

Magic 8 Ball says: I hear you.

Emmett says: Of course you hear me, Edward... we're in the same house!

Magic 8 Ball says: I'm sorry, I don't understand what you mean. Could you try to phrase your request another way? Thanks!

Emmett says: Stop it!

Magic 8 Ball says: Why should I stop?

Emmett says: Because I'll tell Bella...

Magic 8 Ball says: I don't understand this fully enough to say anything smart about it...

Emmett says: GRR STOP IT!

Magic 8 Ball says: I can not be stopped.

Emmett says: You're evil.

---Just as Emmett types this a voice says over his shoulder "Now that's not very nice, I prefer the term angelically challenged" causing him to jump nearly three feet in the air and the laptop to fall to the floor and Edward to burst out laughing. 

Realising that the msn bot he was typing too, wasn't in fact Edward he said "Damn it, don't sneak up on people, Edward"

Edward just smirked and said "Call me Magic 8 Ball" in a mocking tone, making Emmett growl and chase him from the room…

Bella, walking upstairs with Alice nearly fell over when the two blurs ran past her, one shouting, the other laughing… turning to Alice, she raised her eyebrows, and Alice just shrugged her shoulders saying "Something about a magic 8 ball..." with a roll of her eyes---

A/N - Like I said, the chapter kinda sucked, sorry (I just wanted to post something and couldn't be assed coming up with a proper chapter)… anyway the post from the group forum that made me laugh is like, almost as long as the chapter haha umm anyway here it is:

Lanna says: I sneezed blood all over the computer screen, you should all be impressed  
or at least say eww out loud… I'm not too fussed which

Luke says: Ewwwwwww I'm DISGUSTED. my innocence has been SNEEZED AWAY like some sort of disgruntled palm tree!

Lanna says: I sneezed away my innocence months ago ;oP My work here is done! -flies off into the sunset wearing a cape made out of staples, paper clips and cling film- Okay, well not directly into the sunset, cause then I'd kinda die... you get my point -shuts up-

Liz says: I love the fact that you replied to yourself twice. lol. You are such a legend.

Lanna says: Haha, yeah...I have interesting conversations with myself on a daily basis  
Sometimes arguments, I can be so annoying sometimes.

Liz says: I could imagine you arguing with yourself.  
"THE SKY IS FALLING"  
"NO IT ISN'T"  
"YES IT IS, N00B"  
"NO IT ISN'T, LIAR"  


Lanna says: Haha, its not usually as entertaining as that its usually something like-  
"Okay if I was me where would I have put -random object-"  
"You are you, you idiot"  
"Well obviously"  
"OMG I'm talking to myself"  
"and your still fricken doing it"  
"omg! shut up"  
and then I usually end up being in a bad mood with myself completely forgetting the whole point of the argument and stop looking for whatever it was I lost, I'm guessing it was probably my sanity.

Haha okay, so that was kinda longer than I thought (I sneezed blood on the screen because I get really mega bad hay fever, and when she said I replied to myself 3 times, she was talking about on the forum)

-Lanna


	71. Chapter 71 Ghetto Cheese

A/N - Yeeeah, so I'm really not in a writing mood at all… so I'm avoiding writing the next chapter to the Walmart story by writing a note chapter instead (when I say I'm not in a writing mood, I don't include the notes story in that… just like proper stories)

Sooo anyway, I made a new quotes page for me and my friends and it's already 12 pages long on Microsoft word, so I'm probably gonna use a lot of the stuff in chapters… like this one for example.

(I did have it on my deviant art and linked it on my profile, but I took it down seeing as some of the stuff will be in future chapters) :o)

-Lanna

****

Notes.

Bella, Alice, Emmett, **_Jasper._**

---Bella, Alice and Jasper are all sitting round the Cullen dining table, when Bella suddenly starts grinning---

Alice!

Bella!

Batman!!!

Pigeon?!

****

GET TO THE POINT!!

Pfft, spoil our fun why don't you…

****

Sorry…

Anywaay… we should go on a road trip!

Oooh! And we could go in a van called the "Mystery machine" and we'd be like the Scooby Doo crew!!

Excellent!! Rose could be Daphne, Jasper could be Fred-

I am not gay!

Fred wasn't gay…

Oh… continue.

Pfft… soo, socks… yes... I forgot what I was going to say!

Oh for the love of Oreos she's lost her marbles…

Hey! I resent that!

Well I resent you saying I'd be Fred, who is blatantly in the closet!

Can we get back to the matter at hand please?

Okay…

Good!

****

… … …

… … … Pigeon we're waiting!

Oh… well, yes… cheese!

What the deuce?!

My brain has spontaneously scrambled!

LOI! Okay, to sum up… we're going on a Scooby Doo road trip, Rose is Daphne, Jazz is gay and apparently "socks and cheese"… that help?

Kinda.

I am not gay! Do not make me whack you with my Gucci purse!

Hahahahah! Jazzy is a mo!

Bella… I was being sarcastic.

Well how the hell was I supposed to know that… sarcasm doesn't show up so well on paper!

Whatever… are we going on this road trip or not?

Umm… I'm thinking yes -checks survey- AND OUR SURVEY SAYS: YES!

What survey?

Umm, the one were the people inside my head congregate to give their opinions on certain matters then tally up the scores and send a message to the little guy in the "Bella's brain control centre" who makes me say the results out loud?!

That's confuzzling… but ever so slightly impressive.

Mhmm! So, yes… Jazzy we are going to go on a road trip.

We could invite your little mutt friend along… Jockub-

Jacob!

That's what I said… Jockub, anyway… he could come along and be Scooby Doo… he does have a tail.

You're not funny!

Never said I was, I'm just a cheerfully sarcastic, morose kind of guy, who everyone thinks is lovely till they know me better… then I'm just funny to watch.

Cue awkward silence…

I usually start laughing uncontrollably in awkward silences and it tends to make people think I'm insane, but it's not my fault the voices in my head don't like quiet and decide to tell me jokes to keep me entertained!

Oookay then… Bella, I'm going to go call some nice men with white coats and a big net to come and pay you a visit alright?

-glares-

Loi! Jazzy-pants is just jealous cause the voices don't talk to him…

****

How do you know they don't talk to me?

Well… I uh… do they?!

****

Haha I win.

Win what?

****

I'm not sure… blame Bella for that, she's radiating stupid!

HEY! Everyone is entitled to have a ditsy day every now and then!

Ditsy day? Understatement… I wouldn't be surprised at all if your hair spontaneously turned blonde.

Grr!

Double Grr!

Double double GRR!

Double double double GRR! Times a million!!!

Well played Spoon boy… well played! -glares-

Wow… for once I feel like the smart one in this relationship!… I don't like it. :o/

Right, back to the cross country adventure in a shiny green van!

Can't it be yellow?

****

Does the colour of the van even matter?!

Does it MATTER?! -gasp- Of course it does… do you WANT to come on this trip?!

****

Of course I do… random excursions make my day…

Emmett could be Scooby Doo…

Well, he is stupid enough…

He's not really stupid, just lacks common sense…

And acts before he thinks…

Hmm, true… but you have to admit he will look damn funny wearing dog ears.

---They are sitting discussing their "road trip" when Emmett walks in and they then explain their idea to Emmett---

__

That's brilliant!

We know…

S'cause she's the Pigeon to my Batman!

And she's the ghetto to my gangster!

The ying to my yang!

The shoe to my laces!

And you're both the cheese on my toast!

Oh and what am I, chopped liver?! -sulks-

Well…

Umm…

And… uh…

You have got to be kidding me!

La la la la…

Pfft! Fine… screw you! I'll just go find my own ying, shoe and ghetto cheese! Hmph!

---Emmett storms out of the room with a flip of his metaphorical hair, obviously having picked up on some of Rose's sulking habits. Leaving behind a very amused Alice, Bella and Jasper…

A few minutes later Edward walks into the room and asks "Anyone care to tell me why our brother just stormed up the stairs muttering something about ghetto cheese?"---

A/N - Umm, well… the first half of that (before Emmett joined) was bits and pieces from the quotes page (I was having a really ditsy day -rolls eyes-) and the whole Scooby Doo trip thing, yeah that was a crazy idea thing me and my friends were talking about a while ago. :o)

The whole second half of the chapter… about the whole ghetto cheese, batman to my pigeon etc… bit, that was straight from a dream I had about me and my friends, it was so random (My friend Sarah is Batman, I'm Pigeon… Dean is Captain Doofus etc… )

Yeeah I'll shut up now, hope the chapter didn't suck too bad.

-Lanna


	72. Chapter 72 The Zoo

_A/N - **I AM REALLY PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW!** And I need to rant, okay so **xXx-Koda dear-xXx** seems to think, that because in one of my chapters I mentioned a broken window and selling someone on eBay that I'm copying her story (which for the record I've NEVER even read and also none of her stories are note stories) so yeah, I'm pissed off and I'd like to clear a few things up, the broken window thing is from the movie Drop Dead Fred (although, I find it highly amusing that she thinks having someone break a window is copying her, I mean come on seriously?! There was a broken window mentioned in Twilight does that mean she is copying Stephenie Meyer? Didn't think so!) right secondly, if you read the authors notes, you'll know that the majority of the stuff I put in my chapters are based on actual events/conversations from my life and the eBay thing was because I said I was going to sell my brother on eBay and was NOT copied from a story that once again, I've never even read! (Oh and I'd also like to point out that the eBay thing, was one fricken line mentioned at the very end of the chapter…)_

_Haha, wow, I managed to rant without cussing like the devil and calling her all the names under the sun (which, let me tell you, was a very hard thing to do because I have a terrible temper -adjusts halo-)_

_So Koda, **no I didn't f--king copy you don't flatter yourself**… I mean seriously, because out of 71 chapters there is ONE line that is similar to something mentioned in your story (like I told you in that review reply, I'm not even counting the window thing, because one its stupid and two its from a MOVIE!) you think that they're copying you? _

_P.s. I just realised I have nearly 2000 reviews, that's brilliant! -calms… a little bit-_

_Oh and… you should all go read & review **pens and sharpies by pleasebiteme**, (it's on my favourites) it's another note story… it's funny and is one of the few that doesn't basically copy note stories by other people. :o)_

_-Lanna_

**Notes.**

**Edward,** _Bella_, Alice Emmett.

---Alice, Bella and Emmett get back from their day out and find Edward in the Cullen living room---

Wonderboy you really should have come with us, it was uber-fun!!!

**I stand by my decision to not go watch food…**

EDWARD!

**What? To me that's what it is… seriously, would you want to pay to go look at cheeseburgers in cages?**

That is completely different!

**In what way? -raises eyebrow-**

Well… I… uh, animals are cuter than cheeseburgers, therefore are more fun to watch! Hmph!

**I still don't see the appeal… and I can't believe you got those two to go along with it…**

Hey! We had a great day!

Oh and it wasn't my idea… Captain Doofus wanted us to go…

**HAHA! Emmett wanted to go to the zoo? Seriously?**

What's wrong with going to the zoo?!

**Never mind…**

Pfft, whatever… do you want to know what we did or not?

**Does it even matter if I want to know, I get the impression that you'd tell me either way?**

The man does have a point… so, where should we begin?

OOOH! Let's start with Steeve, he was lovely!!!

**Who the hell is Steeve?!**

No need to get jealous Eddie… Steeve is a penguin that Alice and Bella for some strange reason, wanted to steal -shrugs-

**You were going to steal a penguin?**

Well yeah, he was all cute and shiz… we were plotting to steal him during the penguin parade but then I had to pee and we sorta got lost somewhere between the bathrooms and the polar bears… I was so gutted. :o(

Don't worry Pidge… we shall liberate the Steeve another day!

Woohoo!

Ooh! And then there was Fred!

Awwh yeah… he was a fun Zebra!

**Are there any animals at the zoo you didn't name?**

We only named the special ones… besides, naming Fred was an accident. -shrugs-

**How can you accidentally name a zebra?**

Well Alice was all like, "lets take pictures of all the animals" and I was all like "Okay! Let's start with the stripy horses" and so we went over to them, but it wouldn't turn around!

Yeah and I didn't particularly want a picture of a zebra's butt so Captain Doofus suggested we call it's name to make it turn around…

Oh the cleverness of me!

Annnyway, so I was all like "Okay, what's his name" and none of us knew so we just randomly started shouting names at it… and then when we said "Fred" it actually turned around! So we figured that must be his name…

He was a very lovely zebra… he had such a swishy tail!

**Umm, swishy?**

Yes, swishy!

**Ookay then… did you do anything OTHER than naming random animals?**

Hmm… lets see, Captain Doofus had a staring contest with a tiger, the Meer cats tried to follow Batman, we tried to play "spot the gorilla" only to realise the cage was empty, I nearly fell into a pond, we fed a giraffe, and laughed at the hippos blowing bubbles in the mud and then one of the chimps started throwing rocks at the window when Captain Doofus walked passed making a little boy cry because he started cussing like the devil in an attempt to argue with said chimp…

Bad words are good for the soul…

Suuuure they are… ;oP

**Sooo… that's all that happened…?**

Yes!

No!

Yes!

No!

Yes!!

No!

No!

Pfft! Traitor!

What… I wanna tell this part of the story, it was funny…

**What don't I know?**

Nothing!

One of the baboons fancied Bella!

GRR! You guys promised not to tell them!

I also promised not to spend any money at the gift shop, and we both know that didn't happen, so I figured seeing as I was breaking promises I may as well break them all…

Pfft!

Don't be mad Pidge :o(

And I repeat… PFFT!

**A baboon… fancied MY Bella?**

HAHAHAHA! Eddie is jealous of a baboon!! Priceless!

**Next time you go to the zoo… I will be coming, and you can point him out to me…**

Edward you are not going to kill the baboon!

**Why not! He should keeps his eyes to himself!!**

Alice, Emmett… stop laughing this isn't funny!

LMAAHO! It kinda is… Eddie wants to "kill the competition"

Eugh! There is no competition! It was a bloody baboon!!

**The baboon shall perish!**

Ed-waard! Please don't kill the baboon… :o(

**Oh fine… but you're not going back to that zoo…**

Hahahaha! Aren't you mad Bella, you won't get to see your little monkey lover again…

Shut up Emmett!

But teasing you is so much fun!

Oh reeeallly…

Why are you smirking like tha- NO! Don't you dare!!!

You broke your promise… I'mma break mine! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

You wouldn't!

**She wouldn't what?**

Apparently I wouldn't tell you that Emmett was squealing like a girl because a peacock chased him, he was so scared he actually climbed a tree and refused to come down…

LOI! It was pretty hilarious… we had to get one of the zoo keepers to take the peacock somewhere else.

Hey! That devil bird was evil… it tried to bite my ass!

**Hahahaha! Wait till Jasper hears about this!**

Don't! I'll… umm, wash your Volvo?! EDWARD GET BACK HERE!

Umm, Captain Doofus… you do realise that seeing as he has already left the room he wont be able to see that you wrote "get back here" right?

Oh crap!

---Emmett jumps up and heads in the direction Edward went, once they were done laughing Alice and Bella went upstairs to made their own mini-zoo in the bat cave using stuffed toys Alice bought from the gift shop…

A little while later Emmett, Edward, Jasper and Rosalie walk into the "zoo" to find Alice and Bella re-enacting the Emmett-peacock scene using a toy peacock, causing them all to crack up laughing… well, all of them except Emmett, who just stood there and pouted, until his eyes fell on a baboon teddy and his pout turned into a mischievous smirk.

Alice's eye's glazed over for a minute and when she snapped out of it she grinned up at Emmett saying "Excellent" in a very mad-scientist type voice---

A/N - Ha, okay so sorry for the long ranting a/n at the top -has calmed down now- well, the majority of this chapter wasn't made up… wanting to steal a penguin (named Steeve), the zebra called Fred, the baboon thing (although it was my aunt the baboon fancied) and being chased by a peacock (that was my friend Jo, it was funny, although she didn't climb a tree…) actually, the only made up part of the stuff that happened at the zoo was the nearly falling into a pond thing…

Hmm, anyway if the chapter wasn't that good, sorry… it was because I was in a bad mood while writing most of it.

P.s. Alice calling Bella "Pidge" short for Pigeon is because my Sarah (a.k.a Batman) called me that, and I was all like "woohoo, my nickname has a nickname!" soo umm, yeah that's where that came from.

-Lanna


	73. Chapter 73 Spawn Of Satan

A/N - First of all I'd like to point out that I haven't slept in about 40 hours and I just had to baby-sit an annoying little… thing, formally known as my niece -sighs- so I'm very tired and I apologize in advance for any mistakes there may be in the chapter (if you point them out to me I'll fix it when I'm not like a zombie)

P.s. A few people tried to add my fanfic myspace and they sent me messages, I just want to say I wasn't ignoring any of you, myspace was being a big ho and wouldn't let me add you/reply (it kept saying I had to add you to send a message, but I need your last name/email to add you) so, if you want to try adding it again the last name is: Story. :o)

-Lanna

****

Notes.

Edward, _Bella, _Alice. 

---Bella walks into the Cullen living room after a stressful day to find Edward and Alice smirking at her---

Why are you two looking at me like that?

Like what?

Yeah Pidge, like what:oP

Eugh, never mind…

Sooo, how was your day?

I'd rather not talk about it.

Pigeeeeeeeon, you know you want to rant, I mean we already know how your day was -knows all- but nothing beats hearing about it first hand…

Grr, fine… well, so I showed up at work and Mrs Newton asked if instead of doing my shift, if I would baby-sit her sisters, husbands, brothers nephew and niece… or something like that, so anyway, I figured what the hell? At least it'd get me away from Mike for the day -shudders-

So you were babysitting…?

Ch'yeah, and lets just say, I now hate children… thank god I never was one!

Umm, Bella… you were a child a few years ago.

Pfft, whatever, I was a nice, well behaved child… sort of, but this… THING! Was like the spawn of Satan! And as for the baby… well, it just smelled bad.

So how old were the kids exactly.

The boy was nine, the girl was two…

Haha, he was only nine… he can't have been that bad, aren't you exaggerating just a smidge?

Exaggerating?! EXAGGERATING?!?!!! It sprayed me with water, scratched me, bit me, kicked me, soaked me with water again, squirted air freshener all over me and then proceeded to attempt to shove me down the stairs on a computer chair!!! It is evil! EEVVVIL I TELL YOU!!!

Lmaaho!!! Seriously?!

Yuhuh, I attempted to hide in the closet at one point… but it found me and chased me all around the house, which of course woke the baby up… and then I had to feed the baby, I'll never be able to look at cauliflower cheese in the same way again…

That bad huh?

Well lets just say the little a…ngel -grits teeth- seems to think that it's fun to blow raspberries whenever the spoon goes near its mouth, resulting in me getting food sprayed all over my face… and for the record, cauliflower cheese in your eye is not a pleasant experience!

And what have you learned?

Hmm… well after much extensive research I've now discovered that, sadly… children do not come with a mute button, you can't pause them and they don't particularly appreciate being treated like dogs… therefore will not play fetch, I was gutted!

Annnnd…?

Children are evil?

Try again?

Umm… I should have just stuck with Newton for the day?

Nooope…

If I ever have the extreme misfortune of having to look after the spawn of Satan again that I should force Edward to come with me so he can tell me what it is plotting beforehand?

I give up, good enough. :o)

Batman :o(

Pigeon?

It picked it's nose and ate it!!! I'm mentally scarred for life!

Ewwwww!!! Didn't you tell it to stop?

Yuhuh, I was all like "Stop that" and then it asked why and I said because it's disgusting and it said "So?" and then it did it again and I was all like "Eww, you'll get bogeyitis"

Did it stop?

No… it laughed and said "Haha you said bogey" :o(

Pfft, now that's just crazy talk!

I know!

Hmm...

Batman… where'd Edward float off to?

For once… I have no idea.

You're a bundle of contradictions up there -points- you said "-knows all-" :o(

Well… I didn't mean all as in everything, I meant all as in… umm, more than most people?

Fair enough, but seriously… where'd the Edward go, did I bore him with my story?

That is a very strong possibility.

He's vanished!

If anyone can find him, I'm sure you can…

I doubt it, I'm no Scooby Doo…

LOI! Let's go find him, I'll be Scooby with my vampirish senses I can sniff him out like a dog could…

You're more like Scrappy Doo.

How come?

Because Scrappy is an itty bitty doggy! And you're an itty bitty vampire!

Pfft, again with the height deficiency, will this never cease?!

Nooope… maybe you should get stilts!

Pidge you are a genius!

I was kidding… you're not really getting stilts are you?

Hell yeah I am… imagine the fun I could have! I could freak Captain Doofus out!

I'm all for that last part… anyway, can we go back to finding my fiancé?

Sure but once we find him, I'mma get me some stilts! HUZZAH!

---Alice and Bella go to find Edward, when they find him playing video games with Emmett, Alice drags Bella to her room so they can order stilts on the internet---

A/N - Sorry, this was a severely sucky chapter, but I'm seriously beyond tired right now… I almost fell asleep, in case you didn't notice, the majority of this chapter was my rant on how much I hate babysitting, ha! (and actually, everything I had Bella say about babysitting actually happened/I actually said while ranting to my Sarah… including having a 9 year old try to push me down the stairs on a computer chair) and the last part of the chapter is pretty much all taken from my quotes page from me and my friends.

Umm, yeah, I'm gonna go sleep once I've posted this so I'll shut up.

-Lanna


	74. Chapter 74 Bella's Addiction

A/N - Alright, well… I'll explain this chapter in the bottom a/n, but I have a question, does anybody else find the guy that has been cast as James in the Twilight movie hotter than the guy the cast for Edward? S'funny, to make that work they're going to have to make Edward hotter using make up and make James uglier. :o)

Hmm, anyway, it's nearly 3am as I'm writing this, so I'm tired but hyper (weird combo) so I apologise in advance for any mistakes in the chapter. (if you point any out to me I'll fix them later)

P.s. For in case anyone doesn't know, strepsils are throat lozenges (yes they're in the chapter, I'm not just randomly telling you that)

-Lanna

****

Notes.

Alice, _Bella, **Jasper,**_ Emmett.

---Bella walks into the Cullen living room, ignoring the weird looks she's getting from Jasper and Emmett as she looks under cushions on the couch, but after a coughing fit she sits down on the couch next to them with an exaggerated sigh---

****

What's with you? You're like radiating annoyance…

Pfft!

'why, nothings wrong with me Jasper, but thank you for the concern, how are you my oh so awesome brother?'… well, I'm just peachy Bella, thanks for asking:o)

Grr!

What was that Bella? I'm cooler than Emmett… well I'm glad you think so, I would have to agr-

Hey! You WISH you were cooler than me!

****

No… I WISH that Bella would stop with the monosyllables, her annoyance is making me annoyed and I don't like being annoyed… it's annoying!

Umm, huh?

****

Never mind… Bella, what's wrong? In 2 words or more please?

Potato shoes!

Ahhh it all makes sense now! She's lost her potato shoes, no wonder she's annoyed!

****

Emmett, you truly are an idiot.

Why?!

****

Because there is no such thing as "potato shoes"… at least, I hope there isn't.

But she said-

I was kidding Captain Doofus, t'was a little thing I like to call sarcasm, he asked for two words or more, I gave him two words. -shrugs-

Oh… so why do you have a face like a smacked ass anyway?

HEY! My face is NOT like a smacked ass!

It's a figure of speech Pigeon… jeez.

Pfft, whatever… I'm annoyed because on Edward's orders, Batman has hidden my strepsils!

Oh so you answer him when he asks…

It's because I'm just blatantly cooler than you Jazzy-pants.

__

Back to the point. Why on earth would Edward want her to hide your throat sweets?

Because he's being mean… I NEED THEM!

Haha! Bella looks possessed!

Do you know where she put them!?

Wow, now she's twitching… that's quite freaky…

---Alice bounces in the room and smirks at the twitching Bella, who upon seeing her best friend, starts attempting to growl at her, looking ready to pounce---

****

Alice, can you please give her the throat sweets back, her emotions are driving me nuts.

No can do Jazzy… I'm under strict orders to keep her stash well and truly hidden.

Ha! You make her sound like a crack addict…

Not a CRACK addict, no… but an addict all the same, I mean look at her?

I am not an addict! I can stop taking them whenever I want to! I just need them because, uh, my throat hurts?

Nu-uh Pidge, you're going cold turkey! And there is no way your throat hurts…

But Batmaaaaaaaaan, why?!

Because only ONE is supposed to be taken every four hours, and no more than twelve in a day…

And your point is?

Pigeon you ate 12 in one hour!

But-

Nope!

Bu-

Not getting them!

Pfft, fine! But I still don't see what the big deal is… I mean so what if I can no longer feel my tongue. :o(

Hahahhahaha! She's OD'd on throat sweets!

It's not my fault!

Whose fault is it then?

The strepsil factory throat lozenge type maker people… they make them taste so damn good! Medicine, by definition is supposed to taste bad… everyone knows that!

You actually LIKE the taste of them?!

Yuhuh… they're just so lovely… and fruity… and filled with strawberry goodness, BATMAN GIMME MY DAMN STREPSILS WOMAN!!!

Hahahaha! She's gone loopy!

****

This is not going to turn out good… uh-oh.

LMAAHO! Jazz you're twitching now too!

---Too busy watching her now-twitching husband with concern, Alice was for once, taken by surprise when Bella pounced on the tiny vampire.

Alice, surprised by the sudden attack was unable to prevent them both tumbling to the floor… just as Emmett erupts into an uncontrollable fit of laughter, Bella starts chasing Alice round the sofa, screaming that she wants her "stash" back.

The bizarre scene continued for about 5 minutes, with Bella, amazingly only tripping once the whole time (due to the adrenaline rush, and need for more throat sweets) before Rosalie walked into the room.

No one noticed her presence, Alice and Bella too preoccupied with their laps of the sofa, and Emmett too busy rolling around laughing at his sisters, and Jasper, who was now overwhelmed by the emotions radiating from his siblings and was now rocking backwards and forwards, his knees pulled up to his chest and his right eye twitching in between snorts of laughter cause by Emmett's amusement.

Rosalie whistled loudly causing them all to direct their attention to her, holding up a packet of throat sweets she said "Looking for these" directing her question at Bella.

Bella's eyes widened, a maniacal grin forming on her face and she charged towards Rosalie, arms outstretched ready to grab the sweets.

Fear momentarily flashed across the blonde vampires face, before being replaced by a smirk as she simply put her arm out, holding Bella's forehead, keeping her at arms length while she continued to swing her arms about like a crazy person, trying to grab the strepsils.

Watching this caused Emmett, and now Alice too to burst out laughing again and this continued until Edward walked into the room, phone practically glued to his ear as he yelled at the person on the other line, and from what they could make out of the conversation, he was, in fact on the phone to the strepsil company.

Taking advantage of the momentary distraction, Bella snatched the sweets from Rose's hand shouted "HURRAH!" and charged into the dining room, sliding under the table.

After taking a few minutes to register what happened, everyone ran at vampire speed to the dining room, including Edward who had dropped the cell phone, his eyes widening in horror.

Kneeling down and looking under the table, the five vampires all gasped at the sight before them… there was Bella, clutching an empty packet of throat sweets, and upon seeing them a slow grin worked its way onto her face to reveal her mouth almost overflowing with the strepsils.

"Bella… I need you to spit those out now" Edward said slowly, his only response being a muffled "no" and her furiously shaking her head.

This clearly was not a good idea, as the sudden movement of her head caused her to start choking on one of the sweets, and the rest feel out of her mouth as she started coughing in an attempt to dislodge it so she could breath again.

After being pulled out from under the table and Edward performing the Heimlich maneuver, Bella sighed in relief and said "Alright, no more strepsils"---

A/N - Ooookay, so the actual note part of the chapter kinda sucked but I sort of like the ending… it's the longest end bit I've written so far I think… anyway, explanation, well I have the flu and my throat hurts, and I kinda sort of took too many throat lozenges (they really do taste brilliant!!!) everything I said in the chapter about the amount you're supposed to take and the amount Bella actually took is true (only with me instead of her) and the tongue going numb thing… also true, the twitching, that's true as well, but it wasn't in a crazy crack addict type way, I was just tempted to eat more of them haha… anyway I was talking to my friend Liz on msn about it and I was like "I want mooore" etc… so basically this chapter was true, except for the end part, and I kinda over exaggerated her addiction to them (I wasn't THAT bad) but yeah… anyway, I'll shut up now.

Oooh and my new review target is 2000 reviews! (which isn't that far away!)

-Lanna


	75. Chapter 75 My Little Pony

A/N - I'll explain this chapter in the **bottom a/n **because it's based on an actual convo and there is a few **quotes** from (MY) Batman that I have to add. :o)

A few people keep asking me questions, or asking me to email them in reviews… but the reviews are anonymous, meaning I can't reply to them, sorry… and email addresses don't show up in reviews or PM's either, so I'm not ignoring any of you, if you sign in and THEN review/pm me, I'll reply. :o)

P.s. Anyone else annoyed about the Carlisle and Rosalie castings? Hmm…

P.p.s. If you have a **Nerd fighters **profile then you should **add me **and talk to me on there! (link is now on my profile) I have parts of the quotes pages from me and my friends on there… some of the stuff will be mentioned in future chapters.

-Lanna

****

Notes.

Emmett, _Rosalie, Bella, _Alice. 

---Bella, Alice and Rose are all sitting in the Cullen living room, Alice and Bella are playing with their brand new My Little Ponies and Rose in on her laptop while passing notes---

__

DAMN YOU BOTH!!!! It's all your fault! What is your fault you might ask? Well, the fact that I am now rediscovering my youth, getting all excited look at the My Little Pony website is your fault! Pfft!

They had My Little Ponies when you were younger?

Well no…

But you said "rediscovering my youth"?

Fiiine DISCOVERING my youth! Pfft, must you always remind me how old I am?

Sorry Bubbles. :o)

OHEMGEE!!! I want it! I MUST have it!!! It has a crown... and a rainbow tail!!! ARGH! I need it!!! I'd call it Blossom!

LOI! Good name… we named ours Flora and Petal, they are just so 90's! I love it!

My little ponies are ace -sighs happily-

__

Ha! How'd you two end up buying them anyway?

Well we went to the supermarket looking for cheese cake, and then Batman was all "OHEMFRICKENGEE! PONIES!" and then I was all like "HOORAY! Let's buy some!" so we chose the ones we wanted and bought them… showing them to random shoppers along the way, we felt so cool!

So to sum up… you went to buy cheese cake, and somehow ended up with ponies instead?

Yup, that's about right…

Pfft, who needs cheese cake when you can get my little ponies instead!

Exactly! My little ponies pwn cheese cake in every conceivably way!

I concur. :o)

ALICEBELLAPIGEONBATMAN!!! I MUST HAVE MY LITTLE PONY CRYSTAL PRINCESS PRETTY PATTERNS PONY DAISY PAISLEY!!!!

LMAAHO!

__

Isn't she lovely?! I want it, and the other one... in fact, I want a whole bunch of them that way I could create a wonderfully awesome army of awesomeness made up of my little ponies!!

OMG! I want an army of ponies! They'd look like a giant rainbow when congregated together!

_Pfft, Batman look what we've started._

YAY! It's a my little pony epidemic!

Haha, we're going to end up being like, the MLP-Brigade.

__

LOI! I want to be a member of that!

---Emmett walks into the room and his eyes light up when he sees Flora and Petal, and the my little pony website---

You bought My Little Ponies?! That is just too brilliant! I want one... I used to have a baby blue one with pink hair and little pink sparkly stars on its ass, but I lost it. :o(

You… had a my little pony?

Umm… meeh-beh.

HAHAHAHA! And you still deny the fact that you're camp!

I am not camp!

I beg to differ!… So does Flora!

Who the heck is Flora?

My pony… isn't she the shiz? -waves pony in Emmett's face-

Pfft! Emmett Jr was better!

HAHA! You named your, my little pony Emmett Jr?!

She preferred to be called Em-Jay… but yes! Hmph!

HA! That is too precious!

I know it's a lovely name isn't it?

No I was referring to the fact that I now I have even more blackmail material to taunt you with for many years to come.

HEY! You…I … YOU! FISHSTICKS!

Umm… touché?

This is war!

__

My little pony war?

Sure why not.

Personally, I think we could kick your ass in the my little pony wars…

We so could Batman!

Pfft, whatever! BYE!

---Emmett storms out of the room towards the kitchen---

We should make our own my little pony brigade logo on photo shop!

Haha yeah, I was just trying to figure out how I could copy and paste an army hat onto a pony… I came to the conclusion that I would fail miserably at the task.

LMAAHO! Like a weird my little pony cavalry… with our army riding them to victory

__

I have decided... that I want Blossom to be a gangster pony! Now... how does one go about buying a gun and a bandana for a pony? -ponders-

OOOH!

__

What?

Yes… no… maybe, socks! Argh! My mind went poof!

Or blank…

Whichever you prefer…

What was that noise?

What noise?

That banging-explosion type noise.

I didn't hear anything…

Never mind… silly human hearing, tsk!

Okay… I heard THAT noise! I've never heard Esme yell like that before, haha.

Let's go investigate!

---The three of them all left the room to go find out what the explosion was, and what Esme was yelling at. 

Just as they reach the kitchen, Esme walks past, clearly annoyed at something she gives them a forced smile before sighing and muttering something about "worse than a two year old" and goes upstairs.

Walking into the kitchen, they find Emmett pouting with his arms crossed and when Alice asked what happened he said "I almost blew up the microwave… Esme is as angry as a camel in heat!"

Bella bursts out laughing, while Rose rolled her eyes and asked how he managed that and he answered "Well, I was trying to make porridge, and I guess I pushed the wrong button or put it in for too long or something… it was kinda like a big revolving porridge volcano and then it went BANG and the door blew open… I would probably have been amused and impressed if Esme hadn't made me clean all the mess"

This only caused Bella to laugh harder before she realised something and scrunched up her forehead in confusion asking "Why the heck were you making porridge anyway?"

Emmett simply shrugged his shoulders and said "It seemed like a good idea at the time" then walked out the room.

Alice, Rose and Bella all stood there for a few minutes in confused silence before, they hear Emmett's attempt at an evil laugh coming from the living room closely followed by him shouting "Victory is mine!"

After a few seconds, realisation hit them and Alice and Bella screeched at the same time "He took the ponies!!!" running to the living room, leaving Rose behind.

Rosalie sighed, shaking her head, saying to no one in particular "Looks like the war has begun" then followed her sisters, secretly impressed by her husbands sneakiness (a/n - Emmett used the microwave explosion as a distraction!)---

_A/N- The chapter kinda sucked, it was way more fun having the actual conversation, so anyway I was talking to my Batman and Luketh on msn, and Batman was telling me about how she bought a my little pony and that got us started on that convo -points above- (a lot of the chapter was basically, just copying and pasting then editing to fit the characters) I made this a chapter because in the middle of my My Little Pony rant Batman said I should make it into a chapter, so I did. _

Also, I actually DID almost blow up the microwave making porridge like, last week, ha!

****

Anyway, quotes I was to add to the a/n:

Sarah: Pidge do you love me as an asfaawbffe?

Lanna: Yuhuh!

Sarah: Okay, I'll let you off then.

Lanna: Luketh, just so you know, asfaawbffe means absolutely superly fantastic best friends for eternity.

Luke: Cfdly stands for cuntish fiends dancing lovingly for victory…

Lanna: Hahahaha!

Lanna: Any requests of things to be added to the my little pony chapter?

Sarah: Um I would like the quote "my mother is as angry as a camel in heat" to be added.

Lanna: Hahahaha! I can add Emmett saying that!

Lanna: It's quite weird... since I made that up, a whole bunch of people have told me they started referring to their best friends as that (and calling each other Batman and Pigeon)

Sarah: Hahaha that's copyright!

Lanna: I found it quite flattering really that people actually liked the crap I wrote so much to use it in their everyday lives.

Sarah: Aww I'm Lanny's weird best friend for eternity and she totally Heaths me.

Lanna: Yuhuh… haha and I'll so add that quote to the My Little Pony chapter a/n.

Luke: I'm the useless lovable hobo for eternity.

Aren't my friends lovely?! That was actually one of the saner parts out our convo (OH! And "Heath" means love, just so ya know)… if you add me on nerd fighters and read the quotes pages you'll see what I mean. :o)

****

-_Lanna_


	76. Chapter 76 Capes, stitches & Lolly Pops

A/N - **READ THIS A/N!!** I was going to wait till I got more reviews till I updated again… but it's 1am and I can't sleep, so umm, yeah I'm updating -shrugs- there is a story behind this chapter (see bottom a/n -smirks-) and for people who are asking where I'm getting the casting info from: The Twilight lexicon (there are a few other sites, but that's the most reliable, that and twilight moms)

OH! And! I came up with another story idea that I have no intention of using and have the rough plot all written out, it's a BxE all human fic, so if anyone would maybe want to write it PM me and let me know (I'll just send a rough summary and if you're still interested, then reply and tell me and I'll send the whole plot outline, if a lot of people pm me about it then I'll only send the full outline to like, the first **2 people **that get back to me… because like with the other ones it would be stupid having loads of people using a similar idea)… you should go read the other stories based on my unused ideas (links are on my profile!)

P.s. If you get me to 2000 reviews, then I'll choose another challenge chapter to do (just **add requests of things you'd like in a chapter to the review**… it could be like really specific, or it could be just something like "a chapter with bananas in it" -shrugs-) and I'll choose the one(s) I'll be able to write best.

-Lanna

****

Notes.

Edward, _Bella, _Alice. 

---Alice and Bella are sitting a cubicle in the emergency room passing notes, when Edward storms into the room looking worried his hair all windswept from running, he relaxes a little when he sees Bella smiling but frowns at the bandage on her head---

Why are you passing notes at a time like this?

Because Eddie-pants, t'is fun… and the emergency room is butt-numbingly boring!

Yeah, what she said…

Batman…

Pidge?

Can vampires butts get numb?

Well… I… no, not really. Pfft:o(

And you consider this a bad thing?

Mhmm! It is excluding me from yet another figure of speech and fun expression!

Oookay then…

As interesting as the topic of numb butts is, would you two mind telling me what the hell happened?

I bumped my head.

Yes I gathered that much, but how?

I fell. -shrugs-

Bell-a!

I'd rather not explain…

Why?

Because you'll laugh at me…

Bella, I would never laugh at you hurting yourself, now will you please just tell me?

Umm, no.

I promise I won't laugh.

Ch'yeah, you say that now!

Please?

If you don't tell him I will. :o)

Pfft traitor!

Love you too, my oh so awesome asfaawbffe!

GRR! Fine… I was bored, and I needed a distraction from your being-away-hunting-ness, and Batman was still away shopping, so I decided to clean my room and I was making my bed, when the little voice in my head was all like "HUZZAH! I have a genius plan!" and I was like "Okay, what is it then" and then the little voice said "Let's play super heroes!" and I said "Well that's just dumb" while I was tying on my cape-

Alice will you stop laughing it's distracting!

Sorry, continue Pigeon!

Well anyway, so I had on my cape-

Your… cape?

Cape, sheet… same difference, now don't interrupt, so I had on my cape and I smelled something weird and the little voice was like "Oh no Charlie's dinner is burning, someone needs to rescue it!" and and I was all like "NEVER FEAR PIGEON IS HERE!" and as I was running to the kitchen humming my theme song I sort of tripped on my cape… and smacked my head off the corner of the table.

I'm going to kill that table!

Edward don't be ridiculous… anyway, so Batman showed up and kept laughing because she had already had a vision of how I fell, which was quite a funny thing to see, because she was trying not to breath and took me to the emergency room.

Well, can you blame me… I get this uber-funny vision of you running around wearing a cape while humming something that, for the record, sounded suspiciously like the mission impossible theme song and then find you sitting on the floor twisted up in said cape holding your hand over your head saying "Owwie".

Pfft, but my head was like peeing blood and you were laughing!

It was funny. -shrugs-

You mock my pain!

Because it was funny…

Tsk! You're mean!

Then why are you smiling?

Grr… traitorous facial expressions!

So what did the doctor say?

The doctor was Carlisle, and he said she has a mild concussion and she had to get 6 stitches.

Is that all?

Well he also said she shouldn't play super heroes without vampire supervision again.

Hey!

Haha, he really said that?

You said you wouldn't laugh!

I'm not laughing at you love, I'm laughing at Carlisle.

Whatever…

Yes, he really said that… and Bella pouted until he gave her a lolly pop.

One of the few times where acting like a 2 year old actually pays off! HUZZAH!

Yeeah, but did you really have to try and steal them all?

What, hospital lolly pops taste so much better than regular lolly pops!

How?

Because they're free -shrugs-

Bella tried to steal all the lolly pops?

Yuhuh and she succeeded, when Carlisle came to check on her again, he asked for them back and she snatched them away and was all like "MY precious!" so he let her keep them.

I blamed the concussion. :o)

And will the concussion get the blame for the cavities you'll get too?

Yuuup!

Fair enough.

Batman.

Yus?

When can we leave, my butt is numb again?

Carlisle will be back in 25...no, make that 22 seconds.

---22 seconds later, right on cue Carlisle walked back into the cubicle, saying that it was okay for Bella to leave but she had to come back if she experienced any dizziness, blurred vision etc…

Walking out of the hospital Edward asked "And what has this experience taught you?"

Bella looked to Alice and smirked before answering "Next time I'm playing Batman and Pigeon, make sure my cape isn't too long"---

A/N - The chapter kinda sucked but anyway… I said there was a story behind this chapter and there is, basically the whole playing Batman-sheets-as-capes-falling-stitches thing actually happened to my brother when he was younger (Only it was a rock in the garden he banged his head off of, I just randomly remembered the story today) and the Batman thing and the clumsiness reminded me of Bella in this story. :o)

Oh, and the whole "my precious" thing, haha, my brother came into my room and asked if I had the torch (I always steel the one we use for power cuts so I can read at night) anyway I said no, and then he was all like I know you've got it cause he could see it on my bed and I snatched it up and was like "my precious" and he laughed, I eventually gave him it, but yeah… was fun. :o)

P.s. Sorry for the long-ness of my a/n… does anyone actually read them? (I know a few people do because they mention them in reviews but does anyone else?)

P.p.s This story is on the favourites list of over 300 people… so could more of you review this time? I'm not usually review demanding, but the amount of reviews I actually get, in comparison to how many people actually read the story, isn't all that much and I like getting feedback (good or bad) and I love when people tell me there little random stories in the reviews about silly things they've done that the chapters remind them of (that gives me something fun to read!) :o)

-Lanna


	77. Chapter 77 Defying gravity

A/N - READ THIS!! Haha, so I was looking on urban dictionary dot com and someone actually put "**asfaawbffe**" on urban dictionary!! (although they did get the definition wrong, they said it means "absolutely superbly fantastic and ALSO weird best friend for eternity" when it actually means "and AWESOMELY weird" but still, that is too cool!

But I want to fix it so the definition is right. :o( anyway, I was wondering which one of you awesome people put it on there? (I'm assuming it was one of you, seeing as if someone hasn't read this fic, then they wouldn't have heard of it…)

Sorry for the long a/n but I wanted to say one last thing… I made a blog that has quotes pages and loads of pointless random rambling and all that jazz, **you should go read it/comment etc… that would make me smile** (link is at the top of my profile) also, I'm always going on about Batman/Sarah in my a/n… well we made a shared blog that's linked on my profile to (again go read it) Batman rambles so much better than I do. :o)

P.s. This chapter is for **HeswamtoFrance** (I'll explain in the bottom a/n)

-Lanna

****

Notes.

Edward, Alice,_ Bella, Jasper,_ Emmett. 

---Emmett and Bella are sitting in the Cullen living room passing notes---

You can't do it…

I so could…

Bet you couldn't!!

Bet I could!

Fine I dare you.

Fine I.. what?!

I dare you to try it.

But...

Alright if you don't have the guts-

I didn't say I wouldn't do it!

So you're going to do it?

Eugh fine, go get me the stuff!

---Emmett rushes out of the living room grinning like a maniac and returns in a matter of seconds, holding out a bottle of Pepsi to Bella.

Bella, glares at Emmett defiantly and snatches the bottle before lying down on the couch, then putting her head on the seat bit and her legs over the back so she was sitting upside down.

As Bella is twisting the cap off of the juice bottle carefully, Alice walks into the room eyebrows raised and asked "What is Pigeon doing?"

Smirking at his sister Emmett replied "Attempting to defy gravity"

Catching on to what he meant, Alice gasped and said "And why the hell is she trying to do that?!"

"I dared her to" Emmett laughed with a shrug, his eyes never leaving Bella who was now cautiously trying to manoeuvre the bottle to her mouth without spilling any.

Alice jumped up so she could whack her brother upside the head as she growled "How the hell did you get her to agree to that?"

Un-phased by her anger Emmett grinned wider and said "Reverse psychology"

Just as Alice was about to whack him upside the head again as she screeched "Edward's gonna kill you" she was interrupted by a yelp of shock and pain, closely followed by coughing and a thud as Bella fell to the floor shouting "Ow ow ow ow I broke my eye! Ahhh! And my nose! It stings! Owww"

Hearing Bella, Edward rushed downstairs and reached Bella's side at the same time as Alice, and carried her to the kitchen to rinse the juice from her eyes, Alice shooting glares at Emmett over her shoulder who found the whole situation hysterical and was rolling around laughing.

Two hours, a few eye drops, one eye patch and a hospital visit later, Alice, Edward and Bella sat in the Cullen living room again, passing notes and Jasper walked in laughing at the site he passed on the way to the sofa---

__

Why is Emmett hanging upside down, handcuffed, gagged and duck taped?

He dared Bella to do something stupid.

__

I'm assuming that's why you're wearing an eye patch?

Yeeeah

So what was the dare?

He dared me to drink juice upside down. -shrugs-

Yuhuh and it didn't go so well, it sort of went up her nose, in her eyes and made her hair all sticky.

The bubbles burrrrn!

Ch'yeah and it took me forever to beautify your hair again.

So anyway we went to see Carlisle and he gave me eye drops and an eye patch and Eddie got mad when we got back and decided to teach Emmett a lesson... so he has to stay there for the whole day.

Haha niiice!

Turns out fizzy juice is my weakness…

It's the kryptonite to her superman!

The Pepsi to my pigeon!

That sounded weird...

LOI! Yeaaah.

And we all know Batman's weakness is shopping…

And Wonderboy's weakness is Bella…

Can't argue with that.

Spoon-boy

__

Yes?

What is your weakness?

__

If I tell you you'll try to bring down my empire.

Pfft, fiiine be that way but every super hero has fears and weaknesses…

__

Fine, you really wanna know my fear?

Mhmmm.

__

My fear is that you'll find out my weakness and use it to bring down my empire!

You don't even have an empire!

__

Sure I do... in my mind!

Haha he's right, castles, knights and all...

Seriously?

Yeah, the disturbing part is his castle is pink.

__

Hey! what's wrong with pink?

What's right with it?

What's straight with it?

Hahaha touché pigeon, I bow down to your awesomeness.

__

Pink is a very manly awesome colour!

Yeah yeah, we're so not having the pink debate again, we already went through this with Emmett.

---Just then, Rose walks into the living room, spotting her husband hanging upside down by his ankles from the banister.

Rolling her eyes she walks over to the her siblings, plopping down on the sofa as she said "Please tell me he isn't attempting to be a real vampire again" making air quotes around the words 'real vampire'

Bella raised her eyebrows and asked "Real vampire?" all the vampires in the room exchanged glances before Edward answered.

"He was going through a Dracula phase, he had the movie, the book, the Halloween costume… everything, anyway he insisted on 'sleeping' upside down, like a bat, claiming that's what vampires are supposed to do"

After a few moments silence Bella's face broke into a huge grin and she started laughing hysterically, looking at Emmett trying to picture him doing Dracula impressions.

Pretty soon everyone had joined her laughter and were too preoccupied by their amusement to notice Carlisle walk in the door and sigh as he spotted Emmett saying "Not again…" with a shake of his head or the muffled "Hmph" that came from Emmett in response.---

A/n - Right well, I said if I got over 2000 reviews I'd do a challenge-type chapter from one of the reviewers and HeswamtoFrance's idea was:

"I would love to read a chapter where Bella is lying upside down off of the couch, then something happens, I don't know what. And in the end it has Emmett stuck hanging upside down like a bat."

So I chose that one, mainly because I have actually tried to drink juice upside down like Bella did, sadly I couldn't blame my stupidity on a dare, it just seemed like a good idea at the time, although I don't think I wrote it very well (but I haven't slept in over 48 hours)… so, umm, yeah. I might do some of the other challenge-type chapters soon too, because there was quite a few good ones.

-Lanna


	78. Chapter 78 The Forks Muffin Massacre

_A/N - **READ THIS!!!** Okay, well… I've been trying to decide whether to finish this story when I get to 100 chapters BUT I can't decide so I'll leave the fate of this story in the hands of the reviewers… SO REVIEW AND TELL ME! Should I stop at 100 chapter, ye or nay? (bahaha, sorry I love saying ye or nay)_

_If I do finish the story at 100 chapter, I will probably post a brand new note story at some point because knowing me, I'll miss writing the notes. (So put me on author alert so that you'll know _when_ I post new stories)_

_Also… I have ideas for more funny stories (like the Wal-Mart and Sins stories) so I'll probably write those at some point._

_Anywho, sorry for the long authors note… this is a challenge chapter, which I'll explain in the bottom a/n seeing as this one is getting ridiculously long._

_-Lanna_

****

Notes.

Edward, Alice, _Bella, _Emmett,**_ Jasper._**

---Edward and Jasper walk into the living room to find Alice and Bella watching Emmett witch amused expressions on their faces, while Emmett just sat there oblivious, while he gazed lovingly at the thing in his hands---

What is that?

Not what! WHO! And the answer is, this is Wallace!

****

Wallace?

Yes, Wallace!

****

Oookay...

Why oh why does Emmett have a muffin?

I think the more appropriate question would be why the heck did he name said muffin…

Good point...

Yeah I thought naming random objects was Bella's thing…

Hey!

So you're denying that you name random objects?

_Umm..._

****

Let's see, there was the toaster, the microwave, the-

_Fine, fine whatever._

Back to the point, So why does he have a muffin?

Well, I bought Pigeon a whole bunch of muffins, and he stole them all…

The rest are in the kitchen... :o(

Wallace was his favourite so he dubbed it his companion for the day -shrugs-

****

Why?

Because he's SUPER!

****

Umm... a super muffin?

Well...It can fly :o/

How do you know?

Cause he tossed it at my head -shrugs-

He did WHAT?!

Oh relax Eddie, it's not like a muffin could cause permanent damage.

Tell that to the muffin shaped bruise on my head...

You have a muffin shaped bruise?

Yeah... I named I Nigel.

Hahaha! Nigel the muffin shaped bruise... priceless.

Again with the naming random stuff...

Oh my god, Emmett you cannot be serious!

What?

Mind raping the Doofus one?

Yeah... and he's trying to figure out how he can make "Wallace" a cape.

Hahahaha! Really?!

He is Wallace the flying banana blueberry chocolate chip muffin of course he needs a cape!

Oh dear god he's finally lost his marbles...

That statement implies he had marbles to begin with.

Hmm…I'll be back!

---Emmett jumps up from his seat on the sofa and places "Wallace" carefully on the coffee table, and with one last loving look at his muffin, he rushes up the stairs.

Everyone watches his retreating form with mixed expressions on their faces… everyone, that is, except Bella, who was eyeing the muffin on the table with a sly grin on her face.

After a series of banging and clattering noises from upstairs they hear Emmett exclaim "AH-HA! Perfect!" and a few seconds later, he was stood in the living room again holding a small piece of shiny blue fabric in his hands.

He grinned triumphantly at his success in finding an appropriate cape for his muffin, but his grin quickly fell to be replaced by a look of confusion when he noticed his muffin was nowhere to be seen---

Where'd Wallace go?

He ran away with a cupcake...? -adjusts halo-

Ha invisible flying banana blueberry chocolate chip muffin! Awesome…

And I repeat! WHERES WALLACE?!

Didn't we just do this?

Yes, but I wasn't happy with the answer...NOW WHERES MY MUFFIN!?

...he turned invisible?

In other words she ate him -smirks-

...Umm yes.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Yes…?

You killed Wallace!!

Don't be dramatic…

Dramatic?! DRAMATIC?! She murdered my muffin, my muffin is dead!

Oookay... I'm just gonna go call some very nice men in white coats with a really big net.

****

Pfft whatever mufferer!

Mufferer?

Yes... she is a muffin murderer, a murderer of muffins, she is a mufferer!

Well, my stomach is telling me it's still hungry…

And you know what that means...

MUFFIN MASSACRE!

NOOO! Not Fiona, Stephe- wait, get back here!!

---Bella runs to the kitchen to get the rest of the muffins, giggling hysterically.

Emmett jumps up quickly and starts to follow her… his mind being too set on saving his muffins, he failed to notice Edward shift position on the couch with a smirk on his face.

As if in slow motion, Emmett's foot caught on Edward's outstretched leg and the bear-like vampire tripped forward spectacularly, flying a good 5 feet in the air before coming to a crash on the floor.

Because of the impressive impact of the fall, the floor gave way beneath his weight and sent Emmett plunging through the floor and into the basement.

The cloud of plaster dust settled to reveal Emmett sat pouting in the Cullen's basement, glaring up at his siblings who were looking down at him from their positions surrounding the Emmett shaped hole in the floor, trying not to laugh.

Hearing the crashing noise, Bella wandered back into the living room, muffins in hand and gasped at the huge hole in the living room floor, before walking over to Edward's side and looking down into the hole.

Choking on a bit of muffin, Bella coughed out "Esme is gonna kill you" between snorts of laughter, while Edward patted her back to stop her choking and Emmett "Hmphed" making no move to get out of the basement.---

A/N - So that chapter was for **Madam Fawna** who wanted a chapter on an "invisible flying banana blueberry chocolate chip muffin named Wallace"… sooo hope it didn't suck too bad.

I couldn't resist adding the end bit, I just find the mental image of Emmett sitting in the basement pouting really funny, and everyone surrounding the hole looking down at him. :o)

P.s. REVIEW!!! And answer the question from the top a/n in the review.

P.p.s. I did actually name my bruise… yes, I'm strange.

-Lanna


	79. Chapter 79 Turkey Turkey Turkey

_A/N - **READREADREAD!… **did I get your attention? Anywho… this chapter isn't that good, but I refuse to post a chapter that's just an authors note so I just quickly came up with a short chapter to go with it. :o)_

_Basically, I just wanted to say that I've made a decision, only a couple of people thought it would be a good idea to stop at 100 chapters… the rest urged me to continue, and in a few cases actually threatened me with death if I stopped writing these -smirks- (btw, they were really very funny "death threats", you all pwn… wow, I really am weird, praising someone's death threat making abilities? Hmm)_

_Anyway, a few people said they wouldn't mind me stopping at 100 as long as I continued the notes in another story… so that's what I'm going to do, **when I reach 100 chapters, I'll post a new note story **(Don't worry, they'll still be just as weird, random and pointless as these… and all the nicknames and "inside jokes" will still be included)_

_So again, add me to author alert so you'll know when I post that (but in case you forget I'll remind you in chapter 100 about the new note story)_

_P.s. There is a little story behind this chapter, I'll explain in the bottom a/n._

_-Lanna_

Notes.

**Edward**, _Bella, _Emmett, Alice. 

---Bella, Emmett and Alice walk into the Cullen house to find Edward pacing impatiently in the living room---

**Where were you all day, you've been gone for hours :o(**

Bowling -shrugs-

**You took Bella bowling!**

Yeah, she told us she'd never been before so we decided to change that.

_I kinda threw the ball backwards instead of forwards the first time :o/_

Yeah... it was hi-la-rious! She knocked Mike over!

**Wait…Mike was there?**

Not with us, but he was there.

Yeah and when she dropped the ball it sort of charged full speed right towards Mike & Co

_Mhmm everyone else moved out of the way but Mike, being the glorified idiot that he is, kept walking stepped on it and went heels over head and smacked his butt on the floor._

I admit, it did look pretty damn painful… I bet he'll have a bruise, poor kid.

"Poor kid", oh now you're all Mr Sympathy… when it happened you were laughing hysterically and shouted "Ha, Edward's right he does scream like a girl"

Well… he does and it was funny -shrugs-

**I still can't believe you took her bowling, she gets into enough accidents as it is without arming her with a heavy object and allowing her to throw it.**

_Hey! I only dropped it three times! -pouts-_

**ONLY?**

Ch'yeah she got the hang of it after a while.

**I highly doubt that.**

_S'true! I bowled a turkey!_

**A... turkey?**

_Mhmm... strike, strike, strike! TURKEY!_

**You managed three strikes?**

_Yuuup!_

**Were the bumpers up?**

_Oh ye of little faith…_

**They were, weren't they?**

_Meh-beh…_

**That's what I thought…**

Next time you have to come with us!

**Next time... NEXT TIME!**

_Oh don't be so dramatic, I didn't even hurt myself._

Yeah the only casualty of hurricane Bella today was Mike Newton's ass.

Ha, hurricane Bella

_Hey! I resent that!_

What? You are kinda like a hurricane... you leave a trail of destruction and broken objects in your wake.

_Pfft says you Mr "I tripped and fell right through the floor"_

That wasn't my fault!

That's not what Esme said...

Edward tripped me!

_Mhmm... sadly I didn't witness that, I was too busy eating your children._

**His children? -raises eyebrow-**

_Muffins, children... whatever._

---After making a "Hmph" noise Emmett sulked out of the room dramatically with a metaphorical flip of his hair, muttering something about Bella being "the axis of evil".

Rolling their eyes, everyone else goes back to passing notes---

_Sooo, I meant to ask, just how mad was Esme?_

**Well, at first she was just a little bit annoyed and insisted he fix the hole.**

_At first?_

Yeah, she wasn't so mad about the hole, but then he filled the basement with water. :o/

_Haha why the heck did he do that!_

**He claimed he wanted an "indoor swimming pool"**

We came home to find him paddling in the basement with a rubber ring and a beach ball.

_HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Are you serious!_

**Oh I wish we were joking...**

**Although it was kind of funny seeing Esme yell at him and then making him empty out the water.**

...One bucket at a time.

---After laughing at the story of Emmett's indoor swimming pool for a while they all sit in silence until Bella randomly starts bobbing her head from side to side chanting "Turkey, Turkey, Turkey"

Rosalie walks into the room, and raises her eyebrow at Bella, who continued to chant and had now added jazz fingers into her little "turkey dance"

Turning to Edward and Alice she pointed a manicured finger at her human sister and asked "Is she broken?"

Hearing this, Bella stops moving and talking and turns to Rose, a blank look on her face.

Tilting her head to the side slightly she said, sounding completely serious "One by one the penguins stole my sanity" then resumed her chanting.

After a few minutes, she stops again feeling the concerned looks she was getting and grinned at them saying "What? I was kidding… turkey is just a fun word"---

_A/N - Yeeeeeeeah, very stupid chapter, but whatever I warned you in the top a/n. :o)_

_Okay so story behind the chapter was basically, the first time I went bowling, I went to toss the ball, but when I swung my arm backwards ready to throw it… I kinda dropped the ball and it rolled backwards in the opposite direction from the lanes, and my cousin and friends found that hysterical (it was quite funny, although having to chase after the ball was a little bit embarrassing) and I just thought that sounded like a thing Bella would do in this story_

_Anyway, the whole turkey thing wasn't from playing real bowling, I had a bowling game on my mobile and was addicted to it for a while… because when you'd get three strikes a little turkey would dance on the screen… and then, like an idiot I'd say "turkey turkey turkey" while dancing like a doofus, basically like I described Bella doing at the end… turkey really is a fun word (seriously, say it over and over, s'hilarious)_

_Hmm, what else, oh yeah… the whole "Axis of evil" thing, was because me, Batman and Roo (Luke) had this "Boy war" thing, it was really fun but I won't explain it cause it'd take too long… but me and Batman said something and Roo was all like "Zomg! You are the axis of evil!" and I thought that was funny. :o)_

_Yeaah I'll shut up now… the two a/no's are probably longer than the chapter is._

_Review please:o)_

_-Lanna_


	80. Chapter 80 Emmett ate it

_A/N - **READ! **__So there's a few thing's I want to say in this authors note, first thing is, sorry for not updating as often as I usually do… don't worry I haven't ran out of ideas for the story or anything._

_Next thing is a few reviewers pointed out problems with the bold/italic/underlining in the chapters & I just wanted to say I do try my best to fix that but when I upload documents it sometimes messes up the font styles and it doesn't show until I post the chapters. (Also sometimes, when people say things aren't in bold/italic etc… when I click the chapters I can't find anything wrong with them, so that's either or my laptop being weird) _

_Last thing, **could more of you REVIEW - my review target is 3000 before I reach 100 chapters (**that sounds like a lot, but it isn't really considering this story is now on the favourites list of 358 people, and usually just between 20-60 of you review, if everyone reviewed just **2 chapters **even, I'd be pretty much there. Is **1 minute **of your time to review really too much to ask when I spend my time writing these chapters for your amusement? -pouts-)_

_P.s. Read the bottom a/n (because this one is getting ridiculously long)_

_-Lanna_

**Notes.**

**Edward**_, Bella, _Alice

--Edward is sitting on his couch in his room with Bella, then Alice skips into the room. After an over enthusiastic/fake emotional greeting Alice and Bella pass notes on the bed, with Edward giving them strange looks for acting like they hadn't seen each other in years, when in fact they were only separated for 4 hours--

_Where were you dearest :o(_

Shopping…

_I was crumbling without you, making a mess on the floor._

Oh no! -grabs super glue-

_My heart bleeds knowing we are miles apart!_

Mhmm! It hurts my soul!

_I can't live without you, I think we should take the next step in our relationship!_

Like… going to Disney land Paris next step?

_I was thinking more along the lines of asfaawbffe bracelets but that works too…_

Ooooh!

--Alice grins widely then runs out of the room at vampire speed, leaving behind a very confused pouting Bella, who starts passing notes with Edward instead--_Batman, _

_Batman, where for art thou Batman…_

**What's with you two today?**

_I'll dyeth if she doesn't returneth:o(_

**Oooh-kay then…**

_No, but seriously, where the feck did she go?_

**Hmm, her thoughts are saying something about bracelets?**

_Ahh it all makes sense now._

**In coming…**

_Fcuk the what?_

**I mean, she's coming back right abouuut now.**

HURRAH!

_Baby, I missed you!_

**She's not even kidding… she went all "Shakespeare"**

Awwh I missed you too cherry muffin!

**Umm… cherry muffin?**

Sorry, caught up in "the moment" :o)

_Hahaha Batman, I just realised something…_

What:o)

_Basque is a funny word!_

Hahaha! So is pooch!

_OMG! POODLE!_

_… _MOOSE!

_Haha OD-of awesome… there are so many fun words in the world!_

Yup there really are :o)

**You two are seriously being weirder that normal today…**

_I blame Emmett!_

Yeah! It's all his fault with his FACE and his… his IDEAS!

**Why what did he do?**

_Nothing -shrugs-_

**I don't get it, then why is you two being weird his fault?**

_I dunno, blaming him just seemed appropriate… _

It really is a good excuse. Original.

_Mhmm! I smell a tradition in the making!_

Haha yeah… the war in Iraq - Emmett's fault, the famine in Africa - Emmett's fault… it's all his fault!

**I wonder how long it'll take him to figure out you blame him for things when he's not here…**

_Hmm…_

**What? You look all confused-like.**

_I was just thinking…_

**Uh-oh.**

_Hey! -pouts-_

**Kidding, love.**

_Pfft, whatever… so I was thinking, where the hell was this blame Emmett excuse before I graduated. :o(_

**Umm… huh?**

_What I mean is, I could've used it as a homework excuse._

LOI! Like instead of "my dog ate it"?

_Haha yeah! Exactly!_

**I can picture it now, Mr Banner asks where your homework it and you say "Emmett ate it"…**

_I bet he would've believed me. :o)_

**Most likely.**

Yeeah, Emmett does seem like "the paper eating type"

_Ha!_

_--_Just as Bella is about to write more, there is a high pitched scream coming from the general direction of Rosalie's room, followed by the sounds of her yelling at Jasper.

A few seconds later she is standing in Edward's room holding up a white top with what looks like blue paint spilled on it.

Eye's pitch black she speaks in a deathly calm voice "Edward, Jasper tells me this. Is YOUR fault. Is that true?" indicating to the top in her hands.

"Uh… umm, I… EMMETT MADE ME DO IT!" Edward replied, stuttering. Not really expecting her to believe him.

"Right, that boy is sooo dead… again!" She says, storming out of the room in search of her husband.

As soon as they hear her shouts again, this time aimed at Emmett, Edward bursts out laughing saying "HA! Wow, the excuse actually worked"

When he calms down again Bella asks "What happened to her top anyway?"

"Paint balling with Jasper, Jasper ducked and the paintballs hit her top which was on the washing line drying" He answered with a shrug, and a smirk as he heard the sound of Emmett being tossed out of the room and then his pleas through the door.--

_A/N - Alright this chapter was an actual convo between me, Batman, Captain Doofus, Roo (Luke) and Oreo. I haven't slept yet so it may not be that good, in fact I think it's one of my worst chapters so far. (we actually do have this whole "I blame Dean" thing that I sort of started, it's funny, it's become like a tradition or figure of speech or something… Dean finds it funny too)_

_The reason I wanted you to read this a/n was to I could tell you to go read my blog. If you like the notes story then you'll probably like reading some of them (there are quotes pages from me and my friends so you'll see where some of the chapter ideas come from and random crap) so yeah, go check it out please. It would make me feel better knowing I'm not just rambling for the sake of it, and people other than Captain Doofus, Batman, Oreo and Roo read them. :o)_

_If you review, I will try and update again today…_

_but only if enough of you review (cause I'm really not in the writing mood, but I would make myself if you reviewed) so far the **chapter with the most reviews has 65, so let's try and top that okay? **__(oh and sorry to you awesome people that review every chapter - I know there are quite a few of you, and you all pwn)_

_-Lanna_


	81. Chapter 81 Life in plastic

_A/N - Okay, so I still haven't slept yet (and it's now 5pm) but anyway, I'm going to post this chapter a little later (ha, that actually doesn't make sense, because when you read it, I will have already posted it… gah! Whatever) I haven't beat the 65 reviews thing... but I wanted to post this chapter, so still, review please (this one and the last one?)_

_Oh, one more thing **MaddsLovesTwilight** is an absolute legend, she actually went back and reviewed the older chapters. (which is actually the reason I'm even writing this chapter right now) So this chapter is for her :o)_

_Sorry if this chapter isn't that good, it's actually one of the very first chapter ideas I had but never got round to using it. Well, the end part was… the first part is because of my mood a couple of days ago. (also **read the bottom a/n)**_

_-Lanna_

**Notes.**

**Edward**, _Bella. _

---Edward and Bella are sitting in Bella's room, Bella is pouting and starts passing notes with Edward---

_Edward._

**Yes, love?**

_…Shoot me?_

**How about no?**

_Pfft, fine then._

**You're a very strange woman Bella Swan.**

_I concur…_

**You agree that you're strange? Well, that's new.**

_Mhmm… Edward._

**Yes, love?**

_…Buy me a gun? That way I can shoot myself._

**I don't need to be Alice to know that is not going to happen.**

_GAH! Fine… let me suffer._

**Suffer what exactly?**

_Boredommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm._

**…Spending time with me is boring?**

_I didn't say that…_

**But you implied it. :o)**

_GAH! You're twisting my suicidal reasoning!_

**What can I say, it cures the boredom -shrugs-**

_Oh, so spending time with me is boring!_

**Now you're just using my words against me…**

_Annoying isn't it?_

**Just a tad.**

_Edward._

**Yes, love?**

_Would you be a doll and toss me off the roof?_

**Maybe later…**

_Tsk, if you won't do it now then why bother!_

**Oh so hard to please…**

_Hmm… Edward._

**Yesssss love?**

_How 'bout you toss me off a cliff?_

**Umm, no.**

_Grr. You are just plain mean._

**Well, I do try.**

_Hmph!_

**Why are you so bored anyway?**

_It's Sunday…_

**That's all?**

_"that's all"! Sunday is the dullest day of the week, isn't that reason enough?_

**No…**

_Okay, and it's stormy outside._

**That doesn't make today boring… just… soggy.**

_Pfft, whatever, Emmett stole my gameboy._

**Want me to go get it back for you?**

_Nooooo! Don't leave me! It's dull enough with you here, I dread to think how much worse it'll be with you gone!_

**Oookay, I'm sure there was a veiled compliment in there somewhere…**

_Mhmm… Edward._

**No Bella I will not shoot you, stab you, suffocate you, drown you, toss you out of a sky scraper, feed you to a lion or aid you in any other form of suicide, I love you too much to allow you to literally die of boredom.**

_Awwh, I love you too… but I wasn't going to ask you to kill me this time._

**You weren't?**

_Nooooope._

**What were you going to ask then?**

_Sing me a smile?_

**You want me to… sing to you?**

_Yuup!_

**Okay then.**

_Really!_

**Yes, I'd do anything to see you smile.**

_HURRAH! I feel loved!_

**You are loved, now, which song?**

_ANY song?_

**Sure.**

_Promise._

**… Yes?**

_Edward… how much do you love me? -smirks-_

---Edward's eyes widen when he reads this, obviously beginning to regret saying he would sing any song.

Five minutes later, Edward is stood in the middle of the room, he takes a deep breath as the song starts to play on the computer. Right on cue, he starts singing along.

When he starts singing, Bella squeals in delight, all traces of boredom gone as she tries to hold in her laughter. Edward, seeing his fiance's mood improve keeps up his humiliating performance… because like he said, he'd do anything to see her smile.

As the song comes to and end, there is a loud crack coming from outside her window, followed by a loud thump, a muffled "aww crap" and then hysterical laughter.

Going over to the window, Edward and Bella look down to see Emmett - video camera in hand -and Alice, bothlying on the ground laughing, next to a large broken tree branch.

"What the hell!" Edward shouted jumping out of the window, leaving Bella pouting at being left behind.

"Edward… is life in plastic… really so fantastic? I never knew!" Emmett choked out between his fits of laughter.

"Gimme the video camera!" He growled in response, glaring at his brother.

Emmett stood up, getting his laughter under control before saying "You'll have to catch me first Barbie girl" 

And with that, he took off into the forest, laughing again, Edward close on his heals.

Alice jumped up into Bella's room, grinning at her best friend.

"I had a vision, we didn't wanna miss the show" She explained with a shrug, seeing the questioning look on Bella's face.

"Oh" Bella mouthed, then went back to looking out the window just in time to see Emmett running back out of the forest, this time with Edward on his back holding him in a headlock. Emmett half laughing-half choking as he kept the video camera just out of Edward's reach.

"They'll probably be a while" Alice commented, smirking then started bouncing on the spot saying "Let's bake cookies!"

After some convincing from Alice, that even though she can't taste them they're still fun to make, Bella agrees and a little while later they're sat at the kitchen table, covered in flour, waiting for the cookies to bake.

Just as they're getting the cookies out of the oven Edward walks in, a triumphant smile on his face, followed by a pouting Emmett, making it obvious who had ended up with the tape.---

_A/N - So you know how I promised if you all reviewed and topped the 65 review thing for the last chapter that I would update again today? Well, we haven't reached that yet but I'm updating because **MaddsLovesTwilight** went back and reviewed the older chapters… so all of you still have to** review**! (please?) AND! If you do… I'll update tomorrow._

_The song I was originally going to use in the chapter was 5,6,7,8 by Steps. But I didn't know how well known that song was… I mean, it was quite well known here in the UK and is pure 90's cheese… _

_Hahaha, I feel like Hitler… although he didn't demand reviews, but… umm, you get my point. (don't you?) but I only really demand reviews when I set a "review target". :o)_

_Annnyway, picture me… standing in your computer screensaver, holding a sign that says "will update for reviews" :o)_

_-Lanna_


	82. Chapter 82 Octopus, Hexapus, Pentapus

_A/N - So we didn't actually beat the 65 reviews for the last chapter -sigh- but I'm not gonna be mean and not update because that wouldn't be fair to the ones who actually did review - you're all lovely… I'm not one of those people that can say they refuse to update until they get X many reviews, and like, withhold chapters. I always give in and post anyway. :o)_

_On another note… I am REALLY annoyed! You know how I mentioned the whole bold/italics/underlined thing. Well, it's either fan fiction being weird OR my computer because I just re-checked all the older chapters and half of them have messed up - even ones that I know for a fact were fine before. GRR! I know I said I'd fix mistakes but I'm so not going to go back and sort 60-ish chapters it'd take hours(there is no way in hell those were all messed up when I first posted them, or more people would've pointed it out) so could some of you check and see if it's just my computer or not?_

_This is getting kinda long… so, umm continued rambling in the bottom a/n. :o)_

_P.s. Did I mention it's 4:30am as I'm writing this? You all better feel loved and all that jazz. (although because of this, it may not be such a good chapter, and half of it will be made up as I go along)_

_-Lanna_

**Notes.**

**Edward, **_Bella, _Emmett.

_-_--Edward, Bella and Emmett are sitting in the Cullen kitchen waiting on Bella's lunch cooking---

_Hmm… Edward._

**No.**

_Pfft, charming! You don't even know what I was going to ask yet…_

**Sorry, I just assumed you were going to ask me to kill you again.**

Well, you know what they say…

_No, what do they say?_

To "assume" is to make an ass yummy!

_Haha, I don't get it:o)_

**I don't think that's quite right Emmett…**

Pfft, whatever Mr I-Know-Everything… IKE! Mr IKE!

_Emmett…_

Yus?

_Hush up fool!_

Pfft, fine.

_Anyway, now… where was I, oh right! Edward._

**N-Yes love?**

_Is the plural of octopus, octopi?_

**Uh, I don't know… **

_Octopusses?_

**Somehow I don't think so.**

_Octo… pee?_

**What the deuce?**

_Octo… pisses?_

**Bell-a!**

_Octo… pussies!_

**Too far love, too far.**

_Woops. :o)_

Pigeon…

_No Captain Doofus, the plural of octopus isn't "pigeon" silly boy._

I never said it was…

_Then why'd you say pigeon?_

I wanted your attention. :o(

_I need a pigeon hat… it'd make my life complete…_

Shunned… again. :o(

**Oh Emmett stop wallowing in self pity because Bella likes me better.**

She does not!

…**Who is she engaged to?**

Who is her favourite brother?

_Jasper._

WHAT?

**Ha! Pwn'd!**

… _Kidding. Sort of. GAH! I don't have a favourite._

Traitor. :o/

_Anywho, back to the point… the plural of octopus!_

**Why oh why do you even wanna know?**

_If I told you that, I'd have to kill you._

**Huh?**

_Kidding._

**Okay.**

… _or am I?_

**You're weird when you're hungry.**

_As are you Eddie!_

**True.**

_Hahaha!_

**What?**

_Octopi!_

**Lovely.**

_If it is octopi, then why is the plural of sheep not… sheepi?_

**Because that would be just plain silly.**

_Pfft, whatever. I'm going to write a letter to god protesting the matter._

**Whatever makes you happy… -raises eyebrow-**

_Edward._

**Yessss, love?**

_I want a hexapus!_

**What the heck is a hexapus?**

_A six legged octopus -shrugs-_

**There's no such thing.**

_There is too! His name is Henry! Henry the hexapus!_

**Suuure there is Bella. The octopus is known for having 3 hearts, blue blood but not 6 legs.**

_Pfft! It's like the word of the year thing all over again! But fine, be that way, don't believe me… this way I get to wave the new paper article in your face triumphantly saying "I told ya so" then I fully intend to pout for ages because you doubted me!_

**Bella-**

_No, no it's fine, you don't believe in Henry. _

**Sorry love, I do believe in Henry, I do, I do- Why are you laughing! I'm trying to apologize!**

_You just had a "Peter Pan" moment…_

**Wha- oh… **

_Hahahaha!_

**It wasn't THAT funny, you don't need to laugh out loud and write it too.**

_Oh no, I'm done laughing at that._

**Then what are you laughing at now?**

_Hexapi!_

**Oh.**

_Hexapies!_

**We're not doing this again are we?**

_HexaPEE!_

**Greeeat.**

_HexaPISSES!_

**Bella!**

_Fine, fine Mr Cranky-pants, I'll stop now._

**Thank you… and I am not Mr Cranky-pants.**

_Prove it!_

**How?**

_I'll get back to you on that._

**Alright then.**

_Edward._

**Yes love?**

_You know what I want?_

…**Food?**

_Guess again!_

**I'm not good at guessing… when it comes to you at least.**

_A PENTAPUS!_

**Let me guess, five legged octopus?**

_Yuuuup, only it hasn't been discovered yet._

**I could always catch you an octopus and amputate 3 of its legs?**

_EDWARD!_

**What?**

_That's cheating!_

**So fussy.**

_Mhmm, but you love me!_

**Can't deny that.**

_Right, back to my pentapus - I'd call it Betty Lafonza!_

**Why?**

_Becau- what is that smell, OHEMFRICKENGEE!_

_---_Just as Bella writes that last line she jumps up from her chair and shouts "Emmett what DID you do to my pasta!"

Emmett jumped in surprise, stopping prodding the wooden spoon into the flaming pot.

"I… uh… got bored?" He stuttered, not realising that he was, in fact holding the wooden spoon in the flames.

"Emmett put down the spoon and step away from the stove" Edward said in a strained calm voice.

"But I don't wann-AHHHH!" Emmett started, but his words turned into a very high pitched scream when he noticed that his wooden spoon was on fire.

Waving the spoon about like an idiot, Emmett continued to scream and shout things incoherently while Edward tried to get him to stand still long enough to grab the spoon and put the fire out.

Hearing Emmett's panicked screams, Jasper and Rose walked into the kitchen - Jasper quickly running over to the pot, that was still in flames - and rushed it outside at vampire speed, holding it away from his body. While Rose calmed Emmett down so he would stand still and give someone the spoon.

A few minutes later, in the now smoke-filled kitchen, the spoon was no longer on fire and everyone breathed a sigh of relief, and now that everything had calmed down they could hear the sound of someone laughing hysterically.

Walking round the counter, the four vampires looked down at Bella - rolling around on the kitchen floor, clutching her sides as she laughed, choking out something that sounded like "He… burned… water"---

_A/N- Yeahhh so, the whole octopus bit - not made up (not even Henry the hexapus, he is real- it was on the news and everything). I mentioned the hexapus thing and then Oreo asked what the plural of octopus was and that started that convo... As for the ending, I don't know if it was clear, but Bella was making pasta for her lunch (they were waiting on the water boiling while they passed notes) Emmett got bored of "being ignored" so he went and decided to be "Chef Emmett" and tried to make it cook faster. The end result being the contents of the pot catching fire once the water had all boiled out. The thing Bella smelled at the end of the note bit was the burning. (also, I found Emmett burning water hilarious… and I so haven't done that before -shifty eyes… adjusts halo- fine, so I have. Whatever, I have the attention span of a flea!) _

_Another thing, remember some chapters back I told you all that someone made a ridiculous accusation saying I copied something from their story? -snorts laughter- well I was looking through peoples favourites to find something to read and I found a story - which also happens to be the same story I apparently "copied" the eBay thing from, so I decided to look for the bit I was supposed to have copied… and guess what I found while searching? She has a chapter, that is pretty damn similar to a chapter I did ages ago. (and actually has a few lines pretty much the same - only altered slightly)._

_Not that I even care, it could just be a coincidence -shrugs- but I just find it fricken hilarious that she accused me of copying something really stupid from her story (stupid in the sense that it was because I mentioned a window breaking, and selling someone on eBay… which is clichéd, plus I hadn't even read her story before) and then a little while later she has a chapter that could be copying mine -sigh- it's so hypocritical. :o) _

_GAH! Sorry, this is probably one of the longest dullest authors notes I've written yet, have I ever posted a chapter without an a/n? I don't think I have._

_-Lanna_


	83. Chapter 83 Partners in Insanity

_A/N - Okay, I'm mega confused… just as I start fixing the messed up chapters, I go back and find that the messed up chapters aren't messed up anymore?! WTF?! I swear the site is trying to make my head explode. Pfft. (I hate to be annoying, but could you all check some of the chapters between 17 and 78 to see if they're okay for all of you as well?)_

_Anyway, this chapter (and the next one) is for __**ThrushflightEdward'sStalker **__and her "thrush clones" because she actually reviewed one chapter 20 times - which made me smile like a total doofus - so yeah, I'm updating twice today for her. (I meant to write these chapters on Sunday - but I've been busy… and I feel like I'm dying. GAH!)_

_P.s. I'll explain this chapter at the bottom… it's a little… strange._

_-Lanna_

**Notes.**

_**Jasper,**__ Bella._

--Bella is sitting on the couch in the Cullen living room, between Edward and Jasper. Jasper and Bella are passing notes looking at the paper with very serious expressions, while Edward pretends to be watching TV--

_**I'm in your fridge, eating your f00dz!**_

_...Huh?_

_**Yes.**_

_Maybe._

_**Or, fore chance - perhaps?**_

_I'm not so sure._

_**OR IS IT?**_

_Only when the cow jumps over the moon._

_**Which cow?**_

_The one that speaks fluent french_

_**What is the earth?**_

_A big lump of nothingness and cheese inhabited by things that walk on weird contraptions called "legs"_

_**Thats nice.**_

_It really is._

_**Ha one more time and then I will kick you.**_

_Pfft, silly goose._

_**Silly hen.**_

_Silly... GIRAFFE!_

_**Yellow.**_

_BATTERIES!_

_**Then learning is a bad thing?**_

_Only when you put the plug in the wrong place_

_**That's right, I don't intend to trade my soul on the soul market.**_

_Why not? They pay you in sardines and top notch tuna._

_**They don't pay me to watch anything. You must have me confused with someone else.**_

_You have a twin? Well that's strange. Do you feed him?_

_**You're strange, more likely.**_

_Well, I do try._

_**I like it.**_

_Really? Did someone pay you to say that?_

_**There, fooled you at last. Your response was a typical reply.**_

_I resent that, Bill!_

_**I'm sorry.**_

_I forgive you... THIS TIME!_

_**Ha ha if you say so.**_

_Mhmm._

_**You can be a movie star.**_

_Really?! Hat's and all?! _

_**The answer is that it doesn't matter one little bit.**_

_That was out of line! Too far Bill, you've gone too far this time!_

_**No you have gone too far.**_

_That's my job._

_**Hm? Really?**_

_If I told you, I'd have to kill you._

_**Why is that?**_

_Because the queen told me to say that, or she'd steal my shoes and give them to Prince __Albert._

_**There is no queen here.**_

_Don't let Bob here you say that._

_**Who is the her to whom you refer?**_

_She shall remain nameless..._

--After reading this, Jasper gasps - outraged - and him and Bella start a glaring contest.

After staring at each other unblinking for about 2 whole minutes, they notice Edward giving them strange looks. They turn to look at him blankly and say "What?!" at the exact same time, then turn to look at each other before erupting into a fit of laughter.

Edward continues to stare at his brother and fiancee as if they were insane, this causing them to laugh even harder. Eventually he just shrugs and walks out of the room shaking his head while muttering something about a psychiatrist and medication--

_A/N - Yeah sorry that chapter kinda sucked, it was really weird… BUT! None of it was made up (except for the end-non-note bit) that was an actual MSN conversation between me and Roo, word for word (Bella's lines were me, Jaspers lines were Roo) - we have a lot of conversations like that for no apparent reason. S'fun. _

_So yeah, anyway, again that chapter was for __**ThrushflightEdward'sStalker**__- I will update again today as well, because I promised her two chapters… but I'm not going to write the chapter right now - because it's 08:35am, and I woke up at 5am… annnd I'm tired._

_Review? _

_-Lanna_


	84. Chapter 84 Dr Emmett's Happy Pills

_A/N - I'm probably going to be posting a new story this weekend (it'll be another -supposed to be- funny story, kinda like the WalMart one… but not) and it'll only have between 5 and 10 chapters. So if/when I post that read it please. :o)_

_Anywho, this is the second chapter of the day for __**ThrushflightEdward'sStalker**_

_I'm not in a writing mood - but I promised 2 updates soooo, yeah, sorry if the chapter isn't so good, I'll explain it in the bottom a/n._

_-Lanna_

**Notes.**

**Edward,**_ Bella, _Emmett, _Rosalie._

--Emmett, Rosalie and Bella are sitting in the Cullen living room. Edward walks in and bends over to pick something up off the coffee table, at this point Bella starts giggling.--

_What are you giggling at?_

_Nooothing_

Then why are you blushing?

_Cause Eddie has a cute butt! _

HAHAHAHAHAAH!

_Wha... Did I just frigginly say that?!_

_Hahaha I like this side of Pidge_

Told ya it was a good idea!

**What was?**

_Nothing!!_

**Oookay, what're you talking about?**

_Pigeons appreciation of your derriere -shrugs-_

_That was supposed to be a secret!_

**Umm... what?!**

_Bell-_

_Don't!!_

_She think-_

_Nope!!_

Wow, she's fast when she high

_One of my Pigeon powers is the ability to snatch the paper at lightening speed thankyouverymuch!_

Whatever you say Pidge.

**What do you mean... high?!**

Aww crap

_Emmett you doofus!_

_Captain Doofus spiked my apple juice!!_

Bella you said you wouldn't tell!

_Why?_

Because it was our "little secret"

_Well… you told my secret! Revenge is sweet! Mwahahaha etc…_

What secret?

_That I think Eddie has a cute butt!_

**What?**

_Aww crap, now look what you made me do!_

**You… think I have a cute butt?**

_That is not the point!!_

_What is the point then?_

…_Pickles are a force of habit?_

**Emmett what the hell did you give her?**

Uh… Dr Emmett's happy pills?

**EMMETT!?**

_Hahaha guess what_

_Light bulb?_

_WHAT! where?!_

**Bella...**

_Yuuuus love-er?!_

**Are you okay?**

_I don't know but porky pines look good in waist coats_

Huh?

_Wft?_

**Umm… what?**

_Sausages -shrugs-_

**Sausages?**

_Indeed!_

--After writing this Bella takes a drink of red bull that was sitting on the table.

Rosalie and Emmett try to control their laughter, while Edward gives Bella concerned looks as she starts trying to look over her shoulders and reaches her arms round awkwardly to touch her back--

What're you doing?

_Looking for my wings_

**Your wings?**

_Yuuup_

**But you don't have wings**

_I should!_

**Why?**

_Because I drank red bull, it gives you wings. Duh._

**I don't think they were serious love…**

_Le gasp! what?! but it says so on the can! That's false advarking!_

**Advertising?**

_Same thing!_

**Hooo-kay then…**

_Bubbles…_

_Pigeon?_

_I want my damn wings!_

_Hmm… that could be arranged!_

--Rosalie picks Bella up and rushes upstairs, running back down alone two minutes later.

"Where is Bella?" Edward asked, annoyed - glaring at his siblings.

Rosalie just smirked and pointed towards the stairs, then her eyes widened in horror at the site before her.

"HURRAH! I have wings!" Bella proclaimed, sitting on the banister on the second floor - wearing pink fairy wings, before she pushed off - falling through the air.

Just before she made impact with the floor, Edward rushed to her rescue, catching her bridal style.

Looking up at her saviour, Bella grinned and said happily "My hero!" before puckering up and moving forward to kiss her fiance.

Just before her lips made contact with his face, her head lolled to the side and she fell asleep with a peaceful smile on her face, snuggling into Edward's neck.

"Jasper you can stop hiding in the attic now, she's crashed out" Emmett shouted, loud enough for Jasper - who had been avoiding Bella, so he wouldn't act like a drunk 4 year old - to hear.

Edward glared at his brother as he made his way upstairs, to put Bella to bed. Half way up the stairs he called over his should "You two are so dead!"

"Uh-oh" Rosalie said, hopping onto her husbands back "Flee fat ass! Flee!"

Doing as he was told, Emmett ran from the house, his wife on his back. Laughing the whole time.--

_A/N - Okay, a lot of people requested Bella to get drunk/high again… so I figured I'd do that, but the chapter isn't so good because I'm not in the kind of mood I have to be in to write those ones well… anywho, Rose hasn't been in enough of the recent notes so I figured I'd bring her back. A lot of the stuff from the chapter were actual quotes from me, Batman and Roo._

_The "flee fat ass flee" bit… is actually a quote from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, I was watching the Dvd again earlier -shrugs-_

_Anyway… GAH! Sorry for the sucky chapter. I hate it, even the end bit, those don't usually bother me so much._

_-Lanna_


	85. Chapter 85 Forks Carnival

_A/N - Okay, right now I feel sick, my head hurts, I'm watching TV and I'm really not in the mood to be writing this… but I haven't updated in a while so I'm gonna try - so sorry if it turns out to be not that good, I already had some of the chapter written out like last week._

_I __posted a __**new story**__… it's another (supposed to be) __funny one__, and it's like the notes (what I mean is, it's quite random and isn't written in a story format) it's basically lists of ridiculous things that would NEVER happen in Breaking Dawn. __**So could you all go read and review it please?**_

_-Lanna_

* * *

**Notes.**

**Edward, **_Bella._

--Bella and Edward are sitting at the top of a Ferris wheel, when Bella rummages in her bag for a while before saying "AH-HA!" and pulling out a piece of paper and a pen--

**Bella, now is really not the time.**

_Actually, this is the perfect time… I mean what else is there to do while we're stuck here._

**I suppose you have a point.**

_So this is why Alice told me to put the pen and notebook in my bag, she thinks of everything! :o)_

**Figures she'd provide us with a source of amusement while stuck on a Ferris wheel instead of simply warning us not to go on it in the first place. -rolls eyes-**

_I'm sure she had her reasons…_

**Oh yeah, like what?**

_Well, I don't know… but I bet she did! I mean, take earlier for example._

**Earlier…?**

_Yeah, I'm pretty sure she only let me hold that gun-_

**YOU HELD A GUN!?**

_Well… yeah, while you were on the bumper cars with Emmett-_

**She is so dead, I leave her with you for ten minutes and she has you handling a firearm!**

_Oh calm down Mr Dramatic, it wasn't a REAL gun… it was one of the guns from the game-stand-type-thingy-ma-jigs, I was trying to shoot a duck…_

**But still, knowing your luck you'd miss, and the "bullet" would ricochet off something and hit you or some innocent bystander in the eye or something.**

_HEY! I resent that!… besides I was trying to win a goldfish!_

**A goldfish? Why the heck would you want a goldfish?**

_I dunno, I'd call it Nigel though!_

**Umm… Nigel?**

_Well, yeah… anyway, that is not the point!_

**What is the point then?**

_Umm, hang on -rereads- oh right! Well, anyway. I'm sure Alice had her reasons - like when she allowed me to handle the gun, I'm pretty sure she only did that because she knew that I would end up shooting Mike Newton in the ass._

**Told you so!**

_Umm… huh?_

**I told you that given a gun, you would miss and someone would get injured…**

_Pfft, whatever. I can't believe out of all that I said THAT is what you chose to take notice of._

**Oh yeah… YOU SHOT NEWTONS ASS?!**

_Kinda, it actually did look pretty painful, hmm._

**Haha have ****I told you recently how much I love you?**

_Once or twice. :oP Well, anyway. I'm pretty sure Mike no longer likes me… what with the bowling incident and now this._

**Remind me to thank Alice later.**

_You've gone from wanting to kill her, to wanting to thank her and all in the space of 5 minutes - I swear you're bipolar._

**What can I say, it's a gift. **

_Ha, poor Bubbles._

**What?**

_Looks like Batman didn't even give her and Doofus paper and a pen to amuse themselves…_

--Edward and Bella look at the cart below them, to see Rosalie scolding Emmett for being annoying before going back to passing notes--

_Eddie…_

**Yes love?**

_My butt is getting numb…_

**I really didn't need to know that.**

_Yes you did, because it is the reason behind my ingenious plan._

**What plan?**

_Well, you see… I'm going to climb out the cart, shimmy down the pole, leap to that dangly thing over there and land impressively in that pile of stuffed toys on that stand there._

**Suuuure, because you could pull that off…**

_My Pigeon senses are tingling and telling me that was sarcasm!!_

**Your Pigeon senses would be correct.**

_I could do it!_

**I doubt it!**

_I'll prove it!!_

**You wouldn't dare! Cause then I'd have to reveal to the world that I'm not human so I can save you…**

_Oh ye of little faith…_

**Oh ye of little sense…**

_HEY!_

**What?**

_I resent that!!_

**Sorry love.**

_PFFT!_

**Bella-**

_DOUBLE PFFT!!_

**I know you're not really mad…**

_Oh reeeally? Then tell me oh-wise-one how do you know that?_

**Because you're smiling.**

_Darn it! Why must my facial expressions always betray me!!_

**Who knows…**

_When we get down from here, I fully intend to go ask Jeeves!_

**Umm, jeeves?**

_Yus, Jeeves knows all._

**Fair enough…**

_What are you laughing at?_

**Look at Rose and Emmett's cart.**

_Why?_

**Just trust me.**

--Bella does as Edward says and looks at the cart below theirs, in time to see Emmett stand up and start rocking the cart.

A few seconds later Rosalie starts yelling incoherent things at her husband, clearly annoyed.

"And in 5... 4... 3... 2...1..." Edward whispered, smirking and right on cue Rose let out a frustrated scream and shoved Emmett.

Taken by surprise, he falls from the cart and grabs onto on of the poles on the Ferris wheel - sliding down it quickly, his marble-like hands unable to get a firm grip without crushing the metal.

Before he collided with the joins of the pole, he swung a few feet to his left landing on the fabric roof of the stand below then proceeded to fall down it and land with a muffled thud into the pile of teddies.

"I'm okay!!" He shouted, standing up - buried up to the waist in stuffed toys.

Bella pouted as the witnesses to Emmett's impressive display clapped and cheered.

"What's wrong love?" Edward asked, noticing her expression.

"Doofus stole my idea!" She huffed. Just then, the Ferris wheel gave a shudder and started spinning again--

* * *

_A/N - Okay that was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay longer than it was meant to be - I thought the mental image of Emmett being pushed out of the cart then landing in teddies and standing up shouting "I'm okay" was funny. :o)_

_Also, just in case anyone doesn't know "Ask Jeeves" is a search engine type thing… sort of?_

_Review?_

_-Lanna_


	86. Chapter 86 Doofus got his mosh on

_A/N - Okay, sorry for not updating in forever… I haven't run out of ideas, if anything I have too many and just can't seem to focus on just one. And I want to try and write an actual story._

_Not for fan fiction - I mean like my own book, I have about 10 planned out, some of them started - stupid ideas that insist on invading my mind constantly! So yeah, I want to try and focus on just one and actually finish it, so if I don't update as often as I used to that is why._

_This chapter will probably be pretty short, and quite sucky because I just wanted to give you an update, I'm not really in the mood to write it._

_I will explain the chapter at the bottom. (oh and go read my other "story" Things that won't happen in Breaking Dawn - it's basically funny insane lists or random impossible plot twists)_

_-Lanna_

* * *

**Notes.**

Emmett, _Bella,_** Edward,** Alice

--Emmett and Alice had kidnapped Bella for the day for some "sibling bonding time" while Edward was hunting with Jasper and Rose.

At the end of the day, Edward walks into Alice's room to find the three of them passing notes, and a big blue bruise under Bella's eye--

**Bella what happened?**

_Huh?_

I think he means the black eye…

**Of course that's what I mean, now how'd it happen?**

_I, uh… walked into a door?_

**Be-lla!**

_What, with me it could happen!_

**True, but what REALLY happened…**

_I'd rather not sa-_

SHE FELL INTO A MOSH PIT!

_EMMETT!_

**You… what?**

_I fell into a mosh pit -grumbles-_

**Why were you even NEAR a mosh pit?**

_Batman and Doofus made me!_

Hey, you wanted to go too!

_Pfft, that's debatable…_

You're debatable!

_Your… FACE is debatable!_

Touché.

**Can we please get back to the point?**

_Gah, fine… so we were bored, and Batman being the genius that she is-_

Thank you, thank you -bows-

_You're welcome… well, she decided it would be fun for us to go see this band called The Horrors that were playing in Seattle._

Yup! And I got my mosh on!

_Ch'yeah… if you count trying to crowd surf "getting your mosh on"_

Hey, it's not my fault no one is strong enough to lift me…

**You tried to crowd surf?**

Yup!

**Idiot…**

I resent that!

**Whatever. So… did you fall into the mosh pit before or after the vampire crowd surfing disaster?**

_After… but s'all good, Batman saved me._

**Oh she did a great job of the whole saving thing, that's why you have a big bruise on your eye.**

Hey! I got sidetracked!

_Mhmm, while she was trying to get to me some midget tried to punch her and broke his hand… it was really quite funny._

**Midget?**

_Uh, yeah… there was an midget in the mosh pit, he was actually the one that gave Emmett the idea of crowd surfing._

Well if he could do it why couldn't I?!

_HE was only about 4ft tall and doesn't weigh a tonne!_

Are you calling me fat!?

_Well you know what they say about grizzly blood…_

A moment on the lips, forever on Emmett's hips…

**HA!**

Charming.

_So anyway, that's what happened… I think it's safe to say I won't be going to anymore Horrors concerts anytime soon._

**I think that would probably be best.**

_Yuup._

**Question - who are The Horrors?**

Some British band…

_They're really quite cool._

Except for Tom.

Is Tom the one with the eyes?

_The eyes of doom… and sunshine?_

The nonsense eyes?

_That's the one._

Hmm. I disapprove of his quiff-age.

Pfft I disapprove of your nose

My nose is lovely!

_And his big chin..._

Funny hair…

_Beady eyes..._

Weird ears…

I'm right here you know!

**Ha, you two really know how to give a vampire self esteem issues.**

_Haha aww he looks like someone kicked his puppy…_

**Emmett doesn't have a puppy**

It's a metaphorical puppy Edward!

**Someone kicked... his metaphorical puppy?**

_GAH! I give up._

**On what?**

_I quit!_

**Quit what?**

_It's all over!_

**WHAT IS?!**

_I... uh, can't quite... remember._

Your fiancé is a weirdo Edward…

_Well, I do try. :oP_

**Wouldn't have her any other way.**

Aww, he loves her - insanity and all!

**Can't deny that.**

_And I love him… fangs and all!_

"**Fangs" Bella? Really?**

_Oh you know what I mean!_

--They stop passing notes as Rose and Jasper walk into the room and start asking about Bella's black eye.

After explaining the story again, Rose asks why Emmett is sulking.

"Alice and Bella gave his ego a hard kick in the crotch" Edward smirked as Jasper snorted with laughter.

"Aww we were only joking Emmett… you don't really have beady eyes, funny hair, a big chin or a weird nose" Alice said guiltily.

"You forgot weird ears…" Emmett mumbled

Alice pretended not to hear, instead choosing the whistle and look everywhere in the room except at Emmett causing everyone to burst out laughing.

"Is the plural of doofus, doofi?" Bella asked when everyone had calmed down.

They all gave her strange looks and she just shrugged saying "What, I really wanna know?"

"Well, if it is… then that would make you all THE DOOFERATI!" Emmett proclaimed.

"The dooferati?" Rosalie asked, raising a perfect eyebrow.

"Yes, my minions" He replied, puffing his chest out proudly.

Everyone was silent, looking at Emmett like he was insane, then at each other before they all got up and walked out of the room mumbling under their breath - leaving Emmett standing alone in the room.

"What… what'd I say?" He said to no one in particular before running to catch up with them--

* * *

_A/N - Sorry, that chapter seriously sucked… but anyway, explanation:_

_The whole "doofi", "dooferati" thing wasn't made up, that was a convo between me and Roo, and all the other stuff was an actual convo too - just with some bits added or twisted to fit the characters (like Bella's black eye was a made up situation)_

_But anyway - Batman (my Batman that is), Oreo and Spidi all have an obsession with this band called The Horrors… I do too, but I'm not obsessed with the music, more with certain band members (Joshua Third and Coffin Joe are made of adorable). And one of the members, Tom - is really freaky, he has the weirdest eyes ever._

_So if you want to get what they meant by weird eyes, then look The Horrors up on Google images or something (also, look up Josh and Joe too, they're hot!), you'll know which one Tom is by the eyes._

_Next time I update, I'll try make it suck less._

_-Lanna_


	87. Chapter 87 Incriminating Convo's

_A/N - Okay… sooo, some people PM'd me asking when I'm going to update/why I haven't updated… I'm going to update this weekend, but I figured I'd just post this so you won't have to wait that long._

_This may suck, and probably won't make sense… but it was an actual convo I had yesterday with my friend Roo. __**Read the bottom a/n if you want this to make any sense!**_

_-Lanna_

* * *

**Notes.**

_**Jasper, **__Bella._

--Jasper and Bella are in the Cullen living room, when Bella gets a thoughtful look on her face and starts passing notes to Jasper, who was trying to watch TV--

_Hmmm._

**…**

_I said… HMMM!_

**… … …**

_Gah! You're supposed to say "what?"_

_**Do I have to?**_

_Our survey says - yes. Yes you must._

_**What survey?**_

_Oh NOW you're curious! Pfft._

_**Fine, fine… what were you "hmm-ing" at?**_

_WELL! It's funny you should ask that! So I was thinking… wouldn't it be funny if someone found any of the notes we pass?_

_**What do you mean?**_

_Like… people could totally find out you're vampires._

_**Ch'yeah… like they'd believe what they read.**_

_They might…_

_**They wouldn't…**_

_But how do you KNOW that?_

_**Because, who would actually believe a conversation they found on a piece of paper just lying around.**_

_I bet Emmett would._

_**Hmm…**_

_Now what are you "Hmm-ing" at?_

_**How 'bout we test that theory?**_

_But… Emmett already knows he's a vampire…_

_**Pfft, it's like explaining mitosis to a two year old…**_

_HEY! _

_**What I meant was… why don't we plant a conversation on the notes and leave it somewhere for him to find?**_

_Ooooh! Like… about hiding a dead body or something!?_

_**Not exactly what I was going for, but sure… why not, you in?**_

_I like the way you think!_

_**I like the way I think too!**_

--After tearing off a fresh piece of paper, Jasper smirks as he starts writing the fake note--

_**OMG thank god you're here**_

_Why?... do you need HELP with anything?!_

_**Chris called me - it seems Emma has betrayed us!**_

_That bitch! There is only one thing left to do! We can't let her tell!_

_**He saw her beginning to dig up the...remains - we're SCREWED.**_

_Oh god! What did you say to her?! Or was it me?!… Damn my drinking!_

_**I didn't tell I swear! This is Zanzibar all over again...**_

_Unless... was she listening... to... THE PHONECALL!_

_**I heard a click...do you think she has us bugged?**_

_I always new she was a sneaky bitch! She'll try to pin it all on us now!_

_**Damn it! And you know she'll have led a breadcrumbs trail straight to us. like yousay...one thing left to do.**_

_Looks like Clint is going to have some company in his... resting place..._

_**Maybe I'm in too deep. Clint made one mistake...so did Emma...where can wego from here?! I'm FREAKIN out here.**_

_Calm down! We don't know that she's told anyone yet... I'll call her! Meet me at the bridge! Bring the shovel... And a few bin bags..._

_**Yes...I just washed the shovel today.**_

_Maybe an old carpet.._

_.__**I have a few spare carpets in the kitchen.**_

_Perfect, don't wanna get... tomato sauce... all over the car. While we move the... French fries… To the place where we buried... the hamburger._

_**No, no...we don't want any...mud on my...Big Mac.**_

_Yeah, we'll need some matches too... to burn the evi...an bottles_

_**Did you remember to use the bag of McCain's curly fries? we found out thelast time that the oven chips bag is not strong enough. Limbs will escape.**_

_Yeah, last time I got... crumbs... all over my t-shirt and then Charlie wasall "Is that crumbs on your top!?" and I was just like, "no, no... it's juststrawberry sauce"_

_**I still can't believe she betrayed us…**_

_I knew Emma couldn't be trusted!... if we... take her to McDonalds she won't be able to give evi...an to the police!_

_**Yes - and the police can't do a THING to us without sufficient bottled water.**_

_Mhmm, and we'll just hide all the crumbs and clean up all the tomato sauce! They'll never suspect us! Unless... CHRIS!_

_**No!!**_

_No... no... Chris wouldn't! He's in this as deep as us!_

_**Not after the cow tipping incident...he wouldn't.**_

_There is plenty of... ketchup on his hands too!_

_**And mud!**_

_Yeah, and any crumbs will be in his car! We drove the hamburger in his pink beetle!_

_**Oh no...I ate...a sandwich in there...they...they...could match the crumbs. OH NO! why didn't - didn't...I...stick to BAGELS?**_

_Damn it Jazz! I warned you about having your bread and eating it too!... We're so screwed now! Unless... do you still have the dynamite?... The car must perish!_

_**We have to...eat...Emma.**_

_OMG!... We could... eat... two birds with... one stick of dynamite!_

_**Yes...one tomato-y stick of dynamite.**_

_We'll just duck-tape her hands to the wheel... and send her to McDonalds!_

_**PERFECT!**_

_Yeah! And we could write a note... to Santa! ... making it look like a...Christmas list!_

_**Yes! and if we smear it with a mix of fats and...Chris' saliva, that Santacretin will be none the wiser.**_

_Uhuh, they'll suspect Chris of... eating the hamburger if they don't believe it was a Christmas list!_

_**And of course...technically...he did eat a bit.**_

_Well he didn't eat Emma... but oh god, the way he ate Clint - you'd think he was a... binge eater._

_**He loved eating Clint.**_

_So did I really... Clint was just one of the people that EVERYONE secretly wants to… eat... and he finally gave us reason!_

_**If only he hadn't filmed what happened in Zanzibar...**_

_And tried to blackmail us with the... Evian_

_**It was that Evian which eventually led to his demise.**_

_He only had himself to blame_

_**As will Emma! Traitor!**_

_YES. she must go._

_**Should we tell Chris... or eat him too?**_

_I say we eat him!_

_**Until later, grey squirrel!**_

-- "Um, grey squirrel?" Bella questioned, raising and eyebrow.

Grinning Jasper just shrugged his shoulders and said "Just go with it"

A little while later, they were once again sitting in the Cullen living room after planting the note for Emmett to find it and assumed he did after hearing him say "What the fudge?! Who the heck is Clint?" rather loudly in a confused voice.

After a few minutes Emmett walked into the living room with Alice, Edward and Rosalie… Alice and Edward looking amused while Rose and Emmett just looked confused.

"Have you two seen this?" Emmett asked holding the note out to them.

Bella and Jasper looked from the note, to each other before bursting out laughing.

"That didn't turn out as incriminating as it was supposed to" Bella giggled clutching her sides.

"Yeah, more insane that incriminating… but it was fun" Jasper nodded in agreement.

Rosalie looked at the pair one last time before rolling her eyes and walking out the room muttering "I don't want to know…"--

* * *

_A/N - Gah! That chapter was TERRIBLE, especially the ending… but I just wanted to post something. :o/_

_Right, explanation - So me and my friends have a chatzy room (it's basically like a free chat room) and you can type on it even when no one else is on, and then when they sign in they'll see what was written when they weren't there (like a chat history). And on MSN me and Roo had this conversation:_

Lanna(lovely)Pidge - Bad words are good for the soul. says: I love how we can type on chatzy even when no one else is there... and then when they go on, they can read it

Lanna(lovely)Pidge - Bad words are good for the soul. says: I was... not... just typing to myself of chatzy

lukey / says: LOL

lukey / says: we should have a staged incriminating conversation about hiding a body or something

Lanna(lovely)Pidge - Bad words are good for the soul. says: Hahaha yeaaah!

Lanna(lovely)Pidge - Bad words are good for the soul. says: We should... once I finish chatting up Mr Nobody with cheesy chat up lines

lukey / says: oh my.

_And after that, he came on chatzy and we had that conversation that Jasper and Bella had (I only edited it slightly and deleted some of it, but that was pretty much it pasted word for word… ). We got a little carried away and it sounded more randomly stupid than incriminating but it was really fun._

_We have no idea who Emma, Chris or Clint are… they were just made up on the spot, so Jasper and Bella don't know them either._

_I think our "code talk" is easy to understand too… but in case it wasn't - eating meant killing, Evian meant evidence, and when we said things like burying a hamburger we meant burying a dead body, crumbs is like DNA/evidence etc… , Christmas list was a suicide note, ketchup is blood. (we were making it up as we went along, we didn't discuss what we were going to talk about haha) :oP_

_So umm yeah. Sorry for the sucky update - I'll try come up with something better next time._

_-Lanna_


	88. Chapter 88 Lesbianity

_A/N - Okay, I have two things to say in this authors note:_

_First - Sorry for not updating in forever, I've been busy with other junk._

_Secondly - **THANK YOU!** Seriously, all you people who reviewed/flamed/reported that other story that copied AOTC (not all of you will know what I mean, but I posted an authors note last night about emoduckie123 who copied another story, including something I wrote for the other story - but I took the authors note down after half an hour cause I figured she'd get the point after the 50 plus bad reviews she got) So thank you to you lot… you're actually the reason I'm updating. _

_P.s. I'll explain this in the bottom authors note… but this chapter will make A LOT more sense if you've heard the song I Kissed A Girl by Katy Perry! (you tube it!)_

_-Lanna_

* * *

**Notes.**

**Edward, **_Bella_, Emmett, Alice.

--Alice and Bella are in the Bat Cave when Edward and Emmett walk in--

_I kissed a girl… AND I LIKED IT!!_

Le gasp! The taste of her cherry chapstick?!

_Mhmm! I just wanted to try it… I hope my boyfriend don't mind it!_

Did it feel so wrong?

_Yes. But oh so right-_

**What are you two going on about?**

SHE KISSED A GIRL!

_And I liked it!!_

**What the hell?!**

Ha. Eddie, I think you made her resort to lesbianity…

_Loi! Lesbianity?_

Yes… it's like religion… 

_The religion of…?_

Girls who love girls?

_And hate peen?_

EXACTLY!

_PRECICELY!_

BUT OF COURSE!

**Will you three please tell me what's going on?**

I thought we'd already established this. Bella kissed a girl… and she liked it.

_The taste of her cherry chapstick!_

**You… she… what?**

_I hope you don't mind it!_

**You kissed a girl?**

_Meh-beh._

**And… you liked it?**

_It was just to try it!_

This is getting a bit repetitive…

_Exactly!_

PRECIC-

**Don't even think about finishing that word…**

Pfft, way to spoil the fun.

**Bella…**

_Yuuuus loveeerr?_

**You didn't really did you?**

_Didn't really what?_

**You know…?**

_Know… what?_

Yeah Edward. Know what?

**Stop playing dumb.**

They're not playing.

_HUSH UP FOOL!_

Pwn'd. :o)

Pfft, no one appreciates my humour…

_This song is too catchy…_

Oh, fine… just ignore me…

**What song?**

_I kissed a girl…_

**Stop avoiding the questions!**

_I'm not!_

**Yes you are, I asked you if it was true and you avoided… and now I ask what song… and you change the subject.**

_No I didn't._

**Then what was the song?**

I kissed a girl.

HA! Don't tell me that Alice and Bella KISSED!

_How'd you work that one out Doofus?_

You kissed a girl… she kissed a girl… you're both girls… Common sense.

_Idiot._

I know, I know I'm brillian- wait, what?

She said "idiot"

I can read you know!

**Could've fooled us…**

--Just as Edward writes this, Rose walks into the room seemingly oblivious of everyone watching.

"I kissed a girl and I liked it, the taste of her cherry chapstick" Rose sang, dancing happily.

Emmett gasped looking horrified at his wife causing her to look up and say "What? It's catchy" with a shrug before sitting down.

"Oh, I get it now" Edward grinned hugging Bella.

"You didn't really think I would kiss a girl did you?" She asked, amusement clear in her voice.

He shrugged and opened his mouth to answer before bursting out laughing, when everyone gives him a questioning look he nods his head in Emmett's direction.

Emmett sat, glaring at his wife. Feeling everyone staring at him he snapped "WHAT?!"

"What's up your ass?" Rosalie asked while Edward continued laughing quietly.

"You really need to ask?" Emmett said, huffing as he pouted like a five year old.

"Uh, yes?"

"You kissed someone else… not just anyone else, a girl" He accused, folding his arms over his chest.

Finally catching on Bella and Alice burst out laughing too while Rosalie rolled her eyes and muttered "Idiot" under her breath.

A little later…

Emmett walked downstairs in a bad mood because Alice and Bella and Edward kept laughing at him.

"I kissed a girl and I liked it…"

Emmett jumped at the sound of the voice, eyes widening in horror. He ran into the kitchen to find Esme preparing lunch for Bella, quietly singing to herself.

"…the taste of her cherry chapstick"

"NOOOOOOOOOOO" Emmett screamed, running out of the room. Leaving behind a very confused Esme.

After a few minutes she just shrugged and continued cooking and singing.

Emmett burst out of the front door and rushed up to Carlisle as he was getting out of the car and fell to his knees clutching Carlisle's coat.

"IT'S LIKE A DISEASE!" Emmett cried, still clinging to a bewildered Carlisle.

"Um, what is?" He asked trying to pry his "sons" fingers from his coat.

Looking up at his adoptive father with puppy dog eyes, Emmett whispered one word…

"Lesbianity"

Carlisle patted Emmett's head, questioning his sanity as he heard the laughter of his other children echo through the house, clearly having heard the conversation--

_A/N - Wow, this chapter was beyond terrible. Especially the end non-note part. Sorry… _

_It wasn't actually meant to be like that, the whole I Kissed A Girl song was only meant to be a little bit at the start but then I got distracted with a bit multi-MSN convo. _

_I have the attention span of a flea. Seriously._

_Anyway, in case anyone didn't get it - "I kissed a girl and I liked it, the taste of her cherry chapstick etc…" are all song lyrics. Emmett took them seriously (I know he isn't that stupid or gullible, but it's fun to pretend) :o)_

_I'll try update again soon with something better._

_I actually had a convo and I was quoting that song in it, and Oreo was like "WHO KISSED A GIRL?" and then after I explained it was a song she was like "Oh, phew I thought you really did" so yeah... blame that convo. :oP_

_-Lanna_


	89. Chapter 89 DTD

_A/N - Okay, first of all, sorry for not updating for ages… I won't bother with excuses._

_Secoooond - this chapter was an actual convo I had with my friend Roo, I've changed parts of it to fit, but most of Bella's/my lines are the same… the convo me and Roo had was actually better, because there was visual aids in the convo as I kept linking pictures. Obviously I can't put links in the notes so you'll just have to imagine… I'm rambling, so… uh… __**READ THE BOTTOM A/N! **__(part of it is important)_

_-Lanna_

**Notes.**

_**Jasper**__, Bella, __Rosalie__._

--Bella walks into the Cullen living room carrying a laptop and sits down next to Jasper on the couch… who is also on his laptop. Feeling her emotions, Jasper starts passing notes to her--

_**What's wrong… your emotions are all… distressed?**_

_Shoot me!_

_**I don't think Edward would appreciate me murdering his fiancé all that much**_

_PLEASE?!_

_**Haha, why?**_

_I just watched Camp Rock... and... and... I didn't hate it _

_**No!… just… NO!**_

_And to make things worse... I actually think Joe Jonas is kinda... maybe... sorta... all hair __and shoes _

_**No! Wait - all hair and shoes?**_

_Yes. He has nice hair… and I approve of his shoes - so I have decided that from this day forward "all hair and shoes" means hot._

_**Ooookay then - did Emmett give you anything to eat? Drink? Little sweets he said were skittles?**_

_Gahh! I am not high!_

_**Just trying to find a reason for this… insanity.**_

_...OHEMGEE _

_**WHAT?**_

_I am... GOOGLING Joe Jonas _

_**OH NO**_

_Yes!_

_**No! no don't become a 13 year old girl**_

_Will you shoot me now?!_

_**Yes!… No!… NES!… YO!… Damn it Bella no! I will not kill you, even if you've clearly lost your marbles. I value my life too much to be brutally murdered by my brother in vengeance!**_

_But… Disney has infected me like some sort of raging STD _

_**Yes, this is a travesty**_

_OOOH! Look at this picture - isn't he cute?!_

_**I am not picking a favourite Jonas brother, leave me out of this **_

_Joe is really the only option - the others are too young to... Google._

_**Haha, inappropriate Google-age, isn't he the MIDDLE one?**_

_I thought he was the oldest? He looks oldest. Hmm... I'm going to have to... GOOGLE __SOME MORE! To find out_

_**Haha! Fact finding Google-age **_

_Yus!_

_**I have a new favourite song…**_

_So do I... and it is definitely ...not... a Camp Rock song -lies- OH! Look at THIS picture, he's so lovely!_

_**I wonder what his mom must've done to piss off the Lord of Ugly to end up with THAT**_

_PFFT… heh, they all wear purity rings. No sex until marriage for those boys. Gutted…_

_**LMAAHO! I forgot about this whole aspect of the perfect Jonas nonsense**_

_Ch'yeah, I bet not one of them are virgins_

_**Haha yeah - we should buy Edward a purity ring…**_

_HEY!_

_**What, you know it's true…**_

_Pfft._

_**Don't huff.**_

_Double pfft!_

_**Fine, fine… we'll pretend for the sake of this convo that you've already deflowered **__**Edward.**_

_Thank you!_

_**What are you laughing at?**_

"_deflowered"_

_**Immature much?**_

_Oh hush you're laughing too!_

_**This is true.**_

_Oooh and Google get's results! _

_**It took you that long to Google the ages of the Jonas Brothers?**_

_Hey! You were distracting me! I could Google like a ninja if I wanted to!_

_**Ninja's use Google?**_

_How should I know?_

_**Never mind… so what'd you find out?**_

_Kevin is the oldest, not Joe... but Kevin isn't pretty._

_**I see no pretty in the vicinity of any of this horrid Jonas nonsense**_

_Oh hush, Joe is sexy... if you strip him of his Disney disease and purity ring, which I'd gladly do… wait! No. Bad Bella. No. NO!_

_**Haha! he looks like a fish.**_

_Oh no you did NOT!_

_**Oh but indeederely I dids.**_

_I will forgive that comment... because he is a Disney whore. And that makes me a Disney whore by association. But STILL. I will not forget! _

_**You're an ENABLER!**_

_When you least expect it... BAM! I will make fugly comments all over one of your spoons! __Oh look, pictures of Alice._

_**You can make what ...Al...ice...don't distract me with Alice.**_

_OMG! She's naked!_

_**Don't do this to me! Where?!**_

_...in my mind!_

_**DAMN! evil! you almost made me steal your laptop in search of pictures you evil vixen**_

_Haha_

_**I've now looked at 6 pages of Google image results and still decided Joe is not pretty.**_

_Hahaha at least I made you Google him - btw, should I be questioning your sexuality?_

_**No…**_

_Ha, okay - now, I think you're just looking at the wrong pictures. Look at this one._

_**Oookay…**_

_Nothing at all?... not even the SLIGHTEST tingle from the little voice inside your head that swings both ways?_

_**No, the little voice is suitably flaccid, thanks for asking. Nothing works - the hair - no, eyebrows - no, facial...structure. WAIT! The little voice inside my head does not swing both ways!**_

_I beg to differ! Oh and for the record, he has epic eyebrows. I wanna touch them... no... no... bad Bella!_

_**Haha, wait till Edward hears you're lusting after a Disney whore.**_

_GAH! I need DTD treatment! Disney has raped my mind. With... it's chirpy songs! And singing-dancing-acting bots!_

_**DTD?**_

_Disney Transmitted Disease…_

_**Ahh… it all makes sense now.**_

_I need a cure for my DTD... FAST!_

_**You need to start reconditioning your brain!**_

_I'm thinking a bath... in some form of soup_

--Rose walks into the room and falls down on the couch dramatically, sitting in between Jasper and Bella--

_Please, can one of you tell me why Emmett is serenading me?_

_**I thought you'd like that?**_

_Normally, not so bad… even with the fact Emmett sounds like a bunch of horny cats in heat… but he's singing "We rock! We rock! We rock on!" over and over again…._

_**Hahaha, not him too?**_

_Too?_

_Yup, we watched it together…_

_Wait, what are you two talking about._

_**Bella has a DTD**_

_Ew. You mean an STD?_

_**No… a DTD. **_

_And that is what exactly?_

_Disney Transmitted Disease_

_Oh no!_

_Oh yes_

_How bad is it, cartoons on Disney are fine… but…._

_**The four dreaded words…**_

_No!!_

_**Yuuuup!**_

_Not… not… GAH! I can't even say it_

_**Oh yes, Disney channel original movie**_

_LE GASP!_

_**I know, it hurts to even write it**_

…_it's really not that bad!_

_Pidge! You cannot be serious!_

_If you'd just give the movie a chance!_

_Which movie?_

_Camp Rock… it PWNS!_

_Do you think we should have Carlisle medicate her?_

_HEY!_

_Kidding… sort of._

_**She wasn't kidding.**_

_How do you know?_

_**Empath remember?**_

_Aw crap. Vampire lie detector…_

_Will you two PLEASE just watch it with me… if you hate it I give you full permission to… _

_uh, give me a makeover?_

_**And how is that fun for me?**_

_I will buy you a new spoon?_

_**DEAL! I shall call it JIM!**_

_Not so fast spoon boy, you have to hate it first._

--Accepting the challenge Bella puts on the Camp Rock DVD and then settles herself back on the sofa. Emmett rushes into the room just as they were about to press play, singing at the top of his lungs "THIS IS MEEEEE"

After finishing the rather atrocious high note, he bows dramatically saying "thank you, thank you" before seeing what was on the screen and pouting.

"You weren't gonna watch it without me were you? Damn it Bella!" He huffed, sitting himself on the loveseat, and swished his hand giving Bella the go ahead to start the movie.

Edward and Alice came back from hunting to find Jasper, Rose, Bella and Emmett all dancing along to the final dance number of the movie, completely oblivious to their audience.

Edward stared open mouth at the scene before him before finally finding his voice and gasping "Bella how could you!!"

"This, uh… isn't what it looks like?" Bella said, blushing as she stilled her dance moves, grinning sheepishly.

"You promised you wouldn't watch it when we saw the trailer for it" He accused, pouting.

"Emmett made me do it!"

"I did not, you wanted to watch it just as much as me!" Emmett defended, still dancing even though the movie had been paused.

"Well… well… whatever! Edward, it's not as bad as we thought it'd be! Disney didn't eat my soul! It's not all made of evil" Bella proclaimed happily.

Edward eyed her hopeful expression suspiciously then looked around the room at his siblings before sighing.

_If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. _He thought with a shrug.

20 minutes later Carlisle and Esme walked into the house to find all of their family on the sofa watching the movie from the beginning… Edward and Alice now looking just as hooked as the others.

Carlisle looked from the TV to his "children" and back again, then looked at Esme who just shrugged.

"So what are we watching?" He asking moving to sit on the loveseat, followed by Esme.

A little over an hour later, the entire Cullen family had been thoroughly infected by a DTD and were enjoying it immensely as they had there very own Camp Rock Karaoke in the living room… Emmett's idea of course--

* * *

_A/N - Haha, okay that took longer than it should have to write and I really didn't like the ending… I got distracted and had a conversation on MSN about waffles with Melody. Fun, fun, fun. Apparently waffles in America are different from the ones here in Scotland - who knew! :o)_

_Now, __I know in this story Edward isn't actually a virgin because of my warped dream that caused this whole notes story thing… __**but let's pretend for the sake of this chapter that he is**__.__ Because I didn't wanna delete that bit. I would actually delete the earlier chapters to make this just a regular notes story but important things start in those chapters - like nicknames that are used frequently and junk. :o/_

"_All hair and shoes" is actually a term me and my best friends (team fab) use instead of hot/sexy/attractive… it all started because me and Batman usually check out a guys hair and his shoes. _

_And yes… I watched Camp Rock and didn't hate it. Gah! But it wasn't as bad as HSM, at least Joe and Demi can sing and aren't nearly as annoying._

_Some of you might know that already if you read my blog - I know some of you do, I've talked to some people from FF through my blog before (more of you should come talk to me! I like talking to new people)… I'm going to post the original convo that this chapter came from on my blog if anyone wants to see. :o)_

_-Lanna_


	90. Chapter 90 Up The Spout!

_A/N - __**READ THIS!! **__Annnd, now I have you attention I just wanna say that this chapter will probably suck (I know I always say that, it's a habit but I really mean it this time, my dog died yesterday so I'm not in the best of moods)._

_And __**could you please read and review my stories on fiction press**__ (for those that don't know, fiction press is the same as fan fiction, only instead of being stories based on books/movies/TV shows they're original stories). __**The link **__to my fiction press is on my profile._

_One of the stories is a vampire romance story (not like Twilight, it's very different), one is sort of a ghost story (with romance in it) and the other is just some weird fantasy story. So pleeeease go read and review them for me? (it won't take long, I'm not far into writing them)_

_Oh! One more thing... email addresses don't show up in reviews, and I can't reply to anonymous reviews - so I'm not ignoring people that ask me questions or whatever (an easier way to talk to me is to go onto my blog, which is linked on my profile and comment in the c-box or on one of my blogs)_

_-Lanna_

* * *

**Notes.**

Alice, _Bella, _**Edward, **_Rosalie._

--Edward is sitting on the couch in the Cullen living room when Alice and Bella walk in with strange looks on their faces, they lock eyes with each other, Alice winks and then they start passing notes to Edward--

_Hey Edward…_

**Yes?**

_I have something to tell you…_

**Okay, shoot.**

_It's really important…_

**Oookay… I'm "listening"**

_And you can't freak out._

**Just tell me already!**

Sheesh don't get your panties in a bunch Eddie, save that for when you find out the good news!

**My panties are not in a bunch!**

…Should I… no. No I won't comment on your panties.

**Oh you know what I mean, now back to Bella.**

_I'm pregnant._

**Um. What?**

_I'm pregnant._

**We're not doing this again are we…?**

_No but really, I am._

There are two possible fathers…

_Yeah, I mean, I suspect it's Ben but it could really be Jerry._

Really? I was thinking it was Jerry?

_Well, you're the psychic._

Ah, but you have your maternal instincts!

_Excellent point Batman!_

All of my points are excellent. It's a gift P-dizzle!

**Can we get back to the point?**

_Hells yeah!_

**So you're not really pregnant are you?**

_Yup, I am fo shizz up the spout!_

**Okay. Who the hell are Ben & Jerry?**

--Just as Edward is starting to get worked up, Rosalie walked into the room and joined in the note passing--

_Who kicked him in the pee hole?_

_Huh, who?_

_Edward, he has a face like a smacked ass…_

**Oh gee, thanks.**

_You know what I mean, what's got your panties in bunch?_

**FOR THE LAST TIME, I DO NOT WEAR PANTIES!**

_Prove it!_

…**Lets not go there shall we?**

_Pfft, fine. But I demand proof later, love-er! ;oP_

**That could be arranged.**

Anyway Bubbles, Bella is pregnant.

_Honest to blog?!_

Yup.

_OHEMGEE! That's one doodle that can't be undid home skillet!!_

_I know!_

_Are you sure it's not a food baby? Did you have a big lunch?!_

Finally, someone get's it!

_Yes. It is a Ben & Jerry Phish Food ice cream baby!_

**Can someone please tell me what the hell you're going on about?**

Maybe we should start forcing Edward to watch movies with us the first time, instead of making him watch it later after we've already confused his panties into a bunch-

**I do not wear panties!**

_Meh, whatever. The jury is out on that - we'll stop with the pantie comments when I see you in your underwear._

Now, yes… anyway - Edward, have you ever heard of a movie called Juno?

**No…**

_Pfft, do you live in a cave?_

_BATCAVE!_

Not now Pidge…

_Sorry._

S'okay.

_Movie time! _

_Hurrah!_

**Wait… so Bella's not pregnant?**

--Alice runs to get the DVD and puts it in the player, while Edward sits on the couch still confused, next to Rosalie and Bella.

"Bella, should you call Charlie and let him know you'll be home late?" Rosalie asked.

Bella shrugged, and then smirked saying "Nah, I mean, I'm already pregnant, so what other kind of shenanigans could I get into?"

After the movie, Edward finally understood what the hell they were all talking about and pouted saying "Alice is right, next time let me watch the movie the first time so I'll actually get the jokes"

"That could be arranged, although it is fun seeing you get your panties in a bunch" Rosalie grinned at her brother then ran out of the room laughing just as Edward twitched and started yelling.

"I DO NOT WEAR PANTIES! LOOK I'LL PROVE IT!"

And with that, Edward pulled down his trousers to reveal a pair of Scooby Doo boxer shorts causing Bella to aww out loud while drooling, and Alice burst out laughing.

"Um, do I WANT to know?" Carlisle questioned having just arrived home from work to find his son standing in the middle of the living room with his trousers round his ankles.. This caused Alice and Bella to go into an extreme fit of laughter, which of course caused the rest of the family to come and see what all the fuss was about and pretty soon everyone was in the living room, laughing at Edward in his underwear .--

* * *

_A/N - Um… yeah, I actually didn't even mean to write the whole pantie thing, I got carried away. If you haven't seen the movie Juno then you probably won't get what the chapter was about (but you can go onto IMDb and look up Juno and then go to the movie quotes page and you'll see which parts were from the movie)._

_So, yeah… review please?_

_And again, could you please read & review my stories on fiction press? Link is on my profile (and they're not really long, just prologues and the first chapter of one)_

_-Lanna_


	91. Chapter 91 Bruised Butt

_A/N - __**READ THIS AUTHORS NOTE!!**__… please. :o)_

_Okay, a few things… firstly, sorry for not updating. Procrastinating has become a bad habit of mine._

_Secondly, me and my friends -Team FAB!- have a __**website **__now (Team FAB - the original Pigeon, Batman, Captain Doofus… and Roo, Spidi and Oreo but those nicknames aren't used in the notes. A lot of the shenanigans from the story are based on us and our convos). You should go check it out and come talk to us!_

_It has a quotes page (you'll see where some of the chapter ideas came from on that), well… part of the quotes page, it's over 120 pages long so it's only a small part that's on the site now. And it has blogs posted by us (those are as insane as the quotes pages), a chat room thingy and a webcam feed thing (it's Roo's he's hilarious on cam)._

_So yeah, __go check it out & talk to me in the chat room please._

_The URL is __**http : / /team-fabDOTnet **__(without the spaces and substituting the dot obviously)._

_Anywho, onto the chapter._

_-Lanna_

* * *

**Notes.**

Alice, _Bella,_ Emmett.

--Bella walks into the Cullen living room rubbing her eyes having just woken up. She sits next to Emmett and Alice on the sofa. Alice being Alice already had paper and pens at the ready and handed them to Bella--

_I had an odd dream…_

Did you… elope with a block of Swiss cheese?

_Le gasp! However did you guess?!_

My Emmett senses are tingling!

Eww perv, I did not want to know that.

I meant they were telling me that she was being sarcastic!

Oh.

Yes, "oh" so YOU are the one with your mind in the gutter. Now who is the perv!

_Tom Cruise._

Huh?

_What?_

Why?

_When?_

…WHERE?!

This is getting silly.

_I think we passed silly at eloping with Swiss cheese._

True, now if you didn't dream about eloping with Swiss cheese what DID you dream about?!

_I… can't remember._

TRY!

_I CAN'T!_

Yes you CAN!

_No I can't it's too hard!_

That's what she said…

_Now is not the time for silly innuendos Doofus!_

Yeah, we're having a memory crisis here!

Exactly, that's the BEST time for silly innuendos.

_Steal my hamster if you dare, betch!_

What the Forks?

Translation - "fo shizzle my nizzle, betch!"

…I don't get it.

_EXACTLY!_

PRECISELY!

PRESCRIPTION DRUGS!

_You're not playing right!_

Well sorr-ay.

_You should be!_

I am!

_Good!_

I take it back, I'm not sorry!

_This conversation is making my intelligence hurt and my bladder cry._

Nature calls.

No it doesn't!

I mean she has to pee stupid.

Well how was I supposed to know! I haven't peed in decades!

_Wow, that must be some sort of world record…_

How long do you think a human could go without peeing?

_I have no clue…_

Well we could always-

NO! Idiot! Do you WANT Edward to kill you?

It was just an idea!

_Um, anyone care to elaborate?_

Captain Stupid-

It's DOOFUS!

…_no comment._

He thought it would be fun to lock you in a room and see how long you could hold it in…

_OH!…Just…OH!!_

I wasn't really gonna do it!

_YOU are on my list!_

What list, no come back! WHAT LIST!

She can't hear you stupid when you write it, she's already left the room.

--Emmett scowls at Alice then get's ready to shout after Bella asking her what list she was talking about, but before he get's a chance Alice starts giggling.

"What? Something funny happened and I missed it?! Not cool, we talked about this, nothing funny is allowed to happen unless I'm there!" Emmett whined pouting.

Alice just rolled her eyes at her brother. "You missed the previews but not the live show"

Emmett grinned… like a doofus and started jumping gleefully like a kid on Christmas morning. "What is going to happen?"

"Watch the bottom of the stairs"

Doing as he was told, Emmett turned his eyes in that direction but quickly got impatient "Well? I don't see anything funny?"

"Just wait for it… in 5... 4... 3... 2..."

Right on cue they heard Bella squeal in surprise then a series of thuds as she bumped down the stairs on her butt and landed unceremoniously in a heap at the bottom.

"Well hello floor, long time no see" She muttered sarcastically under her breath, but the vampires in the room still caught it and started laughing.

Bella groaned and turned tomato red when she realised she had an audience and picked herself off the floor, huffing as she sat down next to the giggling Alice and Emmett who was laughing loud enough for the pack to hear in La Push.

"You okay?" Alice asked grinning.

"You tell me…" Bella mumbled.

"You just bruised your butt & pride" She said, smirking then looked to Emmett who was still laughing loudly "and you'll maybe have sore ears" she added shaking her head at her brother.--

* * *

_A/N - Yeeeah, that chapter may not be that good. I haven't written any of the notes in a while so I'm a little out of touch with it… most of the chapter was just bits and pieces from convos I've had on MSN all thrown together._

_Batman actually decided that the definition of "fo shizzle my nizzle" was "steal my hamster if you dare". True fact. :o)_

_At the end, just to explain a bit better… Bella didn't exactly fall down the stairs, she was near the bottom and her ankle slipped so she ended up bumping the rest of the way down on her ass - so no major damage done. (Yes, it has happened to me before. Le sigh)._

_**Anywho, what did you all think of Breaking Dawn? (I hated most of it, so feel free to rant. You don't need to sugar coat your opinions for me. And if you liked it, that's fine too. What did you like about it?)**_

_Now, I better shut up because I really do have to pee (yes, that's why that was even in the chapter - my bladder gave me inspiration)_

_-Lanna_


	92. Chapter 92 Crazy Cats!

_A/N - Well, long time no update huh? Sorry about that… I've just been procrastinating and last month I did NaNoWriMo (national novel writing month) and the movie sort of ruined what little enthusiasm I had for Twilight left after Breaking Dawn. (Yeah, my opinion of the movie is that is was badly directed with a bad script and very bad acting on Kristen Stewarts part - the only good parts of it were the fact that it was funny, although it wasn't meant to be, and there was plenty of eye candy in the form of James and the Cullen boys, hurrah!)_

_Anyway… I have some sad news. That I will tell you in the bottom authors note._

_

* * *

_**Notes.**

_Bella, _Alice, Emmett.

_I HAVE A QUESTION!_

Okay…?

_I HAVE TO PEE!!!!?!_

No!

_Uh, what the Forks?_

I said no.

_But… but… you… YOU BLADDER ABUSER!_

I resent that!

_You won't let me pee!_

You asked a question and I gave you an answer-

_That wasn't the question Doofus!_

Well how was I supposed to know that, you say you have a question then you announce you have to pee in a question-like manner, it was an easy mistake to make!

_How on earth can someone announce they have to pee in a question-like manner?_

Like, I HAVE TO PEE!!!?!

_You can't pee you asshat_

Oh no you di-nt just call me an asshat!

_I think I kind of did and I can do it again, see you, Captain Doofus, are an ass-_

HEY! I am not!

_Do not snatch the paper from me again or I shall eat your soul!_

Oooh I'm scawed.

_You should be._

Oh but I am. I'm shaking in my boots.

_You're not wearing boots._

Fine, I'm shaking in my toe-socks!

_Speaking of, did you find those on the way out of the closet?_

What do you mean- HEY! I am not gay!

_They're pink._

Pink is a manly colour!

_And they say "I heart shopping" on them…_

I thought you had to pee?

_Oh right! Be are bee!_

Heh, well that was weird.

Writing at yourself again?

Oh, you're so funny. HahahahaSTFU!

Wow, don't be so touchy Emmett, everyone will think you're PMSing.

I AM NOT A GIRL! I DO NOT PMS!

Your face agrees but your socks say otherwise…

Why is everyone poking fun at my socks?! They're classy!

They're camp!

They're swish!

Like I said, they're camp!

_I RETURN FROM A GALAXY FAR FAR AWAY!_

Heh?

The bladder is empty.

Oh.

_Right, anywh0re… I've completely forgotten why I called this meeting._

This isn't a meeting and you didn't call it.

_Hush. Grown-ups are thinking._

I'm older than you! And YOU call ME Doofus, psh!

_Ahem! Did I say that I was the grown up I was referring to? _

Well-

_No! I could have just meant that someone, somewhere in the world who happens to be a grown-up is thinking at this present time! _

Pwnd.

_CRAZY CATS!_

Whut?

_I just remembered!_

Remembered what?

_The thing that I forgot!_

I know that, but what was the thing that you forgot?

_The thing that I remembered!_

I KNOW that, but what was the thing that you remembered?!

_The thing that I forgot-_

This conversation is going nowhere, Pidge, what was the thing that you remembered that you had forgotten?

_I have a question!_

That's it? That is you amazing burst of memory that made you say "CRAZY CATS"?! Anti-climax or what!

You fail.

At what?

Life.

OH!

_Moving on… right, anyway, so this question that I meant to ask earlier but was distracted by my bladder and the fact that Captain Doofus is a one man gay pride parade in those socks-_

I AM STRAIGHT! I'LL PROVE IT!

How?

I'll get Rose down here right now and we'll-

No. Just no. The vision was bad enough, I'd rather not see the live action porn show. Eugh. My poor virgin eyes!

Your eyes aren't virgins!

Yes they are!

No they're not!

_If they're not, then I assure you she's not been doing it right…_

HA! Eye sex.

_Can we please get back to the point?_

Okay.

Right.

What was the point again?

_My question that I remembered that I forgot!_

Oh yes! Fire away Pidge!

_Why on earth is Esme baking pancakes? I already ate._

Oh, for the squirrels.

_She's baking pancakes… for squirrels?_

Um. Yes.

CRAZY CATS!

Will you stop saying that.

_How 'bout no?_

How 'bout yes?

_How 'bout a little STFU!_

Charming.

_Well, I do try._

---On that note, Bella get's up off of the couch and walks into the kitchen closely followed by Alice and Emmett who was shuffling his feet on the wooden floor flaunting his pink girly toe socks in all their glory.

"Come on Basil, come and get a pancake" Esme cooed out of the open patio doors, holding out a spatula with a pancake on it.

"Basil?" Bella asked Alice, eyebrows raised in confusion.

"The squirrel," Alice said, looking at her adoptive-mother with a look that clearly questioned her sanity.

"She… named them?" Alice nodded in confirmation.

"And I thought I was the loopy one" Bella commented then noticed Emmett pouting in the corner of the room while glaring at his mother.

"Who shoved a twig up your ass?" Bella asked.

"I do not have a twig up my ass!" Emmett huffed.

"Try telling that to your face…" Alice added, still not looking away from Esme who had now moved out into the garden and started calling out for the squirrels.

"Well how come she never bakes me pancakes!" Emmett whined pathetically.

Alice and Bella exchanged a glance before erupting in laughter before Bella choked out something along the lines off "see you ARE an asshat!" while Alice pointed out the fact that he couldn't eat anyway.

"Well the sentiment would still be there!" He yelled then turned on the heel of his pink socks and marched out the room.

"Could you keep it down please! You're scaring them away!" Esme said poking her head back in the kitchen door and looking at Alice and Bella disapprovingly before going back out into the garden.

"It's official, Esme has lost her marbles" Alice said and Bella nodded in agreement and continued to watch out the window as Esme now attempted to run up a tree while holding a pancake, successfully scaring away the squirrel that was sitting in it.

"Yup, definitely lost her marbles."---

* * *

_A/N - Okay, the sad news is that… I've completely forgotten how to be funny. Tragic!_

_This chapter was made up as I went along but not made up completely - I actually did have to pee right after I started writing this so I made Bella have to as well. And I've found a new love for the insult "asshat" and saying "CRAZY CATS!" is a new habit of mine._

_As for the thing about the squirrels, well, my gran does that… seriously she'll go to her back door and say "Basil, come and get a biscuit" (the funny thing is the squirrels actually do come and get them) and she's recently started actually baking pancakes for them, it's hilarious._

_Hmm… anyway, you know how I've mentioned the fact that me and my friends have a quotes page? Well, 185 pages of that quotes page are now on the Team FAB website (link should be on my profile) if you wanna go read that. Or you can talk to me on the site too, because there's a chat room thing too. Or talk to me on my blog (again, link on profile). :)  
_

_OOH! And could you all (if you want to that is) go read (& review?) my stories on FictionPress? My penname on there is Lanna-Lovely._

_Okay, shutting up now._

_-Lanna_


	93. Chapter 93 Carlizzle My Nizzle

_A/N - Oookay. Right, so seeing as it's Christmas tomorrow I figured I'd write a chapter… not a very good chapter, but meh, at least it's something right? _

_So yeah, anyway, someone asked what "stfu" means (I'll answer here seeing as your review was anonymous) it means "shut the fuck up". Yup. If I ever use a word or abbreviation or text talk or something and you don't know what it is, either ask me or just check on urban dictionary or if it was made up by me and my friends then it should be on the dorktionary on the team fab website (link is on my profile)._

_OOH! And another thing, to all the anonymous reviewers just so you know, I can't reply to reviews that are anonymous so I'm not ignoring you or anything, and email addresses and links don't show up in PM's so yeah, easiest way to contact me/get my email/give me your email/a link to something is to go onto my blog or the Team FAB website and comment or talk in one of the c-boxes or the chat thing. _

_Oh and hello Chrissy (crazy_cutee) your review made me smile (and no you didn't sound like a fan girl)_

_

* * *

  
_

**Notes.**

Alice, _**Jasper**__, Bella._

---Alice and Jasper are sitting in the Cullen living room watching TV when Bella walks in and hands a piece of paper to Alice---

_Batman_

Yus?

_You're still my asswaffle right?_

Of course- wait, what?

_My asswaffle_

What the forks?

_Oh you know what I mean! _

OH! asfaawbffe?

_That's the one!_

How could you forget?!

_Hey, we can't all have perfect vampire memory recall you know!_

_**Um, Bella**_

_Mhmm?_

_**You're wearing your asfaawbffe t-shirt**_

_Oh, my bad_

I can't believe you called me asswaffle

_It's a term of endearment!_

Pfft, fine... but why were you asking if I'm you're asswaffle anyway?

_Ha! now even you're saying it! it's much more catchy!_

Don't make me play Bella-Barbie!

_Fine, fine… right, so anyway I was thinking we should dye Jaspers hair pink-_

WHAT?!

_**I concur with that WHAT?!**_

_It was just a suggestion!_

_**Blasphemy!**_

_I thought blasphemy was a fruit?_

That's raspberry dear.

_Oh, right… my bad… again._

_**Carlizzle my nizzle!**_

_I'd really rather not…_

Huh?

_**What?**_

_I don't get it._

_**This is making less sense than that time Emmett chased that old lady in the hospital.**_

_Do I *want* to know?_

_**I don't think so.**_

_Okay then… but "Carlizzle my nizzle"?_

_**Some kid at the hospital called Carlisle Carlizzle and we decided it should be his gangster name.**_

But Carlisle didn't agree…

_**But we decided it was too awesome a phrase to let die, so we decided the phrase "Carlizzle my nizzle" should be used whenever someone can't think of anything else to say… like during awkward silences, or at funerals.**_

_Genius!_

_**We know.**_

_Although you do realise it sounds like some sort of pervy innuendo right?_

_**Oh.**_

_I wonder if I could get Edward to Carlizzle MY nizzle… hmm…_

Ew. Just. Ew.

_Hey! Edward is very attractive!_

But he's my brother!

_But he's hot!_

_**But he's our brother!**_

_But he's hot!_

_**But I'm not gay!**_

_But he's hot!_

But I'm married!

_But he's hot!_

_**How would you like **__**it if Rosalie was telling you how she wanted Emmett to Carlizzle her nizzle?!**_

_Well, now that you mention it, it does sound rather fun…_

WHUT?!

_Kidding!_

Who are you and what have you done with my asswaffle?!

_Oh so now I'm the asswaffle? Charming!_

It's a term of endearment!

_That's what I said!_

Well…

_**I've completely forgotten the point of this conversation.**_

_Edward is hot._

_**Don't even go there again.**_

_Psh, fine, fine. I'll drop the subject, but you should know that Edward is dropping his pants… IN MY MIND!_

My inner eye is mentally scarred.

_My work here is done!_

_**Why did you want to dye my hair pink?**_

_I wanted to start a band._

_**And that involves me having pink hair how?**_

_I was going to call us "The Rainbows"… I know, I'm a genius when it comes to creativity._

_**Okay, no comment on the creativity thing.**_

_Hey!_

_**But still, that involves me having pink hair how?**_

_Red and yellow and pink and green, orange and purple and blue-_

_**We get it, you can sing a rainbow, back to the point.**_

_Technically I was writing a rainbow… and I thought it'd be a cool image, like if we all dyed our hair the colours of the rainbow. I was going to be blue and Edward red._

And me?

_Yellow of course._

Oooh! I'd match my porche!

_Exactly!_

_**I'm still not dying my hair pink.**_

_Party pooper! We could've won a grammy!_

_**You're forgetting one minor problem with your *genius* (and I use that term loosely) plan.**_

_Please enlighten me oh wise one? Pfft._

_**We're vampires.**_

_Your point being?_

We could hardly become famous without being exposed.

_Psh, small detail… you could always dazzle your way out of it._

_**Okay, how about this problem - you don't know how to play an instrument.**_

_I'll have you know I'm quite the talented musician!_

_**On what?**_

_The triangle… and the tambourine._

_**Oh, go rockstar.**_

_I'm sensing sarcasm._

_**You're sensing right.**_

_Pfft, whatever - if was just an idea._

_**A dumb one.**_

_Harsh much?_

_**No.**_

_Anyway, there is always my backup plan!_

We can't have our own reality TV show either Pidge.

_But… why?_

We're vampires.

_Small technicality!… That could work in your favour, I mean there aren't any other real live vampire shows out there! We'd make millions!_

_**We have millions.**_

_Good point._

_**My points are always good.**_

_And you're oh so humble._

_**It's a gift.**_

_So no band?_

_**No.**_

_And no TV show?_

Nope, sorry Pidge.

_Damn it! I just thought of an epic title for the show too!_

What was it?

"_Bella and the Veggie Vamps"_

Hahahaha!

_You're mocking my creativity!_

Sorry.

_Pfft._

Pidge.

_I said PFFT!_

But Pidge-

_This is me shunning you._

How can I make it up to you?

_Make me a sandwich._

Done.

_Crazy cats!_

_**You're not gonna start that again are you…**_

---Bella, Alice and Jasper leave the room laughing, heading towards the kitchen to make Bella's lunch.

A few minutes later Emmett walks into the kitchen with orange hair and a pair of maracas in hand, Bella exchanges a glance with Alice and Jasper before they all erupt into a fit of laughter.

"What the hell?" Jasper asked between bursts of giggles.

"Bella told me we were starting a band, wait why isn't your hair pink?!" Emmett asked in confusion, causing them to laugh harder and Jasper to high five Bella.

"Rose is going to kill you, you look ridiculous"

Emmett runs a hand through his orange hair, pouting, then his eyes widen in horror at the sound of his wife calling his name - her voice getting nearer to the kitchen.

"Oh crap" he squeaked then dived out of the open patio doors just as Rose walked into the kitchen.

"What are you all laughing at?" She asked, then shook her head "Never mind, I don't think I want to know - have any of you seen Emmett?"

The three of them looked at each other then all pointed in the direction Emmett had run, before laughing again.

Rose ran out the door and the sound of Emmett trying to yell an explanation and the sounds of Rose cussing soon followed. After about 5 minutes of this Emmett ran back into the house closely followed by Rose, who was attempting to whack her husband upside the head with the maracas he had been holding. Emmett threw a glare at his siblings before shooting upstairs, narrowly avoiding being smacked with one of the maracas Rose had thrown at him.

Rose growled as she sat down on one of the kitchen counters, folding her arms over her chest in a clear sign of frustration.

"Looks like Emmett won't be Carlizzling her nizzle for quite some time" Bella commented with a smirk, causing Jasper and Alice to go into another fit of uncontrollable laughter---

* * *

_A/N - Um… okay. I have no idea where half of that came from._

_The whole asswaffle thing is true - Batman (as in my Batman, not Alice) keeps forgetting the asfaawbffe thing so she calls me her asswaffle, which is hilarious. The Carlizzle my nizzle thing was because someone asked how to pronounce Carlisle's name and I couldn't stop laughing when they told me they thought it was said "Carlizzle" and I thought it sounded gangster._

_As for the rest of the chapter I just made it up as I went along, so sorry if it sucks._

_I just realised that I have almost 4K reviews for this, which is epic. And it has 630 favs, 414 alerts and 14 C2's. Which is pretty awesome. I really wanna get to 4K reviews… so review please? (I mean there are over double the amount of people reading this story than there is reviews it would take to reach 4K so it can be done) _

_Shutting up now._

_-Lanna _


	94. Chapter 94 Double Crap!

A/N - Well, it's been forever since I updated… really, I just got bored of using other peoples characters and stuck to using my own instead, fan fiction isn't as fun as it used to be.

So, there's three things I wanted to say in this authors note:

First - Okay, so maybe I'll move this one to the bottom authors note, it's kind of long (it's a rant at an anonymous reviewer).

Second - anyone else noticed the insane amount of note stories there are now? Really, they've become such a cliché that it's not even funny. It wouldn't be so bad if they were original, but very few of them are (and it's guaranteed that in pretty much every single one they'll introduce silly IM talk, including a weird BFF abbreviation for Alice and Bella and then they all get nicknames). It's kind of put me off wanting to even write these because I'm just like "God, is MY story that bad too?"

Third - It would really, really make me smile if you'd go read (**and review**) my friend Mari's stories. Her pen name on here is **Mari xx **and she is awesome. :o)

P.s. Hello to all of you that read this that I now talk to on MSN/on my blog (Max, Melody, Squiggle, Jazzy etc.)… just because I can! HA!

-Lanna

* * *

**Notes.**

_**Jasper, **__Bella, _Alice, **Edward, **_Rosalie, _Emmett.

--Everyone (minus Carlisle and Esme) are sitting in the Cullen's garage, Bella's eyes looking all red and bloodshot as she engaged in an unspoken staring contest with Emmett with a devilish grin plastered on her face.--

**Okay, remind me why we're in the garage again?**

Because Bella is unlikely to fall asleep in here, it's too uncomfortable…

**Okay, remind me why Bella isn't supposed to fall asleep?**

The bet Edward! THE BET!

_**My money is on Bella…**_

_Alice so told you who was going to win!_

I did not!

**_Actually, I can just feel her determination, it's quite scary really. How long has she been awake now?_**

42 hours, 12 minutes and 24 seconds.

_Well that's specific._

I knew the question was coming

_Course you did._

**What are the terms of the bet anyway?**

If Bella can stay awake for 48 hours, Emmett has to… well, I don't actually know, Bella didn't actually reveal to us what she was going to make him do if he lost. But if Bella loses and falls asleep before the time is up then Emmett is going to make her do the soulja boy dance outside of the Newtons store while wearing a tutu.

_**HA! And she agreed to that?**_

**Something tells me what she has planned for him will be just as bad.**

--Hour 43. Having relocated to the Cullen dining room, Bella is now sitting on the floor giggling at something no one can figure out--

_Life is too funny when the world is fuzzy!_

**Perhaps you should sleep…**

_NO! You're trying to squish my buzz and make me lose the bet! Traitor!_

**Calm down Bella, it was just a suggestion…**

_What was?_

**Huh?**

_I don't get it._

**Get what?**

_It._

_**Wow, you have successfully confused a vampire. Sleep deprived human 1, mind reading vampire 0. **_

_Do you ever get the urge to hit the table with your head? Or… to say the word "cabbage" out loud? For no reason?_

_**Umm…**_

_No? Just me then? Awesome._

--Half an hour later, Bella is still on the floor. Surrounded by cans of red bull and mugs of coffee that she refused to allow Esme to clear away, claiming that she was building an army of mugs and cans… an army that she had completely forgotten about 3 minutes after saying that--

_Batman…_

Yes oh sleep-deprived one?

_Does happy have a limit?_

Yes, then it warps back to tragedy! SHOCKING!

_Gosh diddly darn it!_

_Did she just say "gosh"?_

_**Did she just say "diddly"?**_

**Did she just… never mind, this is getting stupid.**

Getting? I think we passed stupid at round about hour 30 of this bet.

_I'm stupid so I can't tell!_

**Tell what?**

_Tried, not stupid! _

_Lol, whut?_

_I mean tired! Maybe I should sleep. NO! Shut up! Hahahahaha! Wear the crown, BE the crown, you ARE the crown!_

_Sweet Jesus she's lost her marbles._

…_Yes._

--Hour 44. Everyone has now relocated to the Cullen living room to watch a movie of Bella's choice… when the movie she chose turned out to be The Wizard Of Oz, Emmett hastily ran upstairs to hide in the closet again, still not quite over the trauma of the last Wizard Of Oz related incident--

_Haha, I never noticed before but when Dorothy falls off of the fence, she makes sex noises in the pig pen._

_Hahaha! OMG! She really does!_

_OH dear ceiling cat! That woman is terrifying even when she's not green_

_Hahaha_

_And that voice! Gah!_

_I think she would make a vivacious lover._

_I have decided she has no sex parts. She is of neutral gender. It's much too terrifying to even being to imagine her and her big nose and scary voice being capable of bumping uglies with someone._

_Some people like… vaginal cobwebs_

GAHAHAHA! ROSE!

_What?_

_OH NO! She's green now! Even more terrifying. She just showed up in a puff of red smoke and for some reason the fact her broom is floppy instead of straight bits of straw makes her scarier_

_**Bella, you're making me jumpy! It's just a movie! And I'm pretty sure that woman is dead now…**_

_Okay, I'm just going to hug a pillow in fear._

_**Good luck - and remember, she's more scared of you than you are of her.**_

_She knows nothing of fear! Green people can't feel fear... it's not in their DNA_

_**Well-**_

**Jazz, don't encourage her.**

_**Psh, fine. Spoil my fun. Butthead.**_

**Did you seriously just call me a butthead?**

_**I didn't stutter.**_

**Of course you didn't, one, you're a vampire and two you wrote it, idiot.**

_**Oh, right. My bad - blame Bella! She's making me feel like a five year old on uppers!**_

_Haha I wonder if Dorothy felt like a right tool prancing down the yellow brick road like that_

--Hour 46. Emmett has come out of the closet and Bella is glaring at him from her spot on the floor. Well, trying to glare, turns out facial expressions lose their edge when you've been awake for a ridiculous amount of time--

_DAMN YOU DOOFUS! It's all your fault._

What'd I do???

All of it.

Eh???

Can we constantly keep you awake for my own amusement?

_The sleep depriveted hyperness will fizzle out soon. Then I'll die. Not literally. _

**Depriveted?**

_**Wtf?**_

_You know what I mean_

**...oh. yes.**

--46 hours 30 minutes--

_Oh em pee I need a - pee_

Well, when nature calls, you gotta pick up!

_I can't find it... not the pee. The zap. I make no sense. ROOM RAIDERS!_

--Bella promptly runs out of the room leaving the vampires staring in her wake looking thoroughly confused and amused… five minutes later--

_I return! The pee was a great success._

_--_Hour 47.--

_Oh em PEE, where did you last see it?_

**Where did I last see what?**

_Your trash can!_

_**Does anyone have even the faintest clue what she's talking about?**_

Nope.

Not a Scooby!

_**Scooby what?**_

Scooby Doo!

**You're as bad as Bella…**

_Yeah, but at least SHE has an excuse._

None of you ever appreciate the awesomeness of me!

_Trufax._

HEY!

…_Love you? :o)_

--47 hours. 30 minutes.--

_I want you to be my canary!_

_**Maybe tomorrow...Huh**_

LOLLAD!

_I need your banana!_

_I haz no banana!_

_I need it anyway! You are my banana and you are my everything!_

_**Hahahahaha!**_

**Should I be… worried?**

I wouldn't take her seriously until she's had at least 10 hours sleep…

--47 hours, 45 minutes--

_How many chocolate fingers am I holding up?_

_12!_

_Ten. Ten chocolate fingers._

I see no chocolate fingers…

_Start singing this then - "Knick knack paddy whack give the dog a bone, yes sir, yes sir three dogs home"_

_**LOL you made that up!**_

...That's not right is it? I think I combined rhymes

Oh, Bella, what are we going to do with you.

_No but really, what are the actual words_

...TO GOOGLE!

--Hour 48. After having walked upstairs to go Google the correct lyrics to the nursery rhyme, Bella walks back into the living room.--

So, did you find them?

_Find what?_

The words.

_What words?_

To the song?

_Huh?_

The whole reason you went upstairs…

_Oh._

Well…?

_Well what?_

Did you?

_Did I what?_

FIND THEM?!

_FIND WHAT!_

**_This conversation is going nowhere._**

_Your FACE is going nowhere! HA!_

**_Touche._**

Pidge…

_Yup?_

You win.

_A PONY?!_

…Um, no. Not quite.

_Well, that's no fun!_

You win the bet! You get to embarrass Emmett!

Aww, crap!

_HELL TO THE YEAH!_

**Be afraid Emmett, be very afraid.**

--With that, Bella left the room. After a few minutes, the Cullen's went to find her, expecting to find her plotting some awesome revenge on Emmett… instead, they find her crashed out on the bed in her and Edward's room, muttering stuff incoherently in her sleep, with a content smile on her face.

"Looks like you'll have to wait and worry until she wakes up." Edward said, not taking his eyes off of Bella.

"Double crap." Emmett huffed and then looked to Alice with hopeful eyes.

Her eyes unfocussed and a grin spread across her face as she had a vision and Edward's shoulders shook with laughter, having seen the vision too.

"Oh Emmett, you're never going to live this one down." Alice giggled.

"Come on, it can't be worse than Jasper and the little teapot right? Or Edward and the Barbie Girl thing… right?"

Alice just grinned at her brother and skipped out of the room, Emmett hot on her heels pestering her for answers. Answers she never gave.

The next day, when Bella woke up, she grinned evilly and two hours later, Emmett found himself wearing a blonde wig and pink sequence dress with shiny silver leggings, standing in the middle of a very crowded Mall. All of the Cullen's and Bella laughing and holding video cameras.

"And one… two… three." Alice hit the play button on the iPod dock and music started playing loudly, drawing in a crowd.

Emmett, growled under his breath and started dancing along to the music, leaving all of his audience in a fit of the giggles at seeing a full grown guy dressed up as Hannah Montana doing the Hoedown Throw down (with impressive accuracy, I might add)

"You were right Alice, he's so never going to live this down" Rosalie grinned towards her husband, clicking the zoom button on the camera in her hand for a better shot. --

* * *

A/N - Okay, very little of that was made up, they're all saved convos between me and my friends (mostly Roo, sometimes Oreo) and Bella being a sleep deprived idiot is actually me being a sleep deprived idiot (except for a few lines, which was just Roo being randomly awesome)… sorry, I just felt I should update and couldn't be assed being at all creative so I went with the easy way out and gave you something real. As for the end bit, made up on the spot, so sorry if it's not so good.

Anywho… the rant at the anonymous reviewer. To sum up, basically, this reviewer kept like, demanding I update (which I'm used to, and wouldn't have bugged me if she hadn't made the comment I'm about to mention) and said that I shouldn't write my own stories, that I would never finish them and should just stick to writing things like this - every review she left would compliment the story but then she'd cancel out that comment by seeming totally rude.

I ended up ranting about her in my blog (cause that's how I roll, y0), so I won't go into full on rant mode in this a/n, but basically - You don't know me, seriously, just because you read a few stories I wrote doesn't mean you do. Comment on the stories, hell, flame them if you want, I don't care, but don't assume you know me personally, mmkay?

For one thing, my life doesn't revolve around fan fiction, writing this stuff isn't something I *have* to do or something I get paid to do - it's not a job and I don't owe you anything, not even updates. I'll write when I want to, because it's fun for me, and whiney annoying people like you kind of suck the fun out of it and make me NOT want to write… so think about that next time you decide to rudely demand updates and comment on me personally. (I found the review that annoyed me: **_"I thought you said you would go to 100 chapters. You are a good writer but very random. I THINK YOU COULD BE SOMEONE TO WRITE SHORT-STORIES BUT NOT A BOOK. YOU WOULD GET DISTRACTED AND NEVER FINISH SO GIVE UP ON THAT DREAM." _**- see what I mean? It's so rude, and she's totally acting like she knows me, not only with the comment about how I would never be able to finish but the whole "give up on that dream" thing... she's assuming that because I like to write my own stories that my dream is to get a book published, now, although I admit that would be totally awesome, that's not my "dream", I doubt I'd ever even bother trying to get published, I write for fun)

And also, for the record, I am way more dedicated to my own stories than I am to my fanfics and about the whole I'd get distracted thing - you DO realise that this story is almost 100 chapters long right? Oh yeah, I REALLY get bored and just give up on things quickly.

/end rant

-Lanna


	95. Chapter 95 Penguins & Lady Bits

**Authors Note:** Wow, hi. Hey. Hello, good evening, bonjour, etc. It's been a while, hasn't it? Like, 4 years?

Anyway, I remembered this existed, and I thought about deleting it then thought, "Hey, why not do something really crazy, like update it?"

So, yeah. I doubt anyone even still reads this, but for nostalgia's sake, here, have a chapter of nonsense.

-Lanna

* * *

**Notes.**

(**_Jasper, _**_Bella, _**Edward, **Emmett.)

_Let's go on a road trip they said, it'll be fun they said...Psh!_

**_Why are we doing this again?_**

_Because road trips are dull?_

But you have four books with you, a portable DVD player, an iPad, and a Jasper.

**_Exsqueeze me, I am not a thing._**

_You kind of are._

**_No._**

_Just a bit._

**_No._**

_A tiny bit?_

**_No._**

_But really, yes?_

**_I AM NOT THING! I AM A JASPER!_**

Wow, you made him so ragey he forgot how to...sentence.

_What's your excuse?_

I'm Emmett.

_Ah, it all makes sense now._

...Yes.

[...A few minutes later...]

**I am driving! **

_You can multi-task!_

**No.**

_Love you?_

**No.**

_It is your duty, as my fanged boything, to entertain me on long boring car journey's._

**I do not have fangs, and stop wafting the paper at me, I nearly hit a cow!**

_Well, if you'd take it like a man then I wouldn't have to waft._

...Are we still talking about note passing here?

_Emmett!_

What?

_You're such a dish nozzle._

Dish nozzle?

_Yes. That. _

We're stuck in traffic, no excuses now, Eddiepuss!

**Don't call me that! And must we do this? There are other ways I can entertain you.**

_Yeah, but 99% of those ways should not be done with an audience unless we decide to venture into a career in porn._

But you could entertain your audience too...win-win situation, Pidge!

_Nu-uh, no one gets to see my lady bits nekkid!_

**Hmm...**

_Except him._

**;)**

_Sometimes._

**Pfft.**

_If he behaves._

**Pfft.**

_And stays on my good side, by entertaining me by engaging in childish note passing until we get out of this traffic jam._

**Fine, if I must.**

**_What was the other 1%?_**

_Singing Barbie Girl..._

**_Why didn't you insist he do that!_**

**Never again!**

I bet she could get you to, with promise of seeing her lady bits.

_Emmett!_

What?

_Dish-dish nozzle!_

**_Oooh, double dish nozzle, burn._**

WTF is a dish nozzle?

**You, apparently.**

Hey!

**_See, that's the beauty of it, you don't have to know what it is to be offended._**

**What are you eating, they look awful.**

**_And smell awful._**

_All people food seems awful to you._

**True.**

_They're champagne truffles, they are disgusting._

**_How hoity toity, are you sitting on a horse made of poor people too?_**

_Yes!_

**_Excellent!_**

_I am upper class! I got promoted. I'm expecting an invite for tea and teeny-weenie finger sandwiches from the queen of England any day now!_

**_You just got demoted again._**

_Why?_

**_Because you're humming Ke$ha_**

_Lies!_

**_Truths!_**

_Well!_

[...Bella sulks for a few minutes, still humming Ke$ha, until she gets bored and snatches the paper...]

_So I was thinking..._

**Oh crap.**

_Shush! Anyway, I was thinking, we should name our future child Renesmee!_

**Vampires can't reproduce...**

_True. But it's interesting to imagine. And I bet having a childthing is much better in theory than practice. So, Renesmee!_

**Why?**

_Renee...Esmee...I name smooshed! She'd be like Brangelina! Only not a couple, a small person!_

**That is a ridiculous name.**

_Hey!_

We could call her Nessie for short!

_You are not naming my non-existent, imaginary future childthing after the Loch Ness Monster!_

Why? You could give her a totally Scottish middle name and make her first word be "FREEEEEDOM!"

_Like?_

I dunno, Hamish. Or Morag.

**_Heh, I thought you were going to suggest Haggis or Bagpipes or Kilt._**

Oh my god, if you don't name your non-existent, imaginary future childthing Nessie Bagpipes Haggis Kilt Cullen, I will never speak to you again!

_Promise? =P_

Hmph!

**Kilt Cullen...I like i-**

_No._

**But-**

_No._

**But it's not even a real kid! And should I get *some* say?**

_...No. It'll be coming out of my imaginary cave of lady wonders, it's only fair I choose._

_**Your - imaginary cave of lady wonders?**_

_Yes._

**_Gahaha!_**

_What?!_

**_You basically said your lady parts are imaginary..._**

_Wha-Oh! Shush, you know what I meant!_

**Anyway, back to this Kilt Cullen business, Bella, I-**

_No._

**Bell-a!**

_And on that note, I'mma go play with Poodle._

**_Poodle?_**

-Bella tosses the note aside and starts playing with Poodle, her iPad.

"I love penguins," she proclaims happily after a few minutes. "I want a penguin. I think, in a past life, I was a penguin."

"I won't even dissect that statement because the traffic is moving again," Edward says.

"They're so wonderfully ridiculous! They walk like they really need to pee!" She thrusts the iPad in front of Edward, blocking his view of the road, so he can look.

"Bella! I nearly hit that old lady!" He says, nearly breaking the steering wheel from gripping it so hard.

"But look," she says, undeterred, trying to show him penguins standing by a stream. "They're like two old ladies faced with a large puddle."

"Stop watching penguins."

"But - penguins!" She pouts.

" Yeah, Pidge! STOP IT!" Emmett adds, although he's stealthily trying to remove the iPad from her hands so he can play on youtube instead.

Moving it out of Emmett's reach, Bella cackles like a crazy person. "Look at them run!"

Twenty minutes and 14 penguin videos later, she groans. "Oh god, somehow fell into the cat videos."

"It's a rule of youtube," Jasper says, "that no matter what you start out watching, you will, somehow, eventually, end up watching cats."

"Make me stop," Bella says, clicking a video of a cat getting a bath. "It's like stepping in youtube quicksand!"

"It's like you just discovered the internet," Edward says, rolling his eyes as Bella starts aww-ing at a montage of cats jumping into boxes.

"Edward, can we get a ca-"

"No."

"But-"

"No."

"But-"

"Still no."

"But, Edwa-"

"Always no."

"Psst, Pidge, just wear him down with your lady bits," Emmett says.

"Ewww, Emmett!"

"I didn't mean literally!"

"Good, I don't think my lady bits are hard enough to accomplish that."

"Ours might be," Jasper says, thinking out loud, then realises just what he said when feeling the horror from the other three in the car. "I didn't mean...let me rephrase-"

"Please don't."

"Okay."-

* * *

**Authors Note:** Well, that was pretty rubbish, but then, the other 90-something chapters are too, so...Yes. It's a mix of made up and actual conversations. If anyone is actually still reading this: Hi! How've you been? :D

-Lanna


End file.
